Does Natalie Harp Look Cute Today? Or Any Day of the Week for That Matter? Nothing Cute About Fascism...

 

Jobs and the Economy

There’s so much more to life than jobs and the economy

I say it with my whole chest and I make no apologies

Life should be enjoyable even if you’re unemployable

Make peace with this mantra and you’ll be undestroyable

You can call it socialism, but I call it being human

What good is your cash if you’re not going to use it

To treat yourself every once in a Blue Moon

To vanilla ice cream and hot fudge on a spoon

To a movie theater flick filled with kung fu kicks

To a river boat date with your favorite blond chick

The suits chuckle it off like a Facebook Nazi

Hitting the laugh react button for a child’s dead body

Smoldering with ashes from an Israeli rocket bomb

About five seconds after crying for his mom

Lacking empathy is the weirdest flex I’ve heard

Suits are like serial killers plucking feathers off a bird

Then they play the victim when nobody wants to work

For a boss who keeps order by going berserk

Flipping burgers and making fries is not an identity

And being unemployed doesn’t make you my enemy

Capitalism’s made up, we pulled it out of our asses

We put random-ass people in random-ass classes

This dude is rich and the other’s dirt poor

This chick’s a prostitute, but this bootlicker’s a whore

It didn’t have to be this way, but we passively accepted

The whole damn story so that we cannot be rejected

By a society that never gave one single shit

If you’re down on your luck, passed out in the pit

Stephanie McMahon Really Cares About Bad Press

 

Soldiers and Hard Work

An axe to grind became rise and grind

The American Dream is yours to find

A fantasy McGuffin, never mind the dick sucking

Don’t like boot polish? Keep on trucking

Rock and roll used to stick it to the man

Now it’s all about money, get as much as you can

Authenticity is now a pejorative

A roof above, you can’t afford it

Unless you beat the algorithm like it owes you dough

Pay thousands for the secret, but nobody really knows

Either way you got yourself a bullwhip master

Lashes will make you work harder and faster

Can’t flip the bird without their approval

Your art is digital, ready for mass removal

Corporate masters wrote your lyrics for you

Sing them word for word or sponsors ignore you

Soldiers and hard work! Soldiers and hard work!

Never mind creativity and all of your quirks

Soldiers and hard work! Soldiers and hard work!

Say it loud and proud while bikini dancers twerk

Soldiers and hard work! Soldiers and hard work!

Brought to you by Monster and Paramount Network

Soldiers and hard work! Soldiers and hard work!

Buy it, believe it, love it, or leave it

Love it, love it, love it

Love it, love it, love it

Repeat the mantra one million times

And now it’s forever a part of your mind

Now we’re going pop, the party doesn’t stop

Except for the guitarist who parties the hardest

Take a pay cut or get tossed out the window

Like a pot of piss, an appropriate symbol

Squeeze you dry like we’re making lemonade

We can always use a robot to get our product made

Strum your guitar and bang on your drums

Slap the bass with your blistering thumbs

Scream the lyrics like you’re in agony

Like you’re blitzed and losing your center of gravity

Another shakedown and you start to break down

Who’s next in line to get peanuts for time?

Make more babies to feed the industry

Freezing her eggs? You got to be kidding me

Everybody stays home, all bosses are jerks

Couldn’t bother to care about soldiers and hard work

Who's the Real Hard Worker Here: the Actual Worker or the Extortionist?

 

Ari Emanuel (TKO) X Jade Pettyjohn (Big Sky): "Just Be a Fan..."

 

Ed from Ed, Edd, n' Eddy vs. Chuck Schumer a.k.a. the Reason Corporate Centrism Is Dogshit

 

How Are Those Egg Prices Working Out for You, MAGA?

