Rest in Peace, Chester Bennington

***REST IN PEACE, CHESTER BENNINGTON***

This morning (July 20^th, 2017), the lead singer of Linkin Park, Chester Bennington, committed suicide by hanging. When I first heard the news on Face Book, I thought I was going to bawl my eyes out right then and there. Linkin Park has been a huge part of my life since 2002 when I was experiencing schizophrenia in my senior year of high school. Their hard rock sound and thoughtful lyrics helped me through those tough times. I first heard their Hybrid Theory album when I was in gym class lifting weights. I saved up enough money and purchased that CD in 2003 and it become a huge part of getting me through Olympic College. My favorite songs on that album were Paper Cut, Place For My Head, and the bonus track My December. Ever since then, I’ve been buying Linkin Park albums until I had every last one of them.

I’ve seen Linkin Park in concert twice in my life, once in 2003 (or 2004) at the Tacoma Dome and once in 2012 at the same venue with Incubus opening for them. Both times, Chester was on his A-game with his aggressive vocals when it counted and softer crooning when we needed to be brought back to earth. In 2012, he paid tribute to the Beastie Boys when he screamed the vocals for “Sabotage” in the wake of MCA’s untimely death. The music nerd within me was going nuts during those performances. I was jumping up and down and moshing with the best of them, even during times of poor diets and bad exercise habits.

Their most recent album, One More Light, received a lot of criticism from diehard fans for being too much of a pop record instead of staying true to their roots. While it is true that experimenting with music can sometimes end badly, that’s not the case with this album, at least in my opinion. Yes, it’s different from what we’re used to hearing, but I love it nonetheless. My favorites on that album include Nobody Can Save Me, Heavy, and One More Light. I was looking forward to hearing those songs at my upcoming third time seeing Linkin Park live this October.

Speaking of the concert, the status of Linkin Park as a band is up in the air right now because of Chester’s death. Chances are, the concert date might be moved to a later time or it might be cancelled altogether. Maybe Mike Shinoda, who normally raps for Linkin Park, can take over Chester’s vocals. Maybe they’ll get a temporary stand-in until they can find someone permanent. Then again, there’s always the chance Linkin Park could break up over this. They haven’t released an official statement yet (it’s too early to do so), but I’m anxiously awaiting one in the weeks to come.

In the wake of Chester’s suicide, he left behind a wife and many children as well as his band mates. Having said that, I don’t believe it’s right to cast anger upon him for this or accuse him of being “selfish”. Never forget that the man had a lot of emotional trauma to deal with. He was raped repeatedly as a child by an older friend, he was a hardcore drug addict, he was bullied and beaten in high school, and his only escape from it all was Linkin Park. When you’re dealing with that much pain and agony, selfishness is the last reason in the world that should be applied. Psychological trauma is just as agonizing as any physical ailment, maybe even worse. Chester’s suicide left a huge hole in my heart as well as those of everyone around him. May he rest peacefully and may those who loved him recover from their heartache.

One Job

***ONE JOB***

I’m pretty sure you all have seen those “You had one job” memes floating around during your internet adventures. They normally end with, “And you failed” or “And you nailed it”. What I’m getting ready to talk about is something I believe will fit the criteria of the latter. Before writing this journal, my day has been just another “lazy day”. No creative work has been done, the plans to go to the Y have been cancelled, and the only productive thing I did in this 24-hour span was wash and dry my laundry. I could have just as easily spent some time under my oxygen mask and recovered whatever energy I lost that day, but no. There’s something deeper going on here.

I was beginning to wonder if I had too many tasks on my plate. Sure, I now have four major projects going on at the same time, but as long as my focus is divided evenly among them, I feel overwhelmed rather than in control. It’s the reason why I turned down an opportunity to review Andy Peloquin’s upcoming book, which is the third installment of The Last Bucelarii series. I felt bad about saying no to him, considering what an awesome writer he is and all he’s done for me and my brand over the years. He assured me that everything was still cool between us, so that makes me feel slightly better.

I’m starting to wonder if I should focus on these projects one at a time instead of all at once. And when I say focus on them, I mean finish them entirely before moving onto the next project. With this kind of sharp attention, it means I’ll have to miss a few weeks at the WSS because I won’t be working on Demon Axe those days. Everything else will have to take a backseat to the current project, but that’s what it’s been like even before I made this “One Job” decision. I kept worrying about what needs to take priority and if I work on one thing at a time instead of jumping between projects, I can finally get some shit done.

