Jon Moxley Is Done Talking and Internet Trolls Should Be Too

 

A Hairdresser vs. Garrison's Autism: You Can't Spell Hairdresser without the Letters HR

 

Andrew Dice Clay: a Tool Answering a Jeopardy Question About Other Tools

 

Butthole Surfers vs. Ray Rice: It's Important to Get Even the Minor Details Right

 

Arianna Brandolini: Psychologist by Day, HR Staff by Night

 

Nature Is Overrated and I Will Die on That Hill...which Happens to Be Part of a Nature Trail

 

Thank You, Deb Krishnadasan, for Kicking Michelle Caldier's Ass on Election Day, Yours Truly, Garrison the Autistic Schizophrenic

 

Stand Your Ground, Warrior...and Prepare for the CATACLYSM OF AGONY! (LOL)

 

Dee Jay from Super Street Fighter II Has a Message for All the Argumentative Drama Queens Out There

 

I Don't "Shoot My Shot" Because I Don't Want to Give Women the Ick

 

George Santos Has a Bridge to Sell You...and You're Probably Dumb Enough to Buy It!

 

Homer Simpson vs. Infinite Elgintensity: The Body Positivity We All Need

 

Denny Crane: Why Is It Called a Bar Association If You're Not Supposed to Be Drunk?

 

Is Barney Gumble from The Simpsons a member of the Illinois Bar?

Samoa Joe: The Last Wrestler on Planet Earth You Want a Receipt From

 

Cammy White: Make Love, Not War

 

Hot take: it's okay to sexualize fictional characters, because they won't get traumatized and go to therapy. Real people, on the other hand, are off limits.

Fin Tutuola vs. DuShawn McGovern: the Most Memed Segment in Law & Order: SVU History Gets a New Spin

 

Jason Biggs: No Beef, Just Apple Pies with Cream

 

Barney Gumble from The Simpsons vs. Bernie Marcus, the CEO of Home Depot (Rest in Piss, You Lazy Motherfucker!)

 

Coca-Cola: a Valid Use of Food Stamps Even If OTHER POOR PEOPLE Don't Agree

 

John Wayne Gacy: Did You Ever Think You'd See the Day When He Had the Moral High Ground?

 

Matt Hughes: Jesus Didn't Tap! And Greg Abbott Never Ran Away from a Fight!

 

Adrianne Palicki from With/In vs. Michael Falk from The Onion: Just Another Day on the Job

 

Wayne Campbell from Wayne's World 2 vs. John Fetterman a.k.a. the Knife in the Back of Liberal Voters

 

Who's the Real Hard Worker Here: the Actual Worker or the Extortionist?

 

Zohran Mamdani for President! It's the 2020's! Anything Can Happen!

 

Ask Your Doctor if Medical Advice from a Television Commercial Is Right For You

 

Cloud Strife (Final Fantasy 7) vs. Alex Trebek (Jeopardy): When You're Bored, Swing a Sword

 

Xanderhal: the Most Mentally Stable BreadTuber of All Time

 

Brendan Schaub: A Failed MMA Fighter Turned Failed Comedian Who Also Fails at Transphobic Humor

 

Leviticus: If You Don't Eat Raw Shellfish, Your Toilet Will Thank You

 

Sophie Cunningham: Like a Basketball Match with Trans Athletes Playing in It, She's Fair Game

Jesus Fucking Christ! No Really, He's Here! He's Risen! And He's Not Happy!

 

Ripley Verdugo (The Shield) vs. Todd Blanche (Department of Justice (LOL)): Hey, at Least He's Cooperating!

 

And the Academy Award for Best PR Team Goes to...

 

Rebecca Watson vs. Christopher Hitchens: New Atheism, Same Conservative Bigotry

 

Cybertruck: The Only Vehicle That Will Get You a DUI Even Though You're Sober

 

Ken Rogerson: My Introduction to Wife-Hating "Comedy"

 

Tabitha Speaks Politics vs. Iggy Pop: "Lust for Life" Could Have Been the Title of an Anti-Abortion Song

 

Chris Kael from Five Finger Death Punch: Telling On Himself Since Day One

 

Andreas Hale: A Reviewer Who Got Canned from ESPN for Having a Spine

 

Jules Winnfield (Pulp Fiction) vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin (WWE): "WHAT?!"

 

Tiffany Justice (Moms For Liberty) X Ronald Pergman (Big Sky): Bonding Over Common Ground

 

The Cars vs. Tammy Sytch: The Title Alone Sounds Like Satire

 

Ari Emanuel (TKO) X Jade Pettyjohn (Big Sky): "Just Be a Fan..."

 

Quine Roseman, Edge Lord Comedian from "When They Go Low, Punch Lower" (What the Fuck Is a Chicagofornian?)

 

Ashlee Evans-Smith: She Beat Fallon Fox and She's Somehow Still Bitching About Unfairness

 

Matt Mitrione: His Hate-Boner for Fallon Fox Turned Out to Be a Real One

 

Paiten Markoff, Justice-Hungry Teenager from "My Favorite Magazine"

 

Commander Orpheus Rinehart, Far-Right Mercenary from "Savage Beatings" and "Beautiful Monster"

 

Ariel Winter with the Sting Operation of the Century