Hey, Lita Haters! Don't Just Get a Life! Get a Personality!

 

I Never Had a Gun

VERSE 1

No toxic person has ever left my life

Because of something I said even though I was right

No toxic person was bounced from my house

Because the human body is too heavy to toss out

No toxic person was remanded to prison

Because free speech rights apply to bullies and bigots

I couldn’t stand up for what was just and fair

You need a reason? Let me just clear the air

 

CHORUS 1

Because I never had a gun

A 45 would do just fine

But I never had a gun

A bullet never forced them to be kind

 

VERSE 2

They said instead of violence, just use my words

But my brain locked up, couldn’t find a sick burn

They said to use leadership skills I didn’t have

So that I could be blamed when I finally snapped

They said to use my presence and fake charisma

When the narcissist says something sick and twisted

Master debating never achieved a damn thing

You need a reason? I got a little something to sing

 

CHORUS 2

Because I never had a gun

A bullet teaches lessons better than me

But I never had a gun

So I let them bash and break my self-esteem

 

BRIDGE

Criminalizing anger is how they stay in power

Imprisoning heroes, leave them shanked in the showers

Nothing is ever a power tripper’s fault

Even though they cover corpses with lime powder and salt

But their ears perk up with they hear a click-clack

Their ability to listen will never go back

To the negative part of the government chart

Because bullets are great for creating modern art

 

CHORUS 3

But I never had a gun

Everyone knew what I’d do with it

So I never had a gun

The world had permission to treat me like shit

Because I never had a gun

I couldn’t change the world with one clip

We All Know What Facebook's Laugh React Is Really For

 

Game of Chicken: Chicago

 

Plot twist: he's actually from Honolulu. Or Los Angeles. Or he's an expatriate living in Mexico City. Or he has a work visa for Calgary.

Portal of Evil: Abusers of the 1st Amendment, Victims of Their Own Stupidity

 

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. To paraphrase Iggy Pop, Portal of Evil was "worth a million in stupid prizes". Rest in Piss, losers.

GamerGate and "Ethics in Journalism" (Bullshit)

 

Mika's Rhetoric vs. Ethan Klein

 

Save the World

 VERSE 1

I talked some shit online about Dumbass Donald

And his favorite butt puppet Moscow McConnell

I got a million replies telling me I should die

Telling me they’ll drink my liberal tears if I cry

I got a head full of demons and nothing accomplished

Couldn’t find anything we could share in common

But at least I performed my own civic duty

Even though my mind is melting into something gooey

CHORUS

Why does everybody expect me to save the world?

By myself! With nobody else!

Why does everybody expect me to have superpowers?

I wasn’t born tough! I’m just a traumatized coward!

VERSE 2

I went to the protest and held up my cardboard sign

Got a face full of mace and now I’m legally blind

Got a beer bottle broken over my pretty little head

If I come for round two, they’ll shoot my ass dead

I got a hospital bill and not a damn thing changed

I’ve got years of therapy, who’s willing to pay?

But at least I can say that I’ve got some big balls

I hope they’ll help against my debt collection calls

CHORUS

Why does everybody expect me to save the world?

By myself! With nobody else!

Why does everybody expect me to have superpowers?

I wasn’t born tough! I’m just a traumatized coward!

BRIDGE

Is it too much to ask that I see some results

To go with my beatings and bigoted insults?

Is it too much to ask for systematic reform

When dystopia has become the new norm?

Is it too much to ask for some compensation

When I’m crucified by the Teabag nation?

Is it too much to ask that my efforts matter

Or should we keep making the fat cats fatter?

VERSE 3

I went to the courthouse and filed a lawsuit

Against everybody who dared to lick boots

Case dragged on for a whole millennium

I couldn’t outspend every single defendant

I did my best and not a fucking thing improved

No tears for me, because nobody was moved

I guess you could tell me, “Welcome to the club”

Before you beat my ass with it, stain it in blood

EXTENDED CHORUS

Why does everybody expect me to save the world?

By myself! With nobody else!

Why does everybody expect me to have superpowers?

I wasn’t born tough! I’m just a traumatized coward!

