Get a Job

DIALOGUE

Tip? I’ve got a tip for you. Get a real job! Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk!

 

VERSE 1

You could hire me as your manicurist

To do the job right, I need to bind your wrists

Paint a nice blue coat over them fingertips

Stop itching your hands, that shit’s gonna rip

Except it wasn’t nail polish, not a single drop

It’s hydrofluoric acid, watch them bubbles pop

Look at your hands! They’re good as new

About as new as my diploma mill degree, dude

 

DIALOGUE

The best kind of social program is spelled J-O-B! Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk!

 

VERSE 2

You could hire me as your wife’s foot masseur

That could have been your role, but I’m much cuter

She can have a few glasses of red wine first

Wouldn’t want her to pass out from all the thirst

Put on some Michael Bolton and squirt some oil

Make her soles nice and soft, make her toes coil

She loves the feeling and it’s making her sing

And just like that, she lost her wedding ring

 

DIALOGUE

Get a job! The world doesn’t owe you a living! Hey, wait a minute…I’m all mixed up here…

 

VERSE 3

You could hire me as your personal chef

I’ll have you munching every bite until there’s nothing left

Word of advice: don’t ask for clam chowder

Unless you’ve got hemorrhoid cream and baby powder

You’ve been on the toilet for over a week

The whole damn house is starting to reek

I guess I’m entitled to some hazard pay

As your shiny red asshole rots and decays

 

DIALOGUE

That does it, boy! Your ass is fired! Why?! Because no one wants to work anymore! Hey, wait a minute…damn it, I got all mixed up again!

How Much Longer? Wait Your Turn...

How much longer until this is over?

When my thoughts are clear and sober?

When the voices leave my mind forever?

Please tell me that the answer isn’t never

Wait your turn like a good little boy

Wait your turn to unhear the noise

Like a rainstorm, it’ll eventually pass

Until then, enjoy your kick in the ass

How much longer until I can leave?

Until making a cure has been achieved?

Until authority will no longer deceive?

Hopefully soon is what I can believe

Wait your turn like everybody else

We’re in this together, our moment of hell

Don’t be tempted by the church bells

Don’t forget about the ones who fell

How much longer until permanent peace?

Until the madness of the world will cease?

Until people come before the economy?

Until we can skip this whole tragicomedy?

Wait your turn like a model citizen

What makes you so goddamn different?

Don’t let your selfishness get in the way

Of America living on for another day

How much longer until I can rest my head?

And not have to worry about being dead?

Maybe that’s the only logical conclusion

Maybe I shouldn’t give into delusions

Wait your turn, you’ve got a long way to go

When your time will come, nobody knows

Get to work on your precious purple prose

Work until the day that your breathing slows

I know it’s cruel and it just isn’t fair

All I can tell you is to grow a brass pair

You never signed up for military life

But the truth cuts deeper than a bowie knife

Screw your harshness, screw your indifference

Screw your so-called melodic dissonance

I’ll be back in true form one of these days

Until then, your welcome is long overstayed

I’m the landlord and the rent is now due

Don’t act like this just came out of the blue

I’ll kick your ass out of my mind so fast

You’ll be too far back in the prehistoric past

El Perfecto

VERSE 1

Getting it right on the very first try

Is setting the bar way too fucking high

Black widow parents feeding kids venom

How to score A’s, how to get into heaven

El Perfecto is an out of reach nickname

Anything below that is all a big shame

No time to play, learn how to pray

That your belt bruises will go away

CHORUS

El Perfecto! X4

VERSE 2

Landing a career as a big shot executive

A hot shit CEO who nobody messes with

Is a privilege for those with money and power

A right for those with their name on a tower

Landing a career jockeying a cash register

Is more than just an old political metaphor

It’s a way of life for those who cannot buy

Their way into a private jet flying in the sky

CHORUS

El Perfecto! X4

BRIDGE

Stressed out! You don’t know what to do

So a gun to your skull is what you choose

Stressed out! You don’t know who to trust

In a world where nobody really gives a fuck

Stressed out! You don’t know how to relax

There are so many knives in so many backs

Stressed out! The oligarchy rules your life

They don’t know what it’s like to want to die

VERSE 3

You swear you’ll take a day off next Monday

But your broken down body has become mundane

You swear you’ll see a doctor next Tuesday

But the prices were jacked up twice today

You swear you’ll get married next Wednesday

But you couldn’t satisfy her on your best day

You swear you’ll end the cycle soon enough

But that hollow sunken belly is yours to stuff

CHORUS

El Perfecto! X4

Nation of Genocide

VERSE 1

Summer sun, waterless desert

Dead bodies resting forever

A nation built on oppression

Let’s hear your confession

Not a bunch of what-abouts

You’re worthy of the shouts

Graveyard on your conscience

Relax in your highest office

CHORUS

Nation of genocide!

