TITLE: Real Time with Bill Maher
GENRE: Political Debate and Comedy
RATING: TV-MA for strong language
GRADE: Depends on the episode
As I write this review for my lovely audience, I don’t want any of you to think this is me putting the boots to Bill Maher. I have a lot of respect for him both as a comedian and as a political commentator. In case you haven’t figured it out from my internet postings over the years, I have very strong liberal beliefs. In 2004, I voted for John Kerry and in 2008 and 2012, I voted for Barack Obama. Naturally, I agree with the things Bill Maher says almost 90% of the time. I especially enjoyed what he had to say about the recent police brutality incidents going on all over the country.
As far as his talk show goes, it’s not Bill Maher himself who makes or breaks each episode. It’s his fucking guests. Some episodes, his guests are polite and have great conversational chemistry together, and that goes for both liberal and conservative guests. Despite being on the opposite side of the political fence as him, I actually think Steve Schmidt, John McCain’s campaign advisor, carries himself in a calm, intelligent, and respectful way and having him on the show is always good to see.
And then there are those episodes where the guests are at each other’s throats like it’s an episode of WWE Smackdown. You know the guests I’m talking about: always interrupting each other, always talking loudly, always saying rude shit, and in some cases always taunting the audience. Does anybody remember the episode where Christopher Hitchens flipped off the audience? How about the ones where Dana Rorabacher created a sonic boom with his dialogue alone.
While it is true there are more rude conservative guests than liberal ones, there are liberal guests who are capable of holding Bill Maher’s show hostage. Gary Schandling answered his fucking cell phone in the middle of a political discussion. Roseanne Barr had more dialogue in one show than most guests have in multiple episodes. The biggest example of a show hostage taker is one I know I’m going to regret saying, mostly because he recently committed suicide. I’m talking about Robin Williams, who on one episode interrupted everybody with random jokes and committed the mortal sin of interrupting Bill Maher’s New Rules segment.
Bottom line: it’s not just being liberal or conservative that can make a guest annoying. It’s the way that guest presents himself on television to an audience who really just wants to see Bill Maher pop off jokes. The problem with his show is most of the time he invites crazy guests who destroy the whole night for the audience. At that point, I’m not even sure if New Rules can make me laugh since I’m too angry from all the fighting among the guests.
Mr. Maher, I’m not saying this to be mean to you, I’m saying it to you as a fan and hopefully a friend someday. Have a filter for the people you invite on your show. Dana Rorabacher already ruined one show with his shrill screaming, so don’t bother inviting him back on the set. I could also tell you were getting sick of SE Cupp’s ageist jokes when you had PJ O’Rourke as the final guest. You probably invite these lunatics on your show as a way to boost ratings. Trust me, Bill, this is not the way to get high ratings. If you want a pro-wrestling example of bad TV gone even worse, I’ve got three letters for you: WCW.
New Rule: ice cream should stay nonpartisan. Some right-wingers came out with an ice cream to counteract the hippies at Ben & Jerry’s with flavors like “Smaller Govern-Mint”, “I Hate the French Vanilla”, and “Iraqi Road”. I know, anything to get Ann Coulter to eat. But these guys are missing the whole point of Ben & Jerry’s. Hippie ice cream is fun because you eat it when you’re stoned.
New Rule: wing nuts have to stop saying that they’re going to boycott Oreos because they made a gay cookie. In fact, this giant blob of vegetable oil and corn syrup is the perfect symbol for gay pride, because when I look at it, I’d rather have a dick in my mouth.
New Rule: couples who make out in public have to bring a bucket for me to throw up in. I didn’t come all the way to Applebee’s to be sickened by your dry humping. I came all the way to Applebee’s to be sickened by the food.
New Rule: parents have to stop telling me that their little daughter is going to be a heart-breaker or that she’s flirting with me. It’s just plain creepy. Plus, it makes me regret having lunch alone at Chuck E. Cheese’s.
New Rule: if churches don’t have to pay taxes, they also can’t call the fire department when they catch on fire. Sorry Reverend, that’s one of those services that comes with paying in. I’ll use the fire department that I pay for, you can pray for rain.
New Rule: if you protest motorcycle helmet laws by not wearing a helmet and you get into an accident, you deserve to die.
New Rule: Chinese restaurants have to stop being judgmental whenever I ask for a fork. It’s not a hate crime. Give me a fork before it dawns on me what the fuck I’m really eating.
These examples are just a few of what you can expect from Bill Maher’s two books “New Rules” and “The New New Rules”. If you need current examples, watch his show on HBO every Friday night. We’re going to overtime!
***TELEVISION DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***
MORT: Peter, you’re swallowing those suppositories?
PETER: No, I’m shoving them up my ass. Of course I’m swallowing them!
-Family Guy-
“Age is just a number.” We hear this phrase being thrown around a lot and only half the time does it actually stick. In the case of Batman coming out of retirement, once again, the reader finds himself riding the fence. At 55 years old, Bruce Wayne has slowed down dramatically. Considering that Gotham City has become a dystopian hellhole, the city needed Batman whether he was 55, 75, or even 100. Somewhere along the path of old age, Batman had become more violent and disturbing in his approach to fighting crime. He probably had to be in order to keep up with both father time and the dystopian world in which he lives, where crime breaks out on every street corner and every building in this city. And guess what? The Joker had not missed a step since passing into the elder end of his life. If anything, he too had become more sadistic and disgusting in his approach to violent behavior. When mixing the concepts of old age, rampant crime, and questionable justice, Frank Miller delivers with “The Dark Knight Returns”. And yes, it is a fast read, the short page count not withstanding. But anytime the name Frank Miller’s name comes up in conversation, so does the gigantic elephant in the room. An elephant so huge that he can’t even hide behind corporate buildings. Of course, I’m talking about Miller’s comments toward the Occupy Wall Street movement, referring to the protesters and “pond scum” and “rapists”. If you go to my post about “All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome”, you’ll see a little kitty joke I made at the end with an Occupy punch line. In case that alone doesn’t lend itself to what I think of Miller’s comments, then here it is. He’s done a hell of a job with “The Dark Knight Returns” and “Batman: Year One”, but his comments about the Occupy movement are disgusting as hell and I’m glad Alan Moore, the creator of Watchmen, had the sense to call him on that. If Frank Miller can continue to make awesomely violent comic books with a dark edge, then I promise to separate his work from his personal politics. I’m an atheist who listens to Skillet, so I think I’ll do just fine in ignoring political views I don’t agree with.
***COMEDIC QUOTE OF THE DAY***
“New rule: wing nuts have to stop saying they’re going to boycott Oreos because they made a gay cookie. In fact, this giant blob of vegetable oil and corn syrup is the perfect symbol for gay pride, because when I look at it, I’d rather have a dick in my mouth.”
-Bill Maher-
