Patti Tolan from Ghostbusters (2016) vs. Clownfish TV: Have the Day You Voted For

 

Ray Parker, Jr. vs. Louis C.K.: Who You Gonna Call? My Lawyer!

 

25 Things That Got Me Through 2023

Well…2023 isn’t over yet, but this is a list of 25 things that either got me through it or will get me through it (hence the list items marked “future”). This was inspired by Innuendo Studios’ 2020 list back in…well…2020. Ever since it’s become a yearly tradition for me. Are you ready? Here we go. And whatever you do…don’t yuck my yum!

1. Babymetal X Dethklok concert with Jason Richardson opening for them (future)

2. Callum Markie (not to be confused with calamari)

3. Chicken Soup for the Pet Lover’s Soul

4. Conure

5. Dark Side of the Ring Season 4

6. Drew McIntyre’s memoir (future)

7. Final Fantasy Mystic Quest soundtrack

8. Frank Miller: “Sin City 2: A Dame to Kill For”

9. Ghostbusters: Spectral Shenanigans, Vol. 1

10. Honest Ads

11. Keffals

12. Lo-Fi Chill Music on You Tube

13. Mason Denver

14. Minecraft Lego sets

15. Niko’s 8-Bit Stereo

16. Nothing More concert with Crown the Empire and Thousand Below opening for them

17. Optimus Prime Lego set

18. Rachel Oates: “Reflections on Healing”

19. Stanzi Potenza

20. Sting concert with his son Joe opening for him (future)

21. Tales From the Hood soundtrack

22. Tears For Fears concert with Cold War Kids opening for them

23. Tool concert (future)

24. Xanderhal

25. Zena & Poppy: Wholesome Degenerates

Ghostbusters: Spectral Shenanigans, Vol. 1

BOOK TITLE: Ghostbusters: Spectral Shenanigans, Vol. 1

AUTHOR: Erik Burnham

YEAR: 2018

GENRE: Graphic Novel

SUBGENRE: Paranormal Comedy

GRADE: A

 

Sometimes a piece of literature doesn’t have to be super complex in order to earn an A grade from me. It can just be good simple fun like this one was. That’s really all I want from the books I read: to enjoy them and recommend them to anyone else who might be listening. And really, what’s not to love about the Ghostbusters franchise? If you’ve seen the 1980’s films or the cartoon that came out in the same decade, you know what you’re going to get with this series of comics: witty dialogue, paranormal goodness, slime (lots of slime), and main characters who play off each other’s flaws and strengths perfectly. Yes, Peter Venkmann is a creepy ladies’ man, but he’s a likeable creepy ladies’ man with friends who will keep him in check. He’s also a bit whiny when it comes to hard work, which is actually quite relatable. I can’t find any major flaws in this graphic novel, or maybe I really did want to enjoy it and I got my wish.

 

Even with the simplicity of the various plots, there’s one story that managed to stick out in my mind as kind of a heartbreaker. It’s the one where Egon Spengler tracks down an old college friend who carries death in a little pocket dimension. The friend was killed in a major car wreck, but you wouldn’t know that by the fact that he’s still walking around. The thing is, he doesn’t want to be transported to the other side. He wants to live his life and do all the things he wanted to do before the crash. We as the audience are so used to slimy creatures getting zapped with nuclear lasers that we don’t often see little nuggets of philosophy like this one. Will Egon send his friend to the netherworld like his job entails or will he just let it slide out of sympathy? That’s something you’re going to wrestle with for a while even after that particular story ends.

 

Another story that caught my attention was the final one where one of the Ghostbusters (I don’t remember which one) picks up a strange woman on the side of the road and tries to take her home. The only thing stopping him from doing that, of course, is the truck driver ghost who keeps stalking her. Nobody ever drove on these roads and lived to tell about it. Even if you believe this story has a happy conclusion, you still get chills from how it ended. You want to learn more about what the hell happened. You might want to pick up volume two to figure things out. These stories are too funny to be legitimately frightening, but this ending story comes pretty close once it draws to its conclusion. I won’t spoil the ending, but you’ve been warned.

