Chicken Soup for the Pet Lover's Soul

BOOK TITLE: Chicken Soup for the Pet Lover’s Soul

AUTHORS: Various

YEAR: 1998

GENRE: Nonfiction

SUBGENRE: Animal Shorts

GRADE: B

This book was published in the late 90’s and over two decades later, it has come into my life to comfort me with cute and cuddly animal stories. We all need stories like these during the 2020’s. We need to hear about German Shepherds who not only detect bombs in a war zone, but also comfort the soldiers during times of stress. We crave stories about dogs who repay a doctor’s kindness by protecting him from angry hyenas. Even those who never considered owning a python for a pet will have their hearts melted at the story of one bringing love and joy to a child with muscular dystrophy. Animals of all kinds are welcome into this collection of stories as long as they warm hearts quicker than a bowl of chicken noodle soup. The book should get an A+ just for that alone.

But the reason it gets a B today is because some of these stories have not aged well, which is an unfortunate consequence of publishing media in the 1990’s. There’s a story that glorifies selling baby horses to the circus, which as we know now is not a healthy environment for any animal due to their abusive treatment. Okay, maybe information was limited back then. There’s another story that glorifies pet shops, which we now know where they get their animals from: mills. Again, maybe not a whole lot was known about pet shop practices back in the day. However, there’s one story told by Gilda Radner about her on and off again relationship with Gene Wilder. In response to Gene finally pulling the plug on their relationship, Gilda’s dog eats a bunch of rat poison and suddenly Gene is convinced to return to a marriage he never wanted. This is passed off as cutesy-wutesy, but if this happened in a Jamie McGuire or Anna Todd novel, people would rightfully be upset. The optics aren’t very good here, but it’s not enough for me to judge the book too harshly.

And then there are stories dedicated to saying goodbye to our beloved babies which are heartbreaking in their own way, but the optics are much better by comparison. This is the good kind of pain, where your faith in owning animals is restored despite the deaths. While the writing style of these stories overall could be described as beige prose, they are very effective in making the reader cry as painfully as the characters being presented. I came very close to doing that several times in this section of the book. It can’t all be rainbows and sunshine, even in a book with Chicken Soup in the title. Death is the price of love. It’s something all pet owners will have to come to grips with. These gentle stories will gladly help you along your journey through a difficult time. See? I told you I couldn’t judge the book too harshly.

One more thing I’d like to touch on is how these stories feel complete despite their brevity. Usually with nonfiction writing, anecdotal storytelling is the norm. But in these stories, you’ve got character development, a plot arc, a beginning, a middle, and an end. One example of this is a story about a bitter wheelchair user named Corey, who was permanently paralyzed after a brutal car accident, which left him without a baseball career. But he found new life again when he sought the comfort of animals. In that short space, he went from a whiny jerk to an understanding and empathetic person with a new lease on life. Corey’s story isn’t the only one that does this. There’s another about a grumpy father who becomes less grumpy at the presence of an old dog. This even encourages him to make new friends at church and fully realize his character arc. How cool is that?

There’s something for everybody in this collection of short stories, despite the glaring flaws. Maybe you’re reluctant about adopting a pet and need some convincing. I’m sure this book will do just that for you. Maybe you need to rest easy after an animal-related hardship. Guess what? This book is here for you. Don’t even worry about the Christian overtones if you’re not religious; it doesn’t come off as forceful or heavy-handed. By all means, cuddle up with your favorite creature and read until it’s over. I give this collection of sweetness a B grade. Not bad at all! In fact, you’ll love it to pieces!

"Starlight" by Hannah Lee Kidder

BOOK TITLE: Starlight

AUTHOR: Hannah Lee Kidder

YEAR: 2020

GENRE: Fiction

SUBGENRE: Horror Short Stories

GRADE: B

Hannah Lee Kidder’s credentials as a writing coach are very well-earned as evidenced by this collection of shorts. From the beginning, you as the reader will be treated to descriptive writing that captures every aspect of the scene without bogging down the pace. In fact, the pace moves along quite nicely, like a smooth sleigh ride through the snow. The main characters are easy to root for due to their three-dimensional personalities and the development they go through in spite of the short word count of their respective stories. The subject matter is as dark as the horror genre suggests, but Kidder handles it in a sensitive enough way that it doesn’t come off as a nonstop trigger fest. If anybody is qualified for the job of bringing the audience a delightful read, it’s Hannah Lee Kidder.

Obviously, the longer stories of this collection are the ones that shine the most (which sounds like a Captain Obvious statement if I’ve ever heard one). My personal favorites are The Swamp Witch, Margrove, and Passing Ghosts. Longer stories mean that we get more time to see how awesome and fun these protagonists really are (another Captain Obvious statement). The witch in The Swamp Witch is easily the most colorful character in the book due to her crotchety personality meshing well with her good intentions. Margrove has a creative plot that involves trickery masquerading as magic and sorcery for unsuspecting marks. Passing Ghosts is just plain sweet since the ghost haunting the house is literally the only source of comfort that a little boy needs in an emotionally abusive home.

But just because I have favorites, doesn’t mean the book is without flaws. Flawed characters are always a joy to read about. Flawed stories? Not so much. There are shorter ones in this book that feel incomplete because of how abruptly they end and how confusing the context really is. Sliced is a shining example of this. Okay, so a dude has a bloody mouth and is stalking a girl on the street. Then what? Same thing with Contained: the protagonist watches a vent for a ragged man or a demon or whatever. Then what? There are a few stories in this book where you’ll be asking, “Then what?” a lot. I get that flash fiction isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. It certainly misses with me sometimes. But even then, I want to feel satisfied by the story’s conclusion and I don’t even know what the conclusion means.

The book’s flaws are incredibly minor, which is why I’m giving it a B and not anything lower. I firmly believe in my heart of hearts that the longer stories which have room to breathe overshadow the incomplete ones. This collection is very much worth your time, especially around Halloween season when all the ghoulish stories hit differently. The page count is less than a hundred, so you’ve literally got nothing to lose and everything to gain. You’ve got a master class in descriptive writing. You’ve got character development in such a short time span. You’ve got all these lessons you can learn from someone who is a certified writing coach. By all means, pick up a copy today and prepare to be entertained and educated at the same time! You won’t regret a thing!

Hollow Hills Presents: Raining Cats and Dogs

 

Raining Cats and Dogs is a collection of fantasy short stories and poetry that feature an animal as a main character. Stories may be dark and full of strife but a happy ending is always in sight! Lovers of pets or animals in general will enjoy these fantasy tales.

All proceeds for this anthology will benefit Good Old Tails Senior Animal Rescue based in Hanover, PA, USA. This non-profit helps save the lives of older pets by finding them homes.

"Gary the Four-Eyed Fairy and Other Stories" by Frank Mundo

BOOK TITLE: Gary the Four-Eyed Fairy and Other Stories
AUTHOR: Frank Mundo
YEAR: 2011
GENRE: Fictional Short Stories
SUBGENRE: Contemporary
GRADE: Mixed

Let’s talk for a minute about the writing style of this book. It is easy to digest, which means reading sessions will generally last longer for audience members who tire too quickly. However, there are times when the style is a little TOO easy to digest. If we’re talking actual digestion, I was hoping for the middle ground between tough dry meat and a breath strip. Unfortunately, I got the breath strip end of the spectrum. There are times where he tells instead of shows (especially in the opening story). There are fight scenes and other dramatic moments that go by too soon. Some of the language sounds like it’s objectifying women. And then we have the repetition. In case you didn’t know it, the little girl in the first story smells like bologna. Don’t believe me? The author will tell you a gazillion times. This could be a literary technique I’m not privy to, but Frank Mundo does this throughout the entire book and it’s more noticeable than Gary’s bruises in one of the later stories. Because of these elements in the writing style, stories that were supposed to be emotionally impactful came across dryly.

