When you touch the grass with your bridal gown
You too can be the Star of the County Down
But that’s miles away from the place you stay
A ticket to ride would cost your annual pay
Think globally, use your pleasant demeanor
Act locally, that’s where the grass is greener
Take Princess Puppy-Duppy to the public park
Take in the sunshine and symphony of barks
Too much drama on the information highway
Holy war on Sunday, fight night on Friday
Working your ass off, come home to a new grind
Let’s see who’s narcissistic, let’s see who whined
Pick a side, any side, just pick the right one
Reach through the screen with a loaded gun
It doesn’t work like that, you simping tankie
Your face is neon red and your ass is achy
Let’s go to the movies, have a few beers
Put some club music in our bloody ears
Blast down the road in the highest gear
Make memories that last years and years
The American Grass-Touchers Association
We’re the friends you love, the easiest vacation
Your brain will thank you, quiet down for a change
No more schizophrenic songs in a tone-deaf range
Friends are forever, your idols never knew you
Ask for an autograph, they’ll say, “Screw you!”
No one needs a pedestal five miles high
Don’t let them say otherwise, it’s a grifter’s lie
We got your back just like we got the check
We got the gasoline, ain’t no car wrecks
We got the hugs, we got endless fun
I enjoyed this night, let’s do another one
When you hit the sack, you’re still awake
Anticipating more memories you’ll make
Your phone is buzzing, let’s check the drama
Or let the sandman sing you to sleep like mama
