Arianna Brandolini: Psychologist by Day, HR Staff by Night

 

Femcel Fatale

VERSE 1 (FEMCEL)

“I can’t play a game of Magic worth a good goddamn

But I bet you’re just dying to know who I am

I’m the woman of your dreams, the very worst kind

Let my demonic image burn right into your mind

What’s your telephone number? I like to talk a lot

Tell you all my dark secrets so spicy and hot

You’re coming with me if you’re ready or not

This is red dead city, you just might get shot”

 

PRE-CHORUS 1 (FEMCEL & ME)

“Hey! You gave me the wrong phone number!”

You want to know why? I’ll tell you why…

 

CHORUS (ME)

‘Cause you’re a creep

You’re a weirdo

What the hell are you doing here?

You don’t belong here

 

VERSE 2 (FEMCEL)

“Let’s go to Mickey D’s for our platonic date

But “platonic” and “no” are the words that I hate

The two of us can split a small Shamrock Shake

Only got one straw, my germs are yours to take

But you got your own straw to save your chiseled jaw

I got a blackbelt in judo and I’ll wrestle you raw

Sorry for the information, it’s a normal conversation

One dirty thought away from craving masturbation”

 

PRE-CHORUS 2 (FEMCEL & ME)

“Well…I had fun today!”

That makes one of us, my non-babe

 

CHORUS (ME)

‘Cause you’re a creep

You’re a weirdo

What the hell are you doing here?

You don’t belong here

 

VERSE 3 (FEMCEL)

“It’s been months since we talked, where the hell’s my body chalk?

I want to kill every man on this earth that still walks

I got a new man who puts up with my bigotry

I like to wax poetic about all men’s idiocy

I’m a perfect little princess who can do no wrong

Unlike that lady Chyna who cut off her own shlong

I’ll keep running my mouth forever and a day

You want my first amendment rights? Come take them away”

 

PRE-CHORUS 3 (FEMCEL & ME)

“Come on, sit next to me on the couch!”

No thanks, I’d rather sit on a pin cushion

 

CHORUS (ME)

‘Cause you’re a creep

You’re a weirdo

What the hell are you doing here?

You don’t belong here

 

OUTRO (ME)

We’ll see each other again

Just kidding, you hate men

You’re not a feminist hero

You got a fan base of zero

Couldn’t find you with a Google search

You must have fucked off the face of the earth

Nothing of value was lost

Except for my sanity, it’s a heavy cost

Be My Zealot

VERSE 1

Second chances just don’t feel right

You had so many, the count’s out of sight

More than a bastard should ever deserve

New high score, stroke yourself, you perv

The gates of heaven have a permanent lock

I’ve stuffed the key down the front of my jock

Bolt cutters won’t get you past the arches

Now you’re a target for angelic archers

 

PRE-CHORUS 1

You want forgiveness? This is all you have to do

 

CHORUS

Be my zealot

Be my fanatic

I’ll be your god

Your reason to panic

Give me your body

Give me your soul

Give me your mind

Absolute control

Be my zealot!

 

VERSE 2

You spent so long raping my eardrums

With punch-down humor, your favorite fun

You spent so long renting space in my head

You’ll pay that debt long after you’re dead

You spent so long ripping out my heart

Breaking it so many times, I don’t know where to start

You spent so long ignoring my demands

To stop the insanity, ‘cause I won’t let it stand

 

PRE-CHORUS 1

You want forgiveness? This is all you have to do

 

CHORUS

Be my zealot

Be my fanatic

I’ll be your god

Your reason to panic

Give me your body

Give me your soul

Give me your mind

Absolute control

Be my zealot!

 

BRIDGE

The day of your funeral has finally arrived

Nobody showed up, so there’re no tears to cry

I walk past the steel gates with a heavy bladder

Pull out my pecker, your grave gets the splatter

 

PRE-CHORUS 2

It’s too late for forgiveness, so now that you’re in hell

 

CHORUS

Be my zealot

Be my fanatic

I’ll be your god

Your reason to panic

Give me your body

Give me your soul

Give me your mind

Absolute control

Be my zealot!

