Kesha Rosales, Caleb's Daughter from "Virtuous"

 

Dr. Jody Iron, Principal of Paiten's High School from "My Favorite Magazine"

 

Antonia DiAngelo, Grumpy Grandma from "Emilio & Marigold"

 

Old school Garrison's Library fans will remember me submitting "Emilio & Marigold" to Hollow Hills and getting it published in "Raining Cats & Dogs" in 2020. Hollow Hills have since closed their doors for good. Now Emilio & Marigold will be part of an anthology of fantasy novelettes called Lysergic Fairytales, which I'll do myself.

Upcoming Character Drawings

Well…you guys saw my political cartoons and hopefully you’ve enjoyed them so far. Now I’m going to start uploading drawings of my characters, particularly ones who will appear in my two novelette collections Lysergic Fairytales and Tacky Tuesday. When I’ll finish the damn stories, I’ll never know, because schizophrenia’s been fucking with my energy and my general wellbeing. I’m drawing characters as a way of keeping hope alive. I will finish my writing someday, even if I have to take forever to mentally heal. Until then…meet the cast and crew!

"Starlight" by Hannah Lee Kidder

BOOK TITLE: Starlight

AUTHOR: Hannah Lee Kidder

YEAR: 2020

GENRE: Fiction

SUBGENRE: Horror Short Stories

GRADE: B

Hannah Lee Kidder’s credentials as a writing coach are very well-earned as evidenced by this collection of shorts. From the beginning, you as the reader will be treated to descriptive writing that captures every aspect of the scene without bogging down the pace. In fact, the pace moves along quite nicely, like a smooth sleigh ride through the snow. The main characters are easy to root for due to their three-dimensional personalities and the development they go through in spite of the short word count of their respective stories. The subject matter is as dark as the horror genre suggests, but Kidder handles it in a sensitive enough way that it doesn’t come off as a nonstop trigger fest. If anybody is qualified for the job of bringing the audience a delightful read, it’s Hannah Lee Kidder.

Obviously, the longer stories of this collection are the ones that shine the most (which sounds like a Captain Obvious statement if I’ve ever heard one). My personal favorites are The Swamp Witch, Margrove, and Passing Ghosts. Longer stories mean that we get more time to see how awesome and fun these protagonists really are (another Captain Obvious statement). The witch in The Swamp Witch is easily the most colorful character in the book due to her crotchety personality meshing well with her good intentions. Margrove has a creative plot that involves trickery masquerading as magic and sorcery for unsuspecting marks. Passing Ghosts is just plain sweet since the ghost haunting the house is literally the only source of comfort that a little boy needs in an emotionally abusive home.

But just because I have favorites, doesn’t mean the book is without flaws. Flawed characters are always a joy to read about. Flawed stories? Not so much. There are shorter ones in this book that feel incomplete because of how abruptly they end and how confusing the context really is. Sliced is a shining example of this. Okay, so a dude has a bloody mouth and is stalking a girl on the street. Then what? Same thing with Contained: the protagonist watches a vent for a ragged man or a demon or whatever. Then what? There are a few stories in this book where you’ll be asking, “Then what?” a lot. I get that flash fiction isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. It certainly misses with me sometimes. But even then, I want to feel satisfied by the story’s conclusion and I don’t even know what the conclusion means.

The book’s flaws are incredibly minor, which is why I’m giving it a B and not anything lower. I firmly believe in my heart of hearts that the longer stories which have room to breathe overshadow the incomplete ones. This collection is very much worth your time, especially around Halloween season when all the ghoulish stories hit differently. The page count is less than a hundred, so you’ve literally got nothing to lose and everything to gain. You’ve got a master class in descriptive writing. You’ve got character development in such a short time span. You’ve got all these lessons you can learn from someone who is a certified writing coach. By all means, pick up a copy today and prepare to be entertained and educated at the same time! You won’t regret a thing!

Hollow Hills Presents: Raining Cats and Dogs

 

Raining Cats and Dogs is a collection of fantasy short stories and poetry that feature an animal as a main character. Stories may be dark and full of strife but a happy ending is always in sight! Lovers of pets or animals in general will enjoy these fantasy tales.

All proceeds for this anthology will benefit Good Old Tails Senior Animal Rescue based in Hanover, PA, USA. This non-profit helps save the lives of older pets by finding them homes.

