Noel Plum: a "Logical" Atheist Who Says Illogical Shit About Trans People

 

I'm really digging the side-by-side view I've been using lately, not just for M.I.A., but also Noel Plum. It gives me more room to write captions.

Dr. Cushing from Tales from the Hood vs. Kanye West (Rest in Peace, Rosalind Cash)

 

Sabine Hossenfelder: a Member of the "Intellectual Dark Web" Who Isn't that Bright

 

Rachel Oates vs. Alpha Male Podcaster

 

"Cecil's Pride" by The Hatkoff Family

BOOK TITLE: Cecil’s Pride: The True Story of a Lion King

AUTHORS: The Hatkoff Family

YEAR: 2016

GENRE: Nonfiction

SUBGENRE: Lion Biography

GRADE: Extra Credit

When Cecil the Lion was heartlessly killed by a trophy hunter, it sparked worldwide outrage and rightfully so. The subsequent debate on animal welfare and wildlife conservation led to new laws being put in place to protect future generations of lions. But to fully understand how important these new protections are, we must first understand how Cecil lived his life as the king of his pride. He wasn’t just a random animal. He was a loving protector and a social creature at heart. May he rest peacefully and may his pride continue his majestic bloodline.

Instead of just a barebones biography, Cecil’s story was treated as an actual story with a beginning, middle, and end. He was portrayed as a three-dimensional character with his strengths, flaws, and lovability. He fought other animals when his pride was threatened and he ran away only when necessary. And because lions like Cecil are social creatures, they bond with other prides for the sake of protection. This is a classic storytelling technique: two factions banding together to fight off a stronger villain. And when Cecil is eventually killed, the reader will care that much more about him. It was already an angering story to hear about on the news, but to see it in this book is that much more heartbreaking. Cecil’s portrayal as a regal figure and a dynamic character in a much larger story is what makes this book special enough to deserve an extra credit grade.

In addition to employing storytelling techniques, this book also has an educational side to it. Because these two qualities work side-by-side with each other, it’ll be a guaranteed hit with students of all ages. You’ll learn why lions are important to Africa’s ecosystem. You’ll learn why they attract so many mates at a time. You’ll even learn a few statistics about animal extinction and why conservation is more important now than it has been in the past. Education shouldn’t stop when school is over. You can get more out of this book than just trivial facts. You can learn empathy. You can learn how to be an activist. You can do some good in this world with these forty pages shaping your mind. Put down the hunting rifle. Put down the bow and arrow. The only shooting you should be doing is with a high shutter speed camera.

Speaking of which, the lion photographs in this book are magnificent to look at. Cecil looks like a proud king when he watches over his families. His cubs look like little cuties when they practice their roars. His lionesses look seductive when lying about with their mates. Cecil even looks alert and ready to protect his pack when he’s doing something as mundane as drinking from the river. The African landscape is more than just a place for wild animals to do battle. It’s a kingdom. It’s an empire. It’s a society that must be protected from the cruelty of guns and crossbows. These pictures do the lions justice a hundred times over. Even the drawings have that kind of power over the reader.

It’s easy to balk at this book for being targeted towards small children. There are also a few who will contrast Cecil’s death to those of aborted fetuses. There are even those who question why lion lives matter to begin with. To those who would easily brush this book aside, I say give it one chance to change your heart. It’s forty pages and it’s mostly pictures. You’re not sacrificing much when picking this book up for a quick read. If anything, you’ll be better off for the experience. Keep your eyes and mind open and you’ll want to give this book an extra credit grade as well.

"Dog Man: A Tale of Two Kitties" by Dav Pilkey

BOOK TITLE: Dog Man: A Tale of Two Kitties

AUTHOR: Dav Pilkey

YEAR: 2017

GENRE: Graphic Novel

SUBGENRE: Children’s Adventure

GRADE: Pass

An anthropomorphic dog cop aptly named Dog Man has been assigned to protect a laboratory housing a psychomantic fish, who was rebuilt using mechanical parts so that the scientists could sufficiently study his brain. Elsewhere in the city, another scientific experiment takes place as escaped convict Petey the Kitty creates a miniature clone of himself and struggles to raise it like a real kid. Soon the two stories hit a crossroads in a cutely written adventure involving buildings coming to life, a mechanical cat suit capable of superhuman feats, and a gigantic truck full of French salad dressing. It’s a silly story, but one worth enjoying.

While it is true that this graphic novel was intended for small children, you can also enjoy it if you’re an avid pet lover like me. The Petey clone’s innocent antics, Dog Man’s cheerful nature, and even the minor role characters bring out the warm and fuzzy feelings you’d expect from animal literature. My favorite cute moments from the book include putting Lil’ Petey to bed, giving him a bath, and Dog Man bouncing all over the police chief like a real dog. You know what? Why don’t we just give the entire cast of this graphic novel one big cuddle-huggle. Good or evil, they’ve all earned a special place in my heart for the sweetness they bring!