Earlier tonight, my always awesome and insanely beautiful beta-reader Marie Krepps has finished critiquing the last of my Poison Tongue Tales stories, which means it’s now my turn to make those suggested changes and polish it into a publishable book. But at the same time, I also have three other projects which need attention: writing Demon Axe, reading “What Hides in the Darkness” by KL Cottrell, and beta-reading “Benevolent Slayers” by Marie Krepps, which comes out in late May. I asked Marie if it was okay to put off beta-reading for her until I got everything sorted out and she said yes. In her infinite sweetness, she also told me not to push myself too hard when editing the hell out of those Poison Tongue Tales stories. I want to hug her right now!

Editing Poison Tongue Tales is so easy, a caveman can do it. It’s a matter of getting through all of those stories since I have so many of them. As far as Demon Axe goes, my most recent chapter is fifteen and there are usually twenty of them, give or take, in any novel I write. Finishing Demon Axe is also going to be easy as pie, but Poison Tongue Tales comes first since it’s closer to being a published book and Demon Axe is only a rough draft. That just leaves me with Benevolent Slayers and What Hides in the Darkness. Marie has always shown patience with me and I’m eternally grateful for that. As far as KL goes, don’t worry, babe, because I haven’t forgotten about you. In fact, I never forget about any of my creative commitments. It’ll be worth the wait!

It’s time to get into business mode, my friends. Four major projects and it all starts with Poison Tongue Tales, the easiest, yet longest assignment I have. Marie has a wonderful habit of making editing easy for all of her clients. That reminds me, I should ask her about her cover-making services since PTT is close to being published into a book. The question becomes, what will I want my cover to look like? I don’t know the answer yet, but it’ll probably involve a poisonous creature tongue. It is, after all, called Poison Tongue Tales.

Tomorrow morning, it’s game time. If I have to go to the Y to exercise that day and then take a nap afterwards, I’ll still have the energy to push through. If I’m exhausted that day, I’ll spend some time with the oxygen mask until I’m ready to go. I’ll heed Marie’s advice and be easy on myself while at the same time following my own creed of being a hardworking author. It’s been a whole year since I’ve published a book and that was my second poetry book, which is called Necrograph. In just a few short days, we’ll go from death writing to toximancy. Let’s get busy!

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“Well, I’m the king of Boggle! There is none higher! I get eleven points off the word quagmire!”

-King Adrock from The Beastie Boys rapping “Putting Shame in Your Game”-

***POST-SCRIPT***

Funny story about that. It wasn’t Boggle, but while playing Scrabble, I once got 40 points from the word bitch and 70 points from the word goddamn. I won both of those games fair and square. I knew my English degree would be good for something one day.

Getting With the Times

***GETTING WITH THE TIMES***

As someone who openly admits to being a millennial who still plays with toys, being time conscious isn’t one of my strong suits. I don’t follow trends, I don’t care if an interest of mine is dated, I don’t care what’s considered cool by other people, and I’ll wear pretty much whatever I want as long as it’s comfortable. The times may have changed, but my core values have not.

It didn’t occur to me how behind in the times I was until I was editing a short story for American Darkness called “Not Gonna Die”. In this story, there’s a party going on in the main character’s dormitory and the music that’s blasting out of the speakers is “Brass Monkey” by The Beastie Boys. I know of that song, because I was born in 1985, which means I’m twelve years older than the college kids in this story. There aren’t many 18-year-olds who know who the Beastie Boys are, so in order to have realistic cool kids who keep up with the times, I chose rap music that was a little more modern in Tech N9ne. No complaints yet.

Having an old school state of mind is easy for me because nobody has challenged me on it and anybody who did was met with the same nonconformist argument I give everyone. I actually had my brother James tell me that, “Nobody listens to Disturbed anymore.” I do. I listen to them a lot. They may have been popular in the early 2000’s, but to my way of thinking, they’ve stood the test of time in the year 2015. Obviously, my older brother is very time conscious while I couldn’t give two shits what year it is.

When it comes to my writing career, however, it should stand to reason that I have a new school state of mind, because websites like Twitter and Face Book are the future of book marketing. I do have a Face Book account under my real name of Garrison Haines-Temons. I don’t, however, have a Twitter account anymore. There were three separate occasions where I’ve had a Twitter account, but realizing it was about as useful as an asshole on my bicep, I’ve walked away several times and I have no plans to go back.