 

One last note before I go: there’s a series of stories that take place when the Ghostbusters drive around America looking for jobs to do. They go to places like Detroit, New Orleans, Area 51, and a city close to where I live, Seattle. The attention to detail and the accuracies of how these cities are portrayed is one way for the author to flex his research muscles. Seattle actually looked like Seattle, Pike Place Market and all. Area 51 had all the aliens you could ask for, but the Ghostbusters knew that they were really ghosts. I love that even in a supernatural environment, aliens are treated with the same skepticism that they are in the real world. That made me chuckle on the inside. New Orleans was a metaphorical gold mine for ghosts given the city’s history with necromancy and voodoo, which is again accurate. These details go to show how important research is to an author’s success. I’m jealous!

 

As I said at the start of this review, this graphic novel and all the stories within don’t have any flaws that jump out at me. Yes, it’s not the most philosophical or groundbreaking thing I’ve ever read, but then again, it doesn’t have to be. Sometimes I just want to have a good time. Sometimes I just want to escape my reality for a little while. Is that alright with everyone here? This book gets a perfect five out of five. It’s a nice return to reading for me and that’s all I really need.

Dear Aunt Ruth 2023

Dear Aunt Ruth,

 

Thank you so much for the $20 check you sent me for my birthday. A little extra money will always be helpful to me. My kitty girl Piper had to go to the vet and the bill took a lot out of me. But she’s very much worth every penny. I love petting her and listening to her purr while she rubs her head against me. I hope to keep her for a long, long time even though she’s in her elder years now. She’s my little grandma kitty!

 

In a year full of creative burnout and generally low productivity, I did manage to find some silver linings in the first half of 2023. One of them was a rock concert in Seattle put on by Nothing More with Crown the Empire and Thousand Below opening for them. I had no idea who the openers were prior to going, but they delivered when it came to putting on a damn good show. I hope to own their entire discographies someday. Nothing More (yes, that is their band name) brought out the big guns with their energetic performances and emotional brand of rock and roll. They even have a machine made out of auto parts called the Scorpion Tail, which is used to create electronic sounds and basically give the lead singer something to go crazy on. This was my third time seeing Nothing More, with the previous two times being when they opened for Papa Roach in 2018 and opened for Ghost in 2019. Now that they had the stage all to themselves, they proved why they deserved to be headliners for many years to come. The fact that Nothing More has so little exposure just makes them criminally underrated. Anyone who likes heavy rock and roll should give them a listen. They won’t regret it.

 

But of course, not all of my silver linings can be about going out in public and mingling with strangers. Sometimes my introversion takes over and I need a good book to read. One of those good books was a collection of poetry and photography by Rachel Oates called “Reflections on Healing”. If you don’t know who she is, she’s a British Youtuber who make video essays about feminism, left-wing politics, atheism, and sometimes book reviews. She also occasionally shows off pictures of her Staffy dog Kyra, who has these saggy jowls and a permanently happy face. As good as Rachel’s poetry is in her book, the subject matter was incredibly heavy as it dealt with topics like psychological trauma, domestic violence, and growing up poor to name a few. But even with these difficult parts of her past, Rachel Oates has grown up to be a loving and kind human being, forever breaking the cycle of all the evil things that have happened to her. We celebrate cycle-breakers in this family, so her book gets five stars out of five, no question about it. Because the book contains poetry and it’s less than a hundred pages long, the reading experience goes by quickly, but the emotional connection stays with you forever.

