Barack Obama: A MUCH Better President Than Donald Trump Could Dream of Being

 

George W. Bush: a War Criminal Who's Somehow Not as Bad as Trump

 

Serj Tankian from System of a Down vs. Kid Rock

 

Welcome to the World, Gunther Golan

VERSE 1

After nine months of tummies being swollen

Welcome to the world, Gunther Golan

Can’t find your momma? Neither can I

Like a broken resolution, kiss her goodbye

Even I don’t know how you came to me

Must have been a night of drunken misery

But I can’t stand the taste of Budweiser

Another drug kept me from being the wiser

VERSE 2

Sorry for the disappointment, my little guy

Don’t have the patience or money to raise you right

Only resource I have is a life full of baggage

Potential turned to shit like eating too much cabbage

I could get a nice job flipping other people’s burgers

But that won’t offset all my fantasies of murder

Even if I had a million dollars in my bank

The screams still grated, the diapers still stank

VERSE 3

I can’t afford a car to drive you to school

So they give you D’s and C’s and label you a fool

Only option for you is to join the military

Where survivor’s guilt is their burden to carry

Another piece of meat for the sausage grinder

Another statistic in the government binder

This could have been avoided with a simple abortion

But instead the system plotted all this extortion

VERSE 4

After all the trauma and the baby mamma drama

All I had to show was a check from Obama

That was years ago, time flies like a vulture

Makes meals of us all, it’s American culture

We all had dreams at one point or another

Maybe you dreamed of having your own brother

But your legacy ends here, Mr. Gunther Golan

An endless stream of shit like cancer in the colon

FINAL LINE

But I’d give anything to bring you back…

Change the Channel

VERSE 1

Pick your battles, change the channel

To inner peace, rage can’t hold a candle

So much negativity invading your space

As if you could actually change this place

Worldwide trauma is too much drama

While everybody likes to blame Obama

Don’t forget who the real owners are

Remember as you put gas in your car

CHORUS

Why am I watching this brutal shit?

Why am I reading this vitriolic lit?

I’m saving my anger for another day

I’m changing the channel to get away

VERSE 2

Save your sanity, no more Hannity

The safest space is your own canopy

Filter out the hatred and brutality

Too much finality in this reality

It’s not that I don’t give a fuck

It’s just that we’re shit out of luck

Don’t rub it in my goddamn face

You can’t invade my safest place

CHORUS

Why am I watching this brutal shit?

Why am I reading this vitriolic lit?

I’m saving my anger for another day

I’m changing the channel to get away

VERSE 3

Too much anger and too much scorn

We’re physically sick and mentally worn

Sometimes it’s better not to be born

To a world covered in bloodlust porn

People wonder why I run and hide

From the darkness I keep on the inside

Because it’s like a war zone outside

With too much bigotry and national pride

EXTENDED CHORUS

Why am I watching this brutal shit?

Why am I reading this vitriolic lit?

I’m saving my anger for another day

I’m changing the channel to get away

They say I need to open my mind

Yet they’re the ones who are blind

What do they think I’ll try to find?

Death and disease of a different kind?

Real Time with Bill Maher

TITLE: Real Time with Bill Maher

GENRE: Political Debate and Comedy

RATING: TV-MA for strong language

GRADE: Depends on the episode

As I write this review for my lovely audience, I don’t want any of you to think this is me putting the boots to Bill Maher. I have a lot of respect for him both as a comedian and as a political commentator. In case you haven’t figured it out from my internet postings over the years, I have very strong liberal beliefs. In 2004, I voted for John Kerry and in 2008 and 2012, I voted for Barack Obama. Naturally, I agree with the things Bill Maher says almost 90% of the time. I especially enjoyed what he had to say about the recent police brutality incidents going on all over the country.

As far as his talk show goes, it’s not Bill Maher himself who makes or breaks each episode. It’s his fucking guests. Some episodes, his guests are polite and have great conversational chemistry together, and that goes for both liberal and conservative guests. Despite being on the opposite side of the political fence as him, I actually think Steve Schmidt, John McCain’s campaign advisor, carries himself in a calm, intelligent, and respectful way and having him on the show is always good to see.

