Double Features

***COLD OPEN***

Before I begin with the body of this blog entry, I want to announce that my current creative project will be editing the shit out of Beautiful Monster and turning it into a clean-cut second draft. I’ve edited the first three chapters so far and really all I needed to do was cut out unnecessary phrases and make Tarja Rikkinen a little less flirty. Once Beautiful Monster officially becomes a second draft, I’m going to take it over to Hollow Hills Publishing for further editing and beta-reading. Hollow Hills is Ashley Uzzell/Marie Krepps’s new business and I plan on being her loudest and proudest customer. Any price I pay for her services will be well worth it. And now onto the main attraction…

***DOUBLE FEATURES***

You know how some movies are really just two short movies fused together? Grind House and Attack of the Five-Foot-Two Women are both shining examples of this. And that got me thinking: could the double feature be pulled off with books too? I’d like to think so. Then again, I’m biased because I tried to do the same thing back in 2014. When I first published Occupy Wrestling, it was originally intended to be part of a double feature that also included Filter Feeder (the most dreadful first draft I have). That overall book was called Brawl-Mart, which is why one of the covers on Good Reads has that title and not Occupy Wrestling exclusively. I have since cut Filter Feeder like the cancer it is and now Occupy Wrestling is just a little bit shy of one-hundred pages. It’s so tiny of a book that the title doesn’t fit on the spine. So tiny. So, so tiny. And now I feel as though I’ve stumbled upon a Viagra commercial.

In some ways, I believe a double feature book can be beneficial if pulled off correctly. For starters, it would make the book thicker and therefore more marketable. I hate to admit it sometimes, but books with small page counts aren’t nearly as marketable as those with larger page counts. Someday you’ll get your time to shine, Occupy Wrestling. Someday. But of course, in order for a double feature to work, both novellas have to be of similar genres. The same thing applies with short story collections, which is why American Darkness (contemporary drama) and Poison Tongue Tales (science-fiction, fantasy, and horror) don’t coincide with each other. That’s how you have to think of a double feature: a collection of short stories even though there are only two of them. They may intertwine, they may not, your choice.

As far as my current crop of first draft novels goes, I can picture some of them being placed in the same volume while others are questionable. Watch You Burn (psychological college fantasy) and Demon Axe (heavy metal fantasy) could easily fit together since they’re both urban fantasies with mental illness as their major themes. Silent Warrior is a little tricky since it’s the only first draft I have that conforms to the modern day drama genre. That just leaves Beautiful Monster and Filter Feeder with nowhere to go. One is an alternative history fantasy while the other is urban fantasy. Maybe I’m not fitting all of these puzzle pieces together adequately enough. Maybe I need to write more first draft novels of similar genres in order for a double feature to work.

But don’t take my word as gospel, because I’m by no means an expert on double feature books. I’m just giving my thoughts based on a failed experiment involving Occupy Wrestling and Filter Feeder, the latter of which hasn’t seen the light of day beyond Deviant Art. I’m sure there are wiser authors than me when it comes to the subject, one of them once again being Ashley Uzzell. She co-authored a double feature book called “Reaching For the Light”, a duo of stories dealing with the topic of mental illness. I ended up giving the book five out of five stars (extra credit grade), so she and her co-author must have done something right. I know there are others out there who feel the same way about that awesome book, judging from its current star rating on Amazon and Good Reads. I know this sounds like a plug, probably because it is. And while I’m in advertising mode, a portion of the proceeds from book sales will go to mental health charities, so that pretty much solidifies the message of both stories.

Does anybody out there have experience with reading double feature stories? If so, what are your favorites? I’d like to think graphic novel omnibuses count, because they’re just an overall collection of issues from one comic book series. But what about regular print novels? Am I missing something that I’m not aware of? Let me know in the comments section what your thoughts of double feature novels are. I’m Garrison Kelly! Even when you feel like dying, keep climbing the mountain!

***JOKE OF THE DAY***

Q: What do you call a depressed Rage Against the Machine fan?

A: Pro-Zach.

Getting With the Times

***GETTING WITH THE TIMES***

As someone who openly admits to being a millennial who still plays with toys, being time conscious isn’t one of my strong suits. I don’t follow trends, I don’t care if an interest of mine is dated, I don’t care what’s considered cool by other people, and I’ll wear pretty much whatever I want as long as it’s comfortable. The times may have changed, but my core values have not.