 

Another book I read over the summer was a graphic novel called “Ghostbusters: Spectral Shenanigans, Vol. 1”. If you’ve ever watched a Ghostbusters movie before, then you know what you’re going to get out of this book: smart-ass characters, paranormal goodness, and a nice combination of comedy and drama. What fascinates me a lot about the Ghostbusters franchise as a whole is the names of the lead characters: Peter Venkmann, Ray Stantz, Egon Spengler, and Winston Zeddemore. I don’t know how the creators of the franchise came up with these names, but the style is definitely something you associate with Ghostbusters. Same thing when the 2016 all-female movie came out and had characters named Erin Gilbert, Abby Yates, Jillian Holtzmann, and Patty Tolan. Yep, those sound like Ghostbuster names to me. As an author myself, character names are interesting to me. I sure as hell won’t have any of my fictional characters be named John Smith or Jack Anderson. Boring! Anyways, before I get lost in my tangent, the graphic novel gets an easy five stars out of five. It was good, simple fun that didn’t appear to have any major flaws that I’m aware of. Sometimes that’s all a book has to be: good, simple fun.

 

The progress on my own writing has been slow due to constant burnout, but then again, resting up is just as important as the work itself. That’s something I have to constantly remind myself every time I feel like beating myself up. I’ve often referred to the 2020’s as the Golden Age of Tiredness, because everybody’s feeling exhausted due to one thing or another. We’ll get through this together. We’ll have up days and down days, but the exhaustion isn’t permanent no matter how many times it feels that way. I’ll have my day of victory, even if it’s not today or tomorrow. That $20 check will go a long way in making sure that happens. Thank you, Aunt Ruth. Thank you so much!

 

 

Love,

Garrison

Ghostbusters

MOVIE TITLE: Ghostbusters

DIRECTOR: Paul Feig

YEAR: 2016

GENRE: Supernatural Comedy

RATING: PG-13 for language and violence

GRADE: Pass

Dr. Erin Gilbert is a university professor who used to tinker with supernatural experiments as a child, but no longer believes in ghosts as an adult. When she investigates a haunted house disturbance alongside her childhood friend Abby Yates and her partner Jillian Holtzmann, Erin’s fascination with the paranormal is rekindled once more. The team adds subway clerk Patty Tolan and goofy assistant Kevin Beckman to their camp and they become The Ghostbusters. Despite public backlash and skepticism, the Ghostbusters continue to track down ghosts and demons in the streets of New York City using energy weapons and containment shells.

The elephant in the room with this movie is the all-female protagonist cast, which has generated an unfair amount of criticism from misogynists and fans of the original Ghostbusters movies from the 80’s. The last time I heard that much whining, I was babysitting puppies. What’s so bad about having strong female characters? Why must all badass women run around in bikinis and have fast romances with hunky men? The Ghostbusters don’t fit any female stereotype and they’re not sexualized in any way. They’re just everyday women that you would see on the street…except for the fact that they shoot nuclear lasers at ghosts and laugh in their doubters’ faces throughout the movie. In the end, if they can save New York City from being overrun by monsters and demons, they’ve got my support no matter what. Keep up the good work, ladies!

In addition to having strong female characters that destroy obstacles and defy gender roles in convincing fashion, you’ve also got a main villain who many people can identify with despite his evilness. His name is Rowan North and he’s the one who’s been unleashing a horde of monsters on everyone in sight. He is so awkward and weird that nobody wants to even be within ten feet of him. If you’ve ever been labeled as a weirdo during your younger years, you know how much pain this man is in. Hell, there are times when my own awkwardness gets in the way of personal progress. While Rowan’s anger toward a cruel and unfeeling world is understandable, never forget that he is a villain and his weapon of choice could destroy an entire city, maybe even the whole world. Would it kill anybody to give this guy a hug? Hell, even Erin Gilbert and Abby Yates could identify with Rowan!

Now that I think about it, there aren’t very many characters in this movie that are dislikable. The monsters are brutal and violent, the humans are quirky and humorous in their own way, and there are even actors from the 80’s Ghostbusters movies that reappear, although as completely different characters. The minute Bill Murray’s face popped up on the screen, the entire movie theater erupted with laughter. When even more actors like Sigourney Weaver and Dan Akroyd appeared in the movie, there was laughter and cheering mixed into one sweet package. This blending of old school and new will create a lot of cheerful and hilarious moments, crude insults and dark jokes included.

