Gunnery Sgt. Hartman from Full Metal Jacket vs. Schizophrenic Voices (Rest in Peace, R. Lee Ermey)

 

Ronald Reagan: Dead For Decades, But Reaganomics Are Still Alive, Unfortunately

 

Terence Fletcher from Whiplash vs. a Process Server: Is a Little Identification Too Much to Ask For?

 

Ben Stein: Clear Eyes Is Awesome, Conservatism Is Not

 

Sgt. Emil Foley from "An Officer and a Gentleman" vs. JD Vance, an Officer Who's Anything But a Gentleman (Rest in Peace, Louis Gossett, Jr.)

 

Rob Schneider: a Conservative Comedian Who's About as Funny as a Heart Attack

 

James Woods: Million Dollar (Cry) Baby

 

Dean Cain a.k.a. Ironic Superman

 

Radiohead vs. Danny Masterson

 

The Radiohead lyrics are from the song "Creep". Danny Masterson would absolutely take those lyrics literally.

Samuel L. Jackson vs. The Lolita Express

 

Dave Chappelle

 

Rest in Power, Gay Reynolds

 His driver’s license said Gabriel, he went by Gay

He’d do anything and anyone to get his fat payday

He had the 70’s moustache and a tray full of ash

Viagra and cocaine tucked inside his private stash

Eight hours of on-camera sex was what he had

A waterfall climax until his pecker looked so sad

For god knows how much money, the gig wasn’t bad

No longer will he miss a payment on his bachelor pad

Couldn’t find this kind of cheddar jockeying a cash box

Couldn’t find all these greenbacks curing smallpox

Would end up on the streets if he went to school to teach

Couldn’t cut it as a field hand picking every last peach

But the biggest price he paid when he got himself laid

Was some protests on his lawn and some online shade

More DM’s in his inbox than he could possibly delete

Asking for a free fuck, on their marriages they cheat

Every judgmental eye stares some daggers in his soul

They know about every hole, terrorism is their goal

A Molotov bomb thrown through his front window

Before they even get a chance to try to fucking know

What his struggles really are, explosives in his car

Blowing every little piece of him fifty feet apart

Why all of the hate for a guy trying to get by?

Couldn’t win against capitalism even if he tried

No love from the police, not a desist or a cease

Not even a bodyguard with a wild pay increase

The world learned to hate, so they sealed his fate

Could’ve been a porno legend, could’ve been great

Everybody mocks what they don’t understand

Rest in Power, Gay Reynolds, in the Promised Land

Never did he know that he left behind a daughter

Mother was a fellow actress also led to slaughter

A kid in foster care never stood a chance there

I wouldn’t blame her if she was constantly scared

Calling out for her parents but the bullies answer

Wishing her to have a malignant form of cancer

Who is anybody to point and laugh and judge?

Roles were reversed? Life would be just as tough

Dreams

DIALOGUE 1
Adult: What do you want to do when you grow up?

Kid 1: I want to flip hamburgers!

Kid 2: I want to clean toilets!

Kid 3: I want to bag groceries!

VERSE 1

How can you dream big when you can’t fall asleep?

When there’s no liquor bottle that’s too deep?

No excitement in this world that’s too cheap?

No friendship in this life that you can keep?

Do you even know what your biggest dreams are?

A white picket fence, a family, and a sports car?

Or is it just surviving yet another dark day?

No rainbows today, but there’s plenty of rain

DIALOGUE 2
Adult: What do you want to do when you grow up?

Kid 1: I want to panhandle!

Kid 2: I want to stay in bed!

Kid 3: I want to sell drugs!

VERSE 2

Being an astronaut is easy when you’re a child

To be a dreamer is to let your mind go wild

Being a princess is what you’ve always believed

When you grow the fuck up, you’ve been deceived

Being on the big screen is a Hollywood trip away

As long as you take the director’s dick and play

Low expectations are the new Disneyland

Peter Pan isn’t going to hold you by the hand

DIALOGUE 3

Adult: What do you want to do when you grow up?

Kid 1: I want to jump off a cliff!

Kid 2: I want to swallow a bunch of pills!

Kid 3: I want to put a gun to my head!

VERSE 3

Is this depressing shit making you want to cry?

Or do you dare to spread your wings and fly?

Fly around the world? Fly into outer space?

Fly off a building, splat all over the place?

Find out whoever took away your dreams

Hold him hostage, make him feel your screams

Tell him over and over how he fucked you bad

Laugh in his face like you’re fucking mad!

DIALOGUE 4

Adult: What do you want to do when you grow up?

Teenager: I’ll do whatever the fuck I want, you shallow prick! Resist, motherfuckers!