Saliva

You grab my wrist as I try to walk away

“Let’s talk like adults!” I hear you say

Grown up you may be, you scream like a kid

Who got one too few of his Christmas gifts

 

Every word is a breach of the peace

The bar was in hell, top level at least

I told you that I don’t like confrontation

You did jack shit with the information

 

You don’t have within you the will to change

Yet you want my open-mindedness all the same

An open mind is a two-way street

And sometimes you have to travel on broken feet

 

An honest conversation is not what this is

Breaking spirits is your favorite sin

Only one thing to do to end this friendship

That I gave so many years of my investment

 

Saliva in your face, running down your nose

And onto your lips, it drips so slow

The ultimate act of disrespect

Sadness in your eyes is what I detect

 

Goodbye, old friend, until next time

Which is hopefully never, that wish is mine

I finally turn and walk out of sight

And now I bid you the coldest of nights

 

My bed is warm, my food is hot

My home is here, with you it’s not

Maybe in the next life if it exists

We can start all over as innocent kids

I Deserve to Be Alive

I might be problematic

But that’s always automatic

I’ll never take a dive

I deserve to be alive

I’ve got a checkered past

The damage done will last

Guilt’s beyond a nine to five

I deserve to be alive

I’m spinning my wheels

Made no business deals

Got no capitalist drive

I deserve to be alive

My future is uncertain

And it’s my anxious burden

Got no kids or wives

I deserve to be alive

I’ve broken every cycle

Without praying to St. Michael

Put down the pocket knives

You deserve to be alive

You deserve to have some fun

You deserve to be the one

Who keeps spreading the love

They’ll never get enough

The past is gone forever

Prepare for sunny weather

We’re a family, not a hive

We deserve to be alive

We deserve to be alive

We deserve to be alive

We deserve nothing less

Than life’s very best

American Grass-Touchers Association

When you touch the grass with your bridal gown

You too can be the Star of the County Down

But that’s miles away from the place you stay

A ticket to ride would cost your annual pay

Think globally, use your pleasant demeanor

Act locally, that’s where the grass is greener

Take Princess Puppy-Duppy to the public park

Take in the sunshine and symphony of barks

Too much drama on the information highway

Holy war on Sunday, fight night on Friday

Working your ass off, come home to a new grind

Let’s see who’s narcissistic, let’s see who whined

Pick a side, any side, just pick the right one

Reach through the screen with a loaded gun

It doesn’t work like that, you simping tankie

Your face is neon red and your ass is achy

Let’s go to the movies, have a few beers

Put some club music in our bloody ears

Blast down the road in the highest gear

Make memories that last years and years

The American Grass-Touchers Association

We’re the friends you love, the easiest vacation

Your brain will thank you, quiet down for a change

No more schizophrenic songs in a tone-deaf range

Friends are forever, your idols never knew you

Ask for an autograph, they’ll say, “Screw you!”

No one needs a pedestal five miles high

Don’t let them say otherwise, it’s a grifter’s lie

We got your back just like we got the check

We got the gasoline, ain’t no car wrecks

We got the hugs, we got endless fun

I enjoyed this night, let’s do another one

When you hit the sack, you’re still awake

Anticipating more memories you’ll make

Your phone is buzzing, let’s check the drama

Or let the sandman sing you to sleep like mama

Why

CHORUS 1

Why, Garrison, why?

Why did you leave me alone?

Why, Garrison, why?

Why won’t you pick up the phone?

VERSE 1

Because you came to my turf looking for a fight

After I just worked my ass off all fucking night

Tired and sore, I couldn’t wait to leave your sight

You called me chicken shit, though you weren’t even right

Good friends always carry a butterfly knife

So they can put it in my back, put an end to my life

But all you really did was sever our ties

I won’t accept apologies, because they’re all lies

CHORUS 2

Why, Garrison, why?

Why are you holding a grudge?

Why, Garrison, why?

Why won’t you ever budge?

VERSE 2

After so many years, you showed your true colors

They were brown and yellow, literally no others

Anyone stuck in middle school gym class

Knows that they’re colors left by dogs in the grass

You crawled straight out of the devil’s ass

Goosestepped into infinite with the clones en masse

You got your hand in the air like you just don’t care

The disenfranchised left you with a thousand-yard stare

CHORUS 3

Why, Garrison, why?

What did I do that was wrong?

Why, Garrison, why?

Why can’t you just be strong?

