"Cecil's Pride" by The Hatkoff Family

BOOK TITLE: Cecil’s Pride: The True Story of a Lion King

AUTHORS: The Hatkoff Family

YEAR: 2016

GENRE: Nonfiction

SUBGENRE: Lion Biography

GRADE: Extra Credit

When Cecil the Lion was heartlessly killed by a trophy hunter, it sparked worldwide outrage and rightfully so. The subsequent debate on animal welfare and wildlife conservation led to new laws being put in place to protect future generations of lions. But to fully understand how important these new protections are, we must first understand how Cecil lived his life as the king of his pride. He wasn’t just a random animal. He was a loving protector and a social creature at heart. May he rest peacefully and may his pride continue his majestic bloodline.

Instead of just a barebones biography, Cecil’s story was treated as an actual story with a beginning, middle, and end. He was portrayed as a three-dimensional character with his strengths, flaws, and lovability. He fought other animals when his pride was threatened and he ran away only when necessary. And because lions like Cecil are social creatures, they bond with other prides for the sake of protection. This is a classic storytelling technique: two factions banding together to fight off a stronger villain. And when Cecil is eventually killed, the reader will care that much more about him. It was already an angering story to hear about on the news, but to see it in this book is that much more heartbreaking. Cecil’s portrayal as a regal figure and a dynamic character in a much larger story is what makes this book special enough to deserve an extra credit grade.

In addition to employing storytelling techniques, this book also has an educational side to it. Because these two qualities work side-by-side with each other, it’ll be a guaranteed hit with students of all ages. You’ll learn why lions are important to Africa’s ecosystem. You’ll learn why they attract so many mates at a time. You’ll even learn a few statistics about animal extinction and why conservation is more important now than it has been in the past. Education shouldn’t stop when school is over. You can get more out of this book than just trivial facts. You can learn empathy. You can learn how to be an activist. You can do some good in this world with these forty pages shaping your mind. Put down the hunting rifle. Put down the bow and arrow. The only shooting you should be doing is with a high shutter speed camera.

Speaking of which, the lion photographs in this book are magnificent to look at. Cecil looks like a proud king when he watches over his families. His cubs look like little cuties when they practice their roars. His lionesses look seductive when lying about with their mates. Cecil even looks alert and ready to protect his pack when he’s doing something as mundane as drinking from the river. The African landscape is more than just a place for wild animals to do battle. It’s a kingdom. It’s an empire. It’s a society that must be protected from the cruelty of guns and crossbows. These pictures do the lions justice a hundred times over. Even the drawings have that kind of power over the reader.

It’s easy to balk at this book for being targeted towards small children. There are also a few who will contrast Cecil’s death to those of aborted fetuses. There are even those who question why lion lives matter to begin with. To those who would easily brush this book aside, I say give it one chance to change your heart. It’s forty pages and it’s mostly pictures. You’re not sacrificing much when picking this book up for a quick read. If anything, you’ll be better off for the experience. Keep your eyes and mind open and you’ll want to give this book an extra credit grade as well.

"Andre the Giant: Closer to Heaven" by Brandon Easton

BOOK TITLE: Andre the Giant: Closer to Heaven

AUTHOR: Brandon Easton

YEAR: 2015

GENRE: Graphic Novel

SUBGENRE: Wrestling Biography

GRADE: Pass

Andre the Giant’s road to wrestling stardom was one filled with pain, unhappiness, excessive drinking, and tough choices. Starting out as a farm boy in France, he fell in love with professional wrestling in his teen years when he’d see these small shows performed in front of live crowds. Needing an escape from feeling like a freak, he used his massive size to his advantage and started his long hard road to becoming one of the biggest legends in the wrestling industry. He traveled all over the world wrestling matches that stunned spectators until he made it to the multi-billion dollar World Wrestling Federation. His larger-than-life star power would become immortalized with his matches against Hulk Hogan, The Ultimate Warrior, and many other future Hall of Famers. He died in 1993 due to complications with his gigantism, but he will never be forgotten.