And then there are those episodes where the guests are at each other’s throats like it’s an episode of WWE Smackdown. You know the guests I’m talking about: always interrupting each other, always talking loudly, always saying rude shit, and in some cases always taunting the audience. Does anybody remember the episode where Christopher Hitchens flipped off the audience? How about the ones where Dana Rorabacher created a sonic boom with his dialogue alone.

While it is true there are more rude conservative guests than liberal ones, there are liberal guests who are capable of holding Bill Maher’s show hostage. Gary Schandling answered his fucking cell phone in the middle of a political discussion. Roseanne Barr had more dialogue in one show than most guests have in multiple episodes. The biggest example of a show hostage taker is one I know I’m going to regret saying, mostly because he recently committed suicide. I’m talking about Robin Williams, who on one episode interrupted everybody with random jokes and committed the mortal sin of interrupting Bill Maher’s New Rules segment.

Bottom line: it’s not just being liberal or conservative that can make a guest annoying. It’s the way that guest presents himself on television to an audience who really just wants to see Bill Maher pop off jokes. The problem with his show is most of the time he invites crazy guests who destroy the whole night for the audience. At that point, I’m not even sure if New Rules can make me laugh since I’m too angry from all the fighting among the guests.

Mr. Maher, I’m not saying this to be mean to you, I’m saying it to you as a fan and hopefully a friend someday. Have a filter for the people you invite on your show. Dana Rorabacher already ruined one show with his shrill screaming, so don’t bother inviting him back on the set. I could also tell you were getting sick of SE Cupp’s ageist jokes when you had PJ O’Rourke as the final guest. You probably invite these lunatics on your show as a way to boost ratings. Trust me, Bill, this is not the way to get high ratings. If you want a pro-wrestling example of bad TV gone even worse, I’ve got three letters for you: WCW.

Books Made Into Movies

With this huge abundance of movies based off of books, there always seems to be an active debate going on about faithfulness to the original medium. Whenever something is slightly off-key, fan boys and fan girls fly off the handle and take to Twitter for a war of words. Then again, I’ve also heard arguments about how the director should have some control over the movie seeing as how he’s just as important as the writer. It happens in theater productions all the time. Sometimes the adjustments are agreeable, other times they’re nowhere near negotiable. I remember hearing a story about how the writer for a pornographic movie called Wild Side killed himself because the director changed the script drastically from its original intentions. Suicide because a script was butchered? Well, I’ve always heard about how artists can be insane sometimes. If you ask me for my opinion, I think there should be equal cooperation between writer and director. The director should be asking the writer about the way he wants the movie done and the writer should be flexible about the changes to be made. Writing and filmmaking are two very different mediums and therefore require completely different sets of skills. Wouldn’t you feel better if your project was in the right hands? The trust between two people is ultimately what will drive them to success whether it’s in a business, personal, romantic, or other kind of relationship. But of course, the tendency to dominate the project is ever present in today’s world. Wild Side is an extreme example of what could go wrong with domination. It typically doesn’t result in a suicide, but it can be struggled over in the court systems. If one thing goes wrong, a lawsuit will be ignited. It doesn’t matter who wins the lawsuit or even if it’s thrown out. Even if there’s no settlement to be gained, the money spent on lawyer’s fees and the delaying of the project will grind and wear on the people involved. Is it really worth suing over? We all know it’s not worth killing over as evidenced with Wild Side. If somebody wanted to make a movie out of “Red Blood, White Knuckles, Blue Heart”, I wouldn’t be heartbroken over the choices the director made. I would just be fucking thrilled to know that people care enough about my book to make it into a more relatable medium. Reading is fun, but then again, so are movies. When these schools of thought come together, it should always be a beautiful thing. Nothing more, nothing less.

　

***COMEDIC QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“People got mad because Barack Obama thought mind-melding was from Star Wars instead of Star Trek. And I say to them, ‘Congratulations, you’re experts in every world except the real one.’”