VERSE 3

Real strength doesn’t come from a clip and magazine

Do you disagree? That’s a bad faith fallacy

Real strength comes from knowing when to walk away

From a toxic piece of shit who leads me astray

You could love-bomb me until the apocalypse happens

But that sinking ship has sailed and you are the captain

I on the other hand am the king of my life, dude

Stop swinging from my nuts, what are you, my waifu?

CHORUS 4

Why, Garrison, why?

I need some answers

Why, Garrison, why?

Why can’t I be your favorite dancer?

FINAL LINE

Because I said so, you sick prick

Chicken Soup for the Pet Lover's Soul

BOOK TITLE: Chicken Soup for the Pet Lover’s Soul

AUTHORS: Various

YEAR: 1998

GENRE: Nonfiction

SUBGENRE: Animal Shorts

GRADE: B

This book was published in the late 90’s and over two decades later, it has come into my life to comfort me with cute and cuddly animal stories. We all need stories like these during the 2020’s. We need to hear about German Shepherds who not only detect bombs in a war zone, but also comfort the soldiers during times of stress. We crave stories about dogs who repay a doctor’s kindness by protecting him from angry hyenas. Even those who never considered owning a python for a pet will have their hearts melted at the story of one bringing love and joy to a child with muscular dystrophy. Animals of all kinds are welcome into this collection of stories as long as they warm hearts quicker than a bowl of chicken noodle soup. The book should get an A+ just for that alone.

But the reason it gets a B today is because some of these stories have not aged well, which is an unfortunate consequence of publishing media in the 1990’s. There’s a story that glorifies selling baby horses to the circus, which as we know now is not a healthy environment for any animal due to their abusive treatment. Okay, maybe information was limited back then. There’s another story that glorifies pet shops, which we now know where they get their animals from: mills. Again, maybe not a whole lot was known about pet shop practices back in the day. However, there’s one story told by Gilda Radner about her on and off again relationship with Gene Wilder. In response to Gene finally pulling the plug on their relationship, Gilda’s dog eats a bunch of rat poison and suddenly Gene is convinced to return to a marriage he never wanted. This is passed off as cutesy-wutesy, but if this happened in a Jamie McGuire or Anna Todd novel, people would rightfully be upset. The optics aren’t very good here, but it’s not enough for me to judge the book too harshly.

And then there are stories dedicated to saying goodbye to our beloved babies which are heartbreaking in their own way, but the optics are much better by comparison. This is the good kind of pain, where your faith in owning animals is restored despite the deaths. While the writing style of these stories overall could be described as beige prose, they are very effective in making the reader cry as painfully as the characters being presented. I came very close to doing that several times in this section of the book. It can’t all be rainbows and sunshine, even in a book with Chicken Soup in the title. Death is the price of love. It’s something all pet owners will have to come to grips with. These gentle stories will gladly help you along your journey through a difficult time. See? I told you I couldn’t judge the book too harshly.

One more thing I’d like to touch on is how these stories feel complete despite their brevity. Usually with nonfiction writing, anecdotal storytelling is the norm. But in these stories, you’ve got character development, a plot arc, a beginning, a middle, and an end. One example of this is a story about a bitter wheelchair user named Corey, who was permanently paralyzed after a brutal car accident, which left him without a baseball career. But he found new life again when he sought the comfort of animals. In that short space, he went from a whiny jerk to an understanding and empathetic person with a new lease on life. Corey’s story isn’t the only one that does this. There’s another about a grumpy father who becomes less grumpy at the presence of an old dog. This even encourages him to make new friends at church and fully realize his character arc. How cool is that?

There’s something for everybody in this collection of short stories, despite the glaring flaws. Maybe you’re reluctant about adopting a pet and need some convincing. I’m sure this book will do just that for you. Maybe you need to rest easy after an animal-related hardship. Guess what? This book is here for you. Don’t even worry about the Christian overtones if you’re not religious; it doesn’t come off as forceful or heavy-handed. By all means, cuddle up with your favorite creature and read until it’s over. I give this collection of sweetness a B grade. Not bad at all! In fact, you’ll love it to pieces!

