Simon Cowell vs. J.G. Wentworth: a Ratings Draw vs. a Blood Draw

 

Shut Up, Bitch!

“We’ll be right back after these messages from our sponsors…”

 

Is it Red Fin or Rent Fin?

An intellectual sedative

For your inbred relatives

 

SHUT UP, BITCH!

 

I have a structured settlement

Judge called it embezzlement

Defendant’s out of his element

 

SHUT UP, BITCH!

 

Ask your doctor if it’s right

To take Ozempic every night

Belly fades out of sight

 

SHUT UP, BITCH!

 

We’ve got all your favorite songs

To sell our corporate wrongs

Profits looking pretty strong

 

SHUT UP, BITCH!

 

It’s a blanket with sleeves

You’ll never attract thieves

Just a pervert with fleas

 

SHUT UP, BITCH!

 

Smoking cigarettes will kill you

Funeral home will bill you

Our commercials make you ill, dude

 

SHUT UP, BITCH!

 

Commercials used to be funny, now they’ve lost all charisma

Mediocrity takes over and it’s not an enigma

The richer you get, the less competition

Will make you reach beyond your greatest ambitions

Get lazy on the sofa then project onto the workers

They should be forming a union, but all they want is murder

Why up your game when they’re fighting each other?

Sit back, relax, and watch them killing their brothers

Kill Everyone Inside

VERSE 1

All I wanted was some peace and quiet

Instead you all gave me a drunken riot

High on crystal meth, tempting death

High on horse, morons out in full force

“Boys will be boys”, you gave me no choice

Than to bite my tongue, temper my voice

One of these days, you’ll push me to the edge

I’ll knock off every one of your fucking heads

CHORUS

Kill everyone inside!

No more football pride!

No more will I hide!

Kill everyone inside!

VERSE 2

The way you scream and sing annoying jingles

Doesn’t make me wonder why you’re single

Doesn’t make me want to shut up and play nice

Makes me want to set fire to you as a sacrifice

Which lucky god will get your body and soul?

A multi-armed demon or a killer so damn cold?

An old man in the clouds or an angel from hell?

Maybe they can fight it out, let’s ring the bell

CHORUS

Kill everyone inside!

No more football pride!

No more will I hide!

Kill everyone inside!

VERSE 3

You flip over cars, knock over street lamps

Cheer drunkenly as the plane crash lands

Beer and testosterone: a deadly combination

Wasted minds never used for contemplation

I want to break a bottle of booze over your head

Kick you, punch you until you’re fucking dead

Just for good measure, I’ll fill you full of lead

Save the last words, no one cares what you said

CHORUS

Kill everyone inside!

No more football pride!

No more will I hide!

Kill everyone inside!

Open Bar Superstar

VERSE 1

Drink that beer like you’re dying of thirst

Let the poison set in then do your worst

Ranting and raving is what you’re craving

Putting up with you is considered slaving

You belong in the back of a police car

And nowhere near the cacophonic bar

Come back when you gain some IQ points

Realize the annoyance of your own noise

CHORUS

Open! Bar! Super! Star! X4

VERSE 2

You don’t have to be a nuclear scientist

Just have to sit down and be silent, bitch

You act foolish as you feel the drugs

I wish I had a gun with a chamber full of slugs

Use your fucking head before it explodes

Your body is dumped on the side of the road

It’s only fantasy, but it’s a damn good one

Killing your ass would be so much fun

CHORUS

Open! Bar! Super! Star! X4

VERSE 3

Don’t you dare get behind the wheel

Or a kick in the nuts is what you’ll feel

You’ve done enough damage for one day

To our ears and brains and it’s not okay

You stole the music from underneath us

The band drove away in their big tour bus

I guess being an idiot is punishment enough

For guys like you with your beer belly stuffed

CHORUS

Open! Bar! Super! Star! X4

BRIDGE

You’re an alcoholic, far from anonymous

Far from Einstein, far from an economist

Far from the fan that you claim to be

If you’re stealing music from guys like me