Chef Tova vs. Myron Gaines from Fresh & Fit: Happy Men's Mental Health Awareness Month!

 

Yogi Oabs: Be Careful What You Wish For, Because You Just Might Catch It

 

Rhea Ripley vs. Chris Morgan: When Bagel Boss Makes You Their Bagel Bitch

 

Ryan Long: a "Comedian" Whose Extraordinary Alien Status Is Funnier Than His Standup Material

 

The Pinnacle of Human Beauty

 

Val Venis: Former WWE Wrestler, Current Right-Wing Nutjob

 

Allex Broker a.k.a. White Snake

 

An edge lord with no hope, no love, and no coping mechanisms except for gang fights.

Reads with Rachel vs. J.M. Arlen

 

Voting red means different things in different countries, but in America, where Rachel is from, it means to vote Republican. Fuck the GOP.

Rachel Oates vs. Alpha Male Podcaster

 

Molly Carlson vs. Mike Tyson

 

Mick Thomson from Slipknot vs. Anti-Prophet

 

Lucia Morgan from Final Fight 3 vs. Jordan Peterson

 

Jim Cornette

 

DIY

VERSE 1: INTERNET TROLL

“Your writing’s so awful, I wish you’d stop

Crimes against humanity, I’ll call the cops

Your books get mentioned in the Geneva Conventions

They’re torture, I’ll call for an Executive Order”

 

CHORUS 1

You want something done right, you got to do it yourself

Come over to my home and ring the doorbell

You better be packing a rocket launcher

Or I’ll enslave you, make you my salad tosser

You’d never risk getting decked in the mouth

You’d never risk getting your tongue pulled out

Keyboard courage doesn’t amount to shit

Dish it out all you want, but you can’t take it

 

VERSE 2: RED PILLER

“I can’t get laid, ‘cause her legs ain’t shaved

Neither are her pits or the nipples on her tits

Every female should look like Wonder Woman

And have a personality so bland and wooden”

 

CHORUS 2

You want something done right, you got to do it yourself

Jack it off, jack it raw for your prostate health

Ain’t nobody going to do it for you

Especially when your hobby is going “pew-pew”

At a high school or a gay rights march

Or a feminist meeting without a patriarch

You got a four-wheel drive playing Kid Rock live

But you got no soul, that’s why you can’t find a hole

 

VERSE 3: POLITICIAN

“I’ll rattle my saber until you do me a favor

Drop to your knees as you try to appease

Kiss my ass until the end of time

Or I’ll lock you up for your treasonous crime”

 

CHORUS 3

You want something done right, you got to do it yourself

Stop hiding behind all your status and wealth

Put your working boots on and let’s get it on

Don’t tell me you’re right, show you’re not wrong

But chickening out is what you do best

And you couldn’t pass a military psych test

Run for the hills, take your Ivermectin pills

Or better yet, cyanide to melt your insides

 

OUTRO

You want something done right, you got to do it yourself

The punk movement said it, yet you somehow forget it

“They’re all too woke and they’re all going soft”

Yet you’re so tough that you hide behind the cops

Hide behind ICE while you pay the price

For your FAFO moment, you refuse to own it

You’re a sheep on the farm being led to slaughter

Shave off your wool, put it on the king’s daughter