Dave Meltzer vs. David Starr a.k.a. the Catalyst for the #SpeakingOut Movement

 

Johnny Young Gets a Taste of His Own Medicine, Which Tastes Like Shit

 

HEY, HEY, HEY! We Got Another Hollywood Reboot!

 

Dr. Larry Nassar: His Medical License Was Suspended, But His Prison Sentence Was Not

 

Jimmy Fallon Has a Very Special Guest Tonight...

 

R.E.M. vs. Russell Brand: Losing My Religion

 

Matt Gaetz, Respecter of (17-Year-Old) Women

 

And by the way, she's not a 17-year-old "woman". She's a child! Matt Gaetz fucked a CHILD!

Radiohead vs. Danny Masterson

 

The Radiohead lyrics are from the song "Creep". Danny Masterson would absolutely take those lyrics literally.

Samuel L. Jackson vs. The Lolita Express

 

Roman Reigns (WWE) vs. Conor McGregor (UFC)

 

The Nightcore Boobird

 

Jake "The Snake" Roberts vs. Christian Cage

 

Drake Maverick vs. Brock Lesnar

 

Show Don't Tell

PRE-VERSE 1

Don’t tell me about the ghostly music

Show me sound waves liquefying his brain

Don’t tell me he’s about to lose it

Show me twitchy faces as he’s going insane

VERSE 1

Reading about scandals in the newspaper

Won’t give you the most intimate flavor

An old man’s gyroscopic wiener in motion

Leaves her trapped above the Atlantic Ocean

Few seconds of assault becomes a life of trauma

But they’ll brush it off as SJW drama

She’s a hero for telling a story that pains her

And showing the old fart he’s a walking failure

PRE-VERSE 2

Tell me you’re hurting without telling me so

The hangover turns your head into a bomb to blow

Tell me why you’re drunk without telling me why

Because it’s better than letting monsters see you cry

VERSE 2

A fictional world becomes real in a hurry

When the lines of fantasy become so blurry

Is the author a racist or just bad at his craft?

When the audience screamed, the Nazis laughed

Five hundred pages of knights and mages

And lovers so fine with questionable ages

He’s a villain for telling a story so awful

And showing why he’s still on the side of lawful

PRE-VERSE 3

These stories don’t connect in any meaningful way

They’re just random thoughts barfed onto the page

Get a nice editor to tell you that you’re full of it

Test your resolve, we’ll see if you’re full of quit

VERSE 3

In the end, we all have our stories to tell

But it’s all a matter of if they’re told well

We don’t mind a little bit of being disturbed

As long as there’s substance to go with big words

Everyone has potential to live beyond themselves

And see their very best efforts on library shelves

You’re a human for telling a story the world needs

And showing them all you despise corporate greed

Sex

CHORUS

Everything’s about sex except sex itself

Sex is about power and really nothing else

If it looks like a penis or like a vagina

Can’t wait to get something inside ya

VERSE 1

Look at that knight and his surfboard sword

Look at the way he cuts down the orc horde

Not even their axes could put a dent in his armor

It’s made of gold and spikes, for starters

But everything about him reminds you of a dick

And his only end goal is to obviously get chicks

His sword is so long and fat around the edges

So are the spikes in his suit, gold is piss, you get it?

CHORUS

Everything’s about sex except sex itself

Sex is about power and really nothing else

If it looks like a penis or like a vagina

Can’t wait to get something inside ya

VERSE 2

Look at the damsel stuck in the dragon’s tower

Rescue her and she’ll give you money and power

One slash of the dragon’s neck and he’s gone

Head rolling down the hill into the bubbly swamp

Damsel thanks you with a passionate kiss

Whether you want it or not, no refusing this

How can you be platonic when she’s clearly a prize?