Why does everybody think I’ve got what it takes

Then brush it all off with the phrase, “That’s the breaks?”

Why can’t I just lay in bed with my pretty kitty?

I’m not Batman and this is not Gotham City!

The Babylon Killers

VERSE 1
He takes award-winning pictures of sensual snacks
It’s the locker room photographer Rutherford Jax
Exposing your flaws with just one snapshot
Micro dick and two cherries are all you’ve got
Sell your dark secrets to the highest bidders
Your mother, your father, and your babysitter
Your boss, your woman, and the public at large
The highest prices are all that he’ll charge

CHORUS 1
It ain’t no mystery wrapped up in a thriller
No sock puppets here, just The Babylon Killers!

VERSE 2
Every time you call journalism a mental disease
You have to get passed Miss Emerald Ruiz
A hit piece that knocks the air out of your lungs
Emasculates your balls, soprano songs are sung
Whether you’re a racist, a sexist, or worse
Your own words and actions are your own curse
Canceled for waving your confederate flag
Savaged everywhere for calling gay people “fags”

CHORUS 2
Your slurs and your whining are newspaper filler
No brainwashed zealots, just The Babylon Killers!

VERSE 3
If the right to fight is still haunting your dreams
Let me introduce your ass to Matthew Scream
You can throw the first punch for no price
When he throws one back, grab the bag of ice
Knees to your gut and boots to your nuts
Teeth to your neck, such delicious blood
Fingers in your eyes, you can tap out or die
Who’s the snowflake now? Go have a good cry

CHORUS 3
No lies for a prize, just some hard truth spillers
No boot lickers here, just The Babylon Killers!

VERSE 4
You’re a keyboard warrior with multiple personas
You’d say and do anything as long as you’re noticed
You’d break the law while flapping your jaw
You know we’ll fight back, it’s the final straw
Use your own bullying tactics against you
Until there’s nobody left to defend you
You’re a sad little lad who’s clearly gone mad
All because you couldn’t hack it, too damn bad

CHORUS 4
You’ve got sock puppets, but you’re an army of one
We’re The Babylon Killers, until the job is done
You’ve got nothing left but some ashes and tears
I’ve got The Babylon Killers and nothing to fear
And nothing to lose, not even a little snooze
Fucking with me is not a road you want to choose
If you gave up your campaign of venom and rage
You’d have something better than a crappy page

The Sadness Olympics

Melanie Chappell’s legs rattled underneath her graduation robe while her mind bombarded her with traumatic images. Every gunshot. Every scream of death. Every splatter of blood. And then the coup-de-grace: one final bullet from the shooter’s gun aimed at his own head. Just like that it was all over, but in Melanie’s numbed out brain, it still went on.

How dare these students and faculty members carry on without her? How dare they leave her behind while she suffered silently? Her grades could get her into any school she wanted, but all the A+’s in the world couldn’t take away pain that would last forever…or at least until she deemed fit to use the undetected metal device in her pocket.

“Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage our valedictorian, Miss Melanie Chappell!”

The numbness wore off as she realized Principal Jeff Nygard’s voice summoning her to the podium. She just then remembered she was at a graduation ceremony. It took too long for the applause to register in her mind. Even the fancy purple and green colors of Principal Nygard’s wizard-like robe blended in with the rest of Melanie’s pitch black world.

High heels aside, Melanie’s legs nearly buckled underneath her as she staggered to the podium. Going back to bed was better than listening to these claps, which sounded too much for her comfort like repetitive gunfire from an AR-15. Instead of cycling through what she was supposed to say, she contemplated what the acronym AR stood for. Asshole Redneck? Aryan Race? Ammosexual Romance? She would have smiled at that last one if she didn’t nearly fall over the podium. Luckily, Principal Nygard’s hands were there to catch her.

“I’m okay,” she unconvincingly whispered to Nygard.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m fine…at least I think so.”

As Principal Nygard took his seat at the back of the stage, the concerned faces of graduating classmates washed over her war-like mind. While gunshots and blood splatters still smashed her mind into fragments, she believed the students’ reactions to be underwhelming for what had just happened a month ago. Had it really been a month? Or was it five seconds ago? Who gives a fuck, it’s never really over, she thought to herself.

