***NO FILTER***
You wouldn’t know this from some of the politically liberal
short stories and poems I post on a regular basis…but I fucking hate debating.
I told you all before about the woes of my opponent having more talking points
than me. I might have even mentioned something about scrambling for an answer
and getting nothing. But here’s something you probably didn’t know about me
until now: I have no filter for the bullshit that enters my mind. It could be
an autistic thing. It could be a schizophrenic thing. Maybe I’m just really
fucking sensitive. But whenever an opposing talking point enters my mind, the
most important organ in my body doesn’t seem to want to do its job of filtering
out the horseshit. It stays with me just like any other stimulus, because my
mind takes in everything all at once and doesn’t quiet the fuck down for just
one minute.
It’s because of this that I purposefully go out of my way to
avoid watching conservative or religious videos on You Tube. I also skip over
conservative memes on Face Book by averting my eyes and scrolling down as fast
as I can. I’m sure you’ve seen some of the titles of the You Tube videos by
now:
“Ben Shapiro DESTROYS transgender teenager with just one
Tweet!”
“Ronda Rousey SHUTS DOWN feminist in just one minute!”
“Jordan Peterson DESTROYS this and that! He DESTROYS Mickey
Mouse! He DESTROYS Hulk Hogan! He DESTROYS EVERYTHING!”
You’d think with all of this destruction going on that
there’d be more settled debates in this world. Nope. They just keep talking…and
talking…and talking…and talking. They keep talking because they have stronger
filters than I do. Me? I have to constantly be on my toes when it comes to
brainwashing and loss of individuality, so I scroll by the DESTROY videos as
quickly as possible.
“But, Garrison! You have to challenge yourself! You can’t
live in an echo chamber!”
For all intents and purposes, both of those phrases are
correct. However, when you consider the source of that compound quote, you
begin to realize that whoever said it probably lives in an echo chamber of his
own. Open-mindedness is supposed to be a two way street. If I have to be open
to the other side’s ideas, they have to be open to mine too. But being
open-minded doesn’t mean agreeing with everything the other side says with
one-hundred percent submission. Open-mindedness simply means giving the debater
a chance. What he does with that chance is beyond your control, but if he blows
his chance, that’s it.
I’ve given a thousand chances to a thousand debaters. Any
stubbornness I showed towards them had to be worked for, because my filter for
BS is weak as shit. Some talking points are easier to resist than others, but
the lazy-ass filter is the common denominator. It’s amazing that I didn’t
become a cultist right away. Actually, I probably would have resisted joining a
cult, but I wouldn’t have the debating skills or quick answers necessary to
strike down their talking points. That’s the thing with debates: if you don’t
answer in, let’s say, five seconds or less, you automatically lose. You don’t
get to think about it. You don’t get to mull it over and come back with a
completed homework assignment. It’s now or never.
If you’re reading this and you think I’m ripe for the
picking for your zealous cause, do me a favor: don’t even try. Just give up.
Because my filter sucks ass, I’m more prone to shut you out despite not giving
you a chance. You won’t get philosophical talking points from me, just curse
words and waves goodbye. I know this seems close-minded and that’s generally
considered a bad thing. I know my responsibility as a pundit is to research my
arguments and use my knowledge to shut down opposing talking points. But I
don’t have it in me to DESTROY anybody, at least not within the five-second
timeframe required to respond in a debate. The natural answer for me would be
to just stop writing poems and stories about politics, but…that’s just not
going to happen. I care too much.
If I refuse to engage in a debate with you, it’s nothing
personal and it’s not an indication of surrender. It’s because my filter for BS
can’t be bothered to work overtime for the Ben Shapiros, Charlie Kirks, and
Milo Yiannopouloses of the world. Even if I promised my filter a private jet,
healthcare benefits, and a vacation in Hawaii,
I wouldn’t be able to convince it to work for me the way it does for the Cenk
Uygurs and Rachel Maddows of the world. In other words, you won’t see You Tube
videos with any of these titles…
“Garrison Kelly DESTROYS the establishment!”
“Garrison Kelly DESTROYS the corporations!”
“Garrison Kelly DESTROYS EVERYTHING IN SIGHT!
RAAAAAAAAAWR!!”
What is this, a fucking Godzilla movie? Does everything have
to be destroyed?
***BEAUTIFUL MONSTER***
My next assignment for this ongoing rewrite is chapter nine,
where Windham and Tarja walk through the forest together for more
thought-provoking conversations (they won’t need their weak-ass filters,
though). The day’s topic of choice: dreams and ambitions. Windham wants to be an artist of all genres
while Tarja wants to care for fuzzy animal babies. There’s even going to be a
scene where Tarja feeds walnuts to the squirrels and she offers Windham a carrot to give
to a rabbit. If you’re wondering where the hell all the action is, keep in mind
that Beautiful Monster is a drama first and a historical fantasy second. But if
it’s action you want…you’ll have to wait until the end of the chapter! No, not
that kind of action, you perv! They’re just friends! Jesus Christ, man!
***LYRICS OF THE DAY***
“I’m just a-wandering on the face of this earth meeting so
many people who are trying to be free. And while I’m traveling, I hear so many
words. Language barriers broken, now we’ve found the key. And if you want the
winds of change to blow around you and you’re the only other person to know,
please tell me. I’m just a singer in a rock n’ roll band. A thousand pictures
can be drawn from one word, only who is the artist? We’ve got to agree. A
thousand miles can lead so many ways. Just to know who is driving, what a help
it would be. And if you want this world of yours to turn around you and you can
see exactly what to do, don’t tell me. I’m just a singer in a rock and roll
band. Why can’t we understand? Riots by the people for the people who are only
destroying themselves. And if you see a frightened person who was frightened by
the people who are scorching this earth. Music is the traveler crossing our
world, meeting so many people, bridging the seas. I’m just a singer in a rock
n’ roll band. We’re all just singers in a rock n’ roll band.”
-The Moody Blues singing “I’m Just a Singer in a Rock n’
Roll Band”-