With this kooky cast of characters all in one movie, you’d be hard pressed to find a single sorrowful moment in the whole film. Since when did positivity and fun-filled entertainment become things to scoff at? Is all of this harsh criticism really about the main cast consisting mostly of women? Do you really need a sandwich that badly? Then for god’s sake, go to Subway and shell out five dollars for a foot-long! Heaven forbid that women find their own source of strength and shatter the glass ceiling into snowflakes. Ghostbusters has earned a passing grade from me not just for the fast-paced action or the silly jokes, but also for being a model for progressive change. Nothing stays the same forever, not even hate.

Slipknot X Marilyn Manson Concert

***SLIPKNOT X MARILYN MANSON CONCERT***

This coming Thursday, Slipknot and Marilyn Manson are going to do a show at the White River Amphitheater in Auburn and I have a ticket to see them. Their opening act is Of Mice and Men, but I have no idea who they are. It’s going to be a fun night of badass music and chaotic visuals. If you go to one of these shows and you’re not excited, check your pulse. One thing I would like to point out is that Corey Taylor, the lead singer of Slipknot, underwent neck surgery earlier this year and won’t be allowed to head bang or jump up and down per doctor’s orders. He’ll still be one entertaining son of a bitch. How can you not be entertained by a dude in a frightening mask screaming at the top of his raspy lungs? That whole show is going to be fucking awesome. I can’t wait!

Just like with the Rob Zombie X Korn concert back in July, this concert is going to require some downtime afterwards for rest and relaxation. That means I’ll need a brief vacation from my creative schedule, but I’ll probably be able to compete in that week’s WSS contest. Actually, that’s not a probably. That’s a definitely. Who knows? Maybe the creepy and creative visuals from the Slipknot concert will inspire another deliciously violent short story. Creative fuel comes from the strangest places and that’s how I fucking like it!

Just like with all concerts and vacations, I’ll be back in one piece with plenty of cool stuff to do afterwards. Downtime doesn’t last forever, you know, not even for hardcore introverts like me. See you soon!

***MOVIE REVIEWS***

I have to admit, I got off to a rough start when it came to writing the review for Ghostbusters. I was so exhausted that day that I wrote down a few words and I couldn’t go anymore. Never fear, because this is easily fixable. And then once I’m done with Ghostbusters, you can have a review of Lucha Mexico. Both movies will receive passing grades a.k.a. four stars.

***DARK FANTASY WARRIORS***

Remember Kai Oliveira from the 2014 short story “Luna the Moon Kitty”? She’s the child wizard who along with Luna convinces her guardian Hans Metzger to listen to reason and eventually help in building a better world after the demon wars. For the reference picture, I think I’ll use one of Reina’s Halloween photos from Face Book. I have several costumes to choose from whether it’s a fairy princess or the Cheshire Cat. It should make for an awesome picture, because Reina is naturally awesome…whenever she’s not driving me nuts, of course. Hehe!

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“I’m waiting for the day when we can burn copies of each other’s girlfriends and skip the technology, period.”

-Mac Lethal rapping “Rotten Apple Pie”-

Necrocosm

***NECROCOSM***

This will be the first of many journal entries where I come up with an idea for a setting and hopefully a short story, D&D campaign, or novel will snowball from there. What are we kicking off with? The Necrocosm, of course. People who read my poetry will remember a heavy metal song called Necrocosm which basically described the audience at WWE Fast Lane 2015. Even though there was excitement and action going on in the ring, the Tennessee audience acted bored out of their minds. Therefore, they’re living in a necrocosm, or a death world (because they’re a dead audience). It seemed like an apt description to me.

The suffix “cosm” in the Greek language means “world”. I know this because I used to spend my time surfing You Tube for Clerks videos and in one of them, Randal says to Dante, “This is a life of convenience for you and any attempt to change it would shatter the pathetic microcosm you’ve fashioned for yourself.” I looked up the word microcosm on dictionary.com and it was defined as a “little world”, micro meaning “little” and cosm meaning “world”.

