Showing posts with label Italy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Italy. Show all posts
Thursday, August 20, 2026
Sunday, November 17, 2019
Spaghetti Western
VERSE 1
A harbinger of things to come
Foreheads spitting out bubblegum
Mexican guitarists playing their strums
Spaghetti western, come get some
CHORUS 1
Hey, Sergio! Keep that camera rolling
Hey, Ennio! Keep that music lulling
Hey, cowboy! Should I shoot your ass again?
Spaghetti western! You’re fucking dead!
VERSE 2
Bullets flying in the Spanish sunset
Dynamite blasting, we ain’t done yet
A fistful of dollars, a bellyful of lead
Spaghetti western, bleed them red
CHORUS 2
Hey, Luigi! Take the role of hero
Hey, Giuseppe! Be my Robert Di Niro
Hey, cowboy! Are you ready for a fight?
Spaghetti western! Let’s light up the night!
BRIDGE
We’re taking over the silver screen
Making the bloodthirsty cream
Is it rated R or somewhere beyond?
This ain’t no time for a family bond
VERSE 3
Another sunset darkens the horizon
Another victory is all mine, son
Another masterpiece caught on film
Spaghetti western, shoot to kill
CHORUS 3
Hey, Mario! Put down the pizza pie
Hey, Nero! Be my blackheart bad guy
Hey, cowboy! Comfy in your grave?
Spaghetti western! You can’t be saved!
Yee-haw!
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
A Million Dollars
(A parody of rich people who sue for ridiculous reasons.)
VERSE 1
To make money, you have to have money
I’m laughing to the bank, it’s so damn funny
I’ll take you to court for every fucking penny
Spend your money on hookers named Jenny
You don’t have much, but it’s mine anyways
It’s not my fault you work for minimal pay
The coffee you served me was too damn hot
Someone has to pay for my scarred up crotch
CHORUS
I am going to sue you!
I am going to screw you!
I’ll make you holler!
I’m going to sue you for a million dollars!
VERSE 2
Telling lies about me, that’s called slander
Choke on your bullshit, choke on your candor
Spreading misinformation, that’s defamation
Kidding yourself with mental masturbation
The judge has no sympathy for liars and cheaters
Even if you’re nothing more than a bottom feeder
You have a welfare check? Try to make it stretch
In your financial future, I’ll throw a monkey wrench
CHORUS
I am going to sue you!
I am going to screw you!
I’ll make you holler!
I’m going to sue you for a million dollars!
VERSE 3
It’s not your fault that the system is crazy
It’s all your fault that you’re too damn lazy
Keep manning the grill while I crack the whip
Keep fairytale lies from coming out of your lips
EXTENDED CHORUS
I am going to sue you!
I am going to screw you!
I’ll make you holler!
I’m going to sue you for a million dollars!
I’ll show up to court in a suit and tie!
Watch as you curl up in a ball and die!
See you on the streets, your brand new home!
See me vacationing in the city of Rome
Friday, February 12, 2016
Where to Invade Next
MOVIE TITLE: Where to Invade Next
DIRECTOR: Michael Moore
YEAR: 2015
GENRE: Political Documentary
RATING: R for language and nudity
GRADE: Extra Credit
As America falls behind in education, healthcare, employment, and overall happiness, Michael Moore sets sail to “invade” countries by “stealing” their ideas on how to run society so that he can bring them back to America. In Finland, there is no homework in school. In France, childhood nutrition is of utmost importance. In Italy, taking eight weeks of paid vacation is the law of the land. These, among other stress-relieving ideas, were originally American ideas, but somewhere along the way, we’ve forgotten how to use them. Mr. Moore’s positive attitude toward bringing change to his home country with these now European ideas makes the educational experience that much more fun to watch on screen.
While Michael Moore was shooting footage in Italy, he said something that set the tone for the entire movie in terms of positivity and stress-relief: “I’m here to pick the flowers, not the weeds.” In other words, while he acknowledges that life isn’t perfect in these other countries, they at least got some things right. By “picking the flowers”, Mr. Moore is highlighting all of the positive things about these countries to give the people of America hope for a better day. The overall theme we’re dealing with is happiness among the citizens. When citizens are happy, they’re more productive, they’re more educated, and they learn to take care of each other in a civilized way. In Norway for example, the prison system focuses on rehabilitation and not revenge. They have only a 20% relapse rate while vengeful America has a whopping 80%. Holy shit!