Awkward writing style aside, that doesn’t mean I couldn’t pick out favorites when it comes to entries in this collection. The second story, Remorse, has two different narratives going on at the same time and they’re both tragic in the way they end. One narrative is about a college student falsely accused of rape and the other is about a sickly grandmother who wants JT (the main character) to kill her and put her out of her misery. Remorse was painful to read about and I mean that in the good way. I consider it one of the best stories in this entire collection. But it’s not without its glaring problems, namely the way Frank Mundo handles the subject of rape accusations and the intricacies of consent. In his mind, if someone gets drunk on beer and has sex afterwards, all bets are off and there is no case. Not the most sensitive way to handle such a topic. While false rape accusations do happen (albeit rarely), it does make me wonder how Frank Mundo views women and it worries me. He even refers to the accuser by a particular below the belt body part. The story still hit me where it hurts given how both narrative threads ended, but still, it can also rub people the wrong way in a negative light.

A Friend in Need, on the other hand, was appropriately handled. It’s a story about a college kid trying to write a letter to the parents of his deceased roommate. What’s the catch? The deceased roommate, Walter Garcia, has a drawer full of child pornography. The main character has to carefully word his letter so that he doesn’t offend the parents while also not masking his own disgust with Walter. And because he’s writing the letter on an old-fashioned typewriter, he keeps throwing away the pages whenever he makes a mistake or hates his writing in general. This story is one example where the simplistic writing style doesn’t hamper the emotional impact of it all. Frank Mundo can get away with it this time around. Not all the time, but this time around. The simplistic style allows for a speedy narrative and that’s the kind of pace you want when talking about a guy who’s struggling with his racing thoughts. This story is another one of my favorites from the collection.

There are times when it’s hard to enjoy this book, but enjoy it I did. Throughout my reading journey, I kept asking myself what kind of grade I would give it. Would I fail it because of the haphazard writing style? Would I pass it based on the content alone? After wrestling with myself in a mat classic, I settled on three stars out of five. Not the worst, not the best. It’s simply just there. Having given this book a mixed grade, would I recommend it to other readers? I guess it depends on the reader in question. In general, though? That’s going to require some more self-wrestling.

"Tales of the Siblings Not-So-Grim" from Hollow Hills

BOOK TITLE: Tales of the Siblings Not-So-Grim

AUTHORS: Aurora Styles, Marie Krepps, David Quesenberry, Jennifer Quail, Larry Fort, and Jacob Mahurien

YEAR: 2019

GENRE: Fictional Short Stories and Poetry

SUBGENRE: Sci-Fi/Fantasy Anthology

GRADE: Pass

Choosing favorite stories and poems from this anthology wasn’t an easy task. Everybody who was fortunate enough to be published in this book deserved to be there. There’s no such thing as choosing a least favorite, because that option doesn’t exist. Sure, there are a few noticeable typos here and there such as misplaced quotation marks and paragraphs without indentations, but it’s not enough to keep this reading experience from being enjoyable. And yes, your heart will break many times even though the title has the words “not-so-grim” at the end, but it’s a welcome heartbreak that’s a sign of well-written literature. I encourage all of my fantasy-loving audience members to buy a copy and read it from cover to cover. It’s a decision you can’t regret no matter how stubborn you might be.

While choosing favorites from this collection wasn’t easy, it could be done. One of them is Larry Fort’s contribution, a science fiction short story called “Eigenlicht”. One of the protagonists, a punk rock intellectual named Stephen Langer, resonated with me more than any other character. He rebels against society without fully contemplating the consequences of his actions. He feels with some justice that he’s disenfranchised from his peers and that he’ll never earn the respect he desires. The more he listens to the schizophrenic demons in his head, the more he becomes seduced by his darker urges. Ouroboros, the dark matter being that transcends space and time, is the one planting these ideas in his head. Will Stephen snap out of it long enough to see the good in the world again? That’s a question that can only be answered by reading through this beautifully-written piece of prose. You don’t even have to agree with Stephen all the time to relate to him in some way. That is the nature of flawed three-dimensional characters, after all.

Yet another favorite story in this anthology is Marie Krepps’ contribution entitled “The Blacksmith’s Quest”. When you see Blacksmith and Mara take on the world together, you’ll root for them to finally make their relationship official. It’s a slow burn with many ups and downs. Blacksmith can’t forgive himself for his violent rage when he’s protecting others. Mara can’t forgive herself for not seeing through her former master’s lies. There’s a vast difference between two characters completing each other and complimenting each other. Completing each other means becoming codependent. But that’s not how Blacksmith and Mara’s friendship works. Though vastly different in skill sets, they see each other as equals. They save each other’s lives not just physically, but also emotionally. They can do all of this while finding their own places in the world. This is what a healthy, strong relationship looks like. Will it become official? We can only hope and pray. And when you do pray for this to happen, make sure the villainous Priest isn’t holding a knife to your back. Seriously, that guy is worse than a Catholic pedophile.

If you’re looking for something awesome and imaginative to read, look no further than Tales of the Siblings Not-So-Grim. Hollow Hills, the book’s parent company, is notorious for pumping out lovable pieces of fiction. The CEO’s know exactly what they want in their characters and won’t settle for anything less than three-dimensional people. We’re all human beings with our own flaws, strengths, interests, and opinions. Then again, so are the characters in this book and every other Hollow Hills book out there. A passing grade will go to this collection! Hooray!

Emilio & Marigold Suspended

***EMILIO & MARIGOLD SUSPENDED***

The deadline for submitting final drafts to Hollow Hills’s anthology “The Tales of the Siblings Not-So-Grim” is today, August 31, 2019. I’m sorry to say that Emilio & Marigold will not be able to make that deadline. Even after all of the rounds of editing it has been through, it’s still not ready by final draft standards. The characters are still two-dimensional, the world isn’t descriptive enough, and the prologue I wrote for the story to increase the word count is a rough draft in and of itself.

Marie Krepps, one of the CEO’s for Hollow Hills, assured me that everything will be okay since she’s already in talks with Aurora Styles about next year’s anthology, which will be animal-themed. Even with Marie’s comfort, I still feel like I let a lot of people and myself down. I’ve never missed a deadline before today. I was always a good college student who turned in my assignments on time without asking for an extension. Must be the Impostor Syndrome creeping up on me again.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Emilio & Marigold, it’s a Jack and the Beanstalk parody that stars my former kitty Emilio instead of a young boy. Emilio passed away back in June due to renal failure and I wanted to dedicate my story to his memory. Looks like his dedication will have to wait a little longer. Remember, this project is suspended, not scrapped. Suspensions are temporary and can be lifted anytime I damn well please. Emilio & Marigold will see the light of day, just not today.

So the question now becomes, where do I go from here? Do I continue to send Emilio & Marigold to paid beta readers? Do I start thinking about editing Beautiful Monster instead? Do I keep pumping out short stories for Poison Tongue Tales 3 and American Darkness 3? Is there another story that’s on my mind? I need some way of keeping my writing sharp until Emilio’s day in the sun comes.

Luckily, I’ve found just the Good Reads group for doing that. In addition to writing short stories and poetry for the WSS, I’m also part of a group called Character Therapy, a role-playing game where characters go through, you guessed it, psychological therapy. Any guesses as to which character I chose? Any pointy-eared, green-skinned elves come to mind? Hmm…

Character Therapy allows players to create more than one character, including therapists themselves. World? Meet Jerry Frost, an art therapist with an extreme case of Impostor Syndrome and a strong passion for creative development. Will Jerry become a permanent character of mine to be used in other stories? If I develop him far enough, he very well could be. He can’t be any more confusing than Tristan Jealous, whom I’ve written a poem about back in 2018.

So here I am, a man without a country, a ship without a rudder, wondering what’s next on my agenda. I suppose I could keep pumping out micro fiction. That’s basically what chapters of a new novel would be since they meet my 1,500 word quota. I know I should be more worried about editing the first drafts I already have instead of pumping out new ones, but keeping my writing sharp is essential to my success as an author.

I haven’t always been this zealous when it comes to my writing, though. The past three days in particular have been the worst mental slog I’ve been through in recent memory. Normally when I’m going through a slog, I can at least concentrate long enough on other forms of reading and writing, like answering Face Book questions or writing two-sentence horror stories. I couldn’t even concentrate for those things. That’s how fucked up things got. This mental slog happened just as I was getting prepared to put together the final Emilio & Marigold manuscript, which wouldn’t have been accepted anyways, but it still would have been nice to get that done.