Melanie attempted to adjust the microphone to her mouth and did so poorly. She stalled for time with a few halfhearted coughs. When time became a bigger enemy to her than the incel with the gun, she wiped away a singular tear and tried her damnedest to speak.

“Thank you all for coming out here today.” God, that sounded stupid, she thought. “I, uh…I know you all…this isn’t the end of…” Tears splashed around her eyeballs as she struggled to compose herself. Fuck it, I’ll go with it.

“A month ago, something awful happened at our school. I won’t go into the specifics of it since it’s fresh enough in everyone’s minds as it is. Many of our classmates died that day. Their families will never get to see them achieve greatness. Never see them smile again. Never erase those memories from their minds. And…while we can all agree to come together and give each other comfort and strength…not everyone on the internet sees it that way. In fact, there’s a…disgusting hashtag going around social media called The Sadness Olympics. It’s used by trolls who want to mock what we’ve been through, to protect their so-called second amendment rights, to…to…”

Melanie’s words became scrambled as silent tears dropped from her eyes like waterfalls. She could feel Principal Nygard’s hand on her shoulder, a sign of the comfort she spoke of before the most disgusting hashtag on the internet left her mouth. Jeff whispered, “If you need to leave the stage, you have my permission.”

“No! No…I’ve got this, Mr. Nygard. I’ve got this….”

Once he sat back down among all the other wizard-robe-wearing faculty members, rage bubbled from beneath Melanie’s skin like a murky, venomous swamp. Despite the tears rolling down her face, her expression said, “Do not fuck with me!” without those words actually coming off of her tongue.

“To whoever’s circulating that hashtag, I’ve got a message for you,” said Melanie. “You’re every bit as evil as the gunman who came to our school. You may not have pulled the trigger, but make no mistake about it, you’re a murderer!”

“Miss Chappell, please!” begged Principal Nygard.

“Shut up! I told you I’ve got this!” The whole auditorium along with the school Principal fell silent. “The fact that people think our suffering, my suffering is funny makes me sick to my stomach. People like that are the whole reason our country is going to shit.”

As the audience gasped at the swear word, Principal Nygard spoke up once again. “Miss Chappell, that’s enough! Please leave the stage, if not for us, then for your own benefit!”

“I told you I’ve got this, Mr. Nygard, now sit down and shut up! It’s what you do best!” His face grew red with embarrassment while his jaw nearly touched his lap. Melanie’s silver-tongued rhetoric continued. “The only thing that makes me sicker than that hashtag is the fact that it’s being used by some of our own students, many of whom are here today! I see you out there! You think this is comedy? Fine! You can laugh while your guts are spilling out of your body! You can literally laugh your head off as a bullet passes through it!

“And now that I think about it, maybe I shouldn’t be so mad that a shooter came to our school with a AR-15 or whatever the fuck it’s called! Hell, I would have come in with an army tank if I knew where to find one! I’d still be traumatized! I’d still wake up in the middle of the night trying to recover from a shitty dream! But you know what? If it means you hashtag warriors, you Sadness Olympics comedians, will get what’s coming to you, it’d be worth taking Xanax for the rest of my life! I can’t even afford it since it’s a controlled substance, but if Principal Nygard has taught me anything, it’s that it’s all in my head, a head which should be filled with ‘thoughts and prayers’, by the way!”

The students gasped once again as Nygard’s tone grew more serious. “One more outburst from you, Miss Chappell, and I’ll withhold your diploma! No more of this nonsense, you understand me?!”

Suddenly calming down, Melanie turned around to face her Principal with dewy eyes and a neon pink face. “Yeah…yeah, I understand, Mr. Nygard. I really shouldn’t have gotten off track like that. Sorry. I forgot we were supposed to be taking away each other’s pain, not shuffling it around.”

Facing the students again and adjusting the microphone nervously, Melanie’s streak of calmness continued. “Truth is, I don’t really have a solution to your traumas. I don’t even have a solution for my own. I don’t really know if we’re going to have another school shooting or not. I don’t know if we’re going to get more from our government than so-called ‘thoughts and prayers’.