The male gaze comes with the horniest eyes

CHORUS

Everything’s about sex except sex itself

Sex is about power and really nothing else

If it looks like a penis or like a vagina

Can’t wait to get something inside ya

BRIDGE

Testosterone is the reason for all of your decisions

Sperm invades your brain like a vaginal incision

If you get an A+ in all of your classes

It’s because you fantasize about tits and asses

Never mind that you studied and prepared for life

Because it all means nothing without a sexy wife

Everyone in town walks around with an erection

Always looking for ways to get an extension

VERSE 3

It’s insulting to every gender that there is

To leave the world around you covered in jizz

Think of all that greatness we could achieve

If we had self-esteem we could truly believe

CHORUS

Everything’s about sex except sex itself

Sex is about power and really nothing else

If it looks like a penis or like a vagina

Can’t wait to get something inside ya

Mass Transit

 The idea of chowing down on a Hawaiian pizza and BBQ chicken wings made Reese Lee’s mouth water. But in this Peter Pan bus station, it was only an idea and nothing more. It was something that would have to wait until she made it back to her college town. Considering that breathing air in this bus station was worse for the mouth and nose than giving a rim job to someone with a stomach virus, even the idea of getting potato chips from the vending machine was a taboo.

All she could do was sit cross-legged in a chair (preferably one without bubblegum stuck to it) and study for her final exams. Burying her nose in her text book was more appealing than allowing body odor and cigarette smoke to melt her face off like acid. It was even more appealing with new age music blasting in her headphones while she kept her hoodie up. Everything about her screamed “Do Not Disturb”. But who was listening? Certainly not the other patrons.

There they were milling all around the station waiting for their respective buses to take them to their destinations. Some of them had long greasy hair that hadn’t been washed since the Obama administration. Some of them burped loudly enough to jolt Reese out of her studying trance. A scraggly old man in a trench coat puked on the floor, the puddle resembling a prehistoric tar pit. A weary-eyed mother sat on the floor and attempted to rock her crying baby to sleep. A man in overalls and a MAGA hat lit up a cigarette and puffed like a diesel train.

This isn’t worth it…none of this is worth it, Reese thought to herself as she tightened the draw string on her hoodie. No matter how many times she pored over various psychological terms in her textbook like Gestalt and Jungian, they wouldn’t stick in her overcrowded mind. Her brain felt as though it had Novocain smeared all over it. Her eyes watered from the intense smells. Her jaw clamped down so tightly that she was getting a headache. She could just as easily step outside for fresh air, but that would mean potentially missing her bus back to college.

Then again, it might not have been a bad outcome considering that a man a greasy leather jacket marched up to her reeking of alcohol and trash. “Ten-HUT!” he shouted. “The purple monkeys are coming to take our brains! STOP THE STEAL! Blar-blah-BLAR!” He marched to the bathroom, but not without leaving Reese a quivering mess in her seat. Her eyes watered once again, but not from the pungent miasma.

It’s not worth it…it’s not worth it….none of this is worth it…

As Reese tried to steady her nerves with deep breathing exercises (the ones she learned from her psychology classes), the mother from earlier approached her, the baby in her arms fast asleep. With yellow teeth and chapped lips, she asked Reese, “Do you have a cigarette?”

“No, I don’t. Sorry.”

“Come on, just one cigarette! I’m stressed out!”

“I told you, I don’t have any.”

“I’ll kiss your feet if you give me one!”

Bile rose up from Reese’s throat. She threw her textbook to the ground and rushed for the ladies’ room. Unfortunately, time was not her best friend as she vomited on the ground before she could make it. Her stomach contents burned her throat while her eyes watered some more. A few droplets of nose pudding mixed with her biological swamp brew on the ground. Nobody said a word when the motor-oil substance from the old man hit the floor. But once Reese’s acids flew from her lips…

“Fucking gross, lady!” yelled the guy in the MAGA cap. “Is that what they teach you in that lib-tard school of yours?”

Reese wiped the sewage off of her face with the back of her hand before unnecessarily apologizing. The heavy breaths she took wouldn’t do much for cooling down her throat considering the air was thicker than that of a burning building. But heavy breaths she took anyways.

She took even more of them when an obese man in an American flag T-shirt grabbed her butt and squeezed as hard as he could. “Ow! Ow! Let go! You’re hurting me!”

“I bet that shit hurts real’ good, little lady!” said the pervert before hacking and laughing at the same time. Reese was able to pry his fingers off before dashing for the exit. The pervert laughed at her some more when she slipped on the black puddle from earlier. Her back collided with the cement ground and knocked the wind out of her lungs (not that it was good air to begin with). Her MP3 player and headsets broke on the way down, but not nearly as badly as her spirit.