The point of this journal is to let you all know that this isn’t the end of Emilio & Marigold. It’s merely a roadblock on the way to my final goal. Emilio will be remembered. He will purr at me from beyond the Rainbow Bridge. My love bug will be immortalized one way or another. He really was a love bug. He head butted me, climbed up on my lap, slept on my chest, and purred in my ear. Just talking about him like this makes me miss him even more. Gone, but not forgotten. I’m Garrison Kelly! Until next time, try to enjoy the daylight!

***TELEVISION QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“God creates all men equal, but once they’re out of the womb, he starts playing favorites.”

-Vic Mackey from “The Shield”-

***POST-SCRIPT***

As long as I’m talking about releasing micro fiction to the public for free, here’s the next short story on my agenda. It’s called “Balls to the Wall” and it goes like this:

CHARACTERS:

1.      Shane Herman, Game Show Contestant

2.      Ambrose Kaider, Corpulent Space Mercenary

3.      Georgia Cushing, Shane’s Girlfriend

4.      Morgan Burch, Game Show Host

SYNOPSIS: Shane is competing on an obstacle course game show called “Balls to the Wall” and due to his lack of athleticism, he’s failing horribly. He’s ready to throw in the towel when Morgan introduces a new twist to this game: Ambrose is holding Georgia hostage behind one of the obstacles. If Shane doesn’t man up and complete the challenge, Ambrose will take his plasma rifle and blow Georgia’s head off. Questioning the legality of all of this is not an option since Shane signed a Hold Harmless agreement prior to the taping of the episode.

Double Dare, eat your heart out! Suck it, American Gladiators! Eat a big one, Finders Keepers! Okay, you get it by now.

"Little Birds" by Hannah Lee Kidder

BOOK TITLE: Little Birds

AUTHOR: Hannah Lee Kidder

YEAR: 2018

GENRE: Fictional Short Stories

SUBGENRE: Contemporary

GRADE: Pass

In her debut book, Hannah Lee Kidder’s stories are short, sweet, and to the point, but they pack the most powerful punches in their tiny spaces. Even stories that are only a sentence long are capable of tugging at the reader’s heartstrings with oftentimes brutal force. The subjects she touches on include rape, suicide, breakups, and elderly dementia to name a few. These topics aren’t there just to shock the reader; they have a purpose beyond that. You will be so in love with this book that you’ll wish it was longer.

My favorite short story in this book has to be Wolverine Frogs, the one that deals with the always raw subject of rape and the trauma afterwards. The main character wishes she could have claws like a wolverine frog so that she’ll be better equipped to fend off future attackers. She’s so traumatized that she’ll unleash such amphibian fury upon anybody who gets too close to her, innocent or not. This is such a realistic portrayal of psychological trauma that the trigger warning was absolutely necessary. As a reader, you want her to recover even though that’s not always a truthful outcome. You’re genuinely worried that she might do something to hurt herself in order to alleviate the pain. Wolverine Frogs is without a doubt the most heart-wrenching story in this collection.

My second favorite story in this book is Cane Sprouts, which tells the tale of a young New York lady who returns to her grandparents’ trailer near the Bayou. Again, realistic portrayals of the subject matter at hand are what you can expect. In this case, we’re dealing with elderly dementia. The grandpa mixes up names, gets lost in the middle of fields, wanders everywhere with a broken shotgun, and wakes up from naps in an even more confused state than when he’s already awake. This is heartbreaking to watch as this kind of behavior is usually the precursor to death. The main character’s guilt over not being able to see her grandparents as often as she can is palpable during these moments of elderly confusion. That’s what makes the story so believable and raw.

My third favorite story in this book could be considered micro-fiction seeing as how it’s only two to three pages long. But like I said in the intro, sometimes the shortest stories pack the biggest punches. Of course, the story I’m referring to is He Wrote Me a Song, which details the budding friendship between a nameless female high school student and another kid named RJ. She would always loan him pencils and he showed his gratitude by writing a beautiful song for her. Gratitude is a powerful thing, especially to people like RJ who’ve had it rough over the past few years with people looking their noses down at him. The smallest gestures can have the biggest impact. However, before the main characters’ friendship could blossom…well, let’s just say that your waterworks will be well deserved by the time this story is quickly over.

Some would argue that these stories rely too much on shock value to get their points across. I respectfully disagree with that assessment. These stories have a purpose and that is to be as real and honest as possible. The shocking conclusions are just a small part of the overall bigger picture. If someone in your life is hurting, be there for him or her. Show that person that you care and that everything will be okay in the end. You don’t really know what you’ve got until it’s gone. That’s what Little Birds means to me and that’s why it receives a passing grade.

Middle Ground Between Perfect and Despicable

***MIDDLE GROUND BETWEEN PERFECT AND DESPICABLE***

The year 2014 was an…interesting one for me in terms of my writing career, but what it all boiled down to was two characters I created, both from separate stories. And now I feel like Agent Smith from The Matrix when he tells the main character that there’s a difference between Thomas Anderson and Neo. But instead of taking your mouths away, I actually want some input from my readership to see if I’m not alone in this. Being stuck on an island is no fun at all.

One of these two characters was Sitka the Nose Biter, the titular witch kitty from Poison Tongue Tales. Her positive traits were her cuteness and magical powers while her negative ones were her grumpiness and inability to trust even the kindest souls. She ended up becoming one of my most popular characters.

The other character could not be less relatable. Her name was Danielle Keyes and she was Terrance Coffey’s roommate in the American Darkness short story Wishes in the Night. Danielle’s gimmick was that of a Nightwish fan-girl who had a shrine of their merchandise and photographs in her bedroom while their music was playing too loudly for Terrance’s comfort. Danielle’s characterization went over like a fart in church, meaning none of my audience members cared about her.

To channel Agent Smith once again, “One of these lives has a future, the other does not.”

It was during 2014 that I struggled the most with creating relatable and believable characters and to some extent I still do struggle in today’s world. This whole time I’ve been rolling the dice with my characters and hoping I didn’t roll snake eyes. In other words, I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. My characters were either too perfect or too despicable with very little middle ground between the two extremes.

I recently got some advice on this topic from my lovely beta reader Ashley Uzzell and she said that good characters should have a mixture of positive and negative traits just like any other human being in the real world. Fair enough. But then the question becomes, what positive and negative traits will keep my readers’ attention and which ones will turn them away?

Let’s say I had a character who was generous with his charity donations, but also ate with his mouth open during banquets. Let’s say I had another character who was a good teacher, but also hated furry animals. Or another character who was a top-notch athlete in school, but had a constant case of flatulence. Do any of these characteristics sound appealing right now? Not to me, they don’t.

And then I figured, maybe the traits themselves should be relatable. Okay, I can do that. How about a student who is good at math, but suffers from depression? Or a politician who is good with words, but has panic attacks during heated debates? Or a dancer who is athletic as hell, but can’t reach her full potential because she smokes cigarettes? I like these characters a lot more! Maybe I’ve answered my own questions after all.

You can use your own flaws and perfections when creating a character too, which is why “write what you know” gets thrown around as liberally as it does. Granted, self-inserting isn’t a desirable technique since it makes the author look egotistical, but you can throw some of your own traits in with ones that are already there. Scott George, the lead character from my Floydian high school drama Silent Warrior, is my best example of this. He’s mentally ill, socially awkward, and introverted as hell. I’m sure most of us can relate to these things, and yet the flaws work perfectly within the narrative…or so I’m told. I’m not trying to toot my own horn or anything; I’m just looking for examples, that’s all.

But just because I’ve gotten my shit together with flaws and perfections, it doesn’t mean I don’t still roll the dice whenever I create characters for the public. Not everybody is going to be a winner. But then again, that’s why we have the editing and beta reading processes. It doesn’t have to be perfect the first time around. If it takes forever, edit forever. While I was writing for the Still Standing anthology, I had Aurora Styles (one of the authors) suggest that I give Llewellyn Xavier (formerly known as Michelle) a hobby of some kind to round her out. When Windham asks her how her chess match went, she dangled a king piece in his face and smiled as she said, “How do you think?” Teamwork, people! Teamwork!

