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Deathbringer (Trigger Warning: Child Abuse)

VERSE 1

Your son got a C in his Bible Studies class

So you took your leather belt and you bloodied up his ass

Told him he was worthless and he’s burning in hell

There’s more blood to shed if he finds a cop to tell

Damn right there’s more bloodshed, but now it’s yours

‘Cause he found your nine-millimeter in your chest of drawers

A tool of destruction used in overseas wars

BANG-BANG! Now the maid’s got some extra laundry chores

 

CHORUS

Death to abusers! Death to the rapists!

Death to conformists! You’ll learn to hate this!

Life isn’t precious when you take theirs away!

Here comes the Deathbringer, it’s Judgment Day!

 

VERSE 2

Your trustworthy pastor grabbed your daughter’s legs

Because she wore a short skirt and was begging for sex

That’s your version of the story and you’re sticking to it

She had her chance to go to heaven, but she fucking blew it

There’s still hope for you to find out your fate

‘Cause now your tender baby has a reason to hate

Meet Jesus early, your vision became blurry

When she stabbed you in the throat, ended your life in a hurry

 

CHORUS

Death to abusers! Death to the rapists!

Death to conformists! You’ll learn to hate this!

Life isn’t precious when you take theirs away!

Here comes the Deathbringer, it’s Judgment Day!

 

VERSE 3

Those in power love to cry about the birthrate

So they outlaw abortion using anti-woman hate

The real headline isn’t guys not getting laid

It’s the bounties on their heads finally being paid

Wanted dead or alive, but not so much the latter

Bash rapists’ skulls and enjoy the blood splatter

Cut off their wangs, cock the pistol, BANG-BANG!

It’s too late to negotiate, abusers must hang!

 

CHORUS

Death to abusers! Death to the rapists!

Death to conformists! You’ll learn to hate this!

Life isn’t precious when you take theirs away!

Here comes the Deathbringer, it’s Judgment Day!

 

OUTRO

Are you offended? Are you pissed?

So am I, because of what you did!

Are you a censor? Brainwasher?

That’s good, I’ll hold your head under water!

Thou Shalt Not Kill no longer applies

Every time the innocent always fucking dies!

It’s too late to rehabilitate

Here’s a bullet or two, how ‘bout I fire eight?!

Brandi Regal, Detective from "Jumping For Jesus"

 

Maynard from Pulp Fiction vs. Todd Akin (Rest in Piss, Teabagger!)

 

Jenna Moreci vs. Franklin Graham: a 2018 Fantasy Novel vs. a Jesus Christ Fan Fiction

 

Kristina Maione vs. Kaitlin Bennett

 

Korey Cooper from Skillet

 

Justin Cordle from We As Human

 

Julie Gebhards, President of the Reads with Rachel Fan Club

 

Cold Product

CHORUS

You’re selling the people an ice-cold product

Expensive as hell, yet everybody’s got it

You sold them a future lived on borrowed time

How the hell is your scam not considered a crime?

 

VERSE 1

Buy a bullet to the head, get two for free

Buy a one-way ticket to a prison colony

Buy insurance for a life that’ll flatline quick

In return we’ll make a hate-boner out of your dick

Kill your enemies for you, the ones you never met

We’re running a dead-pool, come place your bets

The winner gets a jackpot and becomes a billionaire

Yeah right, my guy, what are you smoking there?

 

CHORUS

You’re selling the people an ice-cold product

Expensive as hell, yet everybody’s got it

You sold them a future lived on borrowed time

How the hell is your scam not considered a crime?

 

VERSE 2

Come one and all, line up at the altar

Drink the blood of Christ while the preacher man hollers

Come back to my office, we’ll watch some Lady Ballers

Daddy has needs, one of them is booty-callers

Age is just a number, so is my bank account

How much to shut you up? Throw out any amount

Agree without question and I’ll get your ass to heaven

Call Jesus a liar and you’ll burn in the fire

 

CHORUS

You’re selling the people an ice-cold product

Expensive as hell, yet everybody’s got it

You sold them a future lived on borrowed time

How the hell is your scam not considered a crime?

 

VERSE 3

No refunds for the circus of fools

No comeuppance for the wealthiest ghouls

I guess you really do get what you pay for

Because boot polish is an after-dinner flavor

You sold your soul for a seat at the table

It’s a baby’s highchair, pop a squat if you’re able

Infantilized, victimized, no fucking surprise

Even for the perfect people with blond hair, blue eyes

 

OUTRO

How did you see it going any other way?

I thought the world’s end was heavily delayed

You sped things up because two dudes got laid

Was it worth the tariffs you swore you’d never pay?

Know Your Audience

I write because I look forward to a better day

You write laws where the teachers can’t say gay

You write for wifebeaters who have exes to pay

Conspiracy theorists who are scared of space rays

Femcels who still love Harry Potter

Twitter capitalists who disown their trans daughters

Russian spies who put ricin in your water

Big city cops arrested for manslaughter

Neckbeards who think wrestling is real

IDF soldiers who’ve got tender little feels

Girlbosses in five-thousand-dollar heels

Big mother truckers with five-thousand fucking wheels

Divorced dads who still listen to Disturbed

Libertarians who swear they’re not addicted to herbs

Movie stars who’ve been outed as pervs

Israeli politicians with some sensitive nerves

You and I, we’re not the same thing

Fight for different causes, fight for different wings

You can shoot your Bud Light with an AK-47

But when all is said and done, you’ll never go to heaven

Spend your whole life cowering from the devil

Only to realize you’re on a mediocre level

Drop the bravado, ‘cause it doesn’t mean shit

We’re already in hell, climate change burned all of it