Loki the Skull, Bodily Vessel for Harrison Gaines's Ghost in "Rainbow Ranch"

 

Dolores Mackey, Daniel Rush's Live-In Girlfriend from "Be a Good Duck"

 

Daniel Rush, Office Jockey from "Be a Good Duck"

 

Connor Stone, Evil CEO from "Be a Good Duck"

 

A Brief History of Rainbow Ranch

They didn’t have a name for this lonely island, because there was no they to begin with. Not a sign of human life. Not a shred of biodiversity. Not a liter of clean water for miles. It was a perfect place, though a little too perfect, for soulless cowards to dump their unwanted furry friends. Dogs with saggy jowls. Cats with pretty torbie colors and velvety fur. Rabbits with indiscriminate amounts of love to give in such tiny bodies. Rats with all the stigma, yet none of the villainy to justify being abandoned by the heartless. This nameless island was their new home, though it could never feel like home to anyone. If the animals didn’t eat each other in their feral states, they were forever erased from the gene pool, never to be seen, never to be loved by tender hands again. This cruelty went on for years…

Until a pair of king brothers found out what was going on and allowed the information to boil their blood. The Gaines brothers, Harrison and James, got off their sofa thrones and rolled their mobile castle away from their comfortable lands, finding their new home in this desolate strip of earth. They saw firsthand how hopeless these beautiful creatures looked, their ribs visible, their fur matted and torn, the joy in their eyes scrubbed clean from their handsome features. Under the rule of the Gaines brothers, no more would they suffer. With an army of loyal soldiers under the Kingdom’s command, every animal that could be found was rounded up and nurtured back to full health.

The carnivorous creatures were treated to plump sausages and juicy steaks, while the vegetarians were given fresh, crisp lettuce and crunchy carrots. During this mass rehabilitation process, the gardeners of the Gaines Kingdom went to work planting seeds all over the island, giving way to the tallest trees, the softest green grass, the loveliest red and purple flowers, the tastiest vegetables, and enough clean water to sustain the ecosystem. The healing wasn’t an overnight success. Some animals and plants didn’t make it. But those that did lived long and happy lives under the brothers’ care. The nameless island was no longer a death sentence for abandoned pets. It was a paradise not surprisingly renamed to Rainbow Ranch, a heaven on earth to live comfortably with the fastest tail wags and the loudest purrs.

But despite what the new name suggests, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows for Harrison Gaines. While everyone seemed to move on with their lives, seeing all that suffering for the first few months took its toll on him. He was the less logical of the two brothers, giving into his rawest emotions and nightmarish insanity. It wasn’t enough that these animals got their revenge by living well. He wanted everlasting revenge on the ones who made them suffer in the first place. But with no names and no faces to place on the heartless former pet owners, the gulf between Harrison’s vengeful goals and his ability to act on them grew wider as his insanity began to take over. That is, until he finally had a plan.

While James Gaines was the fighter of the two, Harrison dabbled in magic, especially of the dark and occult variety. Nobody could possibly tell him where the abusive owners were…except the animals themselves. Behind his brother’s back, he began experimenting on the surviving animals to give them human features. And with these human features, they would learn to speak real words. But when asked about their abusers, the anthropomorphized animals didn’t share the same resentment and anger that Harrison did. They just wanted to live normal lives and use their now human features to build communities instead of tearing other ones down. James ultimately agreed with this notion. Harrison, not so much.

The insanity started to take an even harder toll on him. He’d spend his nights waking up from terrifying visions. He’d have conversations with ghosts who weren’t there. He’d lash out at anybody who disagreed with him. When James had to put his foot down and do something about his brother’s erratic behavior, Harrison fled and his anthropomorphic creations tried to track him down now that some of them had become soldiers and wizards themselves. Harrison’s escape led him to the highest snow-covered mountain in Rainbow Ranch, where he finally met his wizardly match: an elderly gray and white cat named Ozzie the Wise.