 

Mark Shapiro: No Relation to Ben, But You'd Be Forgiven If You Thought Otherwise

 

Warner Brothers: 100 Years of Celebrating Every Story, Even the Ones They Tell Themselves to Assuage Their Insecurities

 

Daniel Rush, Office Jockey from "Be a Good Duck"

 

Connor Stone, Evil CEO from "Be a Good Duck"

 

Booker T vs. Triple H

 

The "award-winning announcer" Booker T got buried in 2003 when Triple H not only made a bunch of racist jokes about him, but also beat him decisively at Wrestlemania and got no comeuppance for it. Now it appears the only burying going on is burying the hatchet between the two of them, so that they can join TKO in their quest for milking the fans' wallets for all they're worth with a mediocre product and high ticket prices.

Bryan Danielson (AEW) vs. Nick Khan (President of WWE)

 

Andrew "Test" Martin (Rest in Peace)

 

Stephanie McMahon

 

Selling Your Soul

VERSE 1

You sold your soul for some paper and metal

Digital transactions from lawsuits you settled

All you have left is a mediocre shell

And a special seat for you waiting in hell

Your spirit was once so colorful and bright

Before you fell off hard after turning right

Your road to heaven was paved with blood

Your so-called “truth bombs” were only duds

 

VERSE 2

When I give my soul to the left

I get a return on what I invest

The stories of underdogs just like myself

Told in the form of books on my shelf

Songs, art, movies, and more

Keep me from becoming a bootlicking whore

I grew and matured, I learned from the best

Who cares about results on a standardized test?

 

VERSE 3

Crushing dreams is what keeps you alive

Heaven forbid that creativity thrives

They should sell their souls for a pizza party

In a corporate office packed like sardines

Into cubicles more like trash compactors

That’s how you see them, they suppress detractors

Power corrupts, it’s an insatiable hunger

Feed the addiction while the artists suffer

 

VERSE 4

Why hire meat sacks when robots are cheaper?

Why use your brain when your pockets are deeper?

Why relate to another human being?

When outer beauty is all that you’re seeing?

Beauty fades and so does common sense

Those who enable you are not your friends

They carry knives in search of a back

Slip up just a little and they’re on the attack

They run away with your big money sack

Another soulless wonder, you’re left with jack

“Capitalism breeds innovation” they say

Yet it’s the same old shit every damn day

Razor Ripley

CHORUS 1

While you’re nice and cozy in your gingerbread house

Here comes Razor Ripley to tear your hearts out!

VERSE 1

A necromancer with no fucks to give

A dead man walking with no reason to live

Except to steal souls like shoplifting at Wal-Mart

Clean the whole town out, it’s his favorite part

Of every single day he walks the planet earth

Death is one part of life, another is rebirth

Casting his magic is what makes him feel alive

Raise an army of skeletons with minds like a hive

CHORUS 2

While you’re nice and comfy in your funeral parlor

Here comes Razor Ripley, respect the fire starter!

VERSE 2

All those empty souls waiting to go to hell

They were there all along when alive and well

The nine circles represented a decade in life

From childhood conformity to fucking a wife

To sitting in a nursing home waiting for the end

After spending many years in the backwards bend

Pushing buttons in an office meant nothing at all

Just like breaking your back to hang up dry wall

CHORUS 3

While you’re snuggling up on Satan’s warm lap

Here comes Razor Ripley to make the devil tap!

VERSE 3

The underworld is under new management

The Promised Land is next, the new sacrament

Some call it succession, but I’ve got a confession

Corporate power structure is a fickle motherfucker

All the NDA’s and the ass-kissing lawyers

Can’t silence necromancy or the undead warriors

A dark fantasy tale of the American variety

Is the bastard child of an uncaring society

CHORUS 4

While you’re wrapped up in shackles like a Christmas blanket

Bow down to Razor Ripley, make your final statement!

While you’re wandering the world with no mind of your own

Ask Razor Ripley if he’ll animate your bones!