Breathe Again

VERSE 1

It’s like deer hunting, with a camera, not a gun

Learning again that life should be fun

For every shadow that darkens your sunny day

There’s a candle that lights the rest of the way

Gratitude is underrated, but no less important

Even the smallest details cure you of boredom

Rock song, kitty cat, RPG, more of that

Eat candy, grow fat, home run with a bat

CHORUS

Just breathe

Breathe again

Just breathe

Make the world your very best friend

VERSE 2

Finding magic in the most ordinary

Finding strength for the burden you carry

Finding a way through life’s obstacles

Finding solutions for the impossible

Finding a world beyond death itself

Finding a reason to live in good health

Finding a path that leads out of your bed

And never forgetting the sweet words said

EXTENDED CHORUS 1

Just breathe

Breathe again

Just breathe

Make the world your very best friend

Just breathe

Breathe once more

Just breathe

Spread your angel wings and soar

VERSE 3

It’s not rock bottom if it has a foundation

It’s not death if you still rise to the occasion

It’s not failure if you gained an education

It’s not over even after life’s expiration

It’s not hell if there’s no damnation

It’s not prison if there’s clear exoneration

It’s not hatred if it’s beyond infatuation

Let’s do it all again like it’s reincarnation

EXTENDED CHORUS 2

Just breathe

Breathe again

Just breathe

A new beginning is not the end

Just breathe

Breathe once more

Just breathe

Ask what else life has in store

Just breathe

Breathe again

Born to Trauma Bond

VERSE 1

All my enemies are fighting with AK-47’s

And all I’ve ever had was a wet toothpick

Might as well raise my tattered white flag

Because anything else would just be useless

We sign the peace treaty at the break of dawn

They get to have all the gold and the silver

All I ever get is some scraps from the table

Asking for more means bringing out the killers

CHORUS 1

Stop telling me to man the fuck up

A thick skin doesn’t mean jack shit

To a kid who was born to trauma bond

Until the day I’m fitted for a casket

VERSE 2

Everyone and their uncle push my boundaries

Until there’s nothing left to knock over

Could fight them off with a bastard sword

Until they leave me punch-drunk, never sober

And when every broken bone is finally healed

I still come out of it looking like the villain

They controlled the narrative from the first word

It’s what they pass on to their budding children

CHORUS 2

Stop telling me to grow a set of balls

A heart of stone isn’t in my nature

I’m a kid who was born to trauma bond

With every lover and every little hater

BRIDGE

They say I’m too sensitive

It’s a hallmark of my generation

I just need some military instruction

To shake me from my comfy situation

They say if I can’t handle the heat

I should fuck off from the kitchen

I should cowboy up and lock and load

And most of all just quit my bitchin’

VERSE 3

Word of advice to the assholes of the day

Don’t teach me how to shoot a gun

One of these days, I just might use it

A bullet is something you can’t outrun

You’re cocky and arrogant, what else is new?

You also have some narcissistic tendencies

One of these days, I’ll catch you slipping

And spill the blood of my favorite enemy

CHORUS 3

Stop telling me that being brave is easy

When you’re blessed with your privileges

I’m a dude who was born to trauma bond

Just like a good model American citizen

Stop threatening to put me in prison

When you’re the one who deserves it

If it means I don’t have to trauma bond

I’ll pump you with lead like I’m in the service

FINAL VERSE

I’m free from the prison of my mind

But now I’ve got brand new confines

A hellhole with bars on all four sides

And some beatings if I dare even cry

The cycle of abuse begins yet again

Every orange suit is my new best friend

Every guard is my brand new mommy

Be sure to open wide for the salty salami

Burning Tongue

 Swordfight against my stomach acids

Hot sauce covering my shirt like a canvas

Hot pink cheeks and a burning tongue

Pyromantic death inside my lungs

Fifteen chicken wings to earn the respect

Of drunken strangers I’ve never even met

Of bartenders who bring a glass of milk

Of everyone else who wants vicarious thrills

My admirers know nothing about me

Except how much I’m willing to eat

If I told them about my inner struggles

Would they give me love or childish chuckles?

Beer at times makes monsters out of men

Drugs and paranoia put them on the defense

Makes them say things that shouldn’t be public

Racism, sexism, and homophobic fuckups

I leave the bar the same way I came in

Sober and depressed, not a shot of gin

Wouldn’t like the alcohol any damn ways

No sense in crashing and breaking my face

A bottle of Tums when I hit the sack

Not enough room for a midnight snack

Not enough memories to last forever

Except for ones that bring ocular weather

They say tomorrow is another day

Another chance to feel not so okay

Another chance to fuck it all away

Another swallow of pills to ease the pain

At least the wings were good, it’s all I can ask

They’ll feel like a flamethrower out of my ass

Ask me if I’d do it again in a heartbeat?

