Noella Klarke, Conformist Commander from "The Meat Squadron"

 

Gunnery Sgt. Hartman from Full Metal Jacket vs. Schizophrenic Voices (Rest in Peace, R. Lee Ermey)

 

The Anti-Garrison: He's Like the Antichrist, But For Me, Garrison

 

Every bully and abuser I've ever had is a brainwashed cult member. The Anti-Garrison is their god.

Sgt. Emil Foley from "An Officer and a Gentleman" vs. JD Vance, an Officer Who's Anything But a Gentleman (Rest in Peace, Louis Gossett, Jr.)

 

"Child of the Night Guild" by Andy Peloquin

BOOK TITLE: Child of the Night Guild

AUTHOR: Andy Peloquin

YEAR: 2017

GENRE: Fiction

SUBGENRE: Dystopian Fantasy

GRADE: Pass

When Viola’s father can’t pay off his loan from the Night Guild, he has no choice but to sell her into servitude. Under the tutelage of the insanely cruel Master Velvet, Viola is put through a battery of painful and exhausting tests under the threat of being murdered, starved, and/or tortured for failure. She, along with eleven other child students, are given new names and are told to forget everything about their past, which they do. In this dark fantasy hybrid of Pink Floyd the Wall and Full Metal Jacket, Viola, now named Seven, has only one goal if she wants to see the light of day ever again: survive. There is no turning back for her or anybody else in the Night Guild. They live and die by their abilities to become convincing thieves, an occupation which will repay their families’ debts.

If you’re looking for a tale of darkness and cruelty that rivals any child kidnapping story you hear about in the news, Child of the Night Guild will tear you to shreds. The harsh treatment of Viola/Seven is so consistent and so heartbreaking that you as the reader are convinced that this story will end on a sour note. While I won’t divulge what happens, you can bet your bottom dollar that this would be a scenario no ordinary person would survive. The students of the Night Guild are insulted, humiliated, starved, slashed, and slapped around as a way of stripping them of their individuality (and quite possibly their sanity). You know deep in your heart that there’s no way out, so there really is no praying for the best, because you’ll expect the worst. If you’re a Pink Floyd fan, then you know there’s a meat grinder waiting for these children at the end of the cookie factory maze.

On a somewhat lighter note, every time I read an Andy Peloquin novel, he comes off as an expert on whatever it is his story entails. In this case, the children are training to be cunning thieves, which requires a great deal of dexterity, cleverness, and thousands of hours of practice. When someone balances across a thin beam, pickpockets an unsuspecting sod, or searches for treasure in the most unlikely of places, you are convinced that these methods are the right way to get the job done. That’s not to say that Andy is an expert thief or a violent sociopath, but it tells you a lot about how much research he put into this novel. Everybody loves an intelligently-written novel and this one is no exception. Andy Peloquin is a scholar in every sense of the word.

Another likeable trait about Mr. Peloquin’s novels is his writing style. You’re not just watching a movie unfold before your eyes; you’re feeling every burning pain that Viola goes through. Whether it’s hunger pains, burning muscles, slashed fingers, or the general anxiety of being put through serious torture, it adds to this scenario of there being no way out for these children. These agonizing descriptions slowly transform Viola into Seven and Seven into the shadowy thief known as Ilanna. Any shred of innocence she once had will be lost because of the pain she feels throughout the story. We as readers get to feel everything. If you want to cry or listen to Linkin Park songs afterwards, I won’t blame you one bit.

For all intents and purposes, this should be the perfect novel for anybody who loves a good dystopian nightmare. For me personally, I love darkness, but I feel like this is too much darkness for me to handle. Maybe I’ve gotten soft and sensitive over the years, but when I read this novel, it reminds me too much of the Jaycee Dugard story on the news. She was kidnapped at the age of eleven and was raped and molested repeatedly by her captor until she was rescued at age of twenty-nine. It might seem like I’m comparing apples to oranges, but that’s just what I think of whenever I see so much darkness in one place. Nevertheless, this book receives a passing grade because it’s that damn good.

I Don't Have To

VERSE 1

Just because I won’t join the fucking army

Doesn’t mean I wear the clothes of Barbie

There is no shame in staying right at home

It’s better than being dead and buried alone

The drill instructors are too damn loud

The abusive authority is too damn proud

I won’t die for some rightwing agenda

Or have visions of war burned into my retina

CHORUS 1

I don’t have to and I don’t want to

I don’t care if “Uncle Sam wants you!”