“But one thing I do know…is that I don’t want any part of this. The graduation ceremony, the diploma, the college debt I’ll rack up…it’s all for nothing if my nightmares won’t leave me alone for even a few seconds. It’s all for nothing if internet trolls are just going to keep cracking jokes about us. So you know what I say? Before another horny incel has the chance to gun me down…I’ll strike first.”

In one swift motion, Melanie pulled a pistol out of her pocket and blew her own brains out, sending one final message to her fellow classmates. A message that hope is only an illusion, comedy isn’t fun anymore, and “thoughts and prayers” is just a phrase as empty as Melanie’s exploded skull. She could have sworn she heard screams everywhere around her, but only for a few seconds before her body went completely limp. What’s one more trauma to these people, right?

Keyboard Cops

CHORUS

Bad boys, bad boys

Watchu gonna do?

Watchu gonna do when they troll for you?

VERSE 1

When you were eighteen

And you were edgy

You joke on Twitter

Now you’re in the shitter

Joke on Face Book

Like an internet crook

If you get flamed

Then you are to blame

CHORUS

Bad boys, bad boys

Watchu gonna do?

Watchu gonna do when they troll for you?

VERSE 2

You joke about this guy

You joke about that guy

You joke about the shit

Everybody throws a fit

You joke about death

About the final breath

You joke about things

That make people sting

CHORUS

Bad boys, bad boys

Watchu gonna do?

Watchu gonna do when they troll for you?

VERSE 3

Nobody’s going to give you a break

They’ll just call you a snowflake

They’ll just call you a mistake

To see how much you can take

CHORUS

Bad boys, bad boys

Watchu gonna do?

Watchu gonna do when they troll for you?

VERSE 4

Why did they have to act so mean

Behind the glow of a computer screen?

Born to roast like the chick from Wendy’s

You’ve got nothing left worth defending

I know sometimes you want to give up

I know sometimes you’ve gone and fucked up

CHORUS

Bad boys, bad boys

Watchu gonna do?

Watchu gonna do when they troll for you?

NARRATOR

Keyboard Cops is filmed on location with the boys and girls of the internet. All suspects are guilty until they apologize profusely and even then it won’t be enough.

Let Them Cry

VERSE 1

There’s always one asshole out of the bunch

Who wants to eat your self-esteem for lunch

He doesn’t like the way you dress

He wouldn’t hate your ass any less

He doesn’t like the way you look

Punishes you for the chance you took

He can’t stand the fact that you’re even alive

He has the maturity of someone less than five

CHORUS

Let them cry! Let them cry!

For you are many and will never die!

Let them cry! Let them cry!

Until their eyeballs are fucking dry!

VERSE 2

Some people hate everything on the planet

Calling everybody “freaks” and “faggots”

Some people don’t know what happiness is

Some people have the mental age of six

CHORUS

Let them cry! Let them cry!

For you are many and will never die!

Let them cry! Let them cry!

Until their eyeballs are fucking dry!

BRIDGE

Don’t let the world get you down

Don’t listen to their asonia sounds

Don’t change for any woman or man

Giant size is how tall you’ll stand

VERSE 3

Take your success and laugh in his face

Let him cringe like his eyes are full of mace

Let him crawl into his safest space

You’ve earned your right to run this place

EXTENDED CHORUS

Let them cry! Let them cry!

For you are many and will never die!

Let them cry! Let them cry!

Until their eyeballs are fucking dry!

Let them whine! Let them bitch!

Let them crawl into a ditch!

Let them cry until the end of time!

Their two cents aren’t worth a thin dime!

