All the Same

(In the style of “Like Me and You” by Raffi)

Farage lives in England

Sarkozy lives in France

Harper lives in Canada

Putin lives in Russia

Kim-Jong lives in Korea

Trump lives in America

Christie lives in New Jersey

Scott lives in Florida

Walker lives in Wisconsin

Paul lives in Kentucky

Perry lives in Texas

Bush lives in dystopia

And each one is exactly the same

They bring the world so much shame

They’re the ones we ought to blame

For shit going up in flames

"Of Dice and Men" by David M. Ewalt

BOOK TITLE: Of Dice and Men: The Story of Dungeons & Dragons and the People Who Play It
AUTHOR: David M. Ewalt
YEAR: 2013
GENRE: Nonfiction
SUBGENRE: Biography and Memoir
GRADE: Extra Credit


In this tribute to Dungeons & Dragons, David M. Ewalt combines nonfiction genres when he gives a detailed history of the franchise and shares some of his own experiences and in-game stories with the RPG. There are many ways to describe playing this game: a creative outlet, a social experience, a storytelling class, a geek’s heaven, but more importantly, a way for people to have fun. It’s not just for “geeks and freaks” anymore. It’s also not for “satanic devil worshipers”. Playing D&D is an enriching experience everybody can get in on regardless of age and interests.

The biography portion of this book is so accurate and well-researched that you won’t find a better timeline of D&D’s birth anywhere else. Games have been around since the early BC days, even among cavemen dancing around and telling stories. Playing was free and spontaneous. And then there were rules to keep things fair, which ultimately led to the centuries old board game chess. And then the chess board was modified to depict reenactments of famous wars in what would ultimately be called Kriegsspiel, or War Games. And Gary Gygax and David Arneson started replacing human soldier miniature tokens with dragons, goblins, and wizards. Instead of historic battlefields, they were replaced with castles and labyrinths. Making all of those modifications over time took a lot creativity and individuality to do. When the imagination gets flowing, anything is possible and the results are beautiful to watch.

The memoir portion is just as much fun to read as the historical side of things. David M. Ewalt describes playing Dungeons & Dragons with his friends as an experience that not only stimulates creativity, but also bonds the friendships between the players. He is a lifelong D&D fan and has traveled all over the world just to have his imagination tickled by these colorful scenarios. He even went to Geneva Lake, Wisconsin to pay tribute to Gary Gygax and compared it to a religious pilgrimage to Mecca. Being passionate about a role-playing game doesn’t make anybody an outcast or a dork. Passion is something we all must have in the things we do. It’s what drives us to do our best and ultimately reach our goals. David’s passion led him to a sharper mind, multiple nerd-gasms, and an awesome nonfiction book deal about his favorite pastime, Dungeons & Dragons.

And now here’s the reason this book is getting an extra credit grade, or for you Good Reads members, five out of five stars. I used to give five star ratings to pretty much anything that was enjoyable. Over the years, things have become more complicated than that. To earn a five star review from me these days, you as an author have to blow me away and leave me a changed man. Of Dice and Men did just that. It made me want to play Dungeons & Dragons once again. It fed my creativity with awesome storyline possibilities and tactical game play.

If only I could find some players to join me in this mind-bending experience, then my energy and passion for this game will leave me whole again. Dungeons & Dragons isn’t just a game; it’s a religious experience. Just for being the biggest piece in the puzzle when creating the game, Gary Gygax will always be one of my personal heroes. He’s probably smiling down upon Mr. Ewalt for invoking his venerable spirit, which is something that can be done by a level 15 cleric. I want to play again and my inner geek won’t be satisfied until I do. I’m like the lonely single guy who doesn’t have a girlfriend and only has internet porn to rely on. It’s a bit of a stretch, but it’s accurate for how this book made me feel about getting back in the game. Someday, my friends. Someday. Thank you, Mr. Ewalt, for bringing out my nerdy aura once again.

And by the way, if Clue was played with Dungeons & Dragons rules, you could beat a confession out of Colonel Mustard with the lead pipe and have sex with Miss Scarlet on the table of the conservatory. Also, if you open the closet to Narnia and you see a McDonald’s, something is desperately wrong here. Get used to hearing this kind of silver-tongued humor throughout the book. After all, if you’re not laughing, you’re not living!

"The Cat Who Tailed a Thief" by Lilian Jackson Braun

It’d be cliché to say that Lilian Jackson Braun does it again, but guess what? Lilian Jackson Braun does it again with “The Cat Who Tailed a Thief”. Judging from this book and “The Cat Who Talked Turkey”, a couple of things about this series of novels are true. One, there’s always reason to suspect the most annoying character in the book. Two, if something needs to be talked about, it will be done over lunch at a restaurant or a bottle of scotch in the main character’s home. And three, and this one goes without saying: KITTIES!! Two Siamese babies named Koko and Yum-Yum will always be there to rub against someone’s ankles and make the reader feel like he’s got a sleeping animal pie on his lap. And there, ladies and gentlemen, is the reason why these books are called “cozy mysteries”, because they take place in a small town where everybody knows each other and they make great reading during those lazy afternoons when nothing is on TV and you’ve got animals all around you like Noah’s Ark. You want to talk about being left in “aww” and wonder, that’s it, man. In the case of “The Cat Who Tailed a Thief”, the one character you need to watch out for is Danielle Carmichael, a fashionable diva who always seems to be annoyed with being in a small town, has been described as having a rusty gate voice, and is always hitting on Jim Qwilleran. Things begin to get extremely complicated by the presence of Danielle’s cousin, a home restoration nut named Carter Lee James, who instantly marries a rich widow and has his home restoration skills called into question after the projects never seem to get started. Oh, and did I mention there are two murders and a string of petty thefts in this mystery? It wouldn’t be complete if there wasn’t a crime to attach such suspicious people to. Sooner or later, your suspicions will be confirmed, but it’s all a matter of how and why instead of who, what, where, and when. This isn’t a game of Clue we’re talking about here, this is deep stuff. Nobody’s getting clonked on the head with a candlestick by Miss Scarlet. But in spite of all of these horrible things going on, you’ll still maintain your coziness in the comfort of your beddy-bye or easy chair, compliments of the late great Lilan Jackson Braun.

　

***JOKE OF THE DAY***

Q: Where do rabbits go when they’re sick?
A: Urgent Carrot.