Toll Free Call

VERSE 1

It’s a toll free call in a free country

Please give us all of your hush money

Don’t lawyer up or try anything funny

Or we’ll be Elmer Fudd to your Bugs Bunny

VERSE 2

It’s a toll free call from Synchrony Bank

“Of course!” said a Young Turk named Cenk

Preying on the poor like it’s some kind of war

It’s really getting old, let’s go ahead and snore

VERSE 3

It’s a toll free call from Washington State

The kind that will stimulate your rage and hate

Don’t you wish you could reach through the phone

And snap the robo caller’s pencil neck bone?

VERSE 4

It’s a toll free call from the Russian president

Or a North Korean dictator that hell has sent

Or a Saudi Arabian prince who wants to convince

You to vote against your wishes in words not minced

VERSE 5

Rip the goddamn cable right out of the wall

And never ever get another toll free call

Tell your phone company they can suck a big one

If they want to go to war, then have some bloody fun

I'm an American

CHORUS

I’m an AmeriCAN, not an AmeriDON’T X4

VERSE 1

I don’t need the police to tell me how to eat

If it’s a candy bar or a mountain of meat

Chewing on the treat with my mouth wide open

You can do nothing about it, just remain stoic

Will you make an arrest for the way I eat?

Surrender my ass to the nearest precinct?

Good luck finding a jury who gives a shit

Good luck finding a judge who cares just a bit

CHORUS

I’m an AmeriCAN, not an AmeriDON’T X4

VERSE 2

I don’t need the law to tell me how to dress

I have no responsibilities or people to impress

Sweatpants and Pink Floyd shirts are my style

Take selfies and post them online for a while

Will you put cuffs on me for the way I dress?

Did you actually pass the fucking bar test?

Good luck finding a jury who’ll find me guilty

Good luck finding a judge with a heart so chilly

CHORUS

I’m an AmeriCAN, not an AmeriDON’T X4

BRIDGE

This is America, not North Korea

This is free speech, not verbal diarrhea

This is free expression, not acting like a clown

This is America, not Putin’s hometown

VERSE 3

I’m not a member of the Washington Bar

But I know your case won’t go very far

Nothing illegal about chewing like a beast

Nothing immoral about sweatpants in the least

The case is closed, just like your mind

A not guilty verdict is what the jury finds

You wasted the taxpayers’ time and money

In the land of opportunity, milk, and honey

CHORUS

I’m an AmeriCAN, not an AmeriDON’T X4

All the Same

(In the style of “Like Me and You” by Raffi)

Farage lives in England

Sarkozy lives in France

Harper lives in Canada

Putin lives in Russia

Kim-Jong lives in Korea

Trump lives in America

Christie lives in New Jersey

Scott lives in Florida

Walker lives in Wisconsin

Paul lives in Kentucky

Perry lives in Texas

Bush lives in dystopia

And each one is exactly the same

They bring the world so much shame

They’re the ones we ought to blame

For shit going up in flames

"The Hunger Games" by Suzanne Collins

Are you hungry for more? So are the characters in “The Hunger Games”, who live in a dystopian society ruled by arrogant politicians who make the younger members of their community compete in a death match of the same name as the book. If people know that having a bunch of teenagers killing each other is wrong, why don’t they just try to overthrow the government? They already tried that and it didn’t work out too well. In fact, not only are The Hunger Games around for the politicians’ sick and twisted entertainment, they’re punishment against their own people for trying to rebel against the system. It’s pretty safe to say that a band like Rage Against the Machine has better chance of playing their music in North Korea than they do in this dystopian hellhole. These teenagers have to make do with what they have, including the main character Katniss Everdeen. Katniss has several advantages in the Hunger Games. She’s an avid hunter, she’s excellent with a bow and arrow, she’s crafty, and she’s “dating” her male district counterpart Peeta, who also competes in the Hunger Games. If you think having a tactical advantage over everybody is a guaranteed victory, you’re dead wrong. Maybe even just plain dead if you get too cocky. The other “Tributes”, as the competitors are called, are muscular, nasty, ruthless, and they can snap necks with just their thumbs and forefingers if they so desired. As if competing with a bunch of beefed up sociopaths wasn’t bad enough, the environment in which these Tributes compete can be just as deadly. Firebombs thrown everywhere, wasps that make people go insane, poisonous berries that look delicious upon first glance, if there’s away to spread the contestants’ bloody crystals everywhere, it will be done. And the thing about “The Hunger Games”? It’s published by Scholastic despite the gory content. And why is that? Because somebody needs to tell the youngsters of today to question authority. That somebody will be Suzanne Collins, an excellent writer in her own way.

　

***MIXED-MARTIAL ARTS QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Nobody is easy until you beat them.”

-Ronda Rousey-