I’ll never choose your side!

Nation of racial pride!

My free speech will not hide!

VERSE 2

Business deals, cheap entertainment

Marginalization and detainment

Dungeon torture, decapitation

Welcome to the murder nation

CHORUS

Nation of genocide!

I’ll never choose your side!

Nation of racial pride!

My free speech will not hide!

BRIDGE

You can call it social progress

I call it blood and gore offence

The only reason you hold office

Is filthy money in your pockets

VERSE 3

Not a nickel or the thinnest dime

You won’t get a penny of mine

Not a quarter with a buffalo’s ass

Your economy must collapse

EXTENDED CHORUS

Nation of genocide!

I’ll never choose your side!

Nation of racial pride!

My free speech will not hide!

Nation of ignorance!

Defend your values with vigilance!

Nation of Armageddon!

A fake smile is your secret weapon!

Boring

VERSE 1

“Get a real job!” is what they say

Blind conformity equals good pay

PRE-CHORUS 1

Trade school is boring

I can’t keep from snoring

Come on!

Fuck off!

CHORUS 1

You see, it’s their fault

We don’t have no dreams no more

Colors fading, not worth parading

Society has become a chore

VERSE 2

“Go work in tech!” is what they scream

Crushing your dreams, it makes them cream

PRE-CHORUS 2

Tech jobs are boring

I can’t keep from snoring

Come on!

Fuck off!

CHORUS 2

You see, it’s their fault

We can’t do what we love the most

Paintings destroyed, artists left unemployed

While the boss men laugh and boast

BRIDGE

Crushed all our pride

We can’t get inside

Nowhere left to hide

We sleep outside

Come on!

Fuck off!

VOICE-OVER

Trade school: the one part of the educational journey where it’s okay to fall asleep in class! Sign up today and get fucked for your first three months free!

STEM Sell

VERSE 1

You show off your engineering degree

And laugh at those with artistic needs

Telling them to get a real fucking job

Dress in suits and ties, not like a slob

When will the lesson finally sink in?

Creativity is never an economic sin

While you’re miserable and stressed

Money isn’t happiness’s litmus test

CHORUS

Don’t try to sell me a life of pain!

I’d rather keep from going insane!

Art is my life, my heaven, my hell!

I’m not buying your STEM sell!

VERSE 2

You can buy a house and a fancy car

Yet you still waste away at the bar

A boring life marred with depression

The sadness spreads like an infection

Take out your blight on those who write

Those who paint and those who create

Those who strum chords on a guitar

Those whose dreams seem so far

CHORUS

Don’t try to sell me a life of pain!

I’d rather keep from going insane!

Art is my life, my heaven, my hell!

I’m not buying your STEM sell!

BRIDGE

I’m not a machine for a technomancer

I’m not a pill, the doctor’s answer

I’m not a number, don’t file me away

I’m an artist and proud to stay that way!

EXTENDED CHORUS

Don’t try to sell me a life of pain!

I’d rather keep from going insane!

Art is my life, my heaven, my hell!

I’m not buying your STEM sell!

Take your paycheck and shove it!

I create true art because I love it!

Drive your Mustang into the river!

Coldness and sorrow will make you shiver!

McDonald's Prostitute

VERSE 1

Which tastes worse: the blowjob or the burger?

Which is more sadistic: slavery or murder?

Which is more dangerous: the fries or the lies?

Which is more confusing: the whats or the whys?

Stretched so thin like lying on a torture table

Scraping up whatever small change you’re able

Put on the pounds and make orgasmic sounds

Nobody will help you in this selfish town

CHORUS

McDonald’s prostitute, what’re you fighting for?

An economy that doesn’t subsidize war?

A market that doesn’t overpower the rich?

They’ll be the first to tell you that life is a bitch!

VERSE 2

What ice cream do you want: vanilla or chocolate?

Where’s your money: in your purse or your pocket?

Where do you call home: the bridge or the streets?

What’s the ending to this story: victory or defeat?

I would never judge you for your desperation

I would never insult you or give you lacerations

It’s not your fault and you’re not in the wrong

Have my twenty dollar bill and the lyrics to this song

CHORUS

McDonald’s prostitute, what’re you fighting for?

An economy that doesn’t subsidize war?

A market that doesn’t overpower the rich?

They’ll be the first to tell you that life is a bitch!