As happy-go-lucky as this book is, it’s not without the occasional sad moment. I can pinpoint three different parts of this book that strike me as heartbreaking: Dog Man’s sad expressions when the police chief tells him he’s a “bad dog”, Petey becoming frustrated with his “kid” and leaving him in a box alone on the streets, and Lil’ Petey drawing picture books for his special friends. Don’t be too turned off by these tear-jerking scenes, because they’ll easily renew your love for animals everywhere. If you’ve got a little kitty or puppy at home, give him or her extra cuddles and pettings to show them how much you care.

Enough with the tears of sadness. How about some tears of happiness for a change? The mechanical cat suit Petey builds for his son is called the 80 Hexatron Droid. If you shorten that name to an acronym, it’s called 80-HD. Say that ten times fast and clap your hands like an audience at a golf tournament. Oh, and one of the buildings that comes to life? It’s an oatmeal factory called Holland Oats. Kids today might not understand that reference, but an older member of their family will. The jokes and puns in this story won’t make you hee-haw with laughter, but they’ll bring the world’s goofiest grin to your face.

If you like cute and cuddly stories with happy endings and golf clap humor, buy a copy of this graphic novel. Whether you have children of your own, you are a child, or you’re just a guy who loves sweetness, you’ll love what the pages have to offer. Don’t let anybody tell you you’re too old for this kind of material. What matters most is what you love, not what anybody else’s standards dictate. I love this story and that’s why it deserves a passing grade.

STEAM

***STEAM***

A few weeks ago, I wrote a song for Lunatic Justice called “STEM Sell”, where I argue that having a STEM degree doesn’t necessarily equal happiness despite the job opportunities and abundance of money. In case you don’t know, STEM stands for Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics. The kinds of jobs that come with a STEM degree include medical doctor, mechanic, computer expert, and architect to name a few. As much as liberal arts majors like me hate to admit it, STEM skills are in higher demand than creative ones.

But think of how boring this world would be without art. If everybody had STEM jobs, you can kiss Harry Potter, Pink Floyd, Wonder Woman, and everything else considered fun goodbye. Speaking of Pink Floyd, there’s a scene in The Wall movie where Pink’s math teacher beats him for writing poetry in class instead of doing homework. That scene is based on Roger Waters’s childhood. If he had caved in to the hate and got a “real job” instead of singing in a band…well, you know how this conversation is going to go.

Want another real world example? Jim Carrey gave a college speech about how his father could have been a professional comedian with the sense of humor he had, but instead took a financially safe job as an accountant (the M in STEM). Jim Carrey’s father was laid off from his job, which proves that failure isn’t something only artists experience. Imagine if Jim Carrey took the “safe route” and became an accountant like his dad. Actually, no, don’t imagine that, especially if you’re prone to crying your eyes out.

Ever see the bumper sticker that says “Earth without art is just eh”? Well, every time I hear a STEM student brag about how he’s better than liberal arts majors, I think of that bumper sticker. That same braggadocios student is probably wiping his tears away with those hundred dollar bills. That’s not to say STEM doesn’t have a place in modern society, but it shouldn’t be the only thing we have available jobs for. We need to find a balance between happiness and financial stability.

All you have to do is stick an A (Art) in between the E and the M and you’ve got STEAM. Think of all the creative fields out there and how they’re interconnected with STEM. The music industry is a prime example of this. Of course, the creative side comes from the songwriting and performances. But if you want to put together an album or put on an elaborate concert, you have to have a fairly extensive knowledge of the equipment involved. Rammstein concerts are fun as fuck, but without sound engineers, lightning designers, and pyrotechnicians, I don’t care how good they are as musicians, because their concert will sound like shit without those essential crew members.

The movie industry has STEAM applications as well. Sure, there’s the acting, screenwriting, directing, makeup art, and all of that. But you still need a STEM guy to know how to work the camera, create special effects, edit the film reels, and engineer the sound effects.

Take any creative endeavor and it will have connections to STEAM no matter how much someone argues otherwise. And since I’m an author, I might as well throw my personal experience into the mix. My job is to put words onto the screen and edit the final product so that it’s nice and polished for publication. If you plan on publishing, you have to have an extensive knowledge of economics (math), computer skills (technology), audience psychology (science), and…help me out here, I’m trying to think of an engineering example. Or perhaps your STEM experience can reveal itself in your actual manuscript. Maybe you’re writing a spy novel where someone has to use explosives (technology). Maybe you’re doing a combat scene and have to diagnose the traumas of each fighter (science).

