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Two-Sentence Horror Story: "Nut Up AND Shut Up"

When Murder Nuts the Clown kidnapped an entire bus full of high school cheerleaders, it took a lot of balls for him to do what he did. They came in many colors and all of them had leather straps.

Low Bar

You’re still nicer than a murderer in prison

You’re still tougher than a newborn kitten

You’re still smarter than dirty toilet paper

Still more put-together than a meth taker

Still wiser than a screaming kid on a plane

You’re still a better brother than Cain

You’re still a better writer than E.L. James

Still more tolerable than hemorrhoid pain

Still more beautiful than a razor-fanged demon

Still more innocent than a pedophile’s semen

Still healthier than grandpa on his deathbed

Still less ironic than a rapist going to heaven

Still younger than the corpse of Cleopatra

Don’t let these low bars become a distraction

You wanted some good news for once

This is all I’ve got and it was what it was

I’m sorry the universe is working against you

I should say that for the whole earth too

We’re all in this together, are you in or out?

If you do nothing, there’s no reason to shout

Bad days will come and go like everything else

If you’re up for it, let’s storm the gates of hell

Good news won’t come unless we make it so

This opportunity is yours to claim or to blow

I Apologize

VERSE 1

Assassins live by a code of silence

Leave no trace of forensic science

Leave behind a trail of violence

Escape the sounds of police sirens

Weapon of choice isn’t a knife or gun

Motive isn’t the thrill of the hunt

Vicarious visions the camera caught

All I did was sit back and watch

CHORUS

I apologize for not being your savior

I apologize for being your traitor

All I had to do was speak my mind

But another innocent got left behind

VERSE 2

You’re all grown up and standing tall

You just can’t wait for your next brawl

Lashing out at everyone in sight

Someone’s going to the hospital tonight

It’s too late to recapture innocence

It’s too late to close the distance

It’s too late to give you your love

You fought like a hawk, slew all the doves

CHORUS

I apologize for not being your savior

I apologize for being your traitor

All I had to do was speak my mind

But another innocent got left behind

VERSE 3

If I could, I’d hug you tightly forever

Tell you it’s okay and never say never

Tell you I’m sorry for shutting my mouth

I’m sorry for taking the easy way out

You won’t forgive me for my deadly sins

You threw my apology in the garbage bin

I can’t blame you for even a short second

Silence is an assassin’s favorite weapon

EXTENDED CHORUS

I apologize for not being your savior

I apologize for being your traitor

All I had to do was speak my mind

But another innocent got left behind

I apologize for leaving you for dead

I apologize for the trauma in your head

I apologize for the monster you’ve become

The pain is now yours to sooth and numb

FINAL LINE

I’m sorry…