I’m already starving for some carved meat

Rinse and repeat, get the same results

Stomach ablaze, a heart stone cold

But I’ll never turn down a chance at food

Even with a fucked up brain, I’m in the mood

Even with a fucked up heart, I’ll chow down

Even with a Buddha belly bigger than a cow

Even with cholesterol plugging up my veins

Even with underwear covered in butt stains

Fifteen chicken wings? Give me fifteen more

I’ll keep breaking records for the top score

Earn cheers and high fives from the guys

As the hot sauce makes me sneeze and cry

Parasocial

VERSE 1
The beacon of light I’ve been waiting for
A platonic friendship or something more?
One-sided romance from across the screen
Like I don’t know what parasocial means
We never talk, but I can still have dreams
About making this more than it seems
The real world doesn’t even compare
The real world doesn’t fucking care

CHORUS
Parasocial, parasitic
Lovey-dovey, sick and twisted
Parasocial, paranormal
Who cares about morals?
Supernatural, superficial
Let’s tie the knot, make it official
Superstardom, Superhero
Take a chance on this weirdo?

VERSE 2
I don’t have a knife or pepper spray
Yet you back the fuck up anyway
I would too, so I can’t blame you
Don’t know if I have a loose screw
Don’t know if I’m a creepy terrorist
No confidence and less arrogance
Where else am I supposed to go?
Got nothing here but wires and crows

CHORUS
Parasocial, parasitic
Lovey-dovey, sick and twisted
Parasocial, paranormal
Who cares about morals?
Supernatural, superficial
Let’s tie the knot, make it official
Superstardom, Superhero
Take a chance on this weirdo?

VERSE 3
I hate riding in cars in long traffic lines
I hate flying on planes for a long ass time
I hate riding on buses with dog logos
I hate riding on trains, it’s never solo
I don’t have the patience to see this through
Yet I yearn to be even closer to you
Back to the keyboard for another comment
In hopes we still have friendship in common

CHORUS
Parasocial, parasitic
Lovey-dovey, sick and twisted
Parasocial, paranormal
Who cares about morals?
Supernatural, superficial
Let’s tie the knot, make it official
Superstardom, Superhero
Take a chance on this weirdo?

FINAL VERSE
Growing older
Growing colder
You’ve moved on
Still I wait so long

Romantic Dinner For One

I look around in this cruise ship restaurant
See things I can’t have, but desperately want
Missed opportunities gone with the wind
Sloth has always been my favorite sin

A newlywed couple celebrating their love
Wife dressed like an angel from the heavens above
Husband feeding her strawberries and cream
Won her over by treating her like a queen

A college graduate partying with his friends
Looking at life through a rainbow-colored lens
He’ll make money most will never ever see
More competitive fuel for his Face Book screen

A child dreaming big as she eats chicken nuggets
Untainted by reality, she appreciates and loves it
Drawing pictures of dinosaurs and dragons
I’m over here trying to fight off the maggots

A sportsball team celebrating their victory
Their names immortalized in gritty history
Eat like heavyweights, move like flyweights
Calories to burn from steaks and white cakes

A pale young man has just beaten his addiction
He could inspire others in a book of nonfiction
Was it heroin, beer, social media, or food?
I could use some ice cream to go with my mood

Whoever said the internet breeds bitter jealousy
Never had to dance to their own tragic melodies
In a room full of strangers who live like kings
Romantic dinner for one, the song that I sing

Don’t need sympathy, just some understanding
I reached for the stars, but had a crash landing
They say there’s no time limit for life to begin
I’m still waiting for the day I can finally win

I Didn't Mean to Bore You

VERSE 1

What do I do to earn my glorious payday?

More like what I do to pass the time away

I create magic universes for others to see

Create 3D characters who eventually bleed

Write it all down and let the printer’s ink dry

Which is more than I’ll say about your eyes

Ask more questions, go ahead, I implore you

I’m so, so sorry, I didn’t mean to bore you

VERSE 2

One word answers are all that I’ll give

Code of silence is how I choose to live

Resting Bitch Face so photogenic

Photoshop’s got nothing on this edit

Blunt affect voice, my weapon of choice

Groaning and grunting, my only noise

Don’t take this as a sign I’ll ignore you

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bore you

BRIDGE

No common ground between the two of us

No longevity of friendship or moment of lust

Nothing to do but milk the grandfather clock

I can tell you’re more excited picking out socks

VERSE 3

Did I do anything fun on Valentine’s Day?

