Pimping Your Peace of Mind

VERSE 1

A diamond ring for a kick in your teeth

Blood stains on the Christmas wreath

A flat TV for a punch in the gut

“Sorry so sorry, let’s order Pizza Hut!”

Fancy clothes for a gun to your head

The war is over, let’s make love in the bed

You’ll lay in a coffin if the price is right

At least you got to be with the love of your life

 

CHORUS

Pimping your peace of mind

Being rich is better than being kind

Selling your soul for a pile of gold

Now she owns your ass until the day you’re too old

 

VERSE 2

Drop her like the bad habit she is

You can’t always bat a thousand, sometimes you miss

Undefeated streaks in romance are impossible to have

Only so many times you cut your wealth in half

 

CHORUS

Pimping your peace of mind

Being rich is better than being kind

Selling your soul for a pile of gold

Now she owns your ass until the day you’re too old

 

VERSE 3

Loneliness and isolation are a gift

When your lady couldn’t bother to give you a lift

In your spirits, you can hear it when she raises her voice

About this and that and nothing, it’s the topic of her choice

Being the bigger man is hard when you feel small

You’re a circus dwarf and she’s a million feet tall

Why would you play ball with the sorest loser

Break it off now before you cope and be a boozer

 

CHORUS

Pimping your peace of mind

Being rich is better than being kind

Selling your soul for a pile of gold

Now she owns your ass until the day you’re too old

 

OUTRO

It’s a warning, not a playbook, not a game of football

Get CTE without your head bouncing off the walls

You can’t finish your sentence unless you finish your flashback

Why’re you getting mad at me? She’s the one who needs backlash

A&W Root Beer vs. a Grumpy Old Man: His Name is Definitely Not Pronounced "doo-MAHS"

 

Bitch Food

VERSE 1

Carrot shake

Peat moss steak

Urinal cake

Turnip smoothies

Milk from boobies

Nasal tubing

Pinecone salad

Lab grown baguette

Up your asses

MAHA dinner

Makes you thinner

Fuck you, sinner

 

CHORUS 1

Bitch food!

Cross Shit!

Blow Flex!

Bitch food!

 

VERSE 2

Vitamin X

Animal sex

Prayer text

Riboflavin

Nature vacation

Jesus savin’

No vaccines

Lima beans

Fever dreams

COVID lunch

Screw worm brunch

Death fruit punch

 

CHORUS 2

Bitch food!

Jazzercise!

Rise and grind!

Bitch food!

Bitch food!

Ozempshit!

Wegonads!

Bitch food!

 

BRIDGE

Genocide fatties and the patties

On your favorite bacon burger

Genocide doctors and the mockers

Of Nazis who get murdered

Genocide truth, monopolize you

God bless the book burners

Genocide rebels and Fruity Pebbles

We need learners to be earners

 

OUTRO

Take your bitch food and shove it up your ass

New method of eating, takes less time to pass

It comes out of your mouth when you give a lecture

On how we’ll all eat like we’re Hannibal Lecter

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Elitist Culture Music Doesn't Make You Superior to Everyone Else; It's a Personal Preference

 

Shaun Morgan from Seether: Your Heart Belongs to Him...and So Do Your Guitar Riffs!

 

"Killboy" Sara Skinner vs. Tommy Vext: Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolves? SWERFs and TERFs, That's Who!

 

Amy Lee: Fairweather Fans Come and Go, But True Love Is Forever, Which Was Why She Married Josh Hartzler

 

Soldiers and Hard Work

An axe to grind became rise and grind

The American Dream is yours to find

A fantasy McGuffin, never mind the dick sucking

Don’t like boot polish? Keep on trucking

Rock and roll used to stick it to the man

Now it’s all about money, get as much as you can

Authenticity is now a pejorative

A roof above, you can’t afford it

Unless you beat the algorithm like it owes you dough

Pay thousands for the secret, but nobody really knows

Either way you got yourself a bullwhip master

Lashes will make you work harder and faster

Can’t flip the bird without their approval

Your art is digital, ready for mass removal

Corporate masters wrote your lyrics for you

Sing them word for word or sponsors ignore you

Soldiers and hard work! Soldiers and hard work!

Never mind creativity and all of your quirks

Soldiers and hard work! Soldiers and hard work!

Say it loud and proud while bikini dancers twerk

Soldiers and hard work! Soldiers and hard work!

Brought to you by Monster and Paramount Network

Soldiers and hard work! Soldiers and hard work!

Buy it, believe it, love it, or leave it

Love it, love it, love it

Love it, love it, love it

Repeat the mantra one million times

And now it’s forever a part of your mind

Now we’re going pop, the party doesn’t stop

Except for the guitarist who parties the hardest

Take a pay cut or get tossed out the window

Like a pot of piss, an appropriate symbol

Squeeze you dry like we’re making lemonade

We can always use a robot to get our product made

Strum your guitar and bang on your drums

Slap the bass with your blistering thumbs

Scream the lyrics like you’re in agony

Like you’re blitzed and losing your center of gravity

Another shakedown and you start to break down

Who’s next in line to get peanuts for time?