VERSE 3

A triple bacon burger with onions and pickles

A man in black robes with a sick-looking sickle

The loneliness will kill you before the food does

A disgusting fucking joke is what this all was

Everybody wanted it to go wrong from the start

They vote with their balls and not with their hearts

Now they can’t even fill up their shopping carts

Except with their last possessions and metal parts

CHORUS X2

McDonald’s prostitute, what’re you fighting for?

An economy that doesn’t subsidize war?

A market that doesn’t overpower the rich?

They’ll be the first to tell you that life is a bitch!

High School Dreams

It’s hard to believe that I graduated from high school way back in 2003. And yet, the past refuses to rest in its shallow grave. Of all the dreams I’ve had in my adult life, going back to school is the most common. According to Dream Moods, going back to high school suggests inadequacy. I’ve graduated from college in 2009, but I haven’t been able to find a career that will make me independent.

So what do I have now? Dreams where I’m trying to figure out what grades I got by logging onto the school website, but I forgot my username and password. I’ve also had dreams where I go to school completely naked. Despite my overweight frame, nobody seems to notice or otherwise care.

And then there are those really interesting dreams where I sign up for a math or science class and I’m in danger of failing, so I drop out with a W for a grade. English literature, on the other hand, I have no problem with. I read the books and complete the assignments in a timely fashion, so my teachers couldn’t be happier with me.

Here’s a weird one for you: going to gym class and forgetting my exercise clothes only to have a fellow student buy them for me at the student store. I’m forever in that kid’s debt.

But sometimes school can’t last forever (bummer). Sometimes I have to ride the bus home…and then a foot ferry…and then a military grade submarine…and then an airplane. Did I leave anything out? How about me going to school in a really tiny building, almost microscopic. And then once I get to class, I try to find a seat, but all the desks and seats have graffiti on them.

There are a lot of different ways for a subconscious to tell a guy how inadequate he really is. Is there something else my brain is trying to tell me? Do I really need a reminder of how I’ve only made a 60 cent profit this entire time of selling my writing? Do I really need the point driven home that I couldn’t even make it as a library scientist (because they wouldn’t hire me in the first place)? Do I need to be told over and over again how all of my work experience has been voluntary?

Not everybody’s life can be rainbows and skittles. Very few people can say they’re part of the 1%. Should they start having high school dreams too? What exactly constitutes success? Money? Fame? Happiness?

I don’t claim to have all of the answers, but if my subconscious is going to keep throwing these high school dreams at me, it should at least have the decency to provide me with honest answers about myself. And if my subconscious doesn’t have all the answers, who does, and is this person within reach? So many questions, not enough answers. It’s the story of my life, even when I was still going to high school.

　

***MOVIE QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“I’ve been doing some web design.”

-Peter Parker aka Spiderman from “The Amazing Spiderman 2”-

"The Adventures of Unemployed Man" by Erich Origen and Gan Golan

In a blog about fast-paced books, it shouldn’t come as a huge surprise that I would include graphic novels. Never mind the fact that this particular graphic novel has the thickness of my pinky finger. It may be over before you know it, but it’s worth every second you spend reading it. It’s called “The Adventures of Unemployed Man”. It was published in 2010 and still has relevance in today’s world with the crappy economy. Think of all the factors that contribute to the destruction of the American economy and make a superhero parody out of those same factors. You’ve got the main character who starts out promoting “positivity” among poor people and encouraging them to “stop being lazy” and “get a job”. You’ve heard these lines before, I’m sure. And then, wouldn’t you know it, the same superhero who promotes these ideas gets fired himself and is forced to rub shoulders with economic outcasts such as the “Angry White Man” and the “Single Mother Woman”. I’m not sure what the exact names of these superheroes are, but they do serve as prototypes for those most affected by the economy. And guess what? The main villain of the story is a gigantic thumb that crushes everybody underneath it. The symbolism in these characters is so obvious that it forces you to giggle every couple of pages. But as you’re giggling, make sure you soak in the message of the graphic novel as much as possible. It’s okay to feel down about how the economy is hurting you, but if you’re going to be positive, be positive about your ability to affect change, not about being forced to smile as you’re being raped by the top 1%. The message couldn’t be clearer if it was written in a bright red neon noodle hovering over Las Vegas. The authors who wrote this graphic novel may have been working in such a short space, but that’s all they needed in order to make a complete story. Who cares if they make flash fiction look like the thickness of a Stephen King novel? It’s a damn good story. I give it five stars.

　

***POLITICAL DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

BILL MAHER: Did Barack Obama double the national debt?
MICHELLE CARUSO-CABRERA: What’re you all looking at me for?
BILL MAHER: Because you’re the only one crazy enough to say yes!

-Real Time With Bill Maher-