STEM jobs and artistic jobs both require a great deal of dedication and hard work in order to succeed. Failure is a part of both sides of the spectrum and being able to dust yourself off and get back up is the true test of success, not money or college experience. I’ve experienced my fair share of failures in my career. I’ve had two-star reviews, angry criticisms, and plenty of doubters who simply thought I sucked.

I could go with the safe route and be a computer specialist, but would I experience the same amount of joy as I do when I create a story or poem out of thin air? Hell no. STEM jobs are important and highly abundant, but there’s more to life than changing oil in somebody’s car. If you’re a STEM employee and you’re happy with life, good for you. But that’s no excuse to put down liberal arts majors when you’re just as capable of failure as they are. We’ve got ears, say cheers!

***POISON TONGUE TALES 2: THE RIGHT TO REMAIN PSYCHOTIC***

It’s a new week at the WSS and it’s time for a new story. This time we’re dealing with Baby Steps as the major theme. What better way to conform to that prompt than by writing a story called “Where’s My Damn Money?” What else am I going to call it? Here’s how it goes:

CHARACTERS:

1. Chetty Claymore, Elf Necromancer
2. Pia Caine, Cat Wizard

PROMPT CONFORMITY: Pia’s small payments against her debt are considered baby steps toward the larger goal of being financially free.

SYNOPSIS: When wandering mage Pia is wounded in battle, Chetty saves her life in return for a whopping amount of money. A year has passed since these events and Pia is no closer to paying off her crushing debt. One night while concocting a potion in her lab, she is visited by the impatient Chetty, who threatens to kill her and the ones she loves if she doesn’t pay what he’s owed. Pia believes she can simply fight her way out of debt, but Chetty is part of a much larger organization of debt collectors and even if she wins, he won’t be her last opponent. Chetty also reveals that Pia’s personal information has been shared with her attacker from one year ago.

***DARK FANTASY WARRIORS***

Earlier tonight, I posted my non-WSS story called “Lionize” and Andrea Lovell, the CEO from that story, is next on the chopping block. Andrea was originally a character conceived by my old D&D friend Heather when the two of us would do private role-plays together on MSN Instant Messenger. She’s usually cool with me using her RPG characters in my stories, but if she isn’t this time around, then I’ll happy use someone else. I think she’ll be happy with what I come up for her as a drawing.

***FACE BOOK POST OF THE DAY***

WWU stands for World Wrestling University and WWE stands for Western Washington Entertainment. Both acronyms are said the Michael Cole way, which is by pronouncing them with extra emphasis on the W’s. Wait a minute, something’s not right here.

STEM Sell

VERSE 1

You show off your engineering degree

And laugh at those with artistic needs

Telling them to get a real fucking job

Dress in suits and ties, not like a slob

When will the lesson finally sink in?

Creativity is never an economic sin

While you’re miserable and stressed

Money isn’t happiness’s litmus test

CHORUS

Don’t try to sell me a life of pain!

I’d rather keep from going insane!

Art is my life, my heaven, my hell!

I’m not buying your STEM sell!

VERSE 2

You can buy a house and a fancy car

Yet you still waste away at the bar

A boring life marred with depression

The sadness spreads like an infection

Take out your blight on those who write

Those who paint and those who create

Those who strum chords on a guitar

Those whose dreams seem so far

CHORUS

Don’t try to sell me a life of pain!

I’d rather keep from going insane!

Art is my life, my heaven, my hell!

I’m not buying your STEM sell!

BRIDGE

I’m not a machine for a technomancer

I’m not a pill, the doctor’s answer

I’m not a number, don’t file me away

I’m an artist and proud to stay that way!

EXTENDED CHORUS

Don’t try to sell me a life of pain!

I’d rather keep from going insane!

Art is my life, my heaven, my hell!

I’m not buying your STEM sell!

Take your paycheck and shove it!

I create true art because I love it!

Drive your Mustang into the river!

Coldness and sorrow will make you shiver!

High School Dreams

It’s hard to believe that I graduated from high school way back in 2003. And yet, the past refuses to rest in its shallow grave. Of all the dreams I’ve had in my adult life, going back to school is the most common. According to Dream Moods, going back to high school suggests inadequacy. I’ve graduated from college in 2009, but I haven’t been able to find a career that will make me independent.

So what do I have now? Dreams where I’m trying to figure out what grades I got by logging onto the school website, but I forgot my username and password. I’ve also had dreams where I go to school completely naked. Despite my overweight frame, nobody seems to notice or otherwise care.