It didn’t occur to me how behind in the times I was until I was editing a short story for American Darkness called “Not Gonna Die”. In this story, there’s a party going on in the main character’s dormitory and the music that’s blasting out of the speakers is “Brass Monkey” by The Beastie Boys. I know of that song, because I was born in 1985, which means I’m twelve years older than the college kids in this story. There aren’t many 18-year-olds who know who the Beastie Boys are, so in order to have realistic cool kids who keep up with the times, I chose rap music that was a little more modern in Tech N9ne. No complaints yet.

Having an old school state of mind is easy for me because nobody has challenged me on it and anybody who did was met with the same nonconformist argument I give everyone. I actually had my brother James tell me that, “Nobody listens to Disturbed anymore.” I do. I listen to them a lot. They may have been popular in the early 2000’s, but to my way of thinking, they’ve stood the test of time in the year 2015. Obviously, my older brother is very time conscious while I couldn’t give two shits what year it is.

When it comes to my writing career, however, it should stand to reason that I have a new school state of mind, because websites like Twitter and Face Book are the future of book marketing. I do have a Face Book account under my real name of Garrison Haines-Temons. I don’t, however, have a Twitter account anymore. There were three separate occasions where I’ve had a Twitter account, but realizing it was about as useful as an asshole on my bicep, I’ve walked away several times and I have no plans to go back.

I also don’t have a smart phone like pretty much everybody does. I have a generic cell phone and even though it has texting capabilities, I don’t take advantage of them. Sending off misspelled sentences with cheesy emoticons isn’t appealing to me since I have too much respect for the English language. As far as technology goes, the only “cool” things I have are my desktop computer, Roku streaming device, and a generic MP3 player from a company that went out of business apparently.

Getting with the times isn’t something that appeals to me very much. If I want to follow a trend, I want that trend to actually have some substance to it. It’s the difference between choosing The Beastie Boys versus Lil’ Wayne or Nirvana versus…some rock band in the 2010’s I’ve never heard of before. There are things in the present day that appeal to me such as the metal bands Gemini Syndrome and Nothing More, which goes to show that it’s not about the time period something comes from, but rather the importance of its message. Rage Against the Machine is a relic from the 90’s, but their music still means something to me.

I have one last message for you all before I get into the posts about my latest artistic endeavors. Unga-bunga. Me caveman. Me want substance. Me no care about coolness! Me have ears! Me say cheers!

　

***DARK FANTASY WARRIORS***

The official date of this journal’s publication is October 30^th, which means I still have two more days of Villains Month left. And man, do I have a villain for you guys: Ryan Brock from my most recent short story “Streetwalker”. We all know that rape is a bad thing, but Ryan Brock takes the humiliating and traumatizing act to a whole different level when he forces himself on a mage named Danielle Courtney. That’s a villain in my book!

　

***POISON TONGUE TALES: EDITING***

I have to be frank with you guys. Although Random.org has chosen “Death Blade” as the next short story to edit, I’m not looking forward to it at all. Don’t get me wrong, Marie’s comments never scare me. In fact, they make me laugh and feel lighthearted. It’s the actual job of editing that frightens me about “Death Blade”. It was my first official entry at the WSS Contest and Company and I wasn’t as good in late 2013 as I am now. In other words, what scares me the most…is my own unpolished writing. Maybe I’ll shelve Death Blade and choose a different one to edit for now.

　

***JANUARY FIRST***

I’ve been spending the past few days trying to bulldoze through another paperback book. Whenever I get in this mood, every other creative project takes a backseat with the exception of competing in WSS contests. What makes January First by Michael Schofield so special is its ability to speak to me personally. Like little Janni, I too have schizophrenia and I recognize her struggles. Watching her spiral into madness is heartbreaking and has almost brought me to tears a few times. I plan on giving this book an Extra Credit grade when I finish reading it, which it desperately needs because some troll assholes on Good Reads are peppering it with uneducated one-star reviews. I’ve heard of that kind of trolling happening to authors before, so I take good care not to believe anything those people say.

　

***MOVIE DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

WYNARSKI: Excuse me, have you seen a set of keys around here?
RANDAL: No time for love, Dr. Jones.

-Clerks, a movie made in 1994 when renting movies from a video store was still “cool”-

Mickey Mouse Is My Step-Father

The stability in my family hasn’t always been…well…stable. Like any other family, we’ve had ups and downs and all arounds. One night in 2010 when I fell asleep in my cozy beddy-bye, my family life had changed drastically.

