Stephanie Vaquer from WWE vs. Aaron Lewis from Staind: Low-Stakes Flirtation Lost in Translation

 

"Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk! Hey, Garrison! Why does Aaron Lewis look like Joe Rogan?"

Must you ask?

Crossfade vs. The Amazing Yen from Ocean's Eleven

 

All joking aside, it's great to see Crossfade back on the road again. I missed them.

Dope vs. The News Cycle

 

The lyrics in the bottom panel are from the Dope song "Debonaire". But yeah, I can't watch political content anymore without losing my fucking mind. Even if I agree with what they're saying, it's still disaster porn. It's bad for my mental health.

Fred Durst from Limp Bizkit

 

David Draiman from Disturbed

 

Chris Taylor Brown from Trapt

 

Written By a Man

VERSE 1

I got no experience, so I got no soul

Not enough broken bones, not enough bullet holes

Not enough time spent behind steel bars

Not enough time trapped in subway cars

So I do my very best to pass the Bechdel Test

But my only point of reference is The Man Show and Wrestle Fest

I got a pile of mistakes higher than a bird’s nest

Learn my lessons from some, set fire to the rest

 

CHORUS

Manic chick from a magical land

Written by a man

Did I write it with one hand?

Written by a man

Manic chick from a magical land

Written by a man

Did I write it with one hand?

Written by a man

 

VERSE 2

I got no girl who could be my whole world

But it ain’t her job to launch me to the top

I got to pull myself out of this water slide pipeline

I got to be more than just a cishet white guy

I got to find out what the fuck is going on

Why the fuck is my maturity taking so long?

They call me late bloomer, ‘cause it couldn’t happen sooner

Got some gray in my hair, now they call me a gooner

 

CHORUS

Manic chick from a magical land

Written by a man

Did I write it with one hand?

Written by a man

Manic chick from a magical land

Written by a man

Did I write it with one hand?

Written by a man

 

VERSE 3

I got no baggage I can actually unpack

So I’m stuck in murder mode, ready to attack

It’s easy to blame the one who screams the most

Especially when she’s dead and floating like a ghost

I’ll get my shit together if it takes me forever

I don’t have to be an angel, I just have to be better

A lifelong process, because learning never ends

When you got no ego, you got nothing to defend

 

BRIDGE

Damn right this book was written by a man

Started as a fan who believed that I can

You’re not competition, I hope we all win

The new world is here, let the story begin

Bawitdaba

VERSE 1

I start my truck by breathing into a tube

I drive around high school looking for boobs

You call it statutory? I call it mandatory

Like making a poncho out of Old Glory

And wearing it while playing for my man W

And doing it again for his far-right substitute

My skeleton key can open anyone’s lock

Now get in my bed and try to love Kid Rock!

CHORUS 1

Browitdabro

The camel toe

Licky, licky, licky

Until your leggy-weggies become sticky

VERSE 2

The reason why my tickets sell for so damn cheap?

‘Cause y’all work at Wal-Mart seven days a week

I relate to the struggle in my comfortable mansion

While poverty kills like a family of Mansons

I got a tennis court and a swimming pool

And a hummer that runs on hundred dollar fuel

You can look for answers, but you know it’s a crock

Now get in my bed and try to love Kid Rock!

CHORUS 2

Blahwitdablah

The biggie bra

Jiggy, jiggy, jiggy

Until my peter becomes a stiffy

CHORUS 3

Blewwitdablew

Come on to you

Sicky, sicky, sicky

You don’t have to be so damn picky

BRIDGE

Love!

Is what I hate!

Don’t need no peace!

War!

CHORUS 4

Byewitdabye

I want to cry

Crowbar city

I’m in jail, it’s such a pity

Pointless Thoughts

Stuck in the mud with these pointless thoughts

Dreaming about murder and never getting caught

Descending into madness with every bully’s word

Every kiss begins with K, how fucking absurd

Rumination is the word of this never-ending day

Getting revenge on the voices, but it’s me who pays

I could argue until my jaw is clamped down tight

Sore facial muscles with every phantom bite

A headache that won’t go away with some Advil

A demonic revelation even after I take sad pills

Kiss the girls and only make yourself cry

Take the punches and make some wishes to die

Take the insults without asking reasons why

Take the abuse until your insides are fried

Pointless thoughts, what the fuck are you doing?

Eating me alive, what the fuck are you chewing?

One mind against a meat suit full of organs

Betrayal from within, should I drink some Captain Morgan?

Is a bottle full of poison the answer to it all?

The answer is never, so I continue to brawl

If it takes forever to keep my brain in line

Then I’m putting on the gloves, your ass is mine!

Rest in Peace, Chester Bennington

***REST IN PEACE, CHESTER BENNINGTON***

This morning (July 20^th, 2017), the lead singer of Linkin Park, Chester Bennington, committed suicide by hanging. When I first heard the news on Face Book, I thought I was going to bawl my eyes out right then and there. Linkin Park has been a huge part of my life since 2002 when I was experiencing schizophrenia in my senior year of high school. Their hard rock sound and thoughtful lyrics helped me through those tough times. I first heard their Hybrid Theory album when I was in gym class lifting weights. I saved up enough money and purchased that CD in 2003 and it become a huge part of getting me through Olympic College. My favorite songs on that album were Paper Cut, Place For My Head, and the bonus track My December. Ever since then, I’ve been buying Linkin Park albums until I had every last one of them.

