Simon Cowell vs. J.G. Wentworth: a Ratings Draw vs. a Blood Draw

 

"This Is Me" by C.E. Wilson

BOOK TITLE: This Is Me

AUTHOR: C.E. Wilson

YEAR: 2016

GENRE: Fiction

SUBGENRE: Sci-Fi Romance

GRADE: Mixed

With all of the technological advances in this world, the Asist robot is second to none when it comes to companionship and servitude. Private school substitute teacher Chloe received one named Rogan for her graduation present. The two are inseparable best friends and sometimes lovers, which angers many of Chloe’s friends to the point of bigotry against these robots. Chloe’s human boyfriend Niven is especially enraged and makes any attempt he can to drive a wedge between her and the “fake” Rogan. Sooner or later, Chloe will have to make a decision between her perfect robot and the “real” Niven.

The major themes in this book are humankind’s relationship with technology and ignorant bigotry against anything they don’t understand. These themes are so perfectly interwoven that the novel could spark a debate in today’s real world, especially with such a divided racial structure as we have now. Asists are considered second class citizens because of their technological makeup, but others, like Chloe, argue that they have feelings too. Over a hundred years ago, white slave owners saw black people as less than dirt while abolitionists argued that the slaves were just as real as any other human being. There are also themes of ageism when it comes to young people being so obsessed with technology that they’ll limit human contact on purpose. There are all sorts of civil rights issues being dealt with in this novel. Maybe Chloe should have double majored in music AND political science.

But never forget that this is a romance novel above all else. In the case of Chloe, one of her main love interests is Niven Adams, a rival substitute teacher who wants the same job she’s applying for. If Ms. Wilson wanted to create a hate-worthy villain, she did an A+ job of it with Niven. He’s bigoted against Asists, he’s arrogant, he’s obnoxious, his friends are even more annoying, but his only redeeming quality seems to be that he’s a good singer. Ted Nugent is probably a good singer too, but that doesn’t mean I want to hang around him 24/7, especially after Mr. Nugent told Barack Obama to “suck on [his] machinegun”. With all of these things working against Niven, it makes me wonder why Chloe would ever be attracted to him in the first place. I cringe every time she pushes Rogan away in favor of Niven. Rogan may be a robot, but at least he’s sweeter than a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, which is more than I’ll ever say about Niven. This is comparable to the movie Clerks where Dante chooses the smoking hot cheater Caitlin over the loyal and low-maintenance Veronica.

The final thing I want to touch on is the argument structure between these characters. It seems to me that every time two characters want to go back and forth with each other, they’re hesitant to get to the point and they kill time with negative answers. Rogan is especially guilty of doing this when he argues with Chloe. He’s overly apologetic and always at war with himself, which I guess is appropriate for a robot whose sole purpose is to make Chloe happy, but after a while, it wears on the reader. While Rogan is the worst offender when it comes to filler dialogue, he’s hardly the only one who does this. Niven, Monica, and Fitz also tiptoe around their respective subjects.

The senseless arguments and Niven’s disgusting behavior both make me want to give this book a mixed grade. But C.E. Wilson shouldn’t feel too badly about it, because for every fault, there is a redeeming quality that will convince you to buy this book. The romance is hot, Chloe is likeable, the interactions between Fitz and his mini-Asist Bree are cute and cuddly, and of course, my favorite part of the book has to be the civics debate going on as it relates to racism and technophobia. Ms. Wilson has every right in the world to be proud of her work. If she spends more time crafting her dialogue and sorting out her characters’ priorities, then she can do great things in her next few novels. A mixed grade is nothing to sneeze at.

Slip Away

***SLIP AWAY***

If you’re single and you’re agonizing about it, stay as far away as possible from “Slip Away” by David Arkenstone and Charlee Brooks. The melodic and gentle piano, the somber bagpipes, and Charlee Brooks’ gorgeous voice will all come together to open those floodgates you call tear ducts. I have to be honest with you guys: Valentine’s Day was depressing this year. I’ve pretty much given up on agonizing over my single status, but I was so depressed that day that I ordered a pizza and ate the whole thing. The next day was much better, but Valentine’s Day was just…bleh! “Slip Away” was one of the songs I made the mistake of listening to on that lonely day. Here are the lyrics:


VERSE 1
The seasons change
And age our temporary souls
Chasing fate
Along it's winding road
Flames burn bright and pass into smoke
But our love
Will dance among the stars
Down the streets of gold

PRE-CHORUS
I am bound to you
By more than what divides us

CHORUS
Slip away, slip away sweet lover
Into an endless stream
Slip away, slip away sweet lover
And you can rescue me
Close your eyes
And drift into a shining memory
I'll see you again where the sky touches the sea

VERSE 2
And with your love
You've painted vivid colors on my heart
Your light will always illuminate my dark

PRE-CHORUS
I am bound to you
By more than what divides us

CHORUS
Slip away, slip away sweet lover
Into an endless stream
Slip away, slip away sweet lover
And you can rescue me
Close your eyes
And drift into a shining memory
I'll see you again where the sky touches the sea

ABRIDGED VERSE 1
The seasons change
And age our temporary souls
Chasing fate
Along it's winding road


***WEEKLY SHORT STORY CONTESTS AND COMPANY***

For this week’s contest, the authors were given a list of quotes to choose from as their prompt. I chose mine and now I have a story to write. I’ve been needing an excuse to write “A Real Woman” for months now, especially after John Oliver did one of his monologues about transgender struggles.


CHARACTERS:

Jenny Andrews, Transgender Gym Student
Melissa Moore, Transphobic Bully
Jessica Sullivan, Kindred Spirit Gym Teacher
Random Female Gym Students

QUOTE OF CHOICE: "Behind every beautiful thing, there's some kind of pain." -Bob Dylan

SYNOPSIS: In the girls locker room at Richmond High School, a male-to-female transgender student named Jenny shows up to get changed into her workout clothes. She is confronted by Melissa, who believes she’s still a man and encourages other female students to gang up on her. A few cuts and bruises on Jenny’s body later, Miss Sullivan shows up to back everyone away and tend to the injured transsexual.


***DARK FANTASY WARRIORS***

Faye Blood’s drawing is now up and she is the second Dark Fantasy Warrior to be done with colored pencils. Up next, we’ve got another fierce fighting female: Jill Henderson, the racist mercenary from “Born to Die”. She was a giantess among insects, both in terms of physical stature and intimidating power.


***MOVIE DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

RANDAL: Oh, what? What’s with you, man? You haven’t said anything for like twenty minutes! What the hell’s your problem?

DANTE: This life.

RANDAL: This life?

DANTE: Why do I have this life?

RANDAL: Have some chips, you’ll feel better.

DANTE: I’m stick in this pit working for less than a slave’s wages, I’m working on my day off, the goddamn steel shutters are closed, I smell like shoe polish, I have to deal with every backward ass fuck on the planet, my ex-girlfriend is catatonic after fucking a dead guy, and my present girlfriend has sucked thirty-six dicks.

RANDAL: Thirty-seven.

DANTE: My life’s in the shitter right now and if you don’t mind I’d like to stew a bit.

-Clerks-


***POST-SCRIPT***

Speaking of Clerks, does anybody here know if Kevin Smith is officially planning to make a third Clerks movie? The last time I heard, it’s going to feature a love triangle between Dante, Becky from the second movie, and Veronica from the first. I could be wrong.