-Bill Maher-

"For the Win" by Cory Doctorow

Get ready to activate your activism. Get ready to demand what’s rightfully yours. What do we want? Internet and workers’ rights! When do we want it? As soon as the police stop beating us up! Such is the world of “For the Win” by Cory Doctorow. Playing online videogames has become a fulltime job, but without the benefits and perks that come with being in a union. But in order to form a union, you have to recover from the head trauma you’ve endured from a policeman’s knight stick so that you can organize your thoughts clearly. Seeing as how a good portion of this story takes place in China, you can expect a little dictatorship to be peppered relentlessly throughout the story. Lots of beatings, lots of arrests, and not enough people to stand up to these oppressive governments. The further into the story you get, the more people there are that sign up for this form of political bravery. With the help of the internet, this army of working-class people comes closer and closer together, further emphasizing Cory Doctorow’s theme of people over profits. Case in point, having more people on your side to speak out against oppression is more effective than bombing the crap out of a government building or police station or even causing a head-splitting riot in the streets. Even though “For the Win” is a work of fiction and appeals more to Generation Y members because of the videogame aspect of the storyline, we see these themes of political oppression all throughout the world. Therefore, this book is relatable to everyone even if you don’t play videogames as religiously as these main characters. A prime example of these theories in action comes from right here in the good old US of A. The reason Barack Obama got as many votes as he did in the 2008 presidential election was in part because he used social media to appeal to the younger crowd. He never had to strike fear in the hearts of his own people or incite riots, which is more than anybody could say about the Tea Party candidates that came swarming into office in 2010. Hope has always been more appealing than fear. These “For the Win” characters cling onto hope every day of their lives regardless of how badly they’re beaten by the police. When you eventually make it to the final 400 to 500 pages of the book, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how well people power, hope over fear, and internet access mesh together in order to create change in an otherwise dystopian society.

　

***LITERARY QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“It was as obvious as a boner at the chalkboard.”

-A line from “For the Win” by Cory Doctorow-

"The Adventures of Unemployed Man" by Erich Origen and Gan Golan

In a blog about fast-paced books, it shouldn’t come as a huge surprise that I would include graphic novels. Never mind the fact that this particular graphic novel has the thickness of my pinky finger. It may be over before you know it, but it’s worth every second you spend reading it. It’s called “The Adventures of Unemployed Man”. It was published in 2010 and still has relevance in today’s world with the crappy economy. Think of all the factors that contribute to the destruction of the American economy and make a superhero parody out of those same factors. You’ve got the main character who starts out promoting “positivity” among poor people and encouraging them to “stop being lazy” and “get a job”. You’ve heard these lines before, I’m sure. And then, wouldn’t you know it, the same superhero who promotes these ideas gets fired himself and is forced to rub shoulders with economic outcasts such as the “Angry White Man” and the “Single Mother Woman”. I’m not sure what the exact names of these superheroes are, but they do serve as prototypes for those most affected by the economy. And guess what? The main villain of the story is a gigantic thumb that crushes everybody underneath it. The symbolism in these characters is so obvious that it forces you to giggle every couple of pages. But as you’re giggling, make sure you soak in the message of the graphic novel as much as possible. It’s okay to feel down about how the economy is hurting you, but if you’re going to be positive, be positive about your ability to affect change, not about being forced to smile as you’re being raped by the top 1%. The message couldn’t be clearer if it was written in a bright red neon noodle hovering over Las Vegas. The authors who wrote this graphic novel may have been working in such a short space, but that’s all they needed in order to make a complete story. Who cares if they make flash fiction look like the thickness of a Stephen King novel? It’s a damn good story. I give it five stars.

　

***POLITICAL DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

BILL MAHER: Did Barack Obama double the national debt?
MICHELLE CARUSO-CABRERA: What’re you all looking at me for?
BILL MAHER: Because you’re the only one crazy enough to say yes!

-Real Time With Bill Maher-