Make more babies to feed the industry

Freezing her eggs? You got to be kidding me

Everybody stays home, all bosses are jerks

Couldn’t bother to care about soldiers and hard work

Unpopular Opinion: Stonehenge Is Boring

 

A Pleasure to Have in Class

VERSE 1

I was such a pleasure to have in the class

All while the system fucked me in the ass

Trading my soul for an A+ to pass

And that’s why my childhood went by so fast

 

CHORUS 1

But I’m better than school

I’m nobody’s tool

I did what I did to survive

I’m better than school

I make my own rules

My rage is about to go live

 

VERSE 2

Dressed up in my Sunday’s best for the test

Job interview just to see if I’m screwed

They wished me luck in all my endeavors

And that’s why I’m unemployed forever

 

CHORUS 2

But I’m better than school

And capitalist fools

I live on despite their oppression

I’m better than school

And corporate gene pools

Hiring down the line of succession

 

BRIDGE

I’m an artist, not a soldier

Holding corpses on shoulders

I’m a lover, not a hater

Though I bloom a lot later

I’m a rebel, not a drone

Leave my human rights alone

I’m my own man, not a student

Not expendable, not useless

 

CHORUS 3

But I’m better than school

And a world so cruel

My art lives on when it’s my time to go

I’m better than school

I’ll die in this duel

It’s my hill to stand on

They’re my feet to land on

Too good for conformity

So don’t try to whore me

I Don't "Shoot My Shot" Because I Don't Want to Give Women the Ick

 

Jesus Fucking Christ! No Really, He's Here! He's Risen! And He's Not Happy!

 

Chris Kael from Five Finger Death Punch: Telling On Himself Since Day One

 

Extroverted Party Hostess vs. Garrison's Autism: Forever in Search of Common Ground

 

Kleptometer

VERSE 1

You had decades to put two slugs in my chest

And you couldn’t be bothered to give me your best

You spent your whole life in agony because I exist

For the love of god, move on, because we all insist

You need around-the-clock care for your butthurt derriere

You failed on purpose, yet you say it’s not fair

That I breathe in greatness and breathe out revolution

While you’re writing angry essays on The Final Solution

 

CHORUS

I’m so happy that I wasted your time

Not a great place to stick all your nickels and dimes

Save your Benjamins and Hamiltons for NFTs

The kleptometer’s readings are really sending me

 

VERSE 2

Put some money in my wallet just like you should

Then you say you’ll go nuclear if my work isn’t good

Sight unseen is how you describe your purchase

But you already decided that my thoughts are worthless

Guys like you and me have never been equal

We share the biology, but we’re two different people

You put too much stock in burning down the whole planet

And you blow a gasket when I say I won’t have it

 

CHORUS

I’m so happy that I wasted your time

Not a great place to stick all your nickels and dimes

Save your Benjamins and Hamiltons for NFTs

The kleptometer’s readings are really sending me

 

VERSE 3

Curiosity never once killed the cat

It never killed anyone, what do you think about that?

But sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong

Is so much worse when you think you’re never wrong

I’ve got a lifetime of lessons I could pass down to you

But you’re special, so you don’t need anything new

Just keep opening your mouth for a helping of slop

And keep on chowing down until your belly pops

 

CHORUS

I’m so happy that I wasted your time

Not a great place to stick all your nickels and dimes

Save your Benjamins and Hamiltons for NFTs

The kleptometer’s readings are really sending me

 

OUTRO

Tick, tock, tick, tock

Your palms are sweating as you count down the clock

Tick, tock, tick, tock

Only minutes remain until you’re stiff as a rock

Tick, tock, tick, tock

You could have forged any path you wanted to

Tick, tock, tick, tock

Now you take your last breath, bitch face goes blue

Hellyeah vs. the Chehalis Middle School Choir, Which I Was a Member of and I Hated Every Second of It

 

When You Call Your Heavy Metal Band Lamb of God, You Can't Complain About Confusing People

 

Angel Reese vs. Garrison's Autism: HOME RUN!

 

Dacryphilia

CHORUS

You look cute when you’re crying

When you’re contemplating dying

When there’s no point in trying

When the world thinks you’re lying

Every plea for help sounds like sucking helium

In the pervert industry, it’s called dacryphilia

 

VERSE 1

The manliest men talking male suicides

Like they themselves got nothing dirty to hide

Vulnerability don’t jive well with the muscles

And the bushiest beards and the work culture hustle

Macho madness is the number one killer

Of lonely men who feel like background filler

All you have to do is reach out for help

Provided you have good insurance for health

 

CHORUS

You look cute when you’re crying

When you’re contemplating dying

When there’s no point in trying

When the world thinks you’re lying

Every plea for help sounds like sucking helium

In the pervert industry, it’s called dacryphilia

 

VERSE 2

The womanly women have permission to sob

Then get threatened and bullied by the right-wing mob

It was never about having a monopoly on tears

It was about who was better at weaponizing fears

Insecure men pull a gun or a knife

When the balance of power slides over to their wives

Or any woman with a little bit of independence

Male judges make sure the killer gets a light sentence

 

CHORUS

You look cute when you’re crying

When you’re contemplating dying

When there’s no point in trying

When the world thinks you’re lying

Every plea for help sounds like sucking helium

In the pervert industry, it’s called dacryphilia

 

VERSE 3

Do you envy the enby when they have the narrative?

Is it a blow to your ego? Are you a macho embarrassment?

Didn’t you learn in school that you had to share your toys?

Or did you dodge accountability like “boys will be boys”?

You throw all the punches and you call yourself the victim

When the ladies you decked have concussed double vision

When the other genders are too afraid to talk to the cops

Drag the world down so you can be the one on top

 

CHORUS

You look cute when you’re crying

When you’re contemplating dying

When there’s no point in trying

When the world thinks you’re lying

Every plea for help sounds like sucking helium

In the pervert industry, it’s called dacryphilia