And then there are those really interesting dreams where I sign up for a math or science class and I’m in danger of failing, so I drop out with a W for a grade. English literature, on the other hand, I have no problem with. I read the books and complete the assignments in a timely fashion, so my teachers couldn’t be happier with me.

Here’s a weird one for you: going to gym class and forgetting my exercise clothes only to have a fellow student buy them for me at the student store. I’m forever in that kid’s debt.

But sometimes school can’t last forever (bummer). Sometimes I have to ride the bus home…and then a foot ferry…and then a military grade submarine…and then an airplane. Did I leave anything out? How about me going to school in a really tiny building, almost microscopic. And then once I get to class, I try to find a seat, but all the desks and seats have graffiti on them.

There are a lot of different ways for a subconscious to tell a guy how inadequate he really is. Is there something else my brain is trying to tell me? Do I really need a reminder of how I’ve only made a 60 cent profit this entire time of selling my writing? Do I really need the point driven home that I couldn’t even make it as a library scientist (because they wouldn’t hire me in the first place)? Do I need to be told over and over again how all of my work experience has been voluntary?

Not everybody’s life can be rainbows and skittles. Very few people can say they’re part of the 1%. Should they start having high school dreams too? What exactly constitutes success? Money? Fame? Happiness?

I don’t claim to have all of the answers, but if my subconscious is going to keep throwing these high school dreams at me, it should at least have the decency to provide me with honest answers about myself. And if my subconscious doesn’t have all the answers, who does, and is this person within reach? So many questions, not enough answers. It’s the story of my life, even when I was still going to high school.

　

***MOVIE QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“I’ve been doing some web design.”

-Peter Parker aka Spiderman from “The Amazing Spiderman 2”-

The D- From Hell

I haven’t told this story in a long time and I didn’t see a reason for it until now. My Smash Words e-book “Confessions of a Schizophrenic Savage” opens with heavy metal lyrics for a song called “62”. The opening line of the song goes like this: “True blue! I don’t need a 62! Your wife’s sweet juices will just have to do!” Although altered somewhat, these lyrics are part of an insult poem I wrote in 2005 that got me suspended from college. Is it story time already? It sure is. In winter quarter of 2005, I took a geology class on the advice of my guidance counselor. She told me that the guy who taught it, Steve, was funny and charismatic and therefore would be a fun teacher to have. By the time winter quarter actually begins, all I saw was a goofball who cared about rocks a little too much. He even had a sign on his door that said “Have a Gneiss Day”. Get it? He-he-ho-ho. His annoyingly quirky behavior was the least of his problems. I wrote that insult poem about him for three main reasons. First, he told us to study for one thing and tested us on something completely different. This ultimate swerve resulted in me barely surviving that test with a 62 (the title of the updated heavy metal song), or a D- for those who deal in letters. Secondly, he identified me in class as “the guy with bad handwriting”. And lastly, to put the cap on the humiliation, he made a big deal about me not covering my mouth when I yawned. Three acts of poor taste led to the creation of a battle rap against him. In this poem, I said three things to him that were equally in bad taste. I told him I was going to fuck his wife, fuck his mother, and scrape my keys across the side of his car. That would certainly be enough to put him in his place. Maybe it was overkill, maybe it was a lack of maturity, but something prompted Steve to complain to the Vice President of the college and tell them he was…brace yourselves…”terrified”. Steve actually thought I was going to do those nasty things to his family and his car. In order to keep from receiving a full ten day suspension or even an expulsion, I had to convince the Vice President and his Head of Security I was just blowing a whole bunch of smoke and the poem was more like a fantasy than a plan of action. I dodged a huge bullet. The worst that happened to me was that I was no longer allowed to sign up for Steve’s classes. I wouldn’t want to anyway. It’s many years later and I have yet to hear anybody say that success is the best revenge. Could that be because I’m not successful? I have yet to make any money off of my writing and I still live at home with my parents. Meanwhile, Steve, who never received any kind of punishment for his part in the incident, gets to teach class for as long as he wants and live like a rock star at the expense of his students. This is what the poem “62” means to me: just because you have to get along with people who don’t have to get along with you (the teachers), doesn’t mean that power should be abused. The sooner we recognize the abuses of authority that go on every day, the better off we’ll be as a country. Or as a world, depending on how far you want to take this.

　

***TELEVISION DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

VIC MACKEY: You’ll get my report in a couple of days, maybe in a week. If you don’t like the timetable, you can take it up with Gilroy.

DAVID ACEVEDA: I don’t have to. In this building, I’m in charge.

VIC MACKEY: Well, maybe in your own mind, amigo. But in the real world, I don’t answer to you. Not today, not tomorrow, not even on Cinqo De Mayo.

-The Shield-