It takes a village to write a novel…or a short story…or a poem. Those villagers include your beta readers, editors, and your own characters. You can roll the dice all you want with your characters, but eventually you’ll have to take the sleazy casino route and load those dice with little weights. Only then can you rake in the chips and cash them in for a big payday. Actually, being an indie writer isn’t a lucrative business, but there are other ways in which you will feel satisfied with yourself. If you can make just one person happy with your writing, you’ve done a great job. Even if the story is sad as hell and a major tearjerker, you will have affected that one person on a deep level and that’s the most satisfying part of the job, in my opinion. I’m Garrison Kelly! Even when you feel like dying, keep climbing the mountain!

***OZZY UPDATE***

Our little gray and white sweetheart is doing much better today than he was a few days ago. We still have to keep him isolated and medicated (which is coincidentally the name of a Seether album from 2014), but sure enough, he’s on the road to recovery. His wound doesn’t look as nasty as it once did and medicating him for it has been easy-breezy-lemon-squeezy. He’s going to make it! I know he will!

"Tantalizing Tales of the Horrific and Fantastic" by Marie Krepps

BOOK TITLE: Tantalizing Tales of the Horrific and Fantastic

AUTHOR: Marie Krepps

YEAR: 2018

GENRE: Fictional Short Stories

SUBGENRE: Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Horror

GRADE: Pass

Marie Krepps has written a lot of short stories over the years and now they’re conveniently collected in this omnibus for your enjoyment. Whether you want sci-fi action, terrifying horror, heartfelt drama, or bloody violence, you will get what you came for when you pick up this amazing collection of stories. Once she has your attention, she won’t let go until you’re jolly-well finished with this one hundred plus page book.

Of all the stories in this collection, my absolute favorite would have to be Coffins, a graphically violent horror story about a teenage undertaker named Pablo who dismantles dead bodies after using them to smuggle contraband across the Mexican border. This whole story is basically a clinic on showing instead of telling and Ms. Krepps has every right in the world to show off her skills. The supporting character, a gangster named Mick, gets so ill watching Pablo do his work that there has to be multiple creative ways to describe said sickness, whether it’s his body language, his face changing colors, or the good old fashioned loss of lunch. Take notes, fellow indie authors. Professor Krepps’s class is now in session!

My other favorite story would have to be Too Late, which is a picture-perfect deconstruction of romances being rainbows and unicorns. In this story, a highly-trained soldier named Sarah must rescue her ex-boyfriend Jonas from an old neighborhood suffering through a horrific sandstorm. Their relationship was never going to work because Sarah is too battle-hardened and Jonas is too pacifistic. But even so, Sarah uses the memories of their romance to bring herself comfort on this dangerous mission. Ms. Krepps reinforces the idea that you can still care for someone long after the relationship is over. Being able to get along is a powerful thing that we don’t see too often among broken up couples. This brings me hope. Lots of hope!

And of course, if you’re looking for a revenge tale bathed in bitter blood, look no further than Sister Princess. It’s a medieval fantasy about two princesses, Greta and Angela, who compete for their father’s affection and throne as he’s getting ready to pass to the other side. While Angela is unwanted, lonely, and depressed, Greta is pretty, pompous, and arrogant. It’s pretty clear throughout the story who you’ll be rooting for to get the final nail in the coffin. Revenge will taste sweeter than an Oreo milkshake. Savor the flavor of delicious blood. It’s all yours! Cue the evil laughter.

My complaints about this short story collection are minimal at best. There are just a few typographical errors here and there. Some of the dialogue in Mason’s Promise is a little too Shakespearean for me to take seriously, especially when Celeste says that her arm was gnarled “lustily”. But it’s nothing an extra round of beta-reading can’t fix. The collection overall is fun to read and it’s another shining example of a struggling indie author making her dreams come true. If you look up to her and pay attention to what she says, your dreams will come true as well. A passing grade will go to this wonderful omnibus of short stories.

Double Features

***COLD OPEN***

Before I begin with the body of this blog entry, I want to announce that my current creative project will be editing the shit out of Beautiful Monster and turning it into a clean-cut second draft. I’ve edited the first three chapters so far and really all I needed to do was cut out unnecessary phrases and make Tarja Rikkinen a little less flirty. Once Beautiful Monster officially becomes a second draft, I’m going to take it over to Hollow Hills Publishing for further editing and beta-reading. Hollow Hills is Ashley Uzzell/Marie Krepps’s new business and I plan on being her loudest and proudest customer. Any price I pay for her services will be well worth it. And now onto the main attraction…

***DOUBLE FEATURES***

You know how some movies are really just two short movies fused together? Grind House and Attack of the Five-Foot-Two Women are both shining examples of this. And that got me thinking: could the double feature be pulled off with books too? I’d like to think so. Then again, I’m biased because I tried to do the same thing back in 2014. When I first published Occupy Wrestling, it was originally intended to be part of a double feature that also included Filter Feeder (the most dreadful first draft I have). That overall book was called Brawl-Mart, which is why one of the covers on Good Reads has that title and not Occupy Wrestling exclusively. I have since cut Filter Feeder like the cancer it is and now Occupy Wrestling is just a little bit shy of one-hundred pages. It’s so tiny of a book that the title doesn’t fit on the spine. So tiny. So, so tiny. And now I feel as though I’ve stumbled upon a Viagra commercial.

In some ways, I believe a double feature book can be beneficial if pulled off correctly. For starters, it would make the book thicker and therefore more marketable. I hate to admit it sometimes, but books with small page counts aren’t nearly as marketable as those with larger page counts. Someday you’ll get your time to shine, Occupy Wrestling. Someday. But of course, in order for a double feature to work, both novellas have to be of similar genres. The same thing applies with short story collections, which is why American Darkness (contemporary drama) and Poison Tongue Tales (science-fiction, fantasy, and horror) don’t coincide with each other. That’s how you have to think of a double feature: a collection of short stories even though there are only two of them. They may intertwine, they may not, your choice.

As far as my current crop of first draft novels goes, I can picture some of them being placed in the same volume while others are questionable. Watch You Burn (psychological college fantasy) and Demon Axe (heavy metal fantasy) could easily fit together since they’re both urban fantasies with mental illness as their major themes. Silent Warrior is a little tricky since it’s the only first draft I have that conforms to the modern day drama genre. That just leaves Beautiful Monster and Filter Feeder with nowhere to go. One is an alternative history fantasy while the other is urban fantasy. Maybe I’m not fitting all of these puzzle pieces together adequately enough. Maybe I need to write more first draft novels of similar genres in order for a double feature to work.

But don’t take my word as gospel, because I’m by no means an expert on double feature books. I’m just giving my thoughts based on a failed experiment involving Occupy Wrestling and Filter Feeder, the latter of which hasn’t seen the light of day beyond Deviant Art. I’m sure there are wiser authors than me when it comes to the subject, one of them once again being Ashley Uzzell. She co-authored a double feature book called “Reaching For the Light”, a duo of stories dealing with the topic of mental illness. I ended up giving the book five out of five stars (extra credit grade), so she and her co-author must have done something right. I know there are others out there who feel the same way about that awesome book, judging from its current star rating on Amazon and Good Reads. I know this sounds like a plug, probably because it is. And while I’m in advertising mode, a portion of the proceeds from book sales will go to mental health charities, so that pretty much solidifies the message of both stories.

Does anybody out there have experience with reading double feature stories? If so, what are your favorites? I’d like to think graphic novel omnibuses count, because they’re just an overall collection of issues from one comic book series. But what about regular print novels? Am I missing something that I’m not aware of? Let me know in the comments section what your thoughts of double feature novels are. I’m Garrison Kelly! Even when you feel like dying, keep climbing the mountain!

***JOKE OF THE DAY***

Q: What do you call a depressed Rage Against the Machine fan?

A: Pro-Zach.

Three Roads

***COLD OPEN***

Before I get to the bulk of this blog entry, I want to say a quick thank you to everyone who offered me and my family condolences after we had to put our dog Maggie to sleep. She was a dear member of the Haines-Temons-Stevens-Wilson household and will always have a special place in our hearts. Thank you, Maggie, for bringing us over a decade of joy. You’re now reunited with Molly and the two of you can play and wrestle on the Rainbow Bridge forever. I love you, Maggie-Pie.