There’s also a history lesson to be learned when it comes to American culture and it was highlighted in Michael’s trip to Germany, where the people take responsibility for their Hitler-tainted past and ensure it never happens again. In America, a country built on Indian genocide and black slavery, it took a few centuries to reinvent slavery and deny racism in the process. After the civil rights movement, black people and other minorities had equal rights. Years later, drugs marketed to the “urban folk” became illegal and minorities started getting locked up left and right. Many of the products we use today are thanks to free labor from the prison system. It’s disturbing as hell and Michael Moore has no problem shining a bright neon light on the problem.
Focusing on happiness and being taught history are both excellent traits to have in a movie, but the one thing that changed me as a human being was suddenly having the urge to travel to and maybe live in other places outside of America. I’ve been on vacation to Canada and I loved every minute of it. But what about Germany? What about France? What about Denmark? Now that I know what exactly is out there, the travel bug bit me like an alligator in the Florida Everglades. Yes, it would mean having to sit on a plane for hours on end, but I’m sure arrangements could be made ahead of time to make crossing the ocean bearable. Maybe there are airlines with beds instead of seats. Maybe I could book a private flight. Maybe I could take a cruise ship across the water. Rekindling my interest in culture and history was something that needed to happen since I’d been out of college since 2009 and I wasn’t taking in enough creative fuel.
Of course, there are going to be some Negative Nancies and Debbie Downers out there who will call Michael Moore’s cinema “bullshit”. I’m sure he’s heard that insult several times throughout his long and illustrious career. Hell, some directors tried to make entire documentaries slamming Michael Moore and his “scare tactics”. To those conservative critics who are so quick to judge, I have three words for you: “Look it up”. Get online and find out just how serene and peaceful Norway’s prison system is. Google just how much respect women have in Iceland since the worker’s strike in 1975. If you’re still steaming mad about what Mr. Moore talks about in his movies, maybe you should go to Italy and take an eight week vacation from work. Feel the stress and unhealthiness slipping away from your pain-wracked body!
DIRECTOR: Michael Moore
YEAR: 2015
GENRE: Political Documentary
RATING: R for language and nudity
GRADE: Extra Credit
As America falls behind in education, healthcare, employment, and overall happiness, Michael Moore sets sail to “invade” countries by “stealing” their ideas on how to run society so that he can bring them back to America. In Finland, there is no homework in school. In France, childhood nutrition is of utmost importance. In Italy, taking eight weeks of paid vacation is the law of the land. These, among other stress-relieving ideas, were originally American ideas, but somewhere along the way, we’ve forgotten how to use them. Mr. Moore’s positive attitude toward bringing change to his home country with these now European ideas makes the educational experience that much more fun to watch on screen.
While Michael Moore was shooting footage in Italy, he said something that set the tone for the entire movie in terms of positivity and stress-relief: “I’m here to pick the flowers, not the weeds.” In other words, while he acknowledges that life isn’t perfect in these other countries, they at least got some things right. By “picking the flowers”, Mr. Moore is highlighting all of the positive things about these countries to give the people of America hope for a better day. The overall theme we’re dealing with is happiness among the citizens. When citizens are happy, they’re more productive, they’re more educated, and they learn to take care of each other in a civilized way. In Norway for example, the prison system focuses on rehabilitation and not revenge. They have only a 20% relapse rate while vengeful America has a whopping 80%. Holy shit!
There’s also a history lesson to be learned when it comes to American culture and it was highlighted in Michael’s trip to Germany, where the people take responsibility for their Hitler-tainted past and ensure it never happens again. In America, a country built on Indian genocide and black slavery, it took a few centuries to reinvent slavery and deny racism in the process. After the civil rights movement, black people and other minorities had equal rights. Years later, drugs marketed to the “urban folk” became illegal and minorities started getting locked up left and right. Many of the products we use today are thanks to free labor from the prison system. It’s disturbing as hell and Michael Moore has no problem shining a bright neon light on the problem.
