Halestorm X In This Moment Concert

***HALESTORM X IN THIS MOMENT CONCERT***

It’s true, folks: I’ve been going to a lot of concerts this year alone. In chronological order, I’ve seen Pop Evil, Starset, Papa Roach, Soulfly, Breaking Benjamin, and Seether as headliners. This coming Friday, I’m going to see Halestorm and In This Moment as co-headliners in Seattle with New Years Day as their opener. It’ll be my first time seeing all three of these bands, so I’m happy for the new experience. I’ve been a fan of In This Moment since 2013 when their lead singer Maria Brink did a duet with Five Finger Death Punch (the song was called “Anywhere But Here”). I’ve been a fan of Halestorm ever since their lead singer Lzzy Hale did a duet with Device called “Close My Eyes Forever”. My CD collection of both bands is complete and I’m ready to see them on Friday. I’ve never heard New Years Day’s music before, so I hope they’re good!

If you’re wondering why I’m going to so many concerts lately, it’s because these shows are opportunities to get out of the house and engage the public. Even hardcore introverts need to socialize every now and then, though I don’t actively seek people in the audience to talk to. I don’t have a car of my own and the only places within walking distance worth going to are Fred Meyer, Quizno’s, Hi-Way Market, and Charlie’s Café. Not only are cars expensive to maintain and buy, but I don’t trust myself behind the wheel because I’m always thinking about having a schizophrenic attack in the middle of traffic. Schizophrenia thrives on stress and there’s nothing more stressful than being stuck in traffic. We don’t need a collision and we don’t need dead bodies. Other people in my family are more than happy to drive me to my respective venues, this Friday’s show being at the WaMu Theater near Century Link Field.

I’m Garrison Kelly and here’s hoping for a fun evening! Even when you feel like…no, wait, Three Days Grace isn’t going to be there. Oh well!

***SAVAGE BEATINGS***

Though I’m not technically allowed to publish Savage Beatings on my social media accounts, I will say that I’ve rewritten the first part out of five to accommodate for Marie Krepps’ suggested changes to Beautiful Monster. This time around, Windham’s emotions will be consistent, he won’t act like an emo teenager, and the world building in this fantasy setting will be as clear as day. I know Patrick in particular loved reading about psychotic Windham bloodying his foes, but in the interest of having a more realistic product, I can’t have Windham’s emotions bounce all over the place like a character from The Room. I also can’t have him eat psychedelic mushrooms and have him transform into Broken Matt Hardy meets Pink Floyd the Wall. My ears are open for the lovely Marie Krepps, because she knows best. Wish me luck!

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“She’s only sixteen. She had the dreams of a girl. She thought she’d be in love. She’d thought she’d have the white picket fence. Now she stands on the corner. She sold herself to the streets. When the world gave up on her, she gave up on herself. She said, “Can anybody hear me?” She said, “Does anybody care?” The monster pulls up slowly. He asks her how much she is.”

-In This Moment singing “Out of Hell”-

Cheryl Glenn

You’ve probably seen my posts for Devon Spirit Wolf and Constance Cable and are wondering why I have a fascination with female MMA referees. You’re already wondering if Cheryl Glenn will join the club and you’d be right in thinking so. Referees and females have something in common: they don’t get the respect and thanks they deserve for everything they do. If you’re a referee, you get criticized for every disagreeable decision you make. If you’re a woman, well, they’ll just call you things like “bitch” and “whore” while denying you the right to a safe abortion. I’d like to think of myself as someone who favors the underdogs of society.

Cheryl Glenn is somebody who is an underdog in a lot of ways. Aside from being a female MMA referee who only occasionally makes “bad” calls, she’s also in her early 50’s. She’s heard every sexist and ageist comment in the book. Since she actually is a grandmother, the sexist and ageist jokes come naturally for the ignorant masses. Mixed-martial arts is mostly watched by conservative males with a lot of energy and testosterone. If you think someone like Kim Winslow has a hard enough time being a female referee, then you can understand the plight of the fictional Cheryl Glenn as well. “Make me a sandwich, grandma!” Lovely. Just lovely.

But Mrs. Glenn isn’t one to back down from intimidation so easily. Aside from being a martial artist herself of many decades, she’s also been known to take away the ring announcer’s microphone and give the bigoted audience a piece of her mind.