Ozzie tried to talk him down, tried to talk some sense into him, but Harrison’s erratic mind wouldn’t allow him to listen to reason. Ozzie was wise indeed, but even his problem-solving skills couldn’t crack the puzzle that was Harrison’s melting brain. The two of them faced off in a battle of magical energy. Harrison appeared to be getting the upper hand until Ozzie finally struck him down with a lightning bolt, causing him to roll down the mountainside and into a snowy grave. His body took days to find underneath all of that snow and Ozzie was cleared of all charges by the remaining king on account of self-defense. Harrison’s tragic tale had finally come to an end.

James couldn’t find it in his heart to bury his brother in an ordinary cemetery, so he expedited the corpse to the funeral home of an old friend, a skeletal necromancer named Razor Ripley. Despite the intimidating name, Ripley had a fondness for the animal kingdom and respect for the dead. Harrison’s body would be well taken care of under his watch and the watch of his non-humanoid Labrador Loki. This would leave James plenty of time to grieve for his fallen brother while his subjects tended to the operations of Rainbow Ranch.

This would seem like an apt place to end the story. The history of Rainbow Ranch had been written and the future seemed brighter than the wave of color in the island’s new name. Harrison would be sorely missed despite his odd behavior and penchant for revenge. He was a brother first and foremost whose heart was always in the right place. But for anyone who dearly missed him…he wouldn’t stay gone forever. It all began with a nice long psychic conversation between the disgraced King Harrison Gaines…and the soon to be anointed Loki the Skull. The phrase, “I’ll rest when I’m dead” can only be valid…if the subject is dead in the first place.

"Dog Man: A Tale of Two Kitties" by Dav Pilkey

BOOK TITLE: Dog Man: A Tale of Two Kitties

AUTHOR: Dav Pilkey

YEAR: 2017

GENRE: Graphic Novel

SUBGENRE: Children’s Adventure

GRADE: Pass

An anthropomorphic dog cop aptly named Dog Man has been assigned to protect a laboratory housing a psychomantic fish, who was rebuilt using mechanical parts so that the scientists could sufficiently study his brain. Elsewhere in the city, another scientific experiment takes place as escaped convict Petey the Kitty creates a miniature clone of himself and struggles to raise it like a real kid. Soon the two stories hit a crossroads in a cutely written adventure involving buildings coming to life, a mechanical cat suit capable of superhuman feats, and a gigantic truck full of French salad dressing. It’s a silly story, but one worth enjoying.

While it is true that this graphic novel was intended for small children, you can also enjoy it if you’re an avid pet lover like me. The Petey clone’s innocent antics, Dog Man’s cheerful nature, and even the minor role characters bring out the warm and fuzzy feelings you’d expect from animal literature. My favorite cute moments from the book include putting Lil’ Petey to bed, giving him a bath, and Dog Man bouncing all over the police chief like a real dog. You know what? Why don’t we just give the entire cast of this graphic novel one big cuddle-huggle. Good or evil, they’ve all earned a special place in my heart for the sweetness they bring!

As happy-go-lucky as this book is, it’s not without the occasional sad moment. I can pinpoint three different parts of this book that strike me as heartbreaking: Dog Man’s sad expressions when the police chief tells him he’s a “bad dog”, Petey becoming frustrated with his “kid” and leaving him in a box alone on the streets, and Lil’ Petey drawing picture books for his special friends. Don’t be too turned off by these tear-jerking scenes, because they’ll easily renew your love for animals everywhere. If you’ve got a little kitty or puppy at home, give him or her extra cuddles and pettings to show them how much you care.

Enough with the tears of sadness. How about some tears of happiness for a change? The mechanical cat suit Petey builds for his son is called the 80 Hexatron Droid. If you shorten that name to an acronym, it’s called 80-HD. Say that ten times fast and clap your hands like an audience at a golf tournament. Oh, and one of the buildings that comes to life? It’s an oatmeal factory called Holland Oats. Kids today might not understand that reference, but an older member of their family will. The jokes and puns in this story won’t make you hee-haw with laughter, but they’ll bring the world’s goofiest grin to your face.

