Bitch Food

VERSE 1

Carrot shake

Peat moss steak

Urinal cake

Turnip smoothies

Milk from boobies

Nasal tubing

Pinecone salad

Lab grown baguette

Up your asses

MAHA dinner

Makes you thinner

Fuck you, sinner

 

CHORUS 1

Bitch food!

Cross Shit!

Blow Flex!

Bitch food!

 

VERSE 2

Vitamin X

Animal sex

Prayer text

Riboflavin

Nature vacation

Jesus savin’

No vaccines

Lima beans

Fever dreams

COVID lunch

Screw worm brunch

Death fruit punch

 

CHORUS 2

Bitch food!

Jazzercise!

Rise and grind!

Bitch food!

Bitch food!

Ozempshit!

Wegonads!

Bitch food!

 

BRIDGE

Genocide fatties and the patties

On your favorite bacon burger

Genocide doctors and the mockers

Of Nazis who get murdered

Genocide truth, monopolize you

God bless the book burners

Genocide rebels and Fruity Pebbles

We need learners to be earners

 

OUTRO

Take your bitch food and shove it up your ass

New method of eating, takes less time to pass

It comes out of your mouth when you give a lecture

On how we’ll all eat like we’re Hannibal Lecter

Dakota Ditcheva vs. Marlin Stutzman: Unfortunately, No, That's Not a Scheduled MMA Fight

 

Does Natalie Harp Look Cute Today? Or Any Day of the Week for That Matter? Nothing Cute About Fascism...

 

Hey, "Alpha Males"! The Matrix Doesn't Belong to You!

 

Happy Halloween! About as Happy as You Can Reasonably Be in 2026...

 

Garrison Kelly vs. Elon Musk: Everybody's Got a Price...or Do They?

 

5FDP vs. AT&T: That Title Sounded Like Rap Lyrics

 

James Carville: the Poster Child for Do-Nothing Democrats

 

When Garrison Kelly Tells You It's All In Your Head, You Know You Fucked Up

 

If You Must Smile for Someone's Superficial Comfort, Try Malicious Compliance

 

Bill Maher: Bashes Millennials and Gen Z Kids, Dates Them Anyways

 

Macklemore: Being Hated by Israel Is a Badge of Honor

 

Santiago McGuinn: Tracey Clyde's Bodyguard from "Dungeon of Love"

 

Elitist Culture Music Doesn't Make You Superior to Everyone Else; It's a Personal Preference

 

Alfred Konuwa: Master of (Sock) Puppets

 

Jobs and the Economy

There’s so much more to life than jobs and the economy

I say it with my whole chest and I make no apologies

Life should be enjoyable even if you’re unemployable

Make peace with this mantra and you’ll be undestroyable

You can call it socialism, but I call it being human

What good is your cash if you’re not going to use it

To treat yourself every once in a Blue Moon

To vanilla ice cream and hot fudge on a spoon

To a movie theater flick filled with kung fu kicks

To a river boat date with your favorite blond chick

The suits chuckle it off like a Facebook Nazi

Hitting the laugh react button for a child’s dead body

Smoldering with ashes from an Israeli rocket bomb

About five seconds after crying for his mom

Lacking empathy is the weirdest flex I’ve heard

Suits are like serial killers plucking feathers off a bird

Then they play the victim when nobody wants to work

For a boss who keeps order by going berserk

Flipping burgers and making fries is not an identity

And being unemployed doesn’t make you my enemy

Capitalism’s made up, we pulled it out of our asses

We put random-ass people in random-ass classes

This dude is rich and the other’s dirt poor

This chick’s a prostitute, but this bootlicker’s a whore

It didn’t have to be this way, but we passively accepted

The whole damn story so that we cannot be rejected

By a society that never gave one single shit

If you’re down on your luck, passed out in the pit

Dr. Sanjay Patel: The Head Doctor Who Also Runs the Psych Ward from "My Favorite Magazine"

 

Roswell Bennett: the Ultra-Strict Master Judge in "Jumping For Jesus"

 

Robb Sugar: Marine Who Loves Prison in...Well..."Marines Love Prison"

 

Rachal Daddio: Tough-Minded Orderly from "My Favorite Magazine"

 

Rhea Ripley & Iyo Sky (WWE) vs. Elliot Rodger: the Incel Movement Is a Slap in the Face to Men, Ironically Enough

 

Rey Fenix: High Flying Luchador, Low Hanging Fruit

 

Shaun Morgan from Seether: Your Heart Belongs to Him...and So Do Your Guitar Riffs!

 

Spooky Lil Ash vs. Walter Weekes (Fresh & Fit): Fatphobia Makes No Fucking Sense, Just Like Any Other Bigotry

 

Malicious Compliance? More Like DELICIOUS Compliance! Happy Dead Nazi Day!