They can do just fine without me

The war machine will not devour me

VERSE 2

Blaming a whole generation of people

Is just as bigoted and just as evil

Millennials figured out a long time ago

If you step on a land mine, it’s going to blow

Body parts are strewn across the desert

Staying at home sounds so much better

We’re not the cowards you make us out to be

We’re just like you; we were born to be free

CHORUS 1

I don’t have to and I don’t want to

I don’t care if “Uncle Sam wants you!”

They can do just fine without me

The war machine will not devour me

VERSE 3

Coming home in a wooden casket

Flowers on your grave in a woven basket

Going insane with the trauma of war

Held prisoner behind padded cell doors

Financially crippled, forever homeless

Forever damaged, forever hopeless

This is far from being the American Dream

It’s the American Nightmare, time to scream

CHORUS 2

I don’t have to and I don’t want to

Death and blood will forever haunt you

I don’t belong in a body freezer

It’s not betrayal, I’m not stabbing Caesar

Rookie Revenge

VERSE 1
It isn’t that I’m not coachable
It isn’t that I’m not approachable
But when your anger burns so bright
I will unleash the demon inside


CHORUS
Respect is never a one-way street
Rookies are never pieces of meat
Coaches will have to accept defeat
Rookie revenge is oh so sweet


VERSE 2
It isn’t that I’m not teachable
It isn’t that I’m not reachable
But when you put your hands on me
I will make you burn and bleed
Respect for authority has to be earned
This is the most important lesson to learn
When you treat human beings like animals
We’ll eat you alive like a cannibal


CHORUS
Respect is never a one-way street
Rookies are never pieces of meat
Coaches will have to accept defeat
Rookie revenge is oh so sweet


VERSE 3
Blow your whistle, blow your horn
Throw off the mask of sanity worn
Scream until your throat is bleeding
And I shall unleash a savage beating


EXTENDED CHORUS
Respect is never a one-way street
Rookies are never pieces of meat
Coaches will have to accept defeat
Rookie revenge is oh so sweet
I smell the blood from miles away
I see the scars like the light of day
Are you happy, Mr. Drill Instructor?
I am too, you abusive motherfucker!

Relatable Characters

I was surfing DeviantART’s daily deviation section one day and I found a gem in the form of a critique of typical internet stories. The premise was that every story he came across on the internet had the same basic plotline: the main character was a victim and every bad thing imaginable was happening to him or her. He went on to say that bad happenings were not enough to get the reader to give a damn about the main character. Harsh tone aside, the guy who wrote this editorial actually made a good point there. The question now is, how does an author make likable characters? To my understanding, a main character, no matter what the alignment, should NOT be perfect in every way and should have qualities that the reader would find interesting such as witty dialogue, an indomitable will, or even a sweet disposition. Suppose you had a big beefy barbarian who had a special place in his heart for puppies. That would make him more interesting. What if you had a super villain who made dark jokes that actually tickled funny bones more often than offended people. That might also be a reason to care. But in order to have these things in a main character, there has to be enough narration in the prose to develop him beyond the guy who has a lot of bad shit happen to him. Short stories, particularly in the flash fiction genre, don’t always allow the space for such development. So then what, Mr. Snappy Pants? Do short story authors just fuck off from the face of the internet? Bzzt! Wrong! They do what UFC commentator Joe Rogan likes to call “fighting in a phone booth”, which means make the most of the space you’re granted. Perhaps that would mean expanding a short story beyond the 2000 or 5000 word limit. But you could get the job done. Your sanity depends on it. Judging from the aggression in the daily deviation author’s voice, you can’t afford to make huge mistakes. In that case, do as much horrible shit to your main character as possible. It may be your only chance despite going against Mr. Drill Instructor’s advice. If you need help editing your story afterwards, seek the council of someone with the disposition of a baby bunny. I’ll bet you anything that the editor you seek out will give you a set of questions to answer within the space of your prose and once you have those questions emphatically answered, everything will work out right and you may get published. While this may not have been the most entertaining blog post I’ve done, I hope it was one of the more helpful ones. In the end, that’s pretty much all that counts.

　

***MOVIE QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“You get me slapped with a fine, you argue with the customers and I have to patch everything up, you get us thrown out of a funeral home for violating a corpse, and to top it all off, you ruin my relationship! What is your encore?! Do you anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank?!”

-Dante Hicks from “Clerks”-