"Tales of the Siblings Not-So-Grim" from Hollow Hills

BOOK TITLE: Tales of the Siblings Not-So-Grim

AUTHORS: Aurora Styles, Marie Krepps, David Quesenberry, Jennifer Quail, Larry Fort, and Jacob Mahurien

YEAR: 2019

GENRE: Fictional Short Stories and Poetry

SUBGENRE: Sci-Fi/Fantasy Anthology

GRADE: Pass

Choosing favorite stories and poems from this anthology wasn’t an easy task. Everybody who was fortunate enough to be published in this book deserved to be there. There’s no such thing as choosing a least favorite, because that option doesn’t exist. Sure, there are a few noticeable typos here and there such as misplaced quotation marks and paragraphs without indentations, but it’s not enough to keep this reading experience from being enjoyable. And yes, your heart will break many times even though the title has the words “not-so-grim” at the end, but it’s a welcome heartbreak that’s a sign of well-written literature. I encourage all of my fantasy-loving audience members to buy a copy and read it from cover to cover. It’s a decision you can’t regret no matter how stubborn you might be.

While choosing favorites from this collection wasn’t easy, it could be done. One of them is Larry Fort’s contribution, a science fiction short story called “Eigenlicht”. One of the protagonists, a punk rock intellectual named Stephen Langer, resonated with me more than any other character. He rebels against society without fully contemplating the consequences of his actions. He feels with some justice that he’s disenfranchised from his peers and that he’ll never earn the respect he desires. The more he listens to the schizophrenic demons in his head, the more he becomes seduced by his darker urges. Ouroboros, the dark matter being that transcends space and time, is the one planting these ideas in his head. Will Stephen snap out of it long enough to see the good in the world again? That’s a question that can only be answered by reading through this beautifully-written piece of prose. You don’t even have to agree with Stephen all the time to relate to him in some way. That is the nature of flawed three-dimensional characters, after all.

Yet another favorite story in this anthology is Marie Krepps’ contribution entitled “The Blacksmith’s Quest”. When you see Blacksmith and Mara take on the world together, you’ll root for them to finally make their relationship official. It’s a slow burn with many ups and downs. Blacksmith can’t forgive himself for his violent rage when he’s protecting others. Mara can’t forgive herself for not seeing through her former master’s lies. There’s a vast difference between two characters completing each other and complimenting each other. Completing each other means becoming codependent. But that’s not how Blacksmith and Mara’s friendship works. Though vastly different in skill sets, they see each other as equals. They save each other’s lives not just physically, but also emotionally. They can do all of this while finding their own places in the world. This is what a healthy, strong relationship looks like. Will it become official? We can only hope and pray. And when you do pray for this to happen, make sure the villainous Priest isn’t holding a knife to your back. Seriously, that guy is worse than a Catholic pedophile.

If you’re looking for something awesome and imaginative to read, look no further than Tales of the Siblings Not-So-Grim. Hollow Hills, the book’s parent company, is notorious for pumping out lovable pieces of fiction. The CEO’s know exactly what they want in their characters and won’t settle for anything less than three-dimensional people. We’re all human beings with our own flaws, strengths, interests, and opinions. Then again, so are the characters in this book and every other Hollow Hills book out there. A passing grade will go to this collection! Hooray!

Tales From the Hood 2

MOVIE TITLE: Tales From the Hood 2

DIRECTORS: Rusty Cundieff and Darin Scott

YEAR: 2018

GENRE: Horror Anthology

RATING: R for violence, language, sexual content, and political themes

GRADE: Mixed

Master storyteller Mr. Simms is hired by rightwing prison CEO Dumass Beach to give secondhand experience to a police android named Robo Patriot. These stories are designed to help the robot identify threats to America and deal with them appropriately. Instead of giving Beach his confirmation bias, Simms tells stories about the pain racism and sexual harassment have caused throughout the years. Whether the lead characters in these stories are Tinder rapists, mammie doll collectors, wannabe thugs, or black republican politicians, they all will get what’s coming to them in the end. Beach doesn’t like these premises, but live with them he must.

Compared to the first Tales From the Hood movie, this sequel had more cheese than a stuffed crust Domino’s pizza. Whether you agree with the messages in this movie or not, every storytelling device these directors used was so obvious even to the most tone-deaf viewers. I’ll leave it up to you to figure out what the prison CEO’s name Dumass Beach is supposed to be a play on words of. The poor acting skills of the white characters didn’t make me believe in the stories, especially the mammie doll collector in the first story. The Robo Patriot sounds like it was haphazardly thrown together at the last minute, not an ounce of creativity left. The CGI effects looked faker than a John Cena pro-wrestling punch. I could have eaten Wendy’s Baconator fries and gotten the same amount of cheese, but no, I had to sit through Tales From the Hood 2 because I thought it could measure up to its 1995 predecessor.