I’ve seen Linkin Park in concert twice in my life, once in 2003 (or 2004) at the Tacoma Dome and once in 2012 at the same venue with Incubus opening for them. Both times, Chester was on his A-game with his aggressive vocals when it counted and softer crooning when we needed to be brought back to earth. In 2012, he paid tribute to the Beastie Boys when he screamed the vocals for “Sabotage” in the wake of MCA’s untimely death. The music nerd within me was going nuts during those performances. I was jumping up and down and moshing with the best of them, even during times of poor diets and bad exercise habits.

Their most recent album, One More Light, received a lot of criticism from diehard fans for being too much of a pop record instead of staying true to their roots. While it is true that experimenting with music can sometimes end badly, that’s not the case with this album, at least in my opinion. Yes, it’s different from what we’re used to hearing, but I love it nonetheless. My favorites on that album include Nobody Can Save Me, Heavy, and One More Light. I was looking forward to hearing those songs at my upcoming third time seeing Linkin Park live this October.

Speaking of the concert, the status of Linkin Park as a band is up in the air right now because of Chester’s death. Chances are, the concert date might be moved to a later time or it might be cancelled altogether. Maybe Mike Shinoda, who normally raps for Linkin Park, can take over Chester’s vocals. Maybe they’ll get a temporary stand-in until they can find someone permanent. Then again, there’s always the chance Linkin Park could break up over this. They haven’t released an official statement yet (it’s too early to do so), but I’m anxiously awaiting one in the weeks to come.

In the wake of Chester’s suicide, he left behind a wife and many children as well as his band mates. Having said that, I don’t believe it’s right to cast anger upon him for this or accuse him of being “selfish”. Never forget that the man had a lot of emotional trauma to deal with. He was raped repeatedly as a child by an older friend, he was a hardcore drug addict, he was bullied and beaten in high school, and his only escape from it all was Linkin Park. When you’re dealing with that much pain and agony, selfishness is the last reason in the world that should be applied. Psychological trauma is just as agonizing as any physical ailment, maybe even worse. Chester’s suicide left a huge hole in my heart as well as those of everyone around him. May he rest peacefully and may those who loved him recover from their heartache.

"Sabotage" by The Beastie Boys

I wouldn’t have my first Beastie Boys album until 2005 and it would be seven years later when Linkin Park would cover “Sabotage” at their Tacoma Dome concert with Incubus. In the summer of 2001, my education into King Adrock, MCA, and Mike-D would begin early with “Sabotage”, which sounds more like heavy metal than hip-hop.

My sophomore year of high school was winding down into vacation mode. Yes, I was still going to WF West in Shit-halis, I mean, Chehalis, but my sophomore year was much better than my freshman year. School still sucked, but things were getting better. My mental health was improving, I was introduced to Starcraft and Diablo II, I was hanging out with my neighbors Winn and Duncan more often, I had romantic crushes on two girls named Shona and Autumn, and finally, the Beastie Boys’ music was entering my life. Can you think of a better way to spend 2001?

So what exactly am I sabotaging with this nu metal song? Am I sabotaging the plans of my enemies to destroy my life with a stupid rumor? That must be it, because I’m still here today writing blog entries, novels, short stories, god knows what else. Maybe that song was an anthem for refusing to be a victim. I did watch a lot of WWE and ECW in those days, so maybe that tough guy mentality fused with “Sabotage’s” heavy flow was enough to create some bravery within me.

In the early 2000’s, bravery would mean something entirely different for me. It would be confused with belligerence, which means I absolutely had to insult and punch out everybody who attacked me even in the smallest ways. I took that mentality into battle with me in 2002 when I got into a mass argument on Play By Web over a foolish thing like age limits in adult games.

In 2005, I mellowed out a little bit. Not completely, but enough to be a part of a normal society. I still had my internet arguments here and there, but I’m proud to say I’ve never been to jail over my belligerent actions (not because I didn’t get caught, but because no crime was ever committed in the first place). I mellowed out just in time to be reintroduced to the music of The Beastie Boys. My brother bought three albums: Licensed to Ill, Hello Nasty, and To the 5 Burroughs, the latter of which cemented my status as a hardcore American liberal.

In 2012, tragedy struck the world of music when MCA lost his battle with throat cancer. Normally when a band member departs, a replacement is quickly found. It’s not so easy with The Beastie Boys’ music. They tend to drop their own names in their music, so finding someone to acknowledge themselves as MCA would be damned near impossible. The man was irreplaceable anyways. His lyrics were awesome, his rhythm was even more so, and he was an all-around great human being. He wasn’t an out-of-control jackass like a lot of celebrities today are. MCA was down to earth and he will always be remembered for his wonderful legacy. Rest in peace, Adam Yauch.

When I went to see Linkin Park and Incubus at the Tacoma Dome of that year, Linkin Park did a cover of “Sabotage” as a tribute to MCA (even though the song was technically sung by Adrock). With Chester Bennington screaming with passion into the microphone, it was a heavy and raucous tribute to one of the greatest rap bands of all time.

To think all of this history was made over one nu metal song. It’s like a domino effect: one thing leads to another and before you know it, a legacy is created. Every artist in the world can relate to the domino effect of life. Our life events, the media we take in, the people we associate with, they all come together as a palette for the artwork that is the human race. Everybody has a legacy of some kind and it’s because of that nobody is ever truly forgotten when they pass. Isn’t that right, Mr. Yauch?

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“You’ve been in the game and your career is long, but when you really break it down, you’ve only got two songs.”

-MCA rapping “Hey Fuck You” by The Beastie Boys-