Dump and Dip

VERSE 1

My mom’s ex-boyfriend was a son of a bitch

Gave me lots of mental wounds, ripped open every stitch

Fatphobia and psychophobia

Any flavor of bigotry, the worst and the odious

Never mind the fact that he weighed more than me

And he’s got his own version of PTSD

The cycle of abuse passed the Boomer generation

The chain breaks here, I deserved the vacation

 

CHORUS

Got no time to process, keep your handsome proboscis

Out of my business, ‘cause you bear false witness

Won’t spend a single day in Sad People Jail

A.k.a. the psych ward, that’s where justice goes to fail

 

VERSE 2

When I was in prison a.k.a. high school

Those conservative batshits were so easy to fool

Spread a rumor about me dating a monster

Fuck anything that walks, I’m a sexual imposter

That shit wasn’t true and I screamed it ‘til I’m blue

Punching and kicking was the only thing to do

That’s where I learned to solve problems with violence

But since it’s illegal, I’m confined to my silence

 

CHORUS

Got no time to process, keep your handsome proboscis

Out of my business, ‘cause you bear false witness

Won’t spend a single day in Sad People Jail

A.k.a. the psych ward, that’s where justice goes to fail

 

VERSE 3

College was the time for partying and drugs

Limerence was my addiction, falsified hugs

Crushes on musicians and actresses

Took the place of real life, ‘cause I drew no attractions

A million pounds and a resting bitch face

Made me a pariah no matter what the place

No friends, no lovers, no teachers turned besties

Still limerent today, in my mind and in my testies

 

CHORUS

Got no time to process, keep your handsome proboscis

Out of my business, ‘cause you bear false witness

Won’t spend a single day in Sad People Jail

A.k.a. the psych ward, that’s where justice goes to fail

 

VERSE 4

I call it Dump and Dip because I don’t like to talk

About personal shit, got no choice but to walk

Can’t let them see my cry or overprotect me

No nurses for me, don’t even bother to inject me

With the world’s most powerful sedative juice

That could TKO a whale, double KO a moose

My freedom means more than an orderly’s pay

My individuality is here to fucking stay

 

CHORUS

Got no time to process, keep your handsome proboscis

Out of my business, ‘cause you bear false witness

Won’t spend a single day in Sad People Jail

A.k.a. the psych ward, that’s where justice goes to fail

Written By a Man

VERSE 1

I got no experience, so I got no soul

Not enough broken bones, not enough bullet holes

Not enough time spent behind steel bars

Not enough time trapped in subway cars

So I do my very best to pass the Bechdel Test

But my only point of reference is The Man Show and Wrestle Fest

I got a pile of mistakes higher than a bird’s nest

Learn my lessons from some, set fire to the rest

 

CHORUS

Manic chick from a magical land

Written by a man

Did I write it with one hand?

Written by a man

Manic chick from a magical land

Written by a man

Did I write it with one hand?

Written by a man

 

VERSE 2

I got no girl who could be my whole world

But it ain’t her job to launch me to the top

I got to pull myself out of this water slide pipeline

I got to be more than just a cishet white guy

I got to find out what the fuck is going on

Why the fuck is my maturity taking so long?

They call me late bloomer, ‘cause it couldn’t happen sooner

Got some gray in my hair, now they call me a gooner

 

CHORUS

Manic chick from a magical land

Written by a man

Did I write it with one hand?

Written by a man

Manic chick from a magical land

Written by a man

Did I write it with one hand?

Written by a man

 

VERSE 3

I got no baggage I can actually unpack

So I’m stuck in murder mode, ready to attack

It’s easy to blame the one who screams the most

Especially when she’s dead and floating like a ghost

I’ll get my shit together if it takes me forever

I don’t have to be an angel, I just have to be better

A lifelong process, because learning never ends

When you got no ego, you got nothing to defend

 

BRIDGE

Damn right this book was written by a man

Started as a fan who believed that I can

You’re not competition, I hope we all win

The new world is here, let the story begin