So then I thought, what other Greek prefixes could we pair up with the suffix cosm? I’ve done this exercise plenty of times with the suffix “mancer” and thus we have short stories like The Aeromancer (wind wizard), The Hydromancer (water wizard), and The Cryomancer (ice wizard). Let’s see what we can do with the word “cosm”. A pyrocosm would be a world of fire and can actually be an alternative word for the sun. A cryocosm would be a world of ice and that’s basically what Pluto is. A thermocosm would be a world of heat and Mercury would qualify since it’s the closest planet to the sun.

So what could we do with a necrocosm, or a world of death? Lots of things, actually. Some would say the earth in the year 2016 would qualify as a necrocosm since a lot of mass shootings and celebrity deaths took place. Some would say heaven and hell are necrocosms since according to Christianity, that’s where dead people go. Maybe the word necrocosm could apply to graveyards, funeral homes, and morgues.

Those are all valid interpretations, but what if I took it a step further? What if there was a planet in our solar system governed by an alien race of zombies? It doesn’t even have to be a structured government. It could be anarchy with zombies rising from the dirt to feast on trespassers. Maybe it could be an autocracy with an evil necromancer governing everything so that one day he can use his minions to conquer other worlds. Maybe it’s just one big farm where souls of the dead are kept and harvested. I’ve often thought of the possibilities of entire planets being used as seals for demons and undead creatures. Once that seal is broken, all bets are off, motherfuckers. Keegan Day from “Occupy Wrestling” never thought of this shit. Or did he? Hmm.

Okay, so we’ve got this world of reanimated dead bodies. What we need now is a reason for an adventurer to go there. Surely, traveling to such a violent and savage place would be a suicide mission. There must be something or someone of value on this necrocosm that would be worth wading through an army of dead bodies. A villain to fight, a prisoner to rescue, an artifact to steal, these are all good reasons to risk life and limb for a journey to that planet. If you know how to build tension, you can pull off this storyline and be successful at it.

So how about it, ladies and gentlemen? If this became a D&D campaign, would your character have the cajones to venture onto such a planet with the lingering fear of having his flesh and organs gnawed on? Would you have the solid steel spine to read through a novel that went behind fierce enemy lines like the war zone the necrocosm is? Could I possibly fit an entire world’s worth of action and drama into one short story? So many possibilities, so little time. Hell, if somebody else wants to expand upon this idea and do something with it, I’m not against it as long as you remember where you got this juicy creative fuel from. The table of opportunity has been set, people. What are you going to do?

***WEEKLY SHORT STORY CONTESTS AND COMPANY***

It’s a brand new week and a brand new prompt has been put into place. Apparently, this suggestion was from many years ago when a former admin named Mike Ragland first posted it in the prompt ideas forum. The theme is Crumbling Well (that definitely has Mike’s fingerprints all over it), so my story this week will be called “The Ophidiomancer” (more Greek wordplay, for sure). It goes like this:

CHARACTERS:

Shaun Goldberg, Sheep Mask-Wearing Giant

Carlos Pierre, Psychotic Snake Handler

PROMPT CONFORMITY: Carlos keeps his poisonous snakes in a crumbling well in the middle of the field.

SYNOPSIS: Shaun is a thirty-year-old man child who recently escaped from his abusive mother and is wandering the plains like a mindless zombie. He stumbles upon Carlos and his followers in the middle of a snakebite ritual. Carlos offers to heal Shaun’s soul with a “test of faith”, but when the snake bites the man child, he goes berserk and starts throwing the followers around. Carlos tries to get out of dodge, but he keeps stumbling and rolling.

FUN FACT: For all of you WWE fans out there (both old school and new), these two main characters are based off of actual wrestlers that worked with the company. Shaun Goldberg is likened to Erick Rowan and Carlos Pierre has similarities to Jake “The Snake” Roberts. They come from two completely different eras of wrestling and bring their own form of creepiness to the table. Since a match between Rowan and Roberts won’t actually take place due to Roberts’ old age, this short story is the next best thing.