In this dream, I woke up on a Hawaiian beach with gorgeous sunlight, fluffy sand, and cool blue water. What better way is there to start a dream? I smell something cooking in the kitchen and drag my heavy ass out bed to follow the scent like a bloodhound. Yes, there is indeed something cooking on the stove, but the person who normally does the cooking, my step-father Dale, is no longer there.

In a happy and bubbly voice, my mom turns to me and says, “Garrison, meet your new step-father Mickey!” Mickey? Who’s Mickey? Mickey Rooney? Mickey Rourke? Mickey Keegan? No, my friends. The Mickey in question was none other than…Mickey Mouse.

That’s right, ladies and gentleman. My loving and supportive mother divorced Dale without telling me and married a fucking cartoon character. This same cartoon character looked at me with his happy facial expression and said, “Good morning, bucko! Would you like some Mickey Mouse pancakes? You can’t start the morning without a hearty breakfast.”

At this point, I didn’t know whether to face-palm or cry. Maybe I could have done both. Mickey Mouse was going to be my step-father for all eternity (or at least until the dream was over). That meant he was in charge of driving me when I needed transportation (probably in a wind-up car), giving me girl advice (which would probably be “Cheer up, bucko, and smile!”), and just being there for me when I’m sad (which means putting mouse ears on me when I’m not looking).

Mickey Mouse is an adorable character, but he’s not my father, blood or otherwise. He can’t do all the things that Dale does. He can’t even do the things that my blood father can do and my blood father lives out in the middle of nowhere. But wait a minute, why am I complaining about my parents when I’m a full grown adult? Oh yeah, that’s right, because I’m a Generation Y member and being one requires unemployment in a ravaged economy.

Perhaps this is my subconscious telling me that it’s time to put myself out to the world and make my own destiny. I very well could live with a Mickey Mouse-like figure as an authoritative voice in my life. I’m always living by the mantra of “raging against the machine”, so maybe this is my subconscious telling me to put my money where my mouth is.

I would, but money isn’t the taste I need right now. I have all the money I’ll ever need. It’s life in general that I need a savory taste of. I have friends and family that I can go to, but I need more interaction with them than I already have.

If I stay lonely for too long, Mickey Mouse is always there to comfort me with his gloved mousy hand. I’m being forced to choose between the taste of Mickey Mouse pancakes with syrup and the taste of fresh air that being enclosed in my prison cell, I mean, room can’t provide.

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“Is all the world jails and churches?”

-Rage Against the Machine rapping “Vietnow”-

"The Hunger Games" by Suzanne Collins

Are you hungry for more? So are the characters in “The Hunger Games”, who live in a dystopian society ruled by arrogant politicians who make the younger members of their community compete in a death match of the same name as the book. If people know that having a bunch of teenagers killing each other is wrong, why don’t they just try to overthrow the government? They already tried that and it didn’t work out too well. In fact, not only are The Hunger Games around for the politicians’ sick and twisted entertainment, they’re punishment against their own people for trying to rebel against the system. It’s pretty safe to say that a band like Rage Against the Machine has better chance of playing their music in North Korea than they do in this dystopian hellhole. These teenagers have to make do with what they have, including the main character Katniss Everdeen. Katniss has several advantages in the Hunger Games. She’s an avid hunter, she’s excellent with a bow and arrow, she’s crafty, and she’s “dating” her male district counterpart Peeta, who also competes in the Hunger Games. If you think having a tactical advantage over everybody is a guaranteed victory, you’re dead wrong. Maybe even just plain dead if you get too cocky. The other “Tributes”, as the competitors are called, are muscular, nasty, ruthless, and they can snap necks with just their thumbs and forefingers if they so desired. As if competing with a bunch of beefed up sociopaths wasn’t bad enough, the environment in which these Tributes compete can be just as deadly. Firebombs thrown everywhere, wasps that make people go insane, poisonous berries that look delicious upon first glance, if there’s away to spread the contestants’ bloody crystals everywhere, it will be done. And the thing about “The Hunger Games”? It’s published by Scholastic despite the gory content. And why is that? Because somebody needs to tell the youngsters of today to question authority. That somebody will be Suzanne Collins, an excellent writer in her own way.

　

***MIXED-MARTIAL ARTS QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Nobody is easy until you beat them.”

-Ronda Rousey-