Focusing on happiness and being taught history are both excellent traits to have in a movie, but the one thing that changed me as a human being was suddenly having the urge to travel to and maybe live in other places outside of America. I’ve been on vacation to Canada and I loved every minute of it. But what about Germany? What about France? What about Denmark? Now that I know what exactly is out there, the travel bug bit me like an alligator in the Florida Everglades. Yes, it would mean having to sit on a plane for hours on end, but I’m sure arrangements could be made ahead of time to make crossing the ocean bearable. Maybe there are airlines with beds instead of seats. Maybe I could book a private flight. Maybe I could take a cruise ship across the water. Rekindling my interest in culture and history was something that needed to happen since I’d been out of college since 2009 and I wasn’t taking in enough creative fuel.
Of course, there are going to be some Negative Nancies and Debbie Downers out there who will call Michael Moore’s cinema “bullshit”. I’m sure he’s heard that insult several times throughout his long and illustrious career. Hell, some directors tried to make entire documentaries slamming Michael Moore and his “scare tactics”. To those conservative critics who are so quick to judge, I have three words for you: “Look it up”. Get online and find out just how serene and peaceful Norway’s prison system is. Google just how much respect women have in Iceland since the worker’s strike in 1975. If you’re still steaming mad about what Mr. Moore talks about in his movies, maybe you should go to Italy and take an eight week vacation from work. Feel the stress and unhealthiness slipping away from your pain-wracked body!
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Scary Nonfiction
Expanding my repertoire beyond the Carl Hiaasen thrillers and the Lilian Jackson Braun mysteries is something I should probably be doing when book shopping. Having said that, there are also certain books on the market that I simply will not touch. It’s not because I don’t support the authors, it’s because their stories would disturb me for days. Maybe even weeks or months. Imagine that: a guy who promotes violence in his fiction is complaining about books being too disturbing. In this case, the books I’m talking about are what I like to call “scary nonfiction”. It’s bad enough that they’re riddled with child molestation, false imprisonment, beatings, rapes, and a general lack of justice. They also have to be true stories. That makes them even more gag-worthy. Now that all of my worst fears are on the table, it’s time to cite two examples of scary nonfiction that come to mind: “Waiting To Be Heard” by Amanda Knox and “A Stolen Life” by Jaycee Dugard. Both of these books involve news stories that pissed me off to no end. I would always go for my morning walks with stomps instead of strides, my teeth would be constantly clinched, and my eyebrows shot downward into steep inclines. That’s how mad I was about these stories. In case you’re in the dark, let me refresh your memory. With Amanda Knox, she went over to Italy to study and was falsely accused of murder and sentenced to life in prison. It’s bad enough that they discriminated against her American heritage, but the abusive cop interrogating her was suing her and her parents for slander when Miss Knox claimed she was beaten. Amanda Knox was eventually set free five years after her original incarceration after the jury found out that she, surprise, surprise, didn’t commit the murder. But when it comes to pissing me off, Amanda Knox’s story of a kangaroo court system can’t even hold a candle to Jaycee Dugard’s story of being molested and raped for 18 years straight by a sick-ass sociopath named Phil Garrido. Imagine that: 18 years of misery and torture from ages 11 to 29. In that lengthy period of time, Phil Garrido stole her sanity, her virginity, her education, and her life. When Jaycee Dugard was rescued in 2009, her captor received over 400 years in prison time, which means he doesn’t stand a chance of being released again like he was before. As I write the summaries of Amanda Knox and Jaycee Dugard’s, my blood is boiling like volcanic magma and my head is splitting open like a coconut. If I feel that pissed off about writing their stories, imagine what I would be like if I read them. I think I would suffer a myocardial infarction after the first page…of the forwards! In short, don’t ask me to add scary nonfiction to my blog or my bookshelf. It’s simply never going to happen. Ever.
***LYRICS OF THE DAY***
“You think you know, but you’re horribly blind. You think you know how this story’s defined. You think you know that your heart has gone cold inside. Fine. You think you know, but it’s all in your mind. You think you know just whose fate has been signed. You think you know just whose heart has gone cold this time. Mine.”
-Device singing “You Think You Know”-
***LYRICS OF THE DAY***
“You think you know, but you’re horribly blind. You think you know how this story’s defined. You think you know that your heart has gone cold inside. Fine. You think you know, but it’s all in your mind. You think you know just whose fate has been signed. You think you know just whose heart has gone cold this time. Mine.”
-Device singing “You Think You Know”-
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