Sat on my ass and watched time tick away

Waiting for exhaustion to pass over my mind

Looking for inspiration anywhere I can find

Did I do anything fun on the fourth of July?

Just lay in my beddy-bye and ask myself why

Mandatory fun? I’d never even force you

I’m so, so sorry, I didn’t mean to bore you

FINAL VERSE

Until next time when we’re strangers again

Remember me not as your favorite friend

Remember me not as the one who rewards you

I’m so, so sorry, I didn’t mean to bore you

We Need to Talk

Sorry to bother you, but we need to talk

Grab your coat and let’s go for a walk

You’re not in trouble, of that I’m sure

I swear my intentions are good and pure

But something you did upset me so

It’ll be a while before you finally know

Let the quiet tension build within you

Run the gamut of drama old and new

Anxiety weighs heavily on your soul

Head is swimming, blood runs cold

You already forgot you’re not in trouble

Let your stomach acids boil and bubble

Remember that thing you did days ago?

Remember what you said with angry flow?

It hurts when you do that, don’t do it again

I actually reconsidered us being best friends

I’ll put it behind me, no question about it

But even you are beginning to doubt it

You’re red in the face, damp in the eyes

The next word from your mouth is a cry

You hold it in, let your eyeballs ache

Let your mind circle, your heart break

We had a good talk, though you never spoke

You desperately wanted this to be a joke

You won’t accept a hug from my arms

You won’t accept my sweetest charms

When we get back home, you stew alone

Glued to your computer or smart phone

Anything to get away from the awkwardness

And the guilt and shame on top of this

Until next time when you do it again

Solitude and blankets, your only friends

Make no mistake, we needed this talk

But when I’m gone, you’ll change the lock

Remember

CHORUS 1

Remember that school is not about learning

It’s about how many F’s you’re earning

Remember that college is not about growth

It’s about how much money you’ll owe

VERSE 1

Roger Waters had it right all along

Bricks in the wall written down in a song

Don’t want to grow up to be like my teachers

Especially the ones who could pass for preachers

Raise your hand and ask your stupid question

Everyone’s laughter leaves an acidic essence

The report card reads like a crucifixion

Do you still know that it’s only pulp fiction?

CHORUS 2

Remember that school is not about friendship

It’s about tests and assignments so endless

Remember that college is not about skill

It’s about drowning your sadness in pills

VERSE 2

Nobody thinks to befriend the weird kid

Only the beautiful and clearly fearless

Nobody thinks to break the shyness

Of those who live in shadows and silence

CHORUS 3

Remember that school is not about achievements

It’s about keeping your demons a secret

Remember that college is not about jobs

It’s about telling the bullies to fuck off

Remember that love is truly exclusive

Remember that friendship is elusive

Remember that nothing is meant to last

Except the voices of your broken past

BRIDGE

Wash your clothes and cut your hair

Apply for your job like you actually care

The money and benefits just can’t compare

But you know how this ends and it’s unfair

CHORUS 4

Remember!

Remember!

Remember that your teachers are not your friends

Remember that the students aren’t yours to defend

Remember that the curriculum is useless as fuck

Remember as you hold onto your very last buck

Remember!

Remember!

FINAL LINE

Remember I will always love you…if you give me a chance

Sit With You

Excuse me? Can I sit down with you?

Beginning again is hard for me to do

Making new friends is not my strength

My relationships have the shortest length

One minute we’re talking about nothing

The next we’re distracted by something

A new job, a new house, a new friend

An old foe, an old trauma, and no end

You’re a dinner and movie date away

We want to go, but we can’t even stay

My name is Garrison in case you care

How much of my soul should I bare?

Do my stories bore you? Make you cringe?

Should I move closer to the fringe?

Should I fake charisma I never had?

Is my awkwardness really that bad?

I gave it a shot whether I succeeded or not

Nobody can say I never even fought

On to the next one, whoever that is

Another beautiful soul I learn to miss

Why do I keep doing this to myself?

How much more pain must be felt?

