***GOODBYE BILL MAHER***
I’ve had this topic idea on the shelf for over a year now.
Anyone who’s known me for a long time knows that Bill Maher was at one point
one of my favorite comedians and political commentators. I saw him perform in Seattle in 2013, which
was also the same night where we couldn’t find the car afterwards, but that has
nothing to do with this post. So when I finally say goodbye to Bill Maher in
2019, you know he must have done something incredibly shitty in order to lose
my respect. Actually, it wasn’t just one thing he said or did. It slowly built
up over the last few years. And yeah, one could argue that he was always
obnoxious and bigoted from the beginning, but it wasn’t really noticeable until
the latter years of the 2010’s. So…where do I start this lovely story?
In 2006, of course. That was when I saw my first episode of
Real Time with Bill Maher. I can’t remember for the life of me what some of his
jokes or talking points were, but I found them fucking hilarious and on-point.
I decided from that point going forward that I would make watching his show a
weekly ritual. Despite all of the wacky conservatives he sometimes invited on
his panel, the show overall was fun to watch, especially the New Rules segment.
New Rule: You can’t bring a firearm to Wendy’s unless you
plan to rob it. You’re not a gun enthusiast. You’re an ammosexual. If you want
to die at Wendy’s so badly, you’ll have to do it the old fashioned way by
eating their food.
New Rule: Couples who make out in public have to bring a
bucket for me to throw up in. I didn’t come all the way to Applebee’s to be
sickened by your dry humping. I came all the way to Applebee’s to be sickened
by their food.
New Rule: Ice cream should stay nonpartisan. Some
rightwingers decided to make ice cream to counter the lefties at Ben &
Jerry’s with flavors like Gun Nut, Plane Vanilla, and Smaller Govern-Mint. But
these conservatives are missing the point of Ben & Jerry’s. Hippie ice
cream is fun because you eat it when you’re stoned.
New Rule: If churches don’t have to pay taxes, they also
can’t call the fire department when they catch on fire. Sorry Reverend, but
that’s one of those services that comes with paying in. I’ll use the fire
department that I pay for. You can pray for rain.
Thirteen years I stuck with Bill Maher through the good and
the bad. He entertained me, he strengthened by talking points, and I felt more
alive having watched his shows. But then…something happened. Again, maybe he
was always an obnoxious person and I didn’t notice it until now, but over the
past few years, he had gotten worse. He began to criticize millennials. He
began to make transphobic arguments. He rallied against vaccines. He fat-shamed
people in the name of “good health”. He did all of these things behind a mask
of virtue. He marketed himself as a liberal hero even though he’s actually a
capitalist libertarian. I hung on his every word because of that. If anyone
else had said the things he did, I would have given up on them sooner. But
coming from Bill Maher, I secretly hoped it was a one-time thing that we could
disagree on.
But the god-awful remarks weren’t one-offs. They happened
over and over again across multiple shows, sometimes in succession. I kept
struggling to find counterpoints to his arguments, not because I was wrong in
my beliefs, but because his disgusting shit was stressing me the fuck out. He
called millennials lazy and entitled (therefore proving his own point that
ageism is the last acceptable prejudice we have). He called fat people virgins
who couldn’t see their own dicks. He said transgender athletes were ruining
sports (even though the sports were already boring with or without their
participation). He referred to Caitlyn Jenner by masculine pronouns. If I
listed off all of Bill Maher’s sins against my ears, we’d be here forever and a
day.
But one night in January 2019 made me turn off the TV
forever. I can’t remember the exact date, but Bill Maher did a New Rules
segment where he basically exploited Stan Lee’s death. In criticizing comic
book fans, he said, “I’m not happy that he’s dead; I’m sad that you’re all
alive.” He took the role of creative gatekeeper, denouncing genre fiction
(sci-fi, fantasy, romance, etc.) and exalting literary fiction no matter how
boring it was. In that one segment, Bill Maher took a big dump on everything
that I love as a creative writer. He shamed nerds for being passionate about
what they love and told them to, “Grow up.” After that segment was mercifully
over, I tapped out. No more Bill Maher for me. My parents still watch him, but
I don’t. I can’t associate myself with people who demand conformity from their
audience.
Ever since I cut myself off from Bill Maher’s content, I’ve
never been happier. Of course, there will be people who insist I watch his show
anyways so that I can get new perspectives and strengthen my debating skills.
But what’s the point of strengthening my debating skills if the other side
won’t listen? Bill Maher criticizes millennials all the time for being unable
to take a joke, yet here he is deflecting criticism himself. He’s against
cancel culture, yet doesn’t mind canceling people who disagree with him. I
purposefully avoid political debates with even my closest friends, because in
the end, it’s not productive and only results in furious anger on both sides. I
want to be open-minded, but I’m not sure people like Bill Maher want to do that
themselves. Open-mindedness is a two-way street. If I have to listen to your
bigoted garbage, you have to listen to my talking points too. If debate can’t
be a two-way street for me, then I’ll turn it into a no-way street. How’s that?
Bill Maher influenced my sense of humor in the early days of
his show. I don’t regret that. I also don’t regret leaving him for higher
ground. There are so many great comedians and pundits out there. John Oliver is
one of them and he’s on the same channel as Bill Maher, if you can believe
that. He’s delightfully British, ridiculously funny, and has a healthy dose of
self-awareness. What about The Young Turks? They’re not comedians, but their
talking points are strong as hell, almost bulletproof. Their skin is so thick
that they welcome debate because they know they can win. Samantha Bee? Not
nearly as funny as John Oliver, but she’s entertaining all the same. You might have
to go out of your way to find alternatives to Bill Maher, but they exist and
you’ll be grateful you did.
So…I’m going to close this by saying goodbye one last time
to one of my all-time favorite influences. Goodbye, Bill Maher. We’ve had a
good run together. You used to be cool. But I don’t like the person you’ve
become. I don’t expect you to change your ways anytime soon. No, I don’t want
you to be canceled. You don’t have to lose your job over the things you’ve
said. All I’ll ever ask from you is self-awareness. If you’re going to be a
shitty person, admit it to your audience and don’t hide behind a mask of
liberalism. You won’t do that, though, because you’re stuck in your ways. Maybe
it’s a Boomer thing, I don’t know. I guess that makes ageism “the last
acceptable prejudice we have”. Then again, you started that war, so don’t be
upset when you’re the one who has to finish it. Goodbye. Goodbye and forever!
***QUOTE OF THE DAY***
“It has been
said, 'the truth will make men free.' The truth alone has never made anyone
free. It is only doubt which will bring mental emancipation.”
-Anton LaVey-
