Bryan Danielson (AEW) vs. Nick Khan (President of WWE)

 

"Attorney General" Pam Bondage, I Mean, Pam Bondi

 

If she insists on being Donald Trump's love slave, then I'm going to treat her like one.

Joey Styles vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

 

Your winner by KTFO: "Stocky Balboa" Joey Styles!

Bron Breakker X Trish Stratus

 

I think you guys already know, but I'm going to say it anyways: this cartoon is poking fun at Vince McMahon, not Trish Stratus.

Val Venis: Former WWE Wrestler, Current Right-Wing Nutjob

 

"Filthy" Tom Lawlor vs. Nick Aldis

 

Maynard from Pulp Fiction vs. Todd Akin (Rest in Piss, Teabagger!)

 

Jenna Moreci vs. Franklin Graham: a 2018 Fantasy Novel vs. a Jesus Christ Fan Fiction

 

Unwanted Relationship Advice, Pt. 2

 

Unwanted Relationship Advice, Pt. 1 (Happy Valentine's Day!)

 

Clarence Thomas X the Tattooed Racist from "Tales from the Hood" (Rest in Peace, Rick Dean)

 

Civil Discourse Is an Oxymoron

VERSE 1

It’s not civil discourse when you say, “Get a job!”

And then you play the victim of the online mob

You started jacking your jaw about made up laws

That justify the killing of random dudes chilling

We have the right to exist, it’s what I’ll always insist

I’ll die on this hill when the coppers shoot to kill

Master debating is just political theater

There is no “both sides” to a husband beating her

 

CHORUS

Civil discourse is an oxymoron

When our eyes are fiery like Sauron

When our veins bulge and faces turn red

Lies are force-fed until too many are dead

 

VERSE 2

Military intelligence and jumbo shrimp

Got nothing on a fake badass being a pimp

Except when his hoes are in tactical clothes

They sold their souls for the king they chose

Moderate terrorism and AI art

Across-the-aisle marriages with no broken hearts

Human rights violators who make the best of friends

But when they get dumped, they call it Gen Z trends

 

CHORUS

Civil discourse is an oxymoron

When our eyes are fiery like Sauron

When our veins bulge and faces turn red

Lies are force-fed until too many are dead

 

BRIDGE

If you want to debate my right to live

You have to take it about as well as you give

Otherwise, you’re an Alpha in name only

Got yourself to blame for being empty and lonely

 

EXTENDED CHORUS

Civil discourse is an oxymoron

When our eyes are fiery like Sauron

When our veins bulge and faces turn red

Lies are force-fed until too many are dead

Remember that when you go to bed

And the joy-bringers rent space in your head

And your brain melted from pumping gasoline with lead

Lies and slander are always everything you said

It was never a debate, it was an hour of hate

You forgot your Klan hood and your crucifix wood

You forgot your gas can and cigarette lighter

No more burning crosses, no need for firefighters

Tom Man Ho, I mean, Tom Homan

 

I'll get his name right eventually, maybe when he starts getting the names right of the people he deports. I hear his Spanish sucks.

Ed, Edd, n' Eddy 2026

 

Michael & Debi Pearl: Child Beaters Extraordinaire

 

Jimmy Kimmel vs. Sean Hannity

 

Vic Mackey from The Shield vs. Milo Yiannopoulos

 

Tom Morello (Rage Against the Machine) vs. Lacey Sturm (Flyleaf)

 

Kristina Maione vs. Kaitlin Bennett

 

Mr. Hollywood from 2 Stupid Dogs

 

Dean Cain a.k.a. Ironic Superman

 

The Friars Club

 

Yes, I know the Friars Club is defunct now, but if they ever get revived, Benny boy would make a hell of a roasting victim. He loves being the victim. It's not second nature to him. It's first!

Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Pete Hegseth

 

I know I made Pete Hegseth look like Vince McMahon, but trust me, that's Whiskey Pete. Just look at the way I (accidentally) drew his eyes. He's had a few.

Alex De Large from A Clockwork Orange vs. iilluminaughtii

 

The lyrics in the top panel are a paraphrase of "Love Is Blue", definitely not the Paul Mauriat version. Imagine if Alex listened to that instead of Beethoven while he was being tortured.

Anette Olzon vs. Garrison's Autism

 

I didn't actually go to a Q&A hosted by Anette Olzon, but I do rack up a lot of chuckles by refusing to speak.

Tim Lambesis from As I Lay Dying