Rejection is a passing thought to you

To me it hurts like a permanent bruise

It’s not your fault and it never was

It’s all on me and enough is enough

Isolation is both a gift and a curse

But at least it can’t get any worse

Loneliness isn’t something to fear

My own demons will always be here

"Fight" by K.L. Cottrell

BOOK TITLE: Fight

AUTHOR: K.L. Cottrell

YEAR: 2014

GENRE: Fiction

SUBGENRE: Urban Fantasy

GRADE: Extra Credit

When last we left the Light Force, a new breed of enemy from the Dark World was next in line to bring chaos and destruction to this world: the Tatts. Inked up magic users along with their demonic brethren the Hellions have made life miserable for those who don’t conform to their evil agenda. Marienne and Gabe, along with the rest of the Light Force, refuse to go down without a fight. They have the tools, they have the know-how, but most importantly, they have each other and will do anything to protect what is sacred in their lives. There will be blood and death, but there will also be victories and love. Who will survive in this classic clash between good and evil?

Yes, this book is about slaying monsters. Yes, there’s a lot of violence. Despite it all, however, this book maintains a positive vibe from the beginning to the end. The way the Light Force treats each other is refreshing to anybody who wants a break from the drill sergeant mentality so prevalent in fantasy and sci-fi fiction. Don’t get me wrong, I love a dark story as much as the next sicko, but even I need a breath of fresh air every now and then. This book delivers on that front and so much more. You can create conflict in a novel without having your beloved good guys constantly at each other’s throats. The author proves that over and over again. The Light Force isn’t just a group of likeminded people. They’re family. They’re friends. They’re lovers. They’re everything they need each other to be…except Rafe, who’s a total jerk.

As long as we’re keeping the positive vibes going, let’s talk for a bit about the romance between our two narrators, Gabe and Marienne. I’ve read a lot of novels in my day with romantic subplots and I can safely say that these two are my favorite couple, hands down, end of story. They’ve got more chemistry than a periodic table. They can kiss and be physical with each other without being hokey. They’re equal to each other in terms of respect given and how well they perform in fights with Hellions and Tatts. Everything that can go right in this relationship does go right…and I love it to pieces! You know who else I can love as a couple? Wes and Beatrix, who are just as lovey-dovey and just as respectful to each other as Gabe and Marienne. I’m feeling giddy even as I write this review!

But with every hero, there are villains waiting in the wings to bring the happiness to a grinding halt. Though not technically a villain, Marienne’s ex-boyfriend Rafe is painful to read about due to his obnoxious and jealous behavior (which makes me wonder why he’s not secretly a Hellion or a Tatt). Claire, Marienne’s sister, has always been nasty and malicious with her salty dialogue and newly acquired demonic tone. If there’s one villain you have to look out for more than others, it’s Leuan Cain, Tatt billionaire. Yes, he has dark magic and fighting abilities equaled by nobody, but that’s not what’s scary about him. He’s scary because he’s charming to ordinary people. He gives civilians hope and love and in return they give him their free will. He’s a typical politician without ever once landing a position in the White House. In the same way Donald Trump appeals to white nationalists, Cain appeals to the weak and frail. That is one way to make a villain believable and formidable at the same time.

I could go on and on about how much I love K.L. Cottrell’s Light series. I could make a laundry list of reasons why this book in particular deserves five out of five stars, a grade I don’t give out so freely. But when you finally pick up a copy of this novel, it’ll all become clear to you in a heartbeat. You feel the love and positivity right away with the opening speech about our fights in life. You want to be best friends with everybody in the Light Force (except for Rafe). You want to see Cain and other villains get their comeuppance by the time the third novel in this series is over. Those things by themselves are enough to convince me to give any book five stars. But together? Oh man!

"Tales of Mentara, Vol. 2: The RItual" by Ashley Uzzell

BOOK TITLE: Tales of Mentara, Pt. 2: The Ritual

AUTHOR: Ashley Uzzell

YEAR: 2019

GENRE: Fiction

SUBGENRE: Middle Grade Adventure

GRADE: Pass

Middle schooler sorceress Charlotte and her group of friends find themselves trapped in another world where tribal societies, strange animals, and even stranger plants inhabit the landscape. The teenaged leader of the Tara Tribe, Tomas, enlists Charlotte’s help in fighting off barbaric warriors called Bomen (despite her hesitance to participate in such a brutal war). Over time, the white-skinned outsiders and the darker-skinned Tarans learn to get along to the point of becoming just like family. Given Charlotte’s dismal history on earth, she may not want to return despite the fighting amongst tribes.

