Sunday, March 15, 2026
I Want My Hobbies Back
VERSE 1
Laying in bed staring into outer space
No life in my eyes, ‘cause the life went to waste
Lips are too heavy to lift for a smile
Haven’t left the bed for a long-ass while
Arm is too weak to give the cat pettings
Only reason to get up is to avoid bedwetting
This would be a hell of a time for a hobby
But my brain is soup, primordial and sloppy
VERSE 2
Every song I listen to has an extra singer
One blasting the lyrics, one pointing the fingers
Call me every slur that’s ever been used
By every abuser who was once abused
Every story I write has an extra villain
That genocides my joy, laughs at the killing
Every videogame that I’ve tried to beat
Hit the Game Over screen looped on repeat
CHORUS
I want my hobbies back
I feel like I’m on crack
An LSD flashback
A poisoned bottle of Jack
I never touched the drugs
My brain don’t give a fuck
I’m high as hell anyway
Pretty much every day
VERSE 3
My dopamine supply is always running dry
Yet I couldn’t get a tear to drop from my eyes
Porn addiction is my only prescription
To medicate myself in this world called hell
Refraction periods are overrated
When a million orgasms leave you sedated
Couldn’t get real sex with my personality
It drained away with my social battery
CHORUS X2
I want my hobbies back
I feel like I’m on crack
An LSD flashback
A poisoned bottle of Jack
I never touched the drugs
My brain don’t give a fuck
I’m high as hell anyway
Pretty much every day
OUTRO
You couldn’t call it highway robbery
Too fucked up to drive, mental sodomy
All my potential stolen without a reason
Food for thought rotted before it was eaten
I was too threatening to the new world order
Because how dare my heart break for kids dead at the
border?!
How dare my soul hurt for children raped by priests?!
How dare I ask for fairness and justice for the weak?!
Friday, March 13, 2026
Shut Up, Bitch!
“We’ll be right back after these messages from our sponsors…”
Is it Red Fin or Rent Fin?
An intellectual sedative
For your inbred relatives
SHUT UP, BITCH!
I have a structured settlement
Judge called it embezzlement
Defendant’s out of his element
SHUT UP, BITCH!
Ask your doctor if it’s right
To take Ozempic every night
Belly fades out of sight
SHUT UP, BITCH!
We’ve got all your favorite songs
To sell our corporate wrongs
Profits looking pretty strong
SHUT UP, BITCH!
It’s a blanket with sleeves
You’ll never attract thieves
Just a pervert with fleas
SHUT UP, BITCH!
Smoking cigarettes will kill you
Funeral home will bill you
Our commercials make you ill, dude
SHUT UP, BITCH!
Commercials used to be funny, now they’ve lost all charisma
Mediocrity takes over and it’s not an enigma
The richer you get, the less competition
Will make you reach beyond your greatest ambitions
Get lazy on the sofa then project onto the workers
They should be forming a union, but all they want is murder
Why up your game when they’re fighting each other?
Sit back, relax, and watch them killing their brothers
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