She used the nearby arcade cabinet to pick herself up before (successfully) dashing out of the bus station and into the clean night air. The breeze gently blew against her white-hot face. Every shaky breath she took was pure heaven to her throat and lungs. In fact, it was the only thing about this night that could be described as being remotely close to heaven. She rested her sore back against a graffiti-splattered wall and sunk down to her butt, bursting into a full-on crying session.

The whole reason she went to college in the first place was to study psychology and become a licensed therapist. But even with this wealth of knowledge, she knew the people in that bus station were beyond help. The healthcare system failed them. The world failed them. But she had zero interest in helping them now. 

If that whole bus station burns to the ground with them inside…I’d never be depressed ever again…

While she couldn’t find a gas can and matches with her blurry eyes, she did see something that was almost as destructive: a lead pipe lying on the ground. A rusty lead pipe with a little bit of moss grown over it, because of course it was. She wiped her eyes dry and picked up the non-moss end of the pipe. She could bash a lot of brains in with this weapon. Not that they had brains to begin with, but it’d be a nice visual for her healing.

“I’ll kill them all…I’ll fucking kill them…” she sniffled.

“What did you say? Hello?”

That familiar voice came from her smart phone, which thankfully wasn’t damaged in the slip and fall thanks to the case she bought for it. She must have pocket dialed someone during the whole kafuffle. That someone was her mother. Hearing her voice again was another factor in cooling down her aching lungs and throat.

“Mom? Are you there?”

“Reese, are you okay? Did I just hear you say you’re going to kill someone?”

“Um…” she sniffled. “No, I was just…I mean…Mom?...I can’t go back inside the station. I hate it there!”

“What’s wrong, honey?”

Reese had a hard time forming words through her tears.

“Do you need me to come pick you up?”

“But…I have my final exam soon…”

“That’s not what I asked you. I asked you if you wanted me to pick you up and take you home.”

“…Yes! That’d be wonderful.”

“Okay, I’ll be there in thirty minutes. Hang in there.”

“I love you, Mom!”

“I love you too, Reese. Bye.”

In all this time of studying psychology, Reese had forgotten the most important lesson of all: self-care. Even the most hardworking minds needed to rest. Even straight A students weren’t immune to mental health crises. If her professors didn’t understand these things, they had no business teaching psychology. In that case, studying at this college wasn’t such a good idea after all.

As for the lead pipe, Reese gazed at it for a while, feeling the rusty metal grate against her sensitive skin. She had thirty minutes before her mother got her out of this hellhole. She still had ample time to smash heads and drop corpses. But if she went through with her violence against the mentally-ill bus station customers, she had no business being a therapist in the first place. And if that was true, then learning psychology from these uncaring professors was like a toxic relationship that would never end.

Reese dropped the pipe and allowed it to roll across the sidewalk. “I hate this place. But I hate the system more…” She pulled her knees to her chest and sobbed into her legs some more.

The Fanatics

VERSE 1

Science fiction has always been fiction

Brainwashing rhetoric’s part of your diction

Looking like dorks in black slacks and ties

“Boys will be boys, we’re just one of the guys”

Dementia’s done less damage than your ethos

Stripping creativity from ordinary people

A cult of fanatics, that’s all that you are

I’ve heard better speeches from drunks at bars

CHORUS 1

Conga line of doom

Darkness in your room

Poison in your food

You’re the fanatics!

Permanent addicts!

VERSE 2

Leaving your sorry ass like an abusive husband

An army of puppets is what you’ve summoned

There’s nowhere for the escapees to retreat

Dead pets hollowed out and laying at their feet

CHORUS 2

Psychological rot

Void of deep thought

Never ever get caught

You’re the fanatics!

Bringers of madness!

BRIDGE

Just another million dollar check in your account

Your followers grow even bigger in amount

An army of zombies to do whatever you need

A dinner of flesh and bladed mouths to feed

VERSE 3

World domination is what you want the most

Who cares if the innocents end up as ghosts?

Who cares if we have to look over our shoulders?

Who cares if we have no chance of getting older?

Follow our asses all over the fucking planet

Even in outer space you have the advantage

Governments in your pocket, aliens by your side

Nowhere left to run and nowhere left to hide

CHORUS 3

Gossamers in your head

Rape victims in your bed

Your critics end up dead

You’re the fanatics!

Most dangerous faction!

One day you will fall

Hands against the wall

The right to one phone call

You’re the prisoners!