Vilification

On my Deviant Art page, I told everyone that I was going to do a blog entry on author vilification and mentioned that Stephen Chbosky wasn’t vilified himself. I was wrong. Dead wrong. The main complaint about “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” was the way the author portrayed teen sex and drug use. He made it sound so prolific that it normalized it in a way. Well, I hate to break it to his critics, but that book they’re complaining about is a cult classic. It’s been that way since its publication in 1999. But even though he’s riding a hype train that isn’t going to derail anytime soon, I’m sure Mr. Chbosky would love to get away from it all and let the dust settle. I’m sure there are authors out there who would love to do the same if they’ve generated too much controversy. Controversy isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but when it makes your anxiety level rise beyond normalcy, then you’re knee deep in shit. There are several things you can do if you as an author are vilified and it’s ruining your life. Firstly, it doesn’t hurt to stay away from the internet for a few days until the dust settles. If you’ve got a Twitter account, it may blow up with hateful remarks. If you’ve got a DA account like I do, it may also blow up with a nuclear strike of loathing. The dust will eventually settle and the wave of comments will sooner or later become old news. When that time comes, do not under any circumstances Google your name. I made this mistake when I Googled by Deviant Art username at the time Cybador and found a hideout, I repeat, a hideout of trolls in a website called Portal of Evil. Behind my back, they’d been trashing my drawings of animal warriors and for the next few days, I had a combination of depression and anger going on. There were times when I felt like I didn’t need a DA account anymore, especially in December of 2009 when I was vilified for an educational black comedy routine I wrote called “Class of ‘13”. I wish I could have taken my own advice of staying away from the computer for a few days. It would have brought the combat level and heartache to a bare minimum, that’s for sure. Thankfully, I’ve had many years of peace and quiet ever since those bad days and it continues to be that way. I hope you, the controversial author, can find your own peace simply by abstaining from internet combat. It’s not worth it. Take it from me. I’m battle-tested, but brokenhearted.

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“I feel like running away. I’m still so far from home. You say that I’ll never change, but what the fuck do you know? I’ll burn it all to the ground before I let you win. Please forgive me. I can’t forgive you now. I remember everything.”

-Five Finger Death Punch singing “Remember Everything”-

"The Bully, The Bullied, and The Bystander" by Barbara Coloroso

While this book may not be the fastest thing you’ve ever read or even the happiest, it’s definitely the most important. Bullying has been going on for far too long and it shouldn’t have taken a few suicides in 2010 for change to happen. That change should have happened a long time ago. “The Bully, The Bullied, and The Bystander” was written in 2003 and updated somewhere after 2008 to include a chapter on cyber-bullying. In the beginning of this disturbing piece of nonfiction, Barbara Coloroso sites several pages full of examples of how bullying destroyed the lives of students all across the world. Suicides, murder sprees, assaults, expulsions, prison sentences, the first few pages has examples of all of these things. And then you have an entire book to get through of the psychology behind bullying which is even more disturbing than shortly written case studies. What Barbara Coloroso tries to emphasize throughout the book is that the reason bullies do what they do is because they lack empathy for others. It’s not enough to send them to detention, suspend them, spank them or anything like that. If punishment is all the system has to offer, then the bully is just going to keep doing what he’s doing, but in a more covert way. Without empathy, the phrase, “Treat others the way you want to be treated” means nothing. Also without empathy, people get the message that bullying is a rite of passage for children going to school. No, it isn’t. There’s nothing normal about it. It’s demoralizing, humiliating, and even traumatizing. I’ve had my own battle with bullying during my freshman year of high school. I would have loved to believe that war was the answer and that all I needed to do was punch and kick my way between classes. Without educating students and teachers about the importance of empathy and getting along with one another, the cycle’s going to continue for many generations to come. Yes, we’ve got all these anti-bullying programs going around ever since those suicide statistics in 2010. Those programs do no good if nobody is willing to open their ears for just a few moments. You know what I say? I say make this book I’m talking about required reading for schools all around the world. Put it in the same bookshelf as “Catcher in the Rye” and “To Kill a Mockingbird”. Stick it somewhere between “The Outsiders” and “The Crucible”. The psychology behind it is disturbing as hell, but it’s also a necessary wakeup call for those walking around like traumatized zombies.

　

***MOVIE DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

TEDDY: You call my dad a loony one more time…and I’ll kill you.
MILO: Loony, loony, loony.
TEDDY: Ah!! I’ll rip your head off and shit down your neck!

-Stand By Me-