***THREE ROADS***

Though I struggled to concentrate, I managed to write the final chapter of Beautiful Monster last night, which means I’m going to need another project to work on. As of now, I have three possible routes I could go. One of them is to write movie reviews for my birthday DVD’s until I can come up with something more permanent. The second option would be to work on another novel, but I don’t know which one I want to take a stab at yet. And then there’s the third and arguably most difficult option, edit the shit out of one of my many first drafts and publish it in paperback and Kindle form. Tonight we’re going to look at all three options to see which one is best for me at the moment.

***MOVIE REVIEWS***

Anytime I receive gifts for my birthday or Christmas, I always have to take pictures of them and post them online. I don’t know what I hope to achieve with that. It’s not like they’re award-winning photographs. It must have something to do with being chronologically predisposed to taking pictures of everything since I was born in 1985. One of these many pictures features a pile of DVD’s juxtaposed with a graphic novel about Andre the Giant (another medium I plan on reviewing in the future). I don’t get the opportunity to watch movies that much (because I’m too zonked out to even try), but I’ll make time for these DVD’s for sure. Here are the reviews you can look forward to:

1. Aviator
2. Battlestar Galactica
3. Cloud Atlas
4. District 9
5. Flight Plan

My mom’s work buddy Eric has nothing but good things to say about Cloud Atlas, so I’ll probably watch and review that one first. And then there’s District 9, which Ashley-Pie says is a modern day classic. I don’t know a whole lot about the other three movies, but they’re getting their time to shine one way or another.

***NOVEL IDEAS***

A little birdie once suggested to me that I write longer chapters and shoot for more of them instead of only conforming to a twenty chapter limit. Actually, he’s not a birdie. His name is Patrick and he’s easily one of my favorite readers, so I put a lot of trust in the things he says. The question now becomes, what will that next novel be? I don’t have very many mapped out from beginning to end, so that will be something I have to do when I eventually make my choice. I’m leaning towards these ideas as of now:

1. Booger the Clown (modern fantasy about an ex-marine turned birthday clown who picks fights with an orc militia in an attempt to kill himself)
2. Fantasmic Land (modern fantasy about a high school student who runs away from home and spends his days in a hedonistic magical theme park)
3. Incelbordination (college drama about a dwarf student who is a person of interest for an on-campus organization of “involuntary celibates”)
4. Suck It, Double Dork (crime thriller about a disgruntled cartoonist (loosely based on the creator of Ren & Stimpy, John K) who leaves pornographic drawings in public places in order to create a shock in the system)
5. The Last Thunder Eagle (young adult drama about an angry elementary school kid who spends summer vacation playing soccer (which he hates) instead of playing videogames (which he loves))

Decisions, decisions, decisions…and choices, too…

***UPDATED CHICKEN SHIT LIST***

A chicken shit list is a term I coined for a roster of first draft creative writing projects that I hope to have edited and published sometime in the near future. The term comes from the phrase “making chicken salad out of chicken shit”. The higher on the list the project ranks, the harder it will be to edit the shit out of. Novels will always rank highest since altering one part of them could change the whole story altogether. Short story collections rank in the middle since they don’t interact with each other canon-wise. Poetry ranks lowest on the list because, well, poems are much easier to write than novels and short stories. This is what my updated chicken shit list looks like:

1. Filter Feeder (environmental fantasy novel about a duo of clam fisherman who want revenge on an energy corporation after their lake was poisoned with oil)
2. Watch You Burn (psychological fantasy novel about a schizophrenic college student who has realistic hallucinations about being the chosen hero in his favorite anime)
3. Demon Axe (heavy metal fantasy novel about a singer who must gain the confidence to slay an elven terrorist after the singer’s band mates are brutally murdered)
4. Silent Warrior (young adult drama novel about a high school introvert who feels as though he’s being mentally crippled by the system around him)
5. Beautiful Monster (historical fantasy drama about an elf knight who escapes sex slavery and must deal with the consequences of PTSD afterwards)
6. Poison Tongue Tales 2 (science-fiction, fantasy, and horror short stories of varying subject matter)
7. American Darkness 2 (contemporary drama short stories of varying subject matter, mostly politics)
8. American Darkness 3 (more contemporary stories that I’ll probably fuse with its predecessor when the time comes to publish the collection)
9. It’s My Country and I’ll Cry If I Want To (WIP poetry collection about varying subject matter, mostly dealing with politics and psychology)

The next project I edit the shit out of will depend on my editor/beta-readers’ collective schedules. The more time they have, the more likely they are to take on a high-ranking project. No pressure whatsoever.

***CONCLUSION***

So that’s what the near future looks like for Garrison Kelly a.k.a. me. If you have any input as to which roads I should take, I’d love to hear it. Let’s turn this artistic process into a democracy! Why? Because I love you all, that’s why! Even when you feel like dying, keep climbing the mountain!

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“A restless eye across a weary room. A glazed look and I was on the road to ruin. The music played and played as we whirled without end No hint, no word, her honor to defend. “I will, I will,” she sighed to my request. And then she tossed her mane while my resolve was put to the test. Then drowned in desire, our souls on fire, I led the way to the funeral pyre. Without a thought of consequence, I gave into my decadence. Was it love or was it the idea of being in love? Or was it the hand of fate that seemed to fit just like a glove? A moment slipped by and soon the seeds were sewn. The year grew late and neither one wanted to remain alone. One slip and down the hole we fall. It seems to take no time at all. A momentary lapse of reason that binds a life for life. A small regret you won’t forget. There’ll be no sleep in here tonight.”

-Pink Floyd singing “One Slip”-

Same Shit, Different Story

***SAME SHIT, DIFFERENT STORY***

In my last blog entry, I said something that I never thought I’d hear myself say in a million years: nothing ever grows in the comfort zone. For the longest time, I’ve been living in my own personal comfort zone and justified it by saying that leaving would end up being another bad decision. Well, you know what happens when you start coasting with your writing? You adopt the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” mentality. While that philosophy may seem like a good idea on paper, you get in the habit of using the same formulas over and over again. As a result, every short story, novel, and poem will blend together like masked children from a Pink Floyd music video. I know this because…it happened to me.

If you follow me on Face Book, you would have seen me post status updates about how some of my American Darkness 3 characters have the same first name. I’ve had multiple characters named Matt, Tony, Vikki, Daniel, and Marcus. I have since changed these names and updated the changes to my Deviant Art account. For example, Matt Ramirez from “Escape From Kentucky” is now known as Marvin Ramirez. My niece Reina kept joking about how the name Matt wasn’t reflective of a half-black, half-Mexican character. She’s not wrong. Marvin Ramirez actually sounds like it could fit the bill. Plus, there’s one less guy in my stories named Matt.

If you’re still paying attention to the shit that I say on Face Book, you would have also seen a post about how my American Darkness 3 stories have similar themes and plots among each other. I’ll give you one example of that. After looking over all sixteen stories I’ve written so far (and that doesn’t include the synopses I wrote for future stories), three of those stories are about home invasions: Dark Skills, Crow Cop, and Duct Tape Princess. One home invasion story would have been just fine. But then I also have two different stories about domestic violence: Brandi and Belts & Welts. And then I have three different stories about the media: Disneylodeon, Defamation, and Age Against the Machine. Marie Krepps likes to joke with me about how all of the dogs in Poison Tongue Tales have saggy jowls. What’s going on in American Darkness 3 is a lot more serious.

And you know what else? It’s not just American Darkness 3 that suffers from this sameness. Both installments of Poison Tongue Tales follow the same basic formula of two people trying to beat the shit out of each other (not unlike a WWE wrestling match). Confessions of a Schizophrenic Savage, Necrograph, and what will soon be Lunatic Justice are all dominated by songs and poems about anger and angst. While there are hard rock and heavy metal bands that thrive on this formula, I’ll bet you anything their entire catalogue of songs doesn’t have the kind of frequency that’s found in my own poetry. Don’t get me started about Occupy Wrestling and all the other novel ideas I have fleshed out; they’re just Poison Tongue Tales stories with a higher word count.