I can’t completely dump all over this movie, though. There is a reason it received a mixed grade from me instead of a failing one. The strong themes of racism are what saved it. Floyd, the museum curator in the first story, delivered his dialogue about the history of black culture in a convincing and educational way. Plus, I loved his evil side near the end (even though he was technically the good guy of the story). In the last story, a group of voodoo sacrifices have to convince a black republican to vote with his heart, not with his wallet. And don’t forget the third story about the Tinder rapists, which is a cautionary tale to end the romanticizing of “boys will be boys”.

Beach’s distasteful reactions to these stories should serve as a reminder of how abundant racism and sexism are in today’s culture. It’s a shame these stories had to be poorly acted by the white characters. The black characters did an excellent job, by the way. I’m not trying to be a “reverse racist” when I say that. I’m just calling it like I see it. The black actors most likely experienced overt racism during their lives, so they bring that into their acting gigs and it sounds more authentic. I was disappointed with Zoe’s performance, though. She sounded just as unconvincing as her white friends.

I can understand the hate this movie gets online, but it’s not as bad as I was anticipating it to be. It had its good moments along with its hokey ones. And yes, it didn’t live up to the bar the previous Tales Form the Hood movie set. I get that. Even Mr. Simms’s “Welcome to Hell!” line sounded forced, like the directors were trying to recapture that old glory of Clarence Williams’s version of Simms in the first movie. But like I said before, this movie gets a mixed reception from me, not a negative one. But would I want to watch it again? Maybe if I was a robot during an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Emilio & Marigold Suspended

***EMILIO & MARIGOLD SUSPENDED***

The deadline for submitting final drafts to Hollow Hills’s anthology “The Tales of the Siblings Not-So-Grim” is today, August 31, 2019. I’m sorry to say that Emilio & Marigold will not be able to make that deadline. Even after all of the rounds of editing it has been through, it’s still not ready by final draft standards. The characters are still two-dimensional, the world isn’t descriptive enough, and the prologue I wrote for the story to increase the word count is a rough draft in and of itself.

Marie Krepps, one of the CEO’s for Hollow Hills, assured me that everything will be okay since she’s already in talks with Aurora Styles about next year’s anthology, which will be animal-themed. Even with Marie’s comfort, I still feel like I let a lot of people and myself down. I’ve never missed a deadline before today. I was always a good college student who turned in my assignments on time without asking for an extension. Must be the Impostor Syndrome creeping up on me again.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Emilio & Marigold, it’s a Jack and the Beanstalk parody that stars my former kitty Emilio instead of a young boy. Emilio passed away back in June due to renal failure and I wanted to dedicate my story to his memory. Looks like his dedication will have to wait a little longer. Remember, this project is suspended, not scrapped. Suspensions are temporary and can be lifted anytime I damn well please. Emilio & Marigold will see the light of day, just not today.

So the question now becomes, where do I go from here? Do I continue to send Emilio & Marigold to paid beta readers? Do I start thinking about editing Beautiful Monster instead? Do I keep pumping out short stories for Poison Tongue Tales 3 and American Darkness 3? Is there another story that’s on my mind? I need some way of keeping my writing sharp until Emilio’s day in the sun comes.

Luckily, I’ve found just the Good Reads group for doing that. In addition to writing short stories and poetry for the WSS, I’m also part of a group called Character Therapy, a role-playing game where characters go through, you guessed it, psychological therapy. Any guesses as to which character I chose? Any pointy-eared, green-skinned elves come to mind? Hmm…

Character Therapy allows players to create more than one character, including therapists themselves. World? Meet Jerry Frost, an art therapist with an extreme case of Impostor Syndrome and a strong passion for creative development. Will Jerry become a permanent character of mine to be used in other stories? If I develop him far enough, he very well could be. He can’t be any more confusing than Tristan Jealous, whom I’ve written a poem about back in 2018.

So here I am, a man without a country, a ship without a rudder, wondering what’s next on my agenda. I suppose I could keep pumping out micro fiction. That’s basically what chapters of a new novel would be since they meet my 1,500 word quota. I know I should be more worried about editing the first drafts I already have instead of pumping out new ones, but keeping my writing sharp is essential to my success as an author.

I haven’t always been this zealous when it comes to my writing, though. The past three days in particular have been the worst mental slog I’ve been through in recent memory. Normally when I’m going through a slog, I can at least concentrate long enough on other forms of reading and writing, like answering Face Book questions or writing two-sentence horror stories. I couldn’t even concentrate for those things. That’s how fucked up things got. This mental slog happened just as I was getting prepared to put together the final Emilio & Marigold manuscript, which wouldn’t have been accepted anyways, but it still would have been nice to get that done.