***DARK FANTASY WARRIORS***

Elizabeth Wilson has been knocked out of the park and now it’s time for someone new. That someone is Desilu McCourt, the Amazonian hammer swinger from “Occupy Wrestling”. You know the one. She’s the ogre chick who nearly snapped Debra Winter’s spine in half before Mitch McLeod came to the rescue. I’ve done a drawing of Desilu in the past, but I don’t think very highly of it, so I’m going to attempt her again. Wish me luck!

***MOVIE REVIEWS***

The last time I did a movie review, it was for Zootopia and that was many months ago. I don’t do movie reviews very often, but that’s only because I can count the number of visits to the theater I’ve made this year on one hand. I don’t plan on doing a review of Star Wars: The Force Awakens, because I’m still afraid of pissing off people who haven’t seen it yet with plot spoilers. That leaves me with two items on this short task list: the 2016 version of Ghostbusters and a little known documentary called Lucha Mexico. Ghost hunting and masked wrestling: such a delightful combination. Both movies will receive passing grades (four stars). It’s all a matter of putting the words and debating points together in a clean and crisp manner.

***BOOK REVIEW***

As most of you know, I’ve been doing some beta reading for my wonderful author friends Andy Peloquin and Marie Krepps. Their deadlines for publication are drawing near, so you can expect book reviews for them around those times. The first one to come up will be of Marie Krepps’ teen romance novel “What Money Can’t Buy”. It’s being published on August 11^th, the same day as my Slipknot X Marilyn Manson concert. We both have things to be excited for!

***COMEDIC QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“School uniforms: bad theory! It’s the idea that if kids wear uniforms to school it’ll help maintain order. Don’t these schools do enough damage trying to get these kids to think alike? Now they’re going to get them to look alike too? And it’s not a new idea. I once saw it in old newsreels from the 1930’s, though it was a little hard to understand because the narration was in German!”

-George Carlin-

Crazy Days

***CRAZY DAYS***

The past few days have been crazy for me and my family. They may have had an impact on my creative life, they may not have. Either way, if I don’t write this journal entry, I feel like it’ll be a wasted opportunity. Make of these three stories what you will.

***DALE***

This past Friday, my step-dad Dale was taken to the emergency room for flank pain. The hospital did all sorts of tests on him to find out why and it turns out he has a massive kidney stone. They’ve tried to flush it out of him, but the stone is too big to pass through, so earlier today, they had it surgically removed. As of now, I haven’t had an update as to how the surgery went, but I imagine Dale will just want to relax and take it easy when he’s finally discharged from the hospital. He can watch all the basketball and detective shows he wants with Sitka sprawled across his lap. I’m positive about his ability to recover from this since he’s had worse and survived that. I just hope he’ll be in a laughing mood when I do impressions of him and his funny dialogue during car trips.

***RAT INFESTATION***

Ever since the start of this year, it’s been the Haines-Temons-Stevens-Wilson family going to war with wild rats, who have invaded our home and came out of the woodwork whenever they damn well wanted. We’ve had rats in our kitchens and bathrooms mostly and over the last few months we’ve made progress with curtailing their population. And then a few nights ago as I was trying to sleep, I saw a giant rat running around in my room looking for hiding places. It ran behind my mini-fridge, behind my computer desk, underneath my TV stand, and across my bookcase. Naturally, I was so scared that I lost sleep over it. We tried to trap it last night, but the little fucker didn’t take the bait. I know what you’re thinking: how can an animal lover like me condone trapping wild rats? You should probably ask the same question to anybody living in medieval England during the black plague. Except you can’t, because they’re fucking dead!

***CHILD LURING***

Earlier today, there was an incident in which someone in a blue truck with an extended canopy drove around our neighborhood looking for little kids. A police report has already been filed, but the only information we’re missing is the driver’s license plate. I have a twelve-year-old niece named Reina who likes to walk to the convenience store and the school playground every once and a while and I’ll be damned if she becomes the next Jaycee Dugard. The truck shouldn’t be too hard to find, so I hope the police catch this asshole before he actually succeeds in kidnapping a little girl.