 

Three Days Grace vs. ChatGPT: Who's the Real Machine Around Here?

 

Sub-Zero: Freezing His Opponents in Place and Smashing Them into Snowflakes

 

Dave Chappelle Is Actually Surprised That His Transphobia Has Consequences

 

"Killboy" Sara Skinner vs. Tommy Vext: Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolves? SWERFs and TERFs, That's Who!

 

Corpsefire Doesn't Need Smiting, He Needs Dayquil

 

Raiden vs. Jesse Watters: Who Ad Libs Gibberish Better?

 

I Finally Found It: the Reason Jules from Pulp Fiction Doesn't Eat Pork

 

Pink Floyd the Wall Was Supposed to Be a Warning, Not a Playbook

 

Marine Humor: Because Serial Killing Is Funny...or So I'm Told...

 

Keffals: One of My Many YouTube Crushes

 

Mr. Rogers vs. Kai Trump: A Tall Task Ahead

 

Dave Meltzer vs. David Starr a.k.a. the Catalyst for the #SpeakingOut Movement

 

"The Honorable" John Z. Lee: I'll Bet He Thinks Jim Thornton's Pedophile Chatroom Was Free Speech Too

 

David Draiman Doesn't Know What Anti-Semitism Is, So Someone Should Explain It to Him...Slowly

 

Scorpion from Mortal Kombat vs. Danny Masterson from That 70's Show: Right Message, Wrong Messenger

 

Clawed Beauty 101 (any/all) vs. Jim Thornton: So Much for a No Spin Zone

 

Cathy Kelley Will Rizz 'em with the 'tism

 

The Schizophrenic Ides of March

 

Dolly Parton (Rest in Peace) vs. Bridget Ziegler: Moms For Liberty Is an Oxymoronic Name Considering What They Do

 

Bayley Loves You, Which Is Why She's Serving Up Brutal Honesty in This Cartoon

 

Garrison Kelly vs. The Military a.k.a. the Cult That Nobody Should Be Pressured to Join

 

Anakin Skywalker Is About as Smooth as Sandpaper Dude Wipes

 

Romance Scammers Are the Scum of the Earth; I'll Die on That Hill, Hopefully They'll Die in Their Own Filth

 

The Hobby Continues...

 

Fragile

VERSE1

Putting on the mask is too much to ask

I’ve had it on since the days of being a pawn

For ungrateful swine who do nothing but whine

I give a million percent just to pay my rent

They said I should smile even when I’m on trial

For my social crimes that I commit all the time

Just being myself gets me a ticket to hell

Earth is already like that even when I strike back

 

CHORUS

You are fragile! Fragile!

Conformists are so fragile! Fragile!

I’ll never adjust, because I cannot trust

Shock collar doctors who are somehow fathers

You are fragile! Fragile!

 

VERSE 2

Putting on a show like I’m your little ho

Kick line, comedy, needing a lobotomy

Scenes from movies where they don’t show boobies

Wouldn’t want to offend or the performance to end

Sing with a pretty voice like I ain’t got a choice

Hymns and love songs, go all night long

I crash on my bed like I’m already dead

Do it over tomorrow, not allowed to show sorrow

 

CHORUS

You are fragile! Fragile!

Conformists are so fragile! Fragile!

I’ll never adjust, because I cannot trust

Shock collar doctors who are somehow fathers

You are fragile! Fragile!

 

OUTRO

You ever wonder why I’m on medication?

I’m an overachiever, gave too much dedication

To fair weather bosses who would never hire me

Not one day on the job, yet they still like to tire me

Shaking me down for performative excitement

When I’d rather lay low, they accuse me of entitlement

Middle aged ambition is to lay down and rest

Couldn’t take another class or a scantron test

Couldn’t make another dollar while serving a burger

Couldn’t fantasize about anything but murder

They call it burnout, because there used to be flames

But my body is ashes, no more skin in the game

Maybe I’m the one who’s been fragile all along

Breaking down anyways even though I was strong

RIP Electric Pencil Sharpener (2015-2026)

Well…I knew this day was going to come eventually, but I didn’t think it’d be today. I’ve been using my electric pencil sharpener for 11 years and today it finally died. Electric sharpeners typically last 7 to 10 years, but I was lucky to have it for 11 considering that I literally worked it to death. A lot of that is my fault for not taking good enough care of it. I emptied the tray only when it got completely full. I fed colored pencils through it, which you’re not supposed to do. I didn’t know how hard to press down when I fed a pencil through it. And from 2024 to 2026 when my cartooning hobby really took off, I literally worked it to death. I ordered a new pencil sharpener and until it arrives at my house, there will be no more cartoons. But once it shows up, I’ve got romance scammers in my crosshairs…

A Most Sincere Apology to Those I've Offended, Complete with Good Intentions, Promises, and Pie Crusts

 

Stephanie McMahon Really Cares About Bad Press

 

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