The point of this journal is to let you all know that this isn’t the end of Emilio & Marigold. It’s merely a roadblock on the way to my final goal. Emilio will be remembered. He will purr at me from beyond the Rainbow Bridge. My love bug will be immortalized one way or another. He really was a love bug. He head butted me, climbed up on my lap, slept on my chest, and purred in my ear. Just talking about him like this makes me miss him even more. Gone, but not forgotten. I’m Garrison Kelly! Until next time, try to enjoy the daylight!

***TELEVISION QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“God creates all men equal, but once they’re out of the womb, he starts playing favorites.”

-Vic Mackey from “The Shield”-

***POST-SCRIPT***

As long as I’m talking about releasing micro fiction to the public for free, here’s the next short story on my agenda. It’s called “Balls to the Wall” and it goes like this:

CHARACTERS:

1.      Shane Herman, Game Show Contestant

2.      Ambrose Kaider, Corpulent Space Mercenary

3.      Georgia Cushing, Shane’s Girlfriend

4.      Morgan Burch, Game Show Host

SYNOPSIS: Shane is competing on an obstacle course game show called “Balls to the Wall” and due to his lack of athleticism, he’s failing horribly. He’s ready to throw in the towel when Morgan introduces a new twist to this game: Ambrose is holding Georgia hostage behind one of the obstacles. If Shane doesn’t man up and complete the challenge, Ambrose will take his plasma rifle and blow Georgia’s head off. Questioning the legality of all of this is not an option since Shane signed a Hold Harmless agreement prior to the taping of the episode.

Double Dare, eat your heart out! Suck it, American Gladiators! Eat a big one, Finders Keepers! Okay, you get it by now.

Monsters

TV SERIES TITLE: Monsters

CREATORS: Richard P. Rubinstein and Mitch Galin

YEARS: 1988-1991

GENRE: Horror Anthology

RATING: TV-14 for violence

GRADE: Fail

In a seemingly ordinary suburban neighborhood, a family of hideous creatures gathers around the TV looking for something to watch. As the cyclops wife says herself, “It’s family hour, there must be something on.” That something turns out to be Monsters, a series of standalone episodes depicting vile creatures taking advantage of foolish humans. For purposes of this review, I will only judge the series based on the first four episodes, because those were the only ones I could get through before tapping out. Those episodes are entitled The Feverman, Holly’s House, New York Honey, and The Vampire Hunter. I’ve seen other episodes of the series in the past, but they share too many negative aspects in common with the first four episodes.

If you’re looking for a series that will scare the holy hell out of you, don’t worry, because your heart rate will remain at a comfortable pace by the time each episode is over. The only thing about the show that scared me the most as a kid was the music during the opening and closing sequences. The organ chord during the commercial break bumper also had a chilling effect on me, so much so that I purposefully put off watching Monsters until I got over that fear. It doesn’t help matters that the deep laughter near the end of the theme song makes me feel as though there’s something behind me, waiting to attack. The music is so creepy that I encourage people to play it on loop whenever trick-or-treaters come to their doors.

Unfortunately, the music is pretty much the only redeeming quality this series has to offer. Mr. Rubinstein and Mr. Galin deserve an A for effort, but once the music is over, things go downhill from there. The acting in these episodes is incredibly cheesy, so much so that it’s hard to sympathize with the characters. There are a few exceptions to this rule, such as David McCallum in The Feverman and Richard Belzer in Werewolf of Hollywood, but those exceptions are few and far between. The dialogue isn’t so bad provided it’s conveyed by someone with more experience. But unfortunately, not even the money lines of the series can make me care about characters who are over-the-top and ludicrous. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to take the characters seriously or not. It’s almost as if the series was cheesy on purpose. If that’s the case, then the creators shot themselves in the foot with a double barrel shotgun.

The other thing that bothered me about this series was how slow the pacing of each episode was. I understand that exposition is essential to any story, but sometimes I think there’s more exposition than actual tension. It takes each episode forever to get to the real action. It takes so long, in fact, that I tune out as soon as the juicy parts come to fruition. Maybe it’s my Millennial blood that makes me impatient. Maybe slow storytelling was more effective in the late 80’s and early 90’s. Maybe so much of this series is outdated aside from the giant cell phones and radios. Either way, the agonizingly slow storytelling doesn’t age well in today’s world. I want action! I want drama! I want tension! And I want it now!