***CONCLUSION***

The thing to remember during these “crazy days” is that if you believe you can get through them, you definitely will. While these three stories are still in the process of resolving themselves, I’m confident that things will be back to normal in no time. I’ve got a creative task list a mile long and I’d love nothing more than to knock the items off that list like a wild motherfucker. We can do this, people. We can do this!

***COMEDIC QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Excuse me, sir, can I see your driver’s license? No, sir, I don’t need a beer and I don’t think you do either. Mr. Foxworthy, do you know why I pulled you over today? It concerns the vehicle you’re towing behind you. No, sir, it’s not against the law to tow a boat, but we do require you put it on a trailer. Can you ask your friends to get out of the boat please? I don’t give a damn if the fish are biting, I said ask your friends to get out of the boat. Hell, you dropped a skier about a mile back there.”

-Jeff Foxworthy doing an impression of a patrol cop pulling his dad over-

***POST-SCRIPT***

One of the ways you can get through a hard time in your life is by enjoying comedic moments whether they’re from Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvall, George Carlin, or any other source of giggles and chuckles. I hope that Jeff Foxworthy bit was to your guys’ liking. Keeping with the theme of positivity, I saw Ghostbusters last night at the Regal Cinemas and it was fucking awesome!

Rash Barder

When there’s something strange in your neighborhood, who’re you gonna call?! Actually, it’s probably not a good idea to call The Ghostbusters, because they’ll probably exterminate Rash Barder with those nuclear guns of theirs. You see, Rash Barder is a lich. I admittedly know very little about liches except that they’re evil ghosts who will eat you alive like a Taco Bell five buck box. Add to his lich heritage his occupation of bounty hunter and he instantly becomes a mind fuck and nightmare fuel all rolled into one. Can you imagine a creepy looking ghost staring you in the eyes asking questions about where the world’s most dangerous criminal is? At that point, I don’t know who you should fear most, the wanted criminal or Rash. It’s like the cure being worse than the disease, which is the medical equivalent of Cialis causing your dick to hemorrhage blood and your eyes to pop out of your head. As frightening of a bounty hunter as Rash Barder is, he actually comes from very humble roots. He first made his debut in an RPG I was a part of in 2002 with an old friend named Justin and my first girlfriend Jesse. In this RPG, Jesse’s character, Makoto Tribal, was looking for her husband, another character I created named Sharry Seran. The only thing that remained of Sharry was a final love letter before he officially went off the grid. Makoto hired Rash Barder to help her look for the love of her life and Rash was more than happy to accommodate her. The scene between Makoto and Rash was very tender, almost in a best friend relationship sort of way. Justin was confused by all the tenderness going on, because according to him, people are apparently very bigoted towards the undead. I assigned the lich species to Rash Barder without knowing the full depth of how racist the non-player characters could be. Unfortunately, the RPG didn’t last very long and was inactive within the first few weeks. Rash didn’t have the appropriate amount of time to experience prejudice from his humanoid peers. At this point, I didn’t know if it was better to put my characters in compromising situations like racism or try to build them up as much as possible without unnecessary obstacles. Throughout my role-playing career, I’ve done things to my characters to purposefully put them in harm’s way. As I grew older, I realized it was better to do that when writing a book as opposed to playing an RPG. The G in RPG stands for game and games are meant to be won (even though the role-playing variety has no pre-determined goal). But in books, the idea is to create a story and the best way to do that is to create obstacles for your main characters. Can I do such a thing with Rash Barder? Can there really be a civil rights movement for liches? I could call the book Stuck Rotting Baby! (Groan)

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“Ever seen the Lord smile? All the care for the world made beautiful a sad man? Why do we still carry a device of torture around our necks? Oh, how rotten your pre-apocalypse is. All you bible-black fools living over nightmare ground. I see all those empty cradles and wonder if man will never change. I too wish to be a decent man-boy, but all I am is smoke and mirrors. Still given everything, may I be deserving. And there forever remains the change from G to E minor.”

-Dialogue from “Song of Myself” by Nightwish-