Something has to change in my writing. I don’t know exactly what that could be, because as much as I hate to admit it, I do have limited experience when it comes to the world. I’ve never had a paying job, never been in love, never had a serious social circle outside of the internet, didn’t receive my first kiss until 2014, never had sex, and have only been around the world a handful of times. When I was a kid, my creative fuel came in the form of violent entertainment whether it was videogames, wrestling, or martial arts movies. Sure, I’ve seen plenty of other genres like romance, but without having a realistic picture of what true love is like, I can’t be an authority on the subject in my writing.

Having said everything that needs to be said, I’ve come to a decision regarding American Darkness 3. As of today, January 7^th, 2018, American Darkness 3 has been suspended indefinitely, which means I’ll have to find something else to do not only for the WSS, but also for my creative life as a whole. Pretty much all of my developed synopses for novel ideas fall under the category of ass beatings and unexplained magic, not unlike Poison Tongue Tales and its sequel.

Meanwhile, I have nine different novel synopses that could be considered modern day drama. While these ideas do have their fair share of violence, the violent confrontations don’t saturate the entire story to where every chapter sounds the same. Would you like me to list them off? Sure, why not?

1. Chicken and Fries (working as a concessions clerk in an arena full of abusive customers (could be considered Clerks-Lite by critics))
2. The Has-Been Society (going to a school that slashed its art classes budget and continues to promote conformity)
3. I Won’t Forgive You (getting revenge on an abusive father who now lives with a new family)
4. Is This Weird? (romance with a man who has three different weird fetishes: duct tape, feet, and diapers)
5. Memento Mori (pissing off an entire conservative town with offensive standup comedy)
6. Never Conform (refusing to obey prison guards and getting tortured for it)
7. Silent Warrior (navigating a tough high school as a traumatized introvert)
8. Suck It, Double Dork (scaring children for life with perverted drawings of cartoon characters getting raped)
9. Tender Loving Intensive Care (putting a sexually harassing ex-girlfriend in the ICU as a form of healing)

If these nine stories are the keys to the next kingdom, I have to figure out which one will open the lock to new horizons. Or maybe I could ask you guys, my lovely audience, for feedback as to which of these stories sounds the most interesting to you. There’s nothing wrong with a little artistic democracy every now and then. What do you guys think? I’m Garrison Kelly and I’ll see you soon!

***JOKE OF THE DAY***

Q: What nickname did Snoopy’s bird friend earn when he waited outside Peppermint Patty’s house for hours with a pair of binoculars?

A: Would Stalk.

"Winter Wishes of the Heart" by Ashley Uzzell

BOOK TITLE: Winter Wishes of the Heart

AUTHOR: Ashley Uzzell

YEAR: 2017

GENRE: Fictional Short Stories

SUBGENRE: Winter Love

GRADE: Pass

If you’re looking for four short stories that will warm your insides like a cup of hot chocolate, you’ve found the right book. They’re short and sweet, emphasis on sweet. Whether it’s Christmas, New Years, or Valentine’s Day, you’ll always have the wonderful writing of Ashley Uzzell by your side. Grab a fuzzy kitty, wrap yourself in a blanket, and light the fireplace: you’re in for a nice cozy evening.

Of all four stories, my personal favorite has to be Round Table Chant. This one’s about an anxiety patient named Herbie who feels obligated to go to a Christmas party despite the triggers of being around strange people. Mental illnesses are a favorite topic of mine to read about, especially in stories where the sufferer conquers his demons in the end. We need more lovable characters like Herbie in today’s books. Representation matters. It matters a lot. Mentally ill people shouldn’t be ashamed of who they are or the demons that try to hold them down. If anybody’s writing can put this group of people at ease and make them feel powerful, it’s Ashley Uzzell’s. While I won’t give away the ending, rest assured that this story will warm your heart like a bowl of clam chowder. I’d even dare say Round Table Chant deserves its own novel.

That’s not to devalue the other three stories, because they too are just as cute and cuddly to read about. If you want shy guy romance, read David’s Gift. If you want body positivity, try Emily’s Valentine. If you want a brotherly love, get started on What We Built. There’s something for everybody in this collection of short stories. If you don’t personally relate to one thing, you’ll relate to the next. Winter holidays are inclusive of everybody, just like Ashley Uzzell herself. It matters not if you’re rich or poor, young or old, happy or sad: you’ve got a place in her audience if you want to come in from the cold.

Ashley Uzzell knocks it out of the park yet again. Then again, she kind of has a reputation for doing just that. In all my years of reading her books (under both of her aliases), I haven’t come across one that disappointed me yet, nor do I expect to. She’s the go-to author of our generation. She makes independent authors proud to be who they are by virtue of her achievements. If she can kick butt on such a consistent basis, what does that mean for other aspiring writers who need hope in this world? A passing grade for her wonderful winter tales!

The Chicken Shit Scale

***THE CHICKEN SHIT SCALE***

Just to clarify, no, this journal topic has nothing to do with the last topic, which was about cowardly villains. It’s about a certain idiom we’ve all heard at least one point in our lives: “Making chicken salad out of chicken shit”. In other words, it’s a blunt way of saying that you’re going to make the best out of a bad situation. Sometimes you can make a delicious salad, other times you’ve still got a big heaping plate of chicken shit.

I know this because back in 2006, I tried to make chicken salad out of chicken shit with a movie script previously called Pumping Filter. It was drenched with violence and slurs that made absolutely no sense in that context, so I took the script to a woman named Heather for evaluation. Despite the fact that we couldn’t see eye to eye on a lot of things and our professional relationship was a complete failure, Pumping Filter, now called Snakes in a Cage, was slightly better because of her critiques. Unfortunately, the newly christened Snakes in a Cage has been deleted from my archives because in the end it was still a heaping pile of chicken shit. A lot of my past creative writing projects have met this fate and perhaps the silver lining in all of this is that they are learning experiences I will have forever.

Today in 2017, I face the chicken shit dilemma once again. As many of you know, I’m currently shooting towards finishing three different anthologies for publication: American Darkness 2 (contemporary drama), Poison Tongue Tales 2 (sci-fi, fantasy, and horror), and the newly christened Lunatic Justice (dark poetry and heavy metal songs). I also have three first draft novels that I finished a long time ago that need to be looked at: Filter Feeder (environmental fantasy), Watch You Burn (psychological fantasy), and Demon Axe (musical fantasy).

When I eventually put the finishing touches on the anthologies, that will be when I present my beautiful beta reader Marie Krepps with choices as to what she wants to work on. I’m not saying I’m incapable of making my own decisions or that my love of surprises has spiraled out of control. I’m saying that some of these first drafts are better than others (despite the fact that all first drafts by their very nature suck ass). The question I need to ask myself is, which ones are easier to fix and which ones will completely drain me?

In an effort to answer this question, I came up with something called The Chicken Shit Scale, where I rank my first drafts on a scale of one to six, where one is the worst rough draft (and therefore needs a LOT of work) and six is the best (easy breezy lemon squeezy). Is it better to make chicken salad out of chicken shit or is it better to make more diamonds out of…well…diamonds! Sorry, that last analogy sucked, which doesn’t help my case for making the most out of a bad situation. Anyways, here are my rankings for my first drafts:

1. Filter Feeder
2. Watch You Burn
3. Demon Axe
4. Poison Tongue Tales 2
5. American Darkness 2
6. Lunatic Justice

I want you to notice that I’ve grouped the novels, short story anthologies, and the singular poetry collection separately. In my experience, short stories and poetry are easier to correct than a full-fledged novel since there aren’t as many variables to deal with. I put Filter Feeder on the bottom of the list because…well…have you seen it lately? It was written a long time ago, so naturally the more recent ones, Watch You Burn and Demon Axe, are going to overwhelmingly outrank it. American Darkness 2 outranks Poison Tongue Tales 2 because I feel like with the latter I’m writing the same story over and over again with different characters are different circumstances. It’s the same ass beating on repeat, which is pretty much what WWE is, but I watch that weekly anyways. Lunatic Justice ranks the highest because people seem to love my poetry anyways, as noted by the grades reviewers have given my previous poetry books Confessions of a Schizophrenic Savage and Necrograph (I swear I’m not trying to stroke myself…maybe).