The only reason why I decided to revisit this series was because of nostalgic purposes. I remember being a little kid and being legitimately terrified of the music and the monsters themselves. But I’m not a kid anymore and nostalgia ain’t what it used to be. There are a lot of shows, like Monsters, that were cool to watch when I was little, but not so cool in the present now that I have a better grasp of storytelling and acting elements. A failing grade goes to this series because it’s cheesier than a stuffed crust pizza.

Disturbance in the Machine

***DISTURBANCE IN THE MACHINE***

Whenever I write a full-length novel, I always want to use it as a platform to highlight important issues in my life. Occupy Wrestling is not only about wrestling, but it’s about Mitch McLeod’s hot temper. Filter Feeder is not only about environmental issues, but it’s about strained relationships. Watch You Burn is not only about anime, but also about schizophrenia. And last but not least, Demon Axe is not only about heavy metal music, but also about PTSD.

Of course, these novels (first draft or otherwise) were written long after a little anthology I had called Disturbance in the Machine, where multiple mental health issues were supposed to be tackled. Think of it as having the story structure of Tales From the Hood with the setting of an abandoned insane asylum. The stories were told by an ex-patient named Eric Bradley and they were listened to be the mother of a former patient Nicole McShane.

While these stories were supposed to talk about mental illness in a positive way, they ended up being “crazy” stereotypes. Serial killers who used scissors, ninjas in diapers, McDonald’s employees with anger management issues, and troubled teens with puppet fetishes were just a few of the characters presented in this anthology. In the end, these stories didn’t really accomplish anything, not even advancing the overall story to its climax.

And speaking of climaxes, Nicole McShane reveals herself to be a detective assigned to bring Eric Bradley to justice, which would probably make the reader wonder why she didn’t cuff him and stuff him earlier on in the book. Why all of these pointless stories if the purpose was to arrest him?

Speaking of pointless stories, the anthology ends with Eric telling a much longer story about an abandoned pig who ventures out to the city with other animals to try and survive the cruel outside world. The animals end up being therapy pets for a terminally ill child named Sam, who puts on his favorite Pink Floyd song “Pigs on the Wing” to end the story.

Surely, not everything you touch as an author will turn to gold. Sometimes it’s best to know which stories are worthy of being edited and revived and which ones should stay in the past. Because of this, Disturbance in the Machine no longer has a place in my archives. The main story made no sense, the meta stories made even less sense, and the pig stories made even less sense than that.

However, that doesn’t mean certain aspects of this dead-on-arrival novel can’t be used for future projects. If I were to salvage from the wreckage, I’d probably keep the title Disturbance in the Machine because of how cool it sounds. Telling stories in a mental hospital can work as long as the main characters of those stories are presented in a positive light and the harsh conditions of the hospital are vilified. Remember, a truly sympathetic character is the key to maintaining the reader’s interest (even if that character is sometimes an asshole). Even the pig story can have some meaning, but only as its own entity.

Another thing I’d like to keep from the Disturbance in the Machine canon is the poem that preceded it of the same name. It might be a part of Confessions of a Schizophrenic Savage, but I’m not entirely sure. It’s basically a downer of a song describing the idea of not being human and going through life on autopilot. Somebody on Deviant Art wrote a counter-prose to that where he turned the gears and metal into flesh and organs and told the machine to “live”. That’s easily one of my favorite comments I’ve received on this site since I joined in 2005. Find Disturbance in the Machine (the song) in my gallery and read it and the comments below it to see why I feel the way I do.

Nostalgia: it ain’t what it used to be. That may be true, but it’s still a lot of fun to venture into a creative person’s past and see what he or she came up with back then. Although most of my creative projects back in the day are embarrassing to read now, it doesn’t they can’t be resurrected with my current writing skills and made into something beautiful. That’s the nature of art: creating something beautiful from the ashes. The movie Pink Floyd the Wall drives this point home when Pink smashes up his hotel room and then creates a collage out of the destroyed pieces.

I’m not recommending any of you do what Pink did in this movie, I’m just saying that creativity is the perfect therapy for rising from the ashes like a phoenix. I hope to one day do that with Disturbance in the Machine, whether it’s a novel, anthology, short story collection, or whatever. The truth of the matter is, though, that there are other novel ideas in my archives waiting to be realized. Booger the Clown and Chicken and Fries are the ones I’ve been thinking about the most, but I haven’t really fleshed them out in a scene-by-scene analysis yet. Maybe what I really need to do is randomly select which novel I work on next, just like I do with books to read and characters to use.