I also don’t have a smart phone like pretty much everybody does. I have a generic cell phone and even though it has texting capabilities, I don’t take advantage of them. Sending off misspelled sentences with cheesy emoticons isn’t appealing to me since I have too much respect for the English language. As far as technology goes, the only “cool” things I have are my desktop computer, Roku streaming device, and a generic MP3 player from a company that went out of business apparently.

Getting with the times isn’t something that appeals to me very much. If I want to follow a trend, I want that trend to actually have some substance to it. It’s the difference between choosing The Beastie Boys versus Lil’ Wayne or Nirvana versus…some rock band in the 2010’s I’ve never heard of before. There are things in the present day that appeal to me such as the metal bands Gemini Syndrome and Nothing More, which goes to show that it’s not about the time period something comes from, but rather the importance of its message. Rage Against the Machine is a relic from the 90’s, but their music still means something to me.

I have one last message for you all before I get into the posts about my latest artistic endeavors. Unga-bunga. Me caveman. Me want substance. Me no care about coolness! Me have ears! Me say cheers!

　

***DARK FANTASY WARRIORS***

The official date of this journal’s publication is October 30^th, which means I still have two more days of Villains Month left. And man, do I have a villain for you guys: Ryan Brock from my most recent short story “Streetwalker”. We all know that rape is a bad thing, but Ryan Brock takes the humiliating and traumatizing act to a whole different level when he forces himself on a mage named Danielle Courtney. That’s a villain in my book!

　

***POISON TONGUE TALES: EDITING***

I have to be frank with you guys. Although Random.org has chosen “Death Blade” as the next short story to edit, I’m not looking forward to it at all. Don’t get me wrong, Marie’s comments never scare me. In fact, they make me laugh and feel lighthearted. It’s the actual job of editing that frightens me about “Death Blade”. It was my first official entry at the WSS Contest and Company and I wasn’t as good in late 2013 as I am now. In other words, what scares me the most…is my own unpolished writing. Maybe I’ll shelve Death Blade and choose a different one to edit for now.

　

***JANUARY FIRST***

I’ve been spending the past few days trying to bulldoze through another paperback book. Whenever I get in this mood, every other creative project takes a backseat with the exception of competing in WSS contests. What makes January First by Michael Schofield so special is its ability to speak to me personally. Like little Janni, I too have schizophrenia and I recognize her struggles. Watching her spiral into madness is heartbreaking and has almost brought me to tears a few times. I plan on giving this book an Extra Credit grade when I finish reading it, which it desperately needs because some troll assholes on Good Reads are peppering it with uneducated one-star reviews. I’ve heard of that kind of trolling happening to authors before, so I take good care not to believe anything those people say.

　

***MOVIE DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

WYNARSKI: Excuse me, have you seen a set of keys around here?
RANDAL: No time for love, Dr. Jones.

-Clerks, a movie made in 1994 when renting movies from a video store was still “cool”-

"Sabotage" by The Beastie Boys

I wouldn’t have my first Beastie Boys album until 2005 and it would be seven years later when Linkin Park would cover “Sabotage” at their Tacoma Dome concert with Incubus. In the summer of 2001, my education into King Adrock, MCA, and Mike-D would begin early with “Sabotage”, which sounds more like heavy metal than hip-hop.

My sophomore year of high school was winding down into vacation mode. Yes, I was still going to WF West in Shit-halis, I mean, Chehalis, but my sophomore year was much better than my freshman year. School still sucked, but things were getting better. My mental health was improving, I was introduced to Starcraft and Diablo II, I was hanging out with my neighbors Winn and Duncan more often, I had romantic crushes on two girls named Shona and Autumn, and finally, the Beastie Boys’ music was entering my life. Can you think of a better way to spend 2001?

So what exactly am I sabotaging with this nu metal song? Am I sabotaging the plans of my enemies to destroy my life with a stupid rumor? That must be it, because I’m still here today writing blog entries, novels, short stories, god knows what else. Maybe that song was an anthem for refusing to be a victim. I did watch a lot of WWE and ECW in those days, so maybe that tough guy mentality fused with “Sabotage’s” heavy flow was enough to create some bravery within me.

In the early 2000’s, bravery would mean something entirely different for me. It would be confused with belligerence, which means I absolutely had to insult and punch out everybody who attacked me even in the smallest ways. I took that mentality into battle with me in 2002 when I got into a mass argument on Play By Web over a foolish thing like age limits in adult games.

