Dolly Parton (Rest in Peace) vs. Bridget Ziegler: Moms For Liberty Is an Oxymoronic Name Considering What They Do

 

Bayley Loves You, Which Is Why She's Serving Up Brutal Honesty in This Cartoon

 

Amy Lee: Fairweather Fans Come and Go, But True Love Is Forever, Which Was Why She Married Josh Hartzler

 

I Don't "Shoot My Shot" Because I Don't Want to Give Women the Ick

 

Cammy White: Make Love, Not War

 

Hot take: it's okay to sexualize fictional characters, because they won't get traumatized and go to therapy. Real people, on the other hand, are off limits.

Michael Bolton X My Darkest Days: "Time, Love, and Titty Sex"

 

Luigi DiAngelo, Marigold's Grandfather from "Emilio & Marigold"

 

Yvette the Maid Is Here to Bring You Sex Positivity

 

Billy Idol vs. the Drama Queen: And the Daytime Emmy For Best Actress Goes to...

 

Zena & Poppy: Where'd You Go? I Miss You So, Seems Like It's Been Forever Since You've Been Gone...

 

Jane's Addiction X Jane Goodall: She's Addicted to Kindness

 

Code Miko vs. Milton from Wayne's World 2 (Rest in Peace, Chris Farley)

 

Megan Storm, Lovesick Waitress from "Beauty and the Barbarian"

 

Unwanted Relationship Advice, Pt. 1 (Happy Valentine's Day!)

 

Ms. Rachel, Sweetheart of the Year

 

Sweet Anita X Hole: Gold Dust Woman

 

The lyrics are from the Fleetwood Mac song "Gold Dust Woman", which was covered by Hole for the soundtrack to The Crow: City of Angels.

Leila Lewis vs. Jillian Michaels (I'll probably get flagged for this)

 

Slipknot X The Streets: Dry Your Duality

 

The Slipknot song is "Duality" and the song from The Streets is "Dry Your Eyes". Ha...ha...ha...

Alexa Bliss

 

Shoot Your Shot

Shoot your shot, you’ve got nothing to lose

Except your self-esteem when she says, “I refuse”

Except a lawsuit where you never stood a chance

It's a permanent ban from a life of romance

 

I never took the time to show you how to do it

Flirting should come naturally, but you never knew it

Everything you know about the birds and the bees

Comes from online porn and erotic fantasies

 

I thought you would’ve learned from all your interactions

In your math classes while you’re learning subtraction

In your chemistry course about magnetic attraction

But you kept to yourself to protect your mental health

 

It’s not like you grew up with some Pulitzer winners

Who would ever invite you to a Met Gala dinner

They were bullies who punched down as a source of laughter

Why interact with people when it’s peace that you’re after?

 

You graduated college, but you don’t have any knowledge

On matters of the heart, because you don’t know where to start

You have to start somewhere, but you can’t find the bottom

Except in economic status and apartments so rotten

 

It used to be easy when the chemicals in their brains

Made the girls hot and horny, absolutely insane

It’s a little harder now that you don’t have social status

The ladies raced to the top and they were always the fastest

 

I bet you wish more people tried to understand

That it’s hard as hell to hold another woman’s hand

You could be movie star handsome and funny as fuck

But if she says no, then you’re shit out of luck

 

Now I understand why there’s a lock on your door

On the world wide web, you can’t be ignored

Press the play button and checkmark the loop

Nothing can stop you from shooting dude soup

 

You jokingly call it DIY lovemaking

When it comes to virginity, no volunteers are taking

You want something done right, you do it yourself

Hyper-independence comes from traumatized hell