If you like cute and cuddly stories with happy endings and golf clap humor, buy a copy of this graphic novel. Whether you have children of your own, you are a child, or you’re just a guy who loves sweetness, you’ll love what the pages have to offer. Don’t let anybody tell you you’re too old for this kind of material. What matters most is what you love, not what anybody else’s standards dictate. I love this story and that’s why it deserves a passing grade.

Zootopia

MOVIE TITLE: Zootopia

DIRECTORS: Byron Howard and Rich Moore

YEAR: 2016

GENRE: Children’s Animation

RATING: PG for comic mischief

GRADE: Extra Credit

In a world where anthropomorphic animals reign, little bunny Judy Hops dreamed of being a Zootopia police officer and making a difference ever since she was a little kid. Everyone from her carrot farming parents to a wise cracking fox named Nick told her that her dreams were worthless and settling for less was the only way to live. Even as a meter maid, Judy is determined to prove that no dream is too far out of reach and any case is solvable. She even decides to go rogue and solve a case involving fourteen missing predators without help from her fellow police cohorts. It starts out as simple lead following (and conning Nick) and evolves into a conspiracy that affects the entire animal kingdom.

When giving this movie high praise, one must point out the elephant in the room. No, not the one with the trunk and tusks. I’m talking about the themes of prejudice and police corruption. In the real world, it means non-white criminals will be given stiffer penalties than white ones despite the severity and circumstances of the crime. In the world of Zootopia, it’s the same racial clash, but with predators and prey. Predators are labeled as savages and criminals while the preys are labeled as automatically innocent and sweet. The makers of this movie were obviously trying to teach younger viewers a lesson in loving and accepting each other despite our differences. It’s an admirable lesson and an important one in today’s modern age with the Ferguson, Missouri and NYPD cases serving as black eyes to American society. Using cute and cuddly animals helps ease the pain enough for small children to digest the message without being disturbed.

The other message of the movie is to never give up on your hopes and dreams no matter how tough things get. As someone who aspires to be a professional author in a tightly competitive market, I always love it when this message is sent loud and clear. Judy Hops appreciated it too since overcoming obstacles is her strongest feature. She’s a teeny-tiny bunny rabbit in a world of hulking buffalos and rhinos. If she can make it in Zootopia, she can make it anywhere. Settling for less seems like a good survival strategy, but surviving isn’t the same as actually living. Walking about like a zombie to a stressful job isn’t healthy and shouldn’t be encouraged by any authority figure.

I mentioned that the animals were cute and cuddly, right? Well, it’s not just a great way to attack the theme of prejudice, but it’s also a good for getting those cutesy-wutesy emotions out in the open. I have tons of cats and two lovable dogs living with me, so I know how important it is to show them love and affection. One of my favorite things to call an animal is a “pie”. Sometimes I’ll attach it on the end of my pets’ names. My Springer Spaniel Bassett Hound mix is called Maggie-Pie. My little Schipperke is called Willem-Pie. The elderly brown kitty that’s currently sleeping on my bed with new age music in the background is called Smokey-Pie. Yes, I know animals aren’t actually dessert pastries, but they don’t seem to mind the affection. In fact, they welcome it. So would it be too out of line if I called the characters Judy-Pie and Nicky-Pie? They’d probably take it as species profiling, but they’ll come around once they get their belly rubs.

Despite the fact that this is a PG-rated Disney movie, it’s one all age groups should see. There are so many reasons to love it, including ones I haven’t outlined in this review. I don’t want to outline too much, because that would lead to spoilers and spoilers take the motivation away. Go buy a ticket and see this wonderful movie in the theaters. If not, you could wait for it to come out on Blu-Ray, DVD, and digital format. If you’re not smiling and giddy by the time this movie is over, check your pulse. Five stars for a movie that was more than just a lovey-dovey parading of animals. It’s a movie that keeps hope alive even after crushing politics leave us all desolate and depressed.