Good riddance, you sinners!

Time's Up

OPENING LINE

I see your gaslight and I raise you a scorched earth!

VERSE 1

The nightmare in her head

Isn’t limited to the bed

Never forget the shit they said

Never forget they wish her dead

CHORUS

Time’s up, you filthy animals!

Time’s up, sexual cannibals!

Time’s up, you phony god!

Put down the staff and rod!

VERSE 2

Call it witch hunt if you’d like

Carry your torches and your pikes

Thump your bible, preach your sermon

You’re still a bunch of toxic vermin

Your brutal past isn’t going away

No matter how many times you pray

Face the music or go fuck off

Her life is not yours to rob

EXTENDED CHORUS 1

Time’s up, you filthy animals!

Time’s up, sexual cannibals!

Time’s up, you phony god!

Put down the staff and rod!

Time’s up, Mr. High and Mighty!

Time’s up, Mr. Gaslighting!

Time’s up, Mr. Law and Order!

Time’s up, Mr. Sexual Torture!

VERSE 3

As long as you’ve got the magical R

It doesn’t matter if you’ve lowered the bar

Your sheep will follow, continue to swallow

Your bullshit until the inside is hollow

EXTENDED CHORUS 2

Time’s up, you filthy scum!

Justice for all, a free pass for none!

Time’s up, you barbarian!

None of this is hilarious!

Time’s up, you cockroach!

The plank is yours to approach!

Time’s up, nowhere to run!

Time’s up! Time’s up!

All Men Must Die

VERSE 1

You’re touching and feeling

He’s sexually appealing

All of his no’s are final

Still he feels suicidal

CHORUS

In your heart

All men must

D-D-D-D-Die!

D-D-D-D-Die!

D-D-D-D-Die!

D-D-D-D-Die!

You don’t care!

Don’t you dare!

VERSE 2

Tell him to man up

As you grab nuts

He must like it

He doesn’t fight it

CHORUS

In your heart

All men must

D-D-D-D-Die!

D-D-D-D-Die!

D-D-D-D-Die!

D-D-D-D-Die!

You don’t care!

Don’t you dare!

BRIDGE

Police report

Been here before

Choose to ignore

Ass out the door

Fall on the floor

Get ready for more

See what’s in store

For the man whore

VERSE 3

Back the fuck up

You media suck up

Stick your microphone

Where the sun never shone

He wants revenge

He wants to defend

He wants your head

He wants you dead

CHORUS

In your heart

All men must

D-D-D-D-Die!

D-D-D-D-Die!

D-D-D-D-Die!

D-D-D-D-Die!

You don’t care!

Don’t you dare!

That's Not Love

VERSE 1

Fondling her tits doesn’t make you a stud

She hates it even more when you grab her butt

This isn’t the classic tale of Romeo & Juliet

This is a traumatic nightmare she won’t forget

Every time you snap an unwanted photograph

Every time you crudely joke and nobody laughs

She’s thinking of spraying you right in the eyes

Even if it takes her more than fifty fucking tries

CHORUS

That’s! Not! Love! X2

VERSE 2

Fifty shades of sexualized violence

Fifty shades of embarrassed silence

Fifty shades of suicidal misery

Fifty shades of unsolvable mysteries

Touch her again and you’ll draw back a stump

Arrogant preening doesn’t give you the right to hump

Your washboard abs don’t mean fucking shit

Keep your goddamn hands off her fucking tits

EXTENDED CHORUS 1

That’s! Not! Love!

That’s! Not! Love!

This! Is! A Crime!

You! Will! Do Time!

VERSE 3

Great job, Romeo, you’ve found new romance

That’s why you’re wearing low baggy pants

It’s prison code for, “I want your load”

You’ll be squealing like a pig, croaking like a toad

There is no reward for sexual harassment

There is no future for a sexual assassin

I don’t give a fuck who the president is

Nobody wants your disgusting ass jizz

EXTENDED CHORUS 2

That’s! Not! Love!

That’s! Not! Love!

This! Is! A Crime!

You! Will! Do Time!

Passionate love is a legitimate emotion

But not when you’ve got a stalker’s devotion

Not when your dick is a lethal weapon

Not when you’re a sex offender level seven

FINAL LINE

This! Is! Not! Fucking! Love!