In 2005, I mellowed out a little bit. Not completely, but enough to be a part of a normal society. I still had my internet arguments here and there, but I’m proud to say I’ve never been to jail over my belligerent actions (not because I didn’t get caught, but because no crime was ever committed in the first place). I mellowed out just in time to be reintroduced to the music of The Beastie Boys. My brother bought three albums: Licensed to Ill, Hello Nasty, and To the 5 Burroughs, the latter of which cemented my status as a hardcore American liberal.

In 2012, tragedy struck the world of music when MCA lost his battle with throat cancer. Normally when a band member departs, a replacement is quickly found. It’s not so easy with The Beastie Boys’ music. They tend to drop their own names in their music, so finding someone to acknowledge themselves as MCA would be damned near impossible. The man was irreplaceable anyways. His lyrics were awesome, his rhythm was even more so, and he was an all-around great human being. He wasn’t an out-of-control jackass like a lot of celebrities today are. MCA was down to earth and he will always be remembered for his wonderful legacy. Rest in peace, Adam Yauch.

When I went to see Linkin Park and Incubus at the Tacoma Dome of that year, Linkin Park did a cover of “Sabotage” as a tribute to MCA (even though the song was technically sung by Adrock). With Chester Bennington screaming with passion into the microphone, it was a heavy and raucous tribute to one of the greatest rap bands of all time.

To think all of this history was made over one nu metal song. It’s like a domino effect: one thing leads to another and before you know it, a legacy is created. Every artist in the world can relate to the domino effect of life. Our life events, the media we take in, the people we associate with, they all come together as a palette for the artwork that is the human race. Everybody has a legacy of some kind and it’s because of that nobody is ever truly forgotten when they pass. Isn’t that right, Mr. Yauch?

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“You’ve been in the game and your career is long, but when you really break it down, you’ve only got two songs.”

-MCA rapping “Hey Fuck You” by The Beastie Boys-

Psymon Nordonus

If anybody ever fit the definition of a “minor character”, Psymon Nordonus would be that person. Then again, when you have a videogame idea called Final Fantasy Hardcore and the player can choose from up to god knows how many characters, there’re bound to be a few stragglers. Psymon was unfortunately one of the stragglers. He and his best friend Tila were cyberpunk hackers in a world full of corrupt corporations and indestructible androids (the human robots, not the “smart” phones). Together, they could get into any computer system they wanted whether it was an off-shore bank account, a network of dirty secrets, or a World of Warcraft account of somebody they didn’t like. For your information, that last one was a joke. Final Fantasy and Warcraft don’t mesh well together. That would be too much of a dream come true. But for Psymon Nordonus, his dream of being a famous character in my videogame idea was all for not. While he was Tila’s best friend and her shoulder to cry on, it was Johnny Filter who was her love interest. I’ll get into Johnny Filter as soon as his name gets drawn for a character profile. I will say this: with Johnny as Tila’s arm candy, Psymon was pushed to the background rather quickly. He showed almost no feelings of jealousy or heartbreak. He was just a fucking plant. Why would a rogue with mad computer hacking skills be pushed off to the side so easily? Why would a black guy in a purple hoodie and black jean shorts, who carried around a chain whip and used it well, be rarely used? It wouldn’t be the first time this happened to a character with infinite potential. In fact, just recently, the WWE released a longtime employee named Ezekiel Jackson. Ezekiel and Psymon are a lot alike. They’re big buff black guys who can kick the shit out of anybody and look good doing it. Forget bouncing drunkards at a bar, these two could stop a citywide sports riot if they chose to. Of course, if they actually had that ability, they’d just be labeled by the Wrestling Observer Newsletter as the “Most Overrated Wrestler of the Year”. Unless he signs to TNA or ROH, it may be too late for Ezekiel Jackson. But Psymon Nordonus, with his big muscles and even bigger brain, hasn’t even gotten started yet. Final Fantasy Hardcore is no more and he now has a clean slate. What shall we put him through? A cyberpunk hellhole? An MMA smack down? Or maybe he can be employee of the month at Best Buy. That last one was a joke, but it could be real if he was using Best Buy’s laptops to hack into worldwide bank accounts, preferably those of the 1% variety. Oh yeah, I’m liking Psymon already!

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“Well, I’m the king of Boggle! There is none higher! I get 11 points off the word quagmire!”

-The Beastie Boys rapping “Putting Shame In Your Game”-