Office Space

MOVIE TITLE: Office Space

DIRECTOR: Mike Judge

YEAR: 1999

GENRE: Comedy

RATING: R for language

GRADE: B

It feels weird watching this movie during the Great Resignation. Everybody in America is figuring out how bad their jobs are, so they’re leaving for higher ground. Monotony, low pay, uncaring bosses, lack of opportunities, these are all perfectly valid reasons to hate a job. The audience has no problem living vicariously through the main character, Peter Gibbons, who hates his white-collar job so much that he becomes an aloof slacker. What is he going to do for money? Well, that’s where you’ll have to watch the movie and find out. Whatever it is, it certainly won’t be crunching numbers at a pointless job. Building sympathy for the little guy is something this movie does well. It’s a shame it didn’t fare well at the box office, but its status as a cult film is more than deserved.

But if the movie is that good at making comedy out of a corporate miasma, then why am I giving it only a B grade? Surely, I could learn to hate work just as much as Peter Gibbons, Michael Bolton, and Samir…whatever his name is, right? As true as that might be, I only laughed a handful of times when I watched this. It could be my tapioca pudding brain malfunctioning on me. But if a comedy only makes me laugh a handful of times, then what’s the point? I did like Michael Bolton’s delivery as a character. I did like the courtroom dream that Peter had. I did like the…actually, I liked the…and wouldn’t you know it, my tapioca pudding brain with electricity inside can’t think of another instance where I let out even a little bit of a chuckle. Maybe my brain is so fried that I only have an appreciation for darker comedy, I don’t know. In any event, I didn’t laugh as often as I should have and that’s going to bring the grade down a notch.

But just because I wasn’t hee-hawing out of my chair, doesn’t mean I didn’t get any enjoyment out of watching this movie. Watching Peter, Michael, and Samir destroy a malfunctioning piece of computer equipment was so satisfying, considering my own Incredible Hulk rage towards such things. Watching Peter find happiness when he started the movie so miserable and out-of-body also made me glow like a light bulb. Listening to the gangster rap soundtrack to subdue Michael Bolton’s unfortunate name? Delicious piece of storytelling. There’s a lot of joy the average audience member can find in this movie. We’ve all had a condescending boss or teacher at some point in our lives. Rebelling against them is a fantasy everyone can enjoy no matter what level of work experience they have. “Level of work experience.” That’s a corporate buzzword if I’ve ever heard one. I’m sure Lumberg’s said that a few times off camera.

While the movie isn’t perfect by any means, it’s still appointment viewing for pretty much anybody who’s had it with corporate authority. Yes, the movie takes place in 1999 and might be a little dated in some places, but when has that ever stopped Mike Judge from predicting the future like he did with Idiocracy? Actually, he was off by 490 years, but hey, details, details. They matter about as much as a fraction of a penny. What does a fraction of a penny have to do with this plot? Watch it and find out. It’ll be yet another piece of anti-corporate satisfaction. I promise you. This movie gets four stars out of five, a B for Bureaucracy, and an 85% save progress bar. Seriously, you stupid computer, hurry up and save the files!

Boots and Tongues

VERSE 1

Lick all the ass cheeks, lick all the dicks

Lick all the pussies until you get sick

Drink all the juices, every last ounce

Then tell the world to compare bank accounts

PRE-CHORUS 1

You won’t rinse with mouthwash

Lick it! Lick it! Lick it all!

You won’t use dental floss

CHORUS 1

Boots and tongues! Collect your pay!

Boots and tongues! The corporate way!

Boots and tongues! It tastes okay!

Boots and tongues! Lick it!

VERSE 2

Lick all the bare feet and savor the treat

Toe jam and toenails are the new lunch meat

Lick all the nut sacks and kiss all the rings

Kiss all the asses and lick everything

PRE-CHORUS 2

You won’t brush with toothpaste

Lick it! Lick it! Lick it all!

Dental insurance is such a waste

CHORUS 2

Boots and tongues! Collect your cash!

Boots and tongues! Marry into trash!

Boots and tongues! Hide your stash!

Boots and tongues! Lick it!

CHORUS 3

Boots and tongues! Collect your coin!

Boots and tongues! Stroke your groin!

Boots and tongues! The club to join!

Boots and tongues! Lick it!