Feels Like Homework

CHORUS 1

Chowing down on food feels like homework

Being in a good mood feels like homework

Everything you do feels like homework

Feels like homework, feels like homework

VERSE 1

When getting A’s and B’s is all you’ve known

Getting anything less can make you feel alone

Ego takes a bruising, but not as bad as the brain

Every failure makes you question if you’re sane

Pop the pills like they’re Butterfinger BB’s

Eat every single pizza from the kitchen at Cici’s

No exercise today, because what’s the point?

Lay on the couch, watch the tube, smoke a joint

CHORUS 2

Playing videogames feels like homework

Remembering your name feels like homework

Doing more of the same feels like homework

Feels like homework, feels like homework

VERSE 2

Got an hour to kill before you hit the sack

Read a cheap romance from your library stack

Write a story or two about murderous goblins

Watch BoJack Horseman, get on with the sobbing

Every leisure activity comes with a final grade

Forever shamed for the lack of money made

Calling in sick starts to feel necessary

“Sorry, boss man, I’m ready to be buried”

CHORUS 3

Leaving the house feels like homework

Clicking the mouse feels like homework

Wearing Levi Strauss feels like homework

Feels like homework, feels like homework

Breathing in and out feels like homework

Asking what life’s about feels like homework

Disproving your doubt feels like homework

Feels like homework, feels like homework

VERSE 3

Tell the English professor as you leave her class

“You can take your D- and shove it up your ass!”

Tell the math department when you graduate

“You deserve every ounce of venom and hate!”

Tell the history department when you retire

“I hope this whole school gets set on fire!”

Tell the universe when it’s ready to take you

“Let me rest in peace or I’ll fucking make you!”

Rest in Peace, Chester Bennington

***REST IN PEACE, CHESTER BENNINGTON***

This morning (July 20^th, 2017), the lead singer of Linkin Park, Chester Bennington, committed suicide by hanging. When I first heard the news on Face Book, I thought I was going to bawl my eyes out right then and there. Linkin Park has been a huge part of my life since 2002 when I was experiencing schizophrenia in my senior year of high school. Their hard rock sound and thoughtful lyrics helped me through those tough times. I first heard their Hybrid Theory album when I was in gym class lifting weights. I saved up enough money and purchased that CD in 2003 and it become a huge part of getting me through Olympic College. My favorite songs on that album were Paper Cut, Place For My Head, and the bonus track My December. Ever since then, I’ve been buying Linkin Park albums until I had every last one of them.

I’ve seen Linkin Park in concert twice in my life, once in 2003 (or 2004) at the Tacoma Dome and once in 2012 at the same venue with Incubus opening for them. Both times, Chester was on his A-game with his aggressive vocals when it counted and softer crooning when we needed to be brought back to earth. In 2012, he paid tribute to the Beastie Boys when he screamed the vocals for “Sabotage” in the wake of MCA’s untimely death. The music nerd within me was going nuts during those performances. I was jumping up and down and moshing with the best of them, even during times of poor diets and bad exercise habits.

Their most recent album, One More Light, received a lot of criticism from diehard fans for being too much of a pop record instead of staying true to their roots. While it is true that experimenting with music can sometimes end badly, that’s not the case with this album, at least in my opinion. Yes, it’s different from what we’re used to hearing, but I love it nonetheless. My favorites on that album include Nobody Can Save Me, Heavy, and One More Light. I was looking forward to hearing those songs at my upcoming third time seeing Linkin Park live this October.

Speaking of the concert, the status of Linkin Park as a band is up in the air right now because of Chester’s death. Chances are, the concert date might be moved to a later time or it might be cancelled altogether. Maybe Mike Shinoda, who normally raps for Linkin Park, can take over Chester’s vocals. Maybe they’ll get a temporary stand-in until they can find someone permanent. Then again, there’s always the chance Linkin Park could break up over this. They haven’t released an official statement yet (it’s too early to do so), but I’m anxiously awaiting one in the weeks to come.

In the wake of Chester’s suicide, he left behind a wife and many children as well as his band mates. Having said that, I don’t believe it’s right to cast anger upon him for this or accuse him of being “selfish”. Never forget that the man had a lot of emotional trauma to deal with. He was raped repeatedly as a child by an older friend, he was a hardcore drug addict, he was bullied and beaten in high school, and his only escape from it all was Linkin Park. When you’re dealing with that much pain and agony, selfishness is the last reason in the world that should be applied. Psychological trauma is just as agonizing as any physical ailment, maybe even worse. Chester’s suicide left a huge hole in my heart as well as those of everyone around him. May he rest peacefully and may those who loved him recover from their heartache.

"Robot Boy" by Linkin Park

“You say you’re not going to fight ‘cause no one will fight for you.” This is the opening line to “Robot Boy” and every time I hear it, it stays true. Even though I live a passive life, I’m still an independent author and I still have my own battles to fight. I’m fighting for a steady payday, recognition, immortalization, and most importantly, love and friendship. Even the simplest of these list items seems like an uphill confrontation. Though it seems like I have allies in these struggles, help seems so far away.

Then again, the music of Linkin Park has always documented the band’s uphill struggles. Chester Bennington has his own family trauma to contend with. Mike Shinoda fights for his Japanese culture, especially since his father was interned in 1942. These two lead vocalists speak for everybody when they’re fighting the good fight. Is it any wonder why they have such a strong fan base?

I don’t know exactly which path Linkin Park took in order to become the voice of the voiceless. I don’t want to say they got lucky, because that would be disrespectful of the way they became successful musicians. I too wish to be a voice of the voiceless, but as you can plainly see, I only live vicariously through Chester and Mike. I have some fame, but not enough for people to listen to what I have to say. Self-published e-books and blogs will only go so far. And when the path to success is buried underneath mounds of dirt, it becomes hard to tell where you are.

“Someday the weight of the world will give you the strength to go.” The weight of the world represents the burdens us artists must bear on our path to the top. Constant weightlifting builds muscle. Our worldly burdens will therefore make us stronger for the experience. If nothing else, they give us creative fuel so that our wells don’t run dry too soon.

I hope this song and the story of Linkin Park in general can be creative fuel to my readers as these things have been to me. Despite my passive lifestyle, I can still throw a powerful punch to every demon that opposes me. I may not throw many punches, but one of these days, my one powerful shot will earn me a knockout victory over the forces working against me. Then and only then will I be able to rest peacefully myself. I’m leaving my mark on the world one way or another. Whether it’s in the form of a black eye or a warm hug remains to be seen.

　

***PROVERB OF THE DAY***

“The true definition of insanity is doing the same thing every day and expecting different results.”

-Albert Einstein-