I wouldn’t mind working on Disturbance in the Machine again with the skills I have today, but it’ll probably be a backburner project since I don’t have any immediate ideas of what to do with it. Usually I have characters an a brief synopsis, but nothing more than that when it comes to novels. Maybe the point of this blog entry is to motivate myself to flesh out novel ideas more often instead of just letting them sit there doing nothing. I’d like to think that’s the case. I’m Garrison Kelly and I’ll see you next time!

***MARIE KREPPS/ASHLEY UZZELL STORIES***

Over the past few months, Marie has been putting out short stories under both of her pennames. I’ve already reviewed Hunting Vampires with Grandma and gave it a passing grade. Now I’m currently reading Reaching For the Light (a mental illness-themed collaboration with TL Katt). All I have to do is read TL Katt’s half of the story and I’m ready to review this puppy and potentially give it an extra credit grade. The other two stories that I’ll eventually get to are Spunky and the Dolphin Palace (a children’s fantasy collaboration with her daughter Kyra Uzzell) and The Blood Files: the Case of Arnus Mortem (vampire horror collaboration with BJ Taylor). I can blow through these stories in the span of one or two days apiece. My hopes are high with how much energy I’ll have to do it since I’m going for longer walks during the day and getting my cardio jacked up. I’m already noticing a difference in my body. Hang in there, Marie-Pie: you’ll earn your high grades soon enough, my lovely friend.

***DARK FANTASY WARRIORS***

I’ve already submitted my entry for the WSS’s contest and it’s called Exile. There’s no need to advertise it again in this blog, so I’ll get straight to the point with the Dark Fantasy Warrior pictures that’ll come from that story. You’ve already seen Night Wolf and Maria Kevin on Deviant Art, Good Reads, and Face Book. The final character from that story that needs drawing is Stigma Dominick, the guilt-ridden necromancer. He definitely earned his sad face in that story and hopefully it’ll reflect in his artwork.

***FACE BOOK POST OF THE DAY***

If a British exit is called Brexit and a French exit is called Frexit, what does that make a Serbian exit? Sexit? Sounds kinky. Of course, Serbia isn’t a part of the European Union, but just imagine the unintended comedy if they actually considered a Sexit. I’m getting douche chills just thinking about it. Hehe!

November

***NOVEMBER***

I’ve spoken on the topic of National Novel Writing Month before, but I did so in a negative light. All this time I was convinced that my mental exhaustion would keep me from pumping out 50,000 words of a singular story within the month of November. Year after year I’ve opted to stay out of this particular challenge. But after having a heart-to-heart with my best friends Marie Krepps and Zero Urrea, I have a slightly different idea of what November is supposed to mean.

Marie disputed the idea of plotters having a disadvantage in this particular challenge. While it is true that I’ve got several ideas for a novel in my writing folder, none of them are planned out from beginning to end, chapter by chapter, scene by scene. Marie suggested that I participate in next year’s contest since a year is ample time to come up with a decent plot, especially something that’s supposed to be 50,000 words long. Of course, I could write the novel right away at that point, but doing it in November is an exercise in discipline and self-motivation since it requires daily attention to the task at hand.

Zero furthered the point of November being an excuse to write every single day. What he said after that put everything into perspective for this particular year. What I’m working on doesn’t necessarily have to be a novel. As long as I write something of substance every day, then the self-motivation is working. Therefore, for November 2015, my main writing project will be finishing my 50 story quota for Poison Tongue Tales. I have 41 stories already written, so I have nine more to go. Obviously, the other 41 stories were written before the challenge started, so I may be cheating a little bit. Other pieces of writing include reviews for books and of course, this journal entry.

You all know about my plans to write “Born to Die”, which is about the martial arts monk who challenges a bar full of mercenaries to a battle royal. My review for January First is live on all of my social media accounts as well as Amazon. The next thing I plan on doing is blitzing through Marie Krepps’ e-book “Love Me Today, Kill Me Tomorrow” and writing an honest review for it. I have only 180 more pages to read and it’ll be over. Right now, the book is looking at a grade between Extra Credit (five stars) and Pass (four stars). The sex scenes are hotter than hell. The vampire logic is well-done too. The thing that will ultimately determine the final grade, however, will be the attention to the topic of mental illness. January First paid great attention to schizophrenia to where it deeply affected me, therefore earning it five stars. We’ll see how Marie’s book plays out.

My attitude toward the month of November has changed significantly since having conversations with Marie and Zero. Plus, seeing my other author friends taking up the novel writing challenge is motivating for me as well. I may not be following every rule of the challenge to a tee, but it’s better than sitting on my ass and letting sleep apnea consume my brain. Let’s get some shit done!