Graphic novels and comic books alike get bad reputations for being ordinary picture books for kids (that was a dig at you, Bill Maher). This graphic novel in particular is much more than that. It’s a well-written biography with dialogue and narration any reader can get behind. I especially liked the part where the old lady at the fairgrounds told Andre that he’s “closer to heaven” because God doesn’t have to reach down that far to touch him. That simple act of kindness helped Andre feel like more than just a sideshow freak. He was a human being with real emotions and real struggles, just like any other regardless of size. The dialogue and narration help convey that message perfectly. In other words, he’s a three-dimensional character within the confines of a greater story.

Just like all three-dimensional characters, Andre had flaws underneath all of his stardom. He was so young and egotistical that he thought he was invincible, so he turned to drinking and telling inappropriate jokes to keep up this appearance. Partying was a huge part of the wrestling industry and some people succumb to their vices easier than others. In Andre’s case, his alcoholism led him to complicate his gigantism, where his bones were already aching and he needed so many surgeries that he lost count. Despite his flaws, it’s impossible to hate Andre the Giant as a character. He is, after all, human. He still feels guilty during his times of sin, especially as it relates to his estranged daughter Robin, who penned an emotional letter to him while he was away. This is a reminder that nobody is invincible no matter how big and strong they are. That’s true storytelling at its best.

In addition to his struggles with his physical health, his emotional health took a toll on him as well. Despite being a mega star every country he wrestles in, he couldn’t find his permanent happiness. He took the little things for granted until it was almost too late to appreciate them once again. Being able to catch up with his friends back home in France was a huge emotional boost for him. Forging new friendships with his business manager and his bosses helped keep him in check. Being able to shoot movies and work with friendly actors helped him escape from wrestling when he needed to the most. In the end, being happy is all that matters in this world. If you hate life with a passion, you can’t be like Andre the Giant and be “closer to heaven”. It’s not a religious thing. It’s common sense that we all push aside at some point down the road. The key is to remember who we are and why we do what we do.

As short as this graphic novel is and as easy as it is to poke fun at the wrestling genre (again, I’m looking at you, Bill Maher), Andre the Giant: Closer to Heaven is a brilliantly-written piece of art that should be appreciated by wrestling and non-wrestling fans alike. It’s not just a biography of a pop culture icon. It’s a story. A real, living, breathing, three-dimensional story about a human being overcoming gargantuan obstacles. A passing grade is what this graphic novel deserves.

"Sick Little Monkeys" by Thad Komorowski

BOOK TITLE: Sick Little Monkeys: The Unauthorized Ren & Stimpy Story

AUTHOR: Thad Komorowski

YEAR: 2017

GENRE: Nonfiction

SUBGENRE: Animation Biography

GRADE: Fail

Sick Little Monkeys details the career of Ren & Stimpy’s eccentric and rebellious creator John Kricfalusi, who has been described by many as either an animation genius or a creative control freak. Mr. K always insisted on doing things his way whether his bosses agreed with him or not. The byproduct of his madness was cartoons that embraced toilet humor, bodily horror, and an uncaring attitude towards the youths they were marketed to. John K made many enemies during his time creating cartoons, but it begs the question of whether or not it was all worth it given the cult following Ren & Stimpy had and still has today.

I swore I would finish this book all the way through, but the repetitive and dull writing style makes it impossible to do so. Many of the same talking points were shoved down my throat over and over again whether it was John K’s rebelliousness, his inability to meet deadlines, his cartoons’ disgustingness, and worst of all, how “awful” and “disastrous” competing cartoons were. About the last item on that list, it would appear as if the author was taking sides with John K, but there were also times when he criticized the animator with as much venom as he did the competitors. If this book has a message, it was lost a long time ago the minute the writing style bored me to tears.

