Penny (Gadget) For Your Thoughts, Val Venis?

 

Unpopular Opinion: Stonehenge Is Boring

 

A Pleasure to Have in Class

VERSE 1

I was such a pleasure to have in the class

All while the system fucked me in the ass

Trading my soul for an A+ to pass

And that’s why my childhood went by so fast

 

CHORUS 1

But I’m better than school

I’m nobody’s tool

I did what I did to survive

I’m better than school

I make my own rules

My rage is about to go live

 

VERSE 2

Dressed up in my Sunday’s best for the test

Job interview just to see if I’m screwed

They wished me luck in all my endeavors

And that’s why I’m unemployed forever

 

CHORUS 2

But I’m better than school

And capitalist fools

I live on despite their oppression

I’m better than school

And corporate gene pools

Hiring down the line of succession

 

BRIDGE

I’m an artist, not a soldier

Holding corpses on shoulders

I’m a lover, not a hater

Though I bloom a lot later

I’m a rebel, not a drone

Leave my human rights alone

I’m my own man, not a student

Not expendable, not useless

 

CHORUS 3

But I’m better than school

And a world so cruel

My art lives on when it’s my time to go

I’m better than school

I’ll die in this duel

It’s my hill to stand on

They’re my feet to land on

Too good for conformity

So don’t try to whore me

HR Pufnstuf: Teaching Children Corporate-Speak Since 1969

 

Stealers Wheel vs. Matt Stone: "Stuck in the Middle with You"

 

Zoe Bee: School Is Over, But Learning Never Ends

 

Giorgia Meloni: Because the Italian Government Has No Jurisdiction Over American Crimes

 

Garrison Kelly's Rules of Engagement: They're Completely Reasonable, I Swear!

 

Johnny Young Gets a Taste of His Own Medicine, Which Tastes Like Shit

 

Jaida Parker: Another Dumbass TERF Worthy of Ridicule

 

Jon Moxley Is Done Talking and Internet Trolls Should Be Too

 

A Hairdresser vs. Garrison's Autism: You Can't Spell Hairdresser without the Letters HR

 

Andrew Dice Clay: a Tool Answering a Jeopardy Question About Other Tools

 

Butthole Surfers vs. Ray Rice: It's Important to Get Even the Minor Details Right

 

Arianna Brandolini: Psychologist by Day, HR Staff by Night

 

Nature Is Overrated and I Will Die on That Hill...which Happens to Be Part of a Nature Trail

 

Thank You, Deb Krishnadasan, for Kicking Michelle Caldier's Ass on Election Day, Yours Truly, Garrison the Autistic Schizophrenic

 

Stand Your Ground, Warrior...and Prepare for the CATACLYSM OF AGONY! (LOL)

 

Dee Jay from Super Street Fighter II Has a Message for All the Argumentative Drama Queens Out There

 

I Don't "Shoot My Shot" Because I Don't Want to Give Women the Ick

 

George Santos Has a Bridge to Sell You...and You're Probably Dumb Enough to Buy It!

 

Homer Simpson vs. Infinite Elgintensity: The Body Positivity We All Need

 

Denny Crane: Why Is It Called a Bar Association If You're Not Supposed to Be Drunk?

 

Is Barney Gumble from The Simpsons a member of the Illinois Bar?

Samoa Joe: The Last Wrestler on Planet Earth You Want a Receipt From

 

Cammy White: Make Love, Not War

 

Hot take: it's okay to sexualize fictional characters, because they won't get traumatized and go to therapy. Real people, on the other hand, are off limits.

Fin Tutuola vs. DuShawn McGovern: the Most Memed Segment in Law & Order: SVU History Gets a New Spin

 

Jason Biggs: No Beef, Just Apple Pies with Cream

 

Barney Gumble from The Simpsons vs. Bernie Marcus, the CEO of Home Depot (Rest in Piss, You Lazy Motherfucker!)

 

Coca-Cola: a Valid Use of Food Stamps Even If OTHER POOR PEOPLE Don't Agree

 

John Wayne Gacy: Did You Ever Think You'd See the Day When He Had the Moral High Ground?

 

Matt Hughes: Jesus Didn't Tap! And Greg Abbott Never Ran Away from a Fight!

 

Adrianne Palicki from With/In vs. Michael Falk from The Onion: Just Another Day on the Job

 

Wayne Campbell from Wayne's World 2 vs. John Fetterman a.k.a. the Knife in the Back of Liberal Voters

 

Who's the Real Hard Worker Here: the Actual Worker or the Extortionist?

 

Zohran Mamdani for President! It's the 2020's! Anything Can Happen!

 

Ask Your Doctor if Medical Advice from a Television Commercial Is Right For You

 

Cloud Strife (Final Fantasy 7) vs. Alex Trebek (Jeopardy): When You're Bored, Swing a Sword

 

Xanderhal: the Most Mentally Stable BreadTuber of All Time

 

Brendan Schaub: A Failed MMA Fighter Turned Failed Comedian Who Also Fails at Transphobic Humor

 

Leviticus: If You Don't Eat Raw Shellfish, Your Toilet Will Thank You

 

Sophie Cunningham: Like a Basketball Match with Trans Athletes Playing in It, She's Fair Game

Jesus Fucking Christ! No Really, He's Here! He's Risen! And He's Not Happy!

 

Ripley Verdugo (The Shield) vs. Todd Blanche (Department of Justice (LOL)): Hey, at Least He's Cooperating!

 

And the Academy Award for Best PR Team Goes to...

 

Rebecca Watson vs. Christopher Hitchens: New Atheism, Same Conservative Bigotry