Autumn Smith peeked through the backstage curtain of the
Dead Pegasus Orc Bar and felt like someone had just punched her in the stomach.
She was used to wild and raucous crowds, but never before had she played her
elven bard music in front of savage creatures such as orcs. Their drunken
screams and violent shoves were reminiscent of barbarians going to war against
the gods. A few of them even threw the bar’s furniture at each other. The
bouncers’ hands were tied with one group of wild orcs, so much so that many of
these barbaric brawls went unnoticed.
The elf guitarist swallowed a massive wad of saliva in
nervousness, but that only served to further irritate her anxious and chilled
stomach. And then a dark-skinned hand laid lovingly on her shoulder and put her
somewhat at ease. That hand belonged to the blond Mohawk-having, red
robe-wearing sorcerer known simply as Bloodshark. He said in his best smooth
jazz voice, “Don’t you worry about a thing, baby girl. I’m the best mercenary
money can buy. If one of these motherfuckers puts their hands on you, I’ll
shove thunderbolts up their asses and fireballs down their throats. You’ve got
this, sugar pie.”
Autumn breathed deeply to settle her nerves and said to
Bloodshark, “Thank you so much for agreeing to do this for me. I’ve never
played in front of orcs before.”
Bloodshark smiled and shook his head before saying, “Listen,
honey bear, orcs are no different from any other wild and crazy crowd: they all
turn to ashes after getting zapped with my magic lightning. Ashes look the same
no matter what race, creed, or color they originally were. Now you go onstage
and have the time of your life, cuddle muffin. You’re a dark fantasy rock
goddess. You don’t sweat the small stuff.”
The elven bard smiled sweetly and said, “You’re right,
Bloodshark. You’re absolutely right. I’m going to show these drunken assholes
what a real rock goddess looks like. I’m supposed to be getting a huge payment
for this concert, so if you want a raise, you can have it.”
“It’s show time, sweetheart,” said Bloodshark after
squeezing Autumn Smith’s shoulders. “Give these suckers all you’ve got!”
The words of encouragement put an even bigger smile on the
silver cloak-wearing bard’s face as she grabbed her acoustic guitar and nodded
at her mercenary before taking center stage. The orcs stopped fighting amongst
themselves and cheered like a bunch of battle hungry warriors. Despite being a
race of sloppy eaters and uncouth manners, even they could appreciate the
heavenly beauty of their rock and roll princess.
She had soft and creamy green skin, long and silky dark
hair, hypnotizing purple eyes, gorgeous red lips, a sparkling gray halter top
that revealed just the right amount of cleavage, fetishized high heeled boots,
and tight black leather pants that accentuated her best lower body features. Autumn’s
appearance alone was a main event show on its own. But when she started
strumming her golden guitar, every note and every chord put the orcs in a
drooling trance.
Her singing voice made every audience believe she was an
angel from the most beautiful of heavens. Her erection-worthy lyrics spoke of
the pleasures of love making from her partner’s perfect muscular body to the
wonderful thrill of being pushed into. She even made a few orgasmic moans to
simulate the gentle sex she was singing about.
The crowd of drunken orcs, who had been brawling just
minutes before, were now retarded with love for this sexy elf playing music for
them. They drooled, their eyes were halfway closed, they were hunched over, and
many of them purposefully sat down at their tables to avoid…embarrassment.
And then one of the audience members made the mistake of
reaching up on stage and grabbing Autumn by her ankle. “Ouch! Let go! You’re
hurting me!” she yelled as the orc held on with a nearly crushing grip. The
other orcs egged him on and showed their wildness once more with berserker
screams. And then that sexually harassing orc drew back a stump when Bloodshark
appeared from behind the curtain and zapped his hand.
A fountain of black orcish blood burst in the air and
stained Autumn’s lovely clothing, to which she gasped in horror. The orcs
laughed at their creepy brethren while Bloodshark warned them, “Anybody else
want to try that shit? Go ahead! Come on! I don’t get paid by the hour,
motherfuckers!”
