Psymon Nordonus

If anybody ever fit the definition of a “minor character”, Psymon Nordonus would be that person. Then again, when you have a videogame idea called Final Fantasy Hardcore and the player can choose from up to god knows how many characters, there’re bound to be a few stragglers. Psymon was unfortunately one of the stragglers. He and his best friend Tila were cyberpunk hackers in a world full of corrupt corporations and indestructible androids (the human robots, not the “smart” phones). Together, they could get into any computer system they wanted whether it was an off-shore bank account, a network of dirty secrets, or a World of Warcraft account of somebody they didn’t like. For your information, that last one was a joke. Final Fantasy and Warcraft don’t mesh well together. That would be too much of a dream come true. But for Psymon Nordonus, his dream of being a famous character in my videogame idea was all for not. While he was Tila’s best friend and her shoulder to cry on, it was Johnny Filter who was her love interest. I’ll get into Johnny Filter as soon as his name gets drawn for a character profile. I will say this: with Johnny as Tila’s arm candy, Psymon was pushed to the background rather quickly. He showed almost no feelings of jealousy or heartbreak. He was just a fucking plant. Why would a rogue with mad computer hacking skills be pushed off to the side so easily? Why would a black guy in a purple hoodie and black jean shorts, who carried around a chain whip and used it well, be rarely used? It wouldn’t be the first time this happened to a character with infinite potential. In fact, just recently, the WWE released a longtime employee named Ezekiel Jackson. Ezekiel and Psymon are a lot alike. They’re big buff black guys who can kick the shit out of anybody and look good doing it. Forget bouncing drunkards at a bar, these two could stop a citywide sports riot if they chose to. Of course, if they actually had that ability, they’d just be labeled by the Wrestling Observer Newsletter as the “Most Overrated Wrestler of the Year”. Unless he signs to TNA or ROH, it may be too late for Ezekiel Jackson. But Psymon Nordonus, with his big muscles and even bigger brain, hasn’t even gotten started yet. Final Fantasy Hardcore is no more and he now has a clean slate. What shall we put him through? A cyberpunk hellhole? An MMA smack down? Or maybe he can be employee of the month at Best Buy. That last one was a joke, but it could be real if he was using Best Buy’s laptops to hack into worldwide bank accounts, preferably those of the 1% variety. Oh yeah, I’m liking Psymon already!

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“Well, I’m the king of Boggle! There is none higher! I get 11 points off the word quagmire!”

-The Beastie Boys rapping “Putting Shame In Your Game”-