While the first book in this series had a darker overtone, this one is slightly happier with the tentative cooperation of the meshing characters. This message that different cultures can get along is one we need to hear more often, especially in the age of a Trump presidency. Both sides of the racism coin are shown brilliantly in this novella, whether it’s people getting along or people fighting amongst each other over foolish reasons and systematic fear. Our white heroes immerse themselves in the Taran culture, so they’re less likely to judge foreign customs. The Bomen, on the other hand, were raised by older generations of ignorance and hate, so they take their xenophobic violence out on those less fortunate than them. Sound familiar? It should.

I must admit that in the first book, I wasn’t sold on Fred as a character due to his hotheadedness and ogre-like personality. But seeing him fleshed out over the course of the second novel drives the point further of getting along with each other. We learn things about him that we didn’t get to see much of in the first book. He’s capable of changing his views. He’s a caring individual when enough pressure is placed upon him. He’s a big softy underneath his rough exterior. He’s not a fighter by nature despite playing sports all the time. He takes an interest in science and is quite knowledgeable with what he has. Having read about all of these qualities in Fred, I’m better able to sympathize with him when the worst of the worst happens to him. I’m also able to celebrate his victories no matter how small some of them are. I hope he continues to mature as the Tales of Mentara series rolls along with more books.

You’re probably wondering right now why this book is called The Ritual, seeing as how lots of different rituals are talked about along the way. The specific ceremony this book centers on is hard to read about since it involves testing physical and mental toughness. The first stage is the hardest to read about because it reminds me too much of Guantanamo Bay and how the prison guards treated their captives. I can only imagine how hard it was for Ms. Uzzell to write about it. But the more uncomfortable the reader becomes, the more empathy it shows. This is supposed to be an uncomfortable experience. It’s supposed to stick with the reader for the longest time. It’s not just for shock value, either. It has a debate surrounding it about the acceptability of certain rituals for outsiders like Charlotte and her friends. For asking as many questions as it answers, I give the book and its author high praise.

This second installment of Tales of Mentara serves as several healthy lessons for the young audience it targets. Get along with each other. Be loyal to the ones who need it most. Don’t judge so easily. Use diplomacy when it matters and violence as an absolute last resort. Educate yourself about the world around you. These lessons are so agreeable that I can picture this book being in a school library if it ever came to that. On top of all that, this is a fun book to read, so who says education can’t be entertaining? A passing grade is what this novella will get. Excellent work, Ashley Uzzell!

Not Worth the Pain

CHORUS

You’re not worth the pain

I’ve got nothing to gain

From watching you walk away

You’re not worth the trauma

You’re not worth the drama

Tomorrow’s yet another day

VERSE 1

What makes you worthy of my crowded mind?

What makes you worthy of my precious time?

Anybody can wear the shortest of dresses

Anybody can rock the hottest of messes

But only you can break another man down

Get your entertainment from watching me drown

Goodbye, my friend, for now and forever

I wish you the best in your future endeavors

CHORUS

You’re not worth the pain

I’ve got nothing to gain

From watching you walk away

You’re not worth the trauma

You’re not worth the drama

Tomorrow’s yet another day

VERSE 2

I’ve got enough pain in my oversized heart

And you were hardly the end or the start

I’m a sucker for only the tightest of hugs

It’s kind of like being high on opium drugs

Fool me once and the shame goes on you

Fool me twice and it’s really nothing new

I’ve got to kick this habit sometime soon

Before I get locked up like a loony toon

CHORUS

You’re not worth the pain

I’ve got nothing to gain

From watching you walk away

You’re not worth the trauma

You’re not worth the drama

Tomorrow’s yet another day

VERSE 3

Why do I keep on doing this to myself?

Why do I keep on compromising my health?

Why do I form these unhealthy crushes?

Why do I use friendship as my crutches?

Why do you keep coming back in my life?

Why do you keep on twisting the knife?

Why do you keep on breaking my heart?

Why do you like to tear my life apart?

BRIDGE

Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it!

You’re not worth the pain!

Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it!

You’re not worth the shame!

Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it!

You’re not worth the sadness!

Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it!

You’re not worth the madness!