One of the orcs pulled out a battleaxe and screamed
furiously before charging at Bloodshark with a full head of steam. The
mercenary sorcerer extended his fingertips and shot a cannonball-like fire
volley into the warrior’s chest, sending the orc flying all the way to the back
of the bar and crashing through the wall.
Autumn grabbed her bodyguard by the arm and shouted, “I’m
not paying you to kill them! I just wanted some security, damn it!”
Bloodshark shoved his boss to the ground, pointed his finger
at her, and said, “Let me do my job and then we’ll talk about semantics!”
While the elf bard crab-walked and cowered in the corner of
the stage, more orcs descended upon Bloodshark with swords, axes, and flails
drawn. That much heavy screaming pierced Autumn’s eardrums and made her feel
like she was about to be ripped to shreds by this horny crowd.
And then Bloodshark threw his hands in a rapid fire
machinegun motion as he tossed glacial spikes left and right into the orcs’
chests. While most of them were dropping to the ground bleeding like volcanoes,
other orcs grabbed onto his arms and legs ready to tear him limb from limb. The
sorcerer’s body became a conduit of electricity, sending lightning through his
attacker’s bodies and turning them all to a pile of bloody ashes. And then the
sorcerer threw fireballs at an assault rifle pace. And then more lightning
bolts. And then more glacial spikes. Within a matter of lengthy seconds, the
crowd full of horny orcs was reduced to shreds of skin, pieces of bones, and
oceans of blood. Even the bouncers and bartenders weren’t spared from this
deathly onslaught.
Bloodshark hunched over and clutched his knees while
breathing heavily and admiring his handiwork. Autumn stopped flinching and
surveyed the battlefield around her. Her bottom lip quivered, her body
convulsed, and her eyes widened with horror as she pulled herself to her
staggering feet. “Oh my god…what have you done? This isn’t security detail.
This is murder!” Autumn banged on Bloodshark’s chest with her puny hands and
yelled, “You’re a murderer! You’re a goddamn murderer!”
The sorcerer restrained the elf with his massive arms and
stole a sloppy tongue kiss from her while leaning her backwards. It was long
and passionate, but Autumn wasn’t buying the passion as she pushed away and
crab-walked backwards again in disgust. She spit and coughed until she was
certain the rotten flavor was out of her mouth. “What the hell is wrong with
you?!”
“No, Autumn. I think the real question is…what the hell is
wrong with YOU?! How could you treat your number one fan with such disdain? Is
that what you rock goddesses are really good for?” protested Bloodshark.
The elf’s breathing slowed and her mouth quivered even
harder as she realized the trap she had fallen for. “No…no…this can’t be
happening. You’re not a mercenary. You’re a stalker! You’re a goddamned
stalker! How can you do this to me, you sick pervert?!”
“How can I do what to you? Write you the sweetest letters a
fan could ever write? Send chocolates to your house that tasted like pure
heaven? Send roses to your studio that smell like fresh warm Eden? I spent more of my own mercenary money
on you than I did for myself. And the way you repay me for my love and
affection is by ignoring me and acting disgusted with me?! I should be the one
disgusted with you! But I’m not, Miss Smith. I’m in love!” said Bloodshark with
the wildest eyes and the creepiest grin.
Autumn shook her head and said, “You don’t know a goddamn
thing about love. You’re just a pervert. You’re the worst kind of scum a singer
like me could ever meet. You’re not the first one to fall in love with me. I’ve
dealt with sickos like you many times in my career. You think you’re special
just because you’ve eliminated all of your orcish competition with a little bit
of magic? You’re pathetic!”
Bloodshark’s eyes glowed with light blue neon as he said,
“It’s not just a little bit of magic, Miss Smith. It’s what I use on a day to
day basis when I fight for the affections of my sweetest crushes. You rock and
roll women are all the same to me. Then again, it’s just like I said
earlier…all ashes look the same! If you won’t say yes to me…then I’ll say
goodbye to you!”
Autumn Smith shouted, “No! Please!” as the perverted
sorcerer extended his fingertips and threw the biggest bolt of electricity his
tired body could muster up. What better place to send that spear of
lightning…then right through Autumn’s “cold and loveless” heart?