Perhaps the writing style could have been improved with some showing instead of telling. Instead of telling me how “bad” other cartoons are, show me what specifically made them that way. But of course, the author couldn’t do that without alienating the laymen of the animation world. Insider terms are used a lot in this book, which would have been fine if the book was marketed to professional animators as opposed to merely fans of Ren & Stimpy. I went into this read wanting to learn about the cartoon that made my childhood a happy time of my life. Instead all I got was technical drivel combined with a desert-dry writing style.

The closest the author ever got to showing instead of telling was pictures scattered here and there of John K’s sketches and storyboards. While pictures are always more effective at communicating than words, if that was all I wanted, I would have watched a movie. I wanted to read a book and use my imagination, an imagination guided by an author who’s supposed to be as entertaining as he is informative. I would have even settled for a graphic novel if that’s what the author really wanted. At least with a graphic novel, it wouldn’t feel like my eyes were being dragged across sandpaper. Now there’s a visual worthy of a Ren & Stimpy episode!

This was not a fun book to read and I can’t recommend it to my friends. I tried. I really tried. I wanted to like it and become a more educated person because of the reading experience. But no matter what, it just wouldn’t happen. I’d already known John K was a little off-color and this book does a good job of illustrating his depravity, but ultimately it’s not enough to keep my interest. I’m sorry, Mr. Komorowski, but this book gets a failing grade.

"Wrestlecrap" by RD Reynolds and Randy Baer

BOOK TITLE: Wrestlecrap: the Very Worst of Pro Wrestling

AUTHORS: RD Reynolds and Randy Baer

YEAR: 2003

GENRE: Nonfiction

SUBGENRE: Wrestling Biography

GRADE: Pass

The history of professional wrestling has seen its fair share of colorful characters and soap opera storylines. Wrestlecrap documents the silliest of those gimmicks from the cartoonish WWF days in the 1980’s all the way to 2003 when the book was published. Whether it’s a voodoo priest named Papa Shango who put curses on his opponents, a magician who was one monocle away from looking like Mr. Peanut, or a baseball player named MVP (Most Violent Player) to name just a few, the idea was for various wrestling promoters to throw something out there and to see what stuck. In many cases, they’re simply throwing wrestle-crap.

The first quality I’d like to praise this book for is the historical significance and research that went into writing it. The authors traced the first real gimmick back to the 1950’s, when Gorgeous George, an effeminate and arrogant athlete, would spray his opponents with perfume so that they didn’t stink up the joint. In the 1980’s, Vince McMahon, CEO of WWF, would take this inspiration and create the colorful characters that era was known for, whether it was the muscle-bound superhero Hulk Hogan or the corrupt millionaire Ted DiBiase. The late 90’s saw a period of more realistic shades of gray characters with TV-14 rated bloodbaths and sex angles. But just like the end of this biography says: the less things change, the more they stay the same. New company, same old wrestle-crap. While some gimmicks stood the test of time, most of them were too unbelievable to be taken seriously. Even in the year 2017, nothing has changed.

As long as we’re having a laugh at these bizarre characters (not the wrestlers portraying them, mind you), feel free to enjoy the lighthearted and comedic writing style employed in this book. The style comes off as extremely sarcastic and razor-tongued, but there are also some good zingers in there to leave you chuckling as well. I mentioned the Mr. Peanut analogy in the opening paragraph. There’s also a line about how Mantaur, a guy dressed in a bull suit, looks like his costume was made by a deranged taxidermist at Disney World. My favorite zinger in this whole book would have to be the author’s answer to, “What could be better than [the plot of the Ready to Rumble movie]?” A trip to the dentist. Getting beaten with a lead pipe. A Pauley Shore movie marathon. I got a few chuckles just transcribing those lines. If wrestling gimmicks and storylines are going to be silly, then expect nothing less than a hearty laugh.