　

***DARK FANTASY WARRIORS***

Now that October is over and therefore so is Villains Month, it’s time to start drawing some heroes from my short stories and novels as well. My next drawing will be of Brock Dempsey, the angry monk from the story that used to be called “Saggy-Maggie” and is now called “Maggie’s Wisdom”. An angry monk? Someone trying to reach ultimate nirvana is also a hotheaded dynamite shack? Luckily for Brock, he has a cute little puppy-duppy named Maggie to get him through it all. Before you ask, yes, Maggie is based 100% on my black and white Springer Spaniel with saggy jowls.

　

***HALLOWEEN***

Instead of going to New Orleans, I went around downtown Port Orchard and around my neighborhood with Reina. She was dressed as the female version of Finn from Adventure Time and I was dressed as a member of Slipknot. We both got a lot of candy like we set out to do. But the most rewarding part of that night for me was scaring the shit out of everyone around me. Little kids were crying and screaming in fear at my costume, but also because I slipped onto the rainy ground twice in the same night and unleashed a cataclysm of swear words in the process. As it turns out, my Slipknot mask has piss-poor eyesight, so that will be the last time I wear it for anything other than a photo opportunity. Next year for Halloween, I’m getting a mask without lenses, preferably of the Guy Fawkes or white sheep variety. All in all, it was a good night and I’m glad I got to spend it with my niece.

　

***MOVIE DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

RANDAL: Jesus Christ, Elias! Step away from the deep fryer before you burn us all alive!

ELIAS: It’s not my fault you abandoned your post!

RANDAL: Was it too much to ask that you make the fries?! The machine does all the work! What, does a machine have to turn into a giant fucking robot before you take it seriously?! Go home!

-Clerks II-

Warrior Names

***WARRIOR NAMES***

We’ve seen a lot of fantasy warriors come and go throughout our creative fuel intake. They tend to have last names like Overspark, Dreadlord, and Pusdrinker. Yes, that last one is a real enemy from Diablo II: Lord of Destruction; I shit you not. In all my time of writing fantasy and sci-fi stories, I’ve pretty much just passively accepted the fact that warriors have two-word last names that describe how badass they really are. That’s where I got characters like Deus Shadowheart, Butch Hellfire, and Machu Throatslash to name a few.

However, the more I started collaborating with Marie Krepps to fix my short stories, the more I realized that such two-word last names sound a little too…obvious. And to her credit, Marie has a point here. After all, when you eventually meet Machu Throatslash’s parents, what do your refer to them as? Mr. and Mrs. Throatslash? That’ll make for some fun conversations. Suppose Machu wanted to take a cute girl to the prom with him and then the two decide to marry. Would the girl be legally obligated to call herself Mrs. Throatslash? That’ll look good on her credit card application: Julia Samantha Throatslash. She doesn’t actually want to make any purchases with it; she just wants to run the sharp edge across someone’s neck and bleed them out.

Ever since hearing the other side of the warrior name argument, I’m kind of on the fence now with what I believe. A part of me doesn’t want to let go of my fantasy and sci-fi traditions. I want to have badass warriors whose names strike fear in the hearts of their opponents. But then again, if they really are badass warriors, do they need to have overpowered names? Couldn’t they just get the job done by breathing fire on their opponents or chopping their heads off with a magical battleaxe?

I have to confess that Marie’s critique was the inspiration behind the John Bush character from “Kill, Cut, Scalp”. The whole reason that hero took the name John Bush was so that the evil sorcerer Dark-Law wouldn’t suspect him of being a fire breathing death angel, which he eventually transformed into to get his assassination job done. It’s easy to trust a guy name John Bush (even if he is a death angel), but if his name was Konnor Dragonslash, then the ruse would have been all for naught and Dark-Law would have killed him off right then and there.

George Carlin did an entire comedy routine about the power names have to influence history. There would have never been a World War II if Hitler’s first name was Floyd. They would have beaten the shit out of him in Munich in 1931! And nobody would have been fearful of Jack the Ripper if his first name was Wally. And Billy the Kid? Do you think anyone would take him seriously if his name was Billy the Schmuck?

I guess the lesson to be learned with giving your characters overpowered names is to judge how seriously you want the warriors to be taken by their enemies. Helpless civilians would bow at the metal boots of Konnor Dragonslash or Viktor Fireborn, but they’d laugh John Bush or George Kerry out of the building. Maybe you want your characters to be as intimidating as possible. Or your philosophy could be based on a rhyme that fellow indie author Edward Davies once bestowed upon me: “Convince your enemies that you’re benign and you will beat them every time.” Choose your fate, noble warriors, and bring back a severed demon head. We’ve got ears, say cheers!