Cheryl first made an appearance in a short story called “Dot Your Eyes”, where she was the referee for a lightweight main event between a gay fighter named Evan Rader and his homophobic opponent Heath Marks. Because Evan is openly gay, the audience thought it was funny to call him Evan Gay-der. Get it? Har-dee-har-har-har. My ribs are sore from forgetting to laugh. When Cheryl had her turn at the microphone, she told the audience if they didn’t stop chanting homophobic slurs, she was going to cancel the fight and declare it a No Contest due to audience distraction. They shut up pretty damn quickly after that.

Although “Dot Your Eyes” will never see the light of day due to its excessive vulgarity, there will be another time when Cheryl Glenn is used. When she has the microphone for another time, she’ll ask the lighting technicians to shine a spotlight on an certain audience member in the front row. She’ll give that audience member a speech similar to the one David Draiman from Disturbed gave at one of his concerts. It goes like this:

“Hi there! You obviously didn’t come here to watch the fights. You’ve been playing fucking videogames on your smart phone since the opening match. I’ll tell you what. Can you do me a favor? Because right now, to be honest, I can appreciate you not being a fan of the UFC. Hell, there are even times when the UFC pisses ME off. But right now, you’re being really disrespectful to the fighters who came here to perform for you. If you’d rather play videogames, then give up your seat to somebody who wants to watch the fights. So this is how this is going to work. If you want to be respectful, you can stay. If not, then security, if you see him take out his cell phone one more time, you have my permission to kick him the fuck out of here!”

It doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman, young or old, gay or straight: Cheryl Glenn doesn’t fear you. She may be a grandmother and she may be a woman herself, but she’ll still kick your ass if you cross her. It could be a well-placed kick between the legs. It could be a judo hip toss a la Ronda Rousey. It could be five fingers of death right to your glass jaw. If you’re really curious as to how much of a grumpy grandma Cheryl can be, push her limits. She’ll not only push back, she’ll push your ass over.

　

***POLITICAL QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“War doesn’t determine who is right, only who is left.”

-Bertrand Russell-

Scary Nonfiction

Expanding my repertoire beyond the Carl Hiaasen thrillers and the Lilian Jackson Braun mysteries is something I should probably be doing when book shopping. Having said that, there are also certain books on the market that I simply will not touch. It’s not because I don’t support the authors, it’s because their stories would disturb me for days. Maybe even weeks or months. Imagine that: a guy who promotes violence in his fiction is complaining about books being too disturbing. In this case, the books I’m talking about are what I like to call “scary nonfiction”. It’s bad enough that they’re riddled with child molestation, false imprisonment, beatings, rapes, and a general lack of justice. They also have to be true stories. That makes them even more gag-worthy. Now that all of my worst fears are on the table, it’s time to cite two examples of scary nonfiction that come to mind: “Waiting To Be Heard” by Amanda Knox and “A Stolen Life” by Jaycee Dugard. Both of these books involve news stories that pissed me off to no end. I would always go for my morning walks with stomps instead of strides, my teeth would be constantly clinched, and my eyebrows shot downward into steep inclines. That’s how mad I was about these stories. In case you’re in the dark, let me refresh your memory. With Amanda Knox, she went over to Italy to study and was falsely accused of murder and sentenced to life in prison. It’s bad enough that they discriminated against her American heritage, but the abusive cop interrogating her was suing her and her parents for slander when Miss Knox claimed she was beaten. Amanda Knox was eventually set free five years after her original incarceration after the jury found out that she, surprise, surprise, didn’t commit the murder. But when it comes to pissing me off, Amanda Knox’s story of a kangaroo court system can’t even hold a candle to Jaycee Dugard’s story of being molested and raped for 18 years straight by a sick-ass sociopath named Phil Garrido. Imagine that: 18 years of misery and torture from ages 11 to 29. In that lengthy period of time, Phil Garrido stole her sanity, her virginity, her education, and her life. When Jaycee Dugard was rescued in 2009, her captor received over 400 years in prison time, which means he doesn’t stand a chance of being released again like he was before. As I write the summaries of Amanda Knox and Jaycee Dugard’s, my blood is boiling like volcanic magma and my head is splitting open like a coconut. If I feel that pissed off about writing their stories, imagine what I would be like if I read them. I think I would suffer a myocardial infarction after the first page…of the forwards! In short, don’t ask me to add scary nonfiction to my blog or my bookshelf. It’s simply never going to happen. Ever.

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“You think you know, but you’re horribly blind. You think you know how this story’s defined. You think you know that your heart has gone cold inside. Fine. You think you know, but it’s all in your mind. You think you know just whose fate has been signed. You think you know just whose heart has gone cold this time. Mine.”

-Device singing “You Think You Know”-