While it’s nice to have a few laughs at the expense of the characters, never forget that RD Reynolds and Randy Baer are wrestling fans to the core, which means they know when it’s time to get serious. Remember, they’re poking fun at the characters, not the people playing them. They have all the respect in the world for anybody who dares get in a wrestling ring to ply their craft. It’s a tough job that taxes the human body like nothing else. That’s why when I read about Renegade’s suicide, it legitimately broke my heart. Say what you want about the guy’s wrestling ability, but he didn’t deserve to have a gimmick completely ruin his life and send him spiraling into the path he took. The way that segment was written was done tastefully and respectfully, which is more than anybody could say about the promoters who saddled the wrestlers with these awful gimmicks.

One thing I will criticize the book for is its occasional grammatical errors. I say occasional because they don’t happen often enough for me to downplay the fun I had reading this book. But noticeable they are, such as when there are dashes in between words that are already whole. It’s as if the book formatting placed the hyphenated words at the end of a sentence in the middle of the paragraph. It looks awkward and doesn’t paint a good picture of anybody who takes up writing as a profession. However, I still give this book a passing grade for knowing when to be funny, knowing when to be serious, and caring enough about the sport to delve into its history. Wrestlecrap is nothing to sneeze at (the book, not the actual crap).

Scary Nonfiction

Expanding my repertoire beyond the Carl Hiaasen thrillers and the Lilian Jackson Braun mysteries is something I should probably be doing when book shopping. Having said that, there are also certain books on the market that I simply will not touch. It’s not because I don’t support the authors, it’s because their stories would disturb me for days. Maybe even weeks or months. Imagine that: a guy who promotes violence in his fiction is complaining about books being too disturbing. In this case, the books I’m talking about are what I like to call “scary nonfiction”. It’s bad enough that they’re riddled with child molestation, false imprisonment, beatings, rapes, and a general lack of justice. They also have to be true stories. That makes them even more gag-worthy. Now that all of my worst fears are on the table, it’s time to cite two examples of scary nonfiction that come to mind: “Waiting To Be Heard” by Amanda Knox and “A Stolen Life” by Jaycee Dugard. Both of these books involve news stories that pissed me off to no end. I would always go for my morning walks with stomps instead of strides, my teeth would be constantly clinched, and my eyebrows shot downward into steep inclines. That’s how mad I was about these stories. In case you’re in the dark, let me refresh your memory. With Amanda Knox, she went over to Italy to study and was falsely accused of murder and sentenced to life in prison. It’s bad enough that they discriminated against her American heritage, but the abusive cop interrogating her was suing her and her parents for slander when Miss Knox claimed she was beaten. Amanda Knox was eventually set free five years after her original incarceration after the jury found out that she, surprise, surprise, didn’t commit the murder. But when it comes to pissing me off, Amanda Knox’s story of a kangaroo court system can’t even hold a candle to Jaycee Dugard’s story of being molested and raped for 18 years straight by a sick-ass sociopath named Phil Garrido. Imagine that: 18 years of misery and torture from ages 11 to 29. In that lengthy period of time, Phil Garrido stole her sanity, her virginity, her education, and her life. When Jaycee Dugard was rescued in 2009, her captor received over 400 years in prison time, which means he doesn’t stand a chance of being released again like he was before. As I write the summaries of Amanda Knox and Jaycee Dugard’s, my blood is boiling like volcanic magma and my head is splitting open like a coconut. If I feel that pissed off about writing their stories, imagine what I would be like if I read them. I think I would suffer a myocardial infarction after the first page…of the forwards! In short, don’t ask me to add scary nonfiction to my blog or my bookshelf. It’s simply never going to happen. Ever.

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“You think you know, but you’re horribly blind. You think you know how this story’s defined. You think you know that your heart has gone cold inside. Fine. You think you know, but it’s all in your mind. You think you know just whose fate has been signed. You think you know just whose heart has gone cold this time. Mine.”

-Device singing “You Think You Know”-