　

***BACK TO RANDOM SELECTION***

In an effort to jumpstart my creative life again, I’ve gone back to the idea of randomly selecting my next artistic task. I did this back in the summertime with plenty of success. I’m doing it now with even more success. There are currently six items on my list to choose from:

　

1. American Darkness: put together the paperback and Kindle versions of this newly revised anthology.

2. Dark Fantasy Warriors: draw a picture of the next randomly selected short story character on my list, which this time happens to be the fourth and final character from “Guns, Drugs, and Misogyny”, Edgar Rinehart, elf mercenary.

3. The Girlfriend Wager: read 30 pages of this self-published raunchy sex comedy by Edward Davies.

4. Poison Tongue Tales: edit the next randomly chosen short story from this sci-fi, horror, and fantasy anthology. If you’ve been to your Deviant Art inboxes lately, you would have seen a revision of Bee Jay the Glutinous. Marie really wants to eat macaroni and cheese with a talking orange kitty now. ^_^

5. The Silence of the Lambs: read 30 pages of this traditionally published serial killer mystery by Thomas Harris.

6. Weekly Short Story Contests and Company: catch up on the reading of this week’s “Broken Windows” short stories (which I’ve already done) and contribute a story before the week is over (which is also something I’ve already done).

　

There is one item that should be on this list, but isn’t, and that’s Blood Brawl. Blood Brawl is supposed to be my main novel WIP, but ever since making it to chapter three, I’ve hit a roadblock. The entirety of this chapter is supposed to be Ivan Blackstone chasing Justine Dupree down the street while swinging a scythe in the air. How the hell am I supposed to stretch out a chase scene for that long and keep it from getting dull? I have no choreography, damn it! I’ll figure something out come hell or high water. But for now, Blood Brawl is off the menu.

　

***MOVIE DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

WYNARSKI: I went into the video store one time and that son of a bitch was sleeping.
DANTE: I’m sure Randal wasn’t sleeping.
WYNARSKI: Are you calling me a liar?! Are you calling me a liar?!
DANTE: No, I’m saying maybe he was resting his eyes or something like that.
WYNARSKI: What the hell is that, resting his eyes? What is he, an air traffic controller?
DANTE: Actually, that’s his night job.

-Clerks-

"The Illustrated Man" by Ray Bradbury

Having a tattoo doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a 1% badass who rides around on a Harley 24/7. But when your body ink begins to tell stories of the future and the past as they move across your skin, don’t be surprised when the guy hearing these stories has wide eyes and an even wider mouth. And quick feet, let‘s not forget that either. “The Illustrated Man” by Ray Bradbury documents the story of a tattoo-covered man who fits this bill. In fact, his body ink inspired an entire anthology of stories in a little over 200 pages. What kind of stories do we get from this man’s skin art? How about the one that’s as notorious as they come. You know, the one that almost all high school students have to read at some point. The tale of two spoiled brat children who spend their lives in a crystallized room that lets them experience television firsthand instead of vicariously. Or how about the one where a bunch of space jockeys are trapped on Venus and are driven mad by the harsh rain pounding on their softening skulls. Or maybe you prefer the one where a bunch of neighborhood kids are playing out in the streets an enacting an alien invasion scene, which is dead close to reality, by the way. No matter which story you decide is your favorite, you can be guaranteed that every single time, you will be educated beyond your wildest imagination. Ray Bradbury educates you by punishing his characters for their negative traits such as racial ignorance, selfishness, zeal, hatred, and a litany of other things that should be frowned upon by anybody with a shred of positivity within them. It shouldn’t come as any surprise that Bradbury went on to have an illustrious career as an author that spanned many decades. And because it spanned many decades, the wise author left this life recently due to old age. Despite how many miles he had on him, I still believe he left us too soon. Rest in peace, Ray Bradbury. “The Illustrated Man” and the lessons it teaches will never be forgotten except by those who possess the ignorance necessary to be punished for it. Sometimes I think Mr. Bradbury would have had a stroke anyways if he saw the way us humans behaved.

　

***COMEDIC QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“New rule: if churches don’t have to pay taxes, they also can’t call the fire department when they catch on fire. Sorry Reverend, that’s one of those services that comes with paying in. I’ll use the fire department that I pay for, you can pray for rain.”

-Bill Maher-