When the last three items on the list are complete, then that would be a good time to recruit Marie’s services so that I can have a singular focus in my creative work (editing). I know she’s been pretty busy lately and money isn’t coming easy for her, so that’s why I’m treading lightly with this one. To be honest, I’ll pay her whatever she wants because it’ll be worth it in the end. I trust her judgment no matter what the project is. Plus, she’s got a wicked sense of humor. Regarding the “magic wand” joke in the Poison Tongue Tales story Streetwalker, she said, “I’d rather get raped than listen to another one of [Ryan Brock’s] stupid jokes.” She’s brutally honest, but she’s right on the money with that one. Did I mention I trust her completely?

So what will it be? Will I make chicken salad out of chicken shit or will I…uh…uh…make golden earrings out of gold? (What the fuck was that?) We’ve got ears, say cheers!

***CREATIVE WORK***

Besides this journal, I haven’t done any creative work today, so nothing has changed since the Cowardly Villains blog. I might as well put on my “Please Don’t Make Me Do Stuff” T-shirt, because that’s how I feel today.

***MUSIC JOKE OF THE DAY***

Q: What does the lead singer of In This Moment say every time she does a commercial for underwear?

A: Even in these Hanes you can’t Jockey.

***POST-SCIRPT***

If you can make chicken salad out of that chicken shit joke, by all means, go for it. Hehe!

"Reaching For the Light" by TL Katt and Marie Krepps

BOOK TITLE: Reaching For the Light

AUTHORS: Marie Krepps and TL Katt

YEAR: 2017

GENRE: Fictional Short Stories

SUBGENRE: Mental Illness Fiction

GRADE: Extra Credit

In a joint effort to promote acceptance and love for the mentally ill, two back-to-back short stories are collected in this one volume. Marie Krepps’ story is called “High Heels and Ice Cream” and focuses on Brianna, an anxious, depressed, bisexual college student who struggles with her attraction to her beautiful roommate Carla. TL Katt’s story is called “Bloom” and takes a dark plunge into the world of domestic violence through the eyes of traumatized wife Jen. In the end, you will cheer for Brianna and Jen to reach for the light and live wonderful lives outside of their past traumas. If you or someone you know is suffering from mental illness, don’t wait to get help. Every second counts when it comes to healing fresh wounds.

High Heels and Ice Cream is clearly the more lighthearted of the two stories, but it still tugs at the reader’s heartstrings. As someone who is shy around beautiful women, I can relate to Brianna on a deep level. Hell, there are many things I have in common with her whether it’s mental illness of my own or aspirations to be a successful author. College was a lonely experience for me, so watching Brianna curl up inside herself as she fights her urges is heartbreaking to watch. I want her to find love and happiness with Carla, but there’s always that small chance Carla isn’t gay and might actually be homophobic. While I won’t spoil what happens at the end of this story, you will believe in love once again and you will reach for the light one of these days.

And then we have the dark and dour Bloom, a domestic abuse story that nearly drove me to tears. All Jen wants is a happy marriage with her husband Cam, but the way he beats and insults her is way too realistic of what goes on in these situations. Every traumatic nightmare Jen has, the reader will have as well. TL Katt’s descriptive language is so on-point that you have no choice but to squeeze your eyeballs dry at this one. Even more frustrating is when Cam’s family blames Jen for everything rather than see him for the psychopath that he really is. If they won’t help her through the PTSD, somebody else has to. Jen needs her friends and family in the worst way. Will she reach for the light and look forward to a better day? Read and judge for yourself.

I encourage all of my readers to pick up a copy of Reaching For the Light and spread its message to everybody they meet. Proceeds from the book sales will go to mental illness charities. Being mentally ill isn’t something society should be afraid of. It’s not about “craziness” or “bats in the belfry”. These people need love and respect just like any other member of our community. Treat them well and end the stigmas surrounding mental illness. As someone with schizophrenia and autism, I’m a proud supporter of this book’s goals. An extra credit grade is in order for this beautifully-written collaboration by two amazing authors.

"Cyborgs and Sorcery" by Marie Krepps

BOOK TITLE: Cyborgs and Sorcery

AUTHOR: Marie Krepps

YEAR: 2017

GENRE: Fictional Short Stories

SUBGENRES: Sci-Fi and Fantasy

GRADE: Pass

A downtrodden cyborg must find four sacred items in order to restore peace to the warring kingdoms in which she lives. A warrior and her falcon companion must stick together in order to survive being hunted a clan of monstrous wizards. A treasure hunter struggles to remain calm as her crow companion keeps running his mouth in the middle of a search. A security guard’s family prepares a huge dinner celebration for him knowing it could be the last time they see him. Four tales of intense drama, cybernetic awesomeness, and mystical wisdom have been unleashed onto the world by the always prolific Marie Krepps. She proves once again that even the shortest of stories can pack the biggest punch.

Of all the stories in this collection, my favorite would have to be Mason’s Promise a.k.a. the one about the warrior and her falcon friend. The kinship between Celeste (the warrior) and Mason (the falcon) is as realistic as it is captivating. They have their arguments every now and then, but in the end, they always have each other’s backs. If a story is going to be called Mason’s Promise, you’d better believe there’s going to be some heavy trust and familial bonding. While I won’t spoil the ending, I will say that it’ll hurt worse than a falcon claw ripping your heart out. It hurts because Marie Krepps makes you care about these characters. Her stories have always been a vicarious experience for any reader, but this one exemplifies it the most.

I’ve always praised Marie’s abilities to show instead of tell and this short story collection will be no different. I’ve already mentioned how much of a heart-wrenching story Mason’s Promise is. But what about the others? What about Four Items (take a wild guess which one this is)? A cyborg’s quest to find her own humanity is always compelling since there are some humans in the real world who have the same struggle. Welcome Home, Brother has an ending that nobody will see coming, but when it hits you, it hits like a wrecking ball to the gut. Red Stone will be a huge deal for millennials due to the wonderfully placed reference of a certain 1980’s cartoon about vehicles that change into giant robots. Come to think of it, there isn’t a single bad story in this collection. There’s something in it for everybody even if sci-fi and fantasy aren’t your go-to genres.

One more strength I would like to point out is that Cyborgs and Sorcery is, and I’m not completely sure on this number, the sixteenth book published by Marie Krepps (if you’re counting stories she published under her real name of Ashley Uzzell). No matter what the number actually ends up being, this latest addition to her personal library shows that she has longevity in her career as an author. She is durable when it comes to writing long novels and she sneaks in a few short jabs with her collections. And the best part about her having this much mileage? She’s still a young adult who has a bright future ahead of her. If she continues to write wonderful stories like these, she won’t have to worry about the future ever again.

If you’re looking for awesomely-written short stories that will keep you entertained throughout this rollercoaster of a ride, look no further than Cyborgs and Sorcery. Yes, it will feel like it’s over too soon, but that’s the beauty of Marie Krepps stories: there will always be more because she’s the iron woman of Generation Y. No matter what book of hers you decide to pick up, she will never disappoint and she will earn your respect from the very first line. Excellent work, Marie! How does a passing grade sound to you?

"The Smell of Death & A Taste of Blood" by Marie Krepps

BOOK TITLE: The Smell of Death & A Taste of Blood

AUTHOR: Marie Krepps

YEAR: 2016

GENRE: Fictional Short Stories

SUBGENRE: Vampire Fantasy

GRADE: Extra Credit

The origins of Lord Gerard and his vampire coven are covered in blood, tears, and shattered bones. Life is rarely easy to journey through and any hardships we survive will make us stronger. In the case of the coven, these vampire warriors are strong enough to wage war against their bigoted human brethren. All it takes is an animalistic bite and the sweet and lustful taste of vengeful blood. War has never been so heavenly or so delicious for these sadistic characters.

My favorite short story within this entire collection is the one that made me give this book a full five stars: “Trophy Wife”. All Morgan wanted to do was have a modeling career and a happy life. Instead she did what most women were goaded into doing in the 50’s and 60’s and married a handsome gentleman while doing household chores. The way the husband beat the crap out of Morgan and insulted her was heart-wrenching to me. Even though this part of the book is historical fiction, such mistreatment of women continues to happen in today’s world and the extent of how brutal male supremacy can be is disgusting. The female author of this story has no doubt experienced some kind of sexism in her life and now she’s the teacher of the lesson we all must learn. That lesson is to be kind to our women and show them respect. They won’t all turn out to be vampires like Morgan, but there are consequences for misogyny no matter who the victim is.

Another favorite story of mine that ripped my heart into a million pieces was “Fire Hair”. In this one, a redheaded village girl comes home from a hard day of field work and gets bullied and beaten by a group of other children. The worst part about the beatings is that they happen over and over again for the longest time. We are now in a generation where bullying has to be taken seriously due to the suicides and school shootings we keep hearing about in the news. This particular story highlights just how brutal it can be even though it’s historical fiction. It’s not just the physical beatings that wear children down; it’s the psychological torture and the building anxiety because of it. While going on a blood-splattering rampage is an illegal and dangerous way to solve the bullying crisis, I do commend Ms. Krepps for holding a mirror up to society and showing all of its ugliest features.

Every single one of these short stories deserves praise from even the toughest of critics. She has showing instead of telling down to a science and that is an admirable trait to have in an author. As a reader, you want to feel how badly those punches hurt, how tasty those kisses are, and how relaxing the sounds of nature are. Marie Krepps will take you to her most beautiful and deadliest places in her mind and won’t let you leave. The minute you read the first page, you’re her literary prisoner and your sentence will last until the final page. Your figurative prison sentence will be grueling. It will be heartbreaking. But most importantly, it will be a hell of a lot of fun!

If you want a book that mixes genres into a bundle of nerd heaven and leaves you wanting more, buy a copy of this short story collection. And after you’re done with this, buy another Marie Krepps book. And another. And another. Hell, it’s a lot like taking drugs: the more you have, the more you need. You will become a Marie Krepps book junkie after one read. I promise you that! Five stars for an awesome collection!

Happy New Year's 2016

***HAPPY NEW YEAR’S 2016***

The year 2016 is only hours away, which means it’s time to make some resolutions. Whether or not I keep those resolutions remains to be seen, but I’m keeping a positive attitude about it. The year 2015 was one of awesomeness for me with all the concerts I’ve been to, the Canadian vacation I went on, and all the creative work I got done from reading to writing to editing. I know 2016 will be all that and more, but with a few slight additions and modifications:

　

1. I spoke about this in a previous journal, but I’d like to lose weight and have good cardio again. My target weight is a long ways away, but I’d like to shoot for light heavyweight status, which if you follow UFC means I want to weigh 205 lbs. How do I plan on doing this? More water-walking, less fast food. It’s going to take a lot of discipline (which I already have) and more importantly, it’s going to take support from my family. I need someone to drive me to the gym every day and I need people to stop offering me burgers and fries. A Subway or Quizno’s sandwich is fine, but burgers and fries are no good. I am ready to be thinner and more energetic. I’m also ready to stay that way for the rest of my life.

2. I want to work with my beautiful beta reader Marie Krepps in editing Occupy Wrestling a second time so that it can achieve a higher rating on Good Reads and Amazon. Round two will focus on two different aspects: showing instead of telling and making the protagonists likeable. Showing is something that all authors struggle with, but it basically means to use sensory details, body language, thoughts, and dialogue to portray a character’s emotions rather than simply stating it. For example, telling would be, “Mitch McLeod is fucking pissed off.” and showing would be “Mitch McLeod’s eyes were bulging, his face was reddening, and his muscles were tensing up. His fists were clinched tightly like he wanted to knock someone’s fucking head off.” As far as likeability goes, Mitch’s emotions will focus on the guilt he feels after crippling Jack Finnegan and killing Jason Finnegan. It’s a long road, but I won’t travel it alone. I’ve got Marie Krepps by my side for another January in the trenches.

3. When Occupy Wrestling is in tip-top form, the next order of business will be Poison Tongue Tales, which will be comparatively easier since short stories demand less attention than full-blown novels. The show vs. tell principle still applies and having likeable characters will be a must. I’ve already edited a whopping six stories (eye roll) and I’ve only got forty-four more to go. When I had to do the same thing with American Darkness, I put myself on a “bulldozing schedule”, which means I edited three short stories a day until they were all ready for publication. No breaks, no vacations, just straight up hard work. It worked with American Darkness and I’ll be damned if it doesn’t work with Poison Tongue Tales.

4. Remember how I often say that I always keep my creative commitments? That includes reading and editing other people’s works as well. I told Zero Urrea countless times that I’d help him with editing his debut novel “Rake”, but I kept putting it off due to exhaustion or prior commitments. This time around, I’m going to push myself to get him a chapter-by-chapter analysis. Yes, his book is a doorstopper that could be mistaken for a medieval weapon, but that’s not an excuse for me to put it off. Zero, I said I would help you and in 2016, I’m going to make it happen. You’ve obviously worked hard on this novel and it should be the best that you can make it.

　

And then there are smaller goals like collecting more CD’s and books, building a bookshelf, and attending concerts and vacations. Those things are easy-breezy to take care of, so I’m not going to list them with everything else. Come to think of it, I’m not a very demanding person when it comes to New Year’s resolutions. My life is as relaxing, happy, and easy as it’s going to be and I’m grateful for all of it. For the things I want to get done, when I start dropping my weight, I’ll have more energy and I won’t be able to use mental tiredness as a crutch anymore. We’re going to do this and we’re going to do this right!

　

***WRESTLING QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Come on, Sheamus, I thought you Irishmen were supposed to have potatoes. Turns out you’re just smuggling some tater tots.”

-Roman Reigns-

　

***MOST DISGUSTING PROMOTIONAL TACTIC***

Once January starts getting into the 20^th days of the month, the Wrestling Observer Newsletter awards will be released. As you all know, my favorite award is the Most Disgusting Promotional Tactic because I enjoy shocking the shit out of people. My prediction for 2015? It’s a no-brainer: WWE exploiting the death of Reid Flair. I’d bet money on it. Then again, I’ve been wrong before.

"Box of Chocolates" by Marie Krepps

BOOK TITLE: Box of Chocolates
AUTHOR: Marie Krepps
YEAR: 2015
GENRE: Fictional Short Stories
SUBGENRE: Sci-Fi, Fantasy, and Horror
GRADE: Pass


In the immortal words of Forrest Gump, “Life is like a box of chocolates: you never know what you’re going to get.” In the case of Marie Krepps’ short story collection, you won’t know until the end of each chapter if the chocolates are nutty, creamy, glazed over, bittersweet, or just plain delicious. There might be a few chocolates in this box that are laced with LSD, the stories are so crazy and colorful. Once you’ve finished your chocolaty snack, you will feel delightfully full and pleasantly satisfied. Try getting all of this with just a Hershey’s bar.

The thing about this collection of stories is that your opinions and emotions will vary wildly as you blow through the book. Sometimes you’ll feel like crying your eyes out. Sometimes you’ll feel giddy with delight. And then there are those times when you’re scratching your head. In other words, if someone were to ask you what your favorite stories from this book are, you wouldn’t have to think very hard in order to come up with a decent answer.

For me personally, I had several favorites from this book. I enjoyed the playful antics of Ben (the wolf) and Paca (the panther) from “The Refugees”, because they remind me in some ways of my own crazy animal family. I did a little victory lap after watching Angela get revenge against her bitchy older sister in “Sister Princess”. “Waiting for the Darkness”, however, is one that really hit close to home for me since I too was depressed and angry during my college days, so I know Enid’s struggles very well.

And then you have some stories which appear too short on the surface until you get that nice little twist ending. “Date Night” and “The Meeting” are both of examples of what I’ve just said. Deep down inside, I wish they were longer and more developed. It’s because of incomplete-feeling stories like these that I almost considered giving this book a mixed grade. But then I remembered that flash fiction is an acquired taste and as the reader gets further into the book, the taste will become familiar and delicious, just like a box of chocolates should be. I wrote flash fiction when I was younger and often struggled with it, so I can empathize with Marie on this one.

An actual box of chocolates would be good for any occasion whether it’s lovey-dovey Valentine’s Day, spooky-kooky Halloween, or jolly old Christmastime. The short story collection Marie Krepps wrote takes all three of those atmospheres and turns them into high quality flash fiction that will leave an impression on the reader for a long, long time. Death by chocolate is often the best way to go. Go on, take a bite. It’ll be delicious and orgasmic!