Dream Moods

I have two different dream interpretation books and both of them were written in the early 20^th century and are therefore obsolete. Now that we have this awesome thing called the internet, there’s a website called Dream Moods that looks to be pretty up-to-date and damned near accurate. For weeks now, I’ve been posting entries about weird dreams I’ve had thinking they could be creative fodder. It turns out my subconscious is trying to tell me something deeper.

　

High School:


To dream about high school refers to the bonds and friendships that you made while you were in high school. What spiritual lessons have you learned? The dream may also be telling you that you need to start preparing for the real world.



To dream that you have to repeat high school suggests that you are doubting your accomplishments and the goals that you have already completed. You feel that you may not be measuring up to the expectation of others. The dream may occur because some recent situation may have awakened old anxieties and insecurities.

　

Video Game:


To dream that you are playing a video game represents your ability to manipulate others into doing what you want them to do. Alternatively, playing a video game suggests that you are trying to escape from the problems in your real life, instead of confronting it. Consider the type of video game and video game character for additional insights.

　

Pornography:


To dream that you are watching pornography indicates your issues with intimacy, power, control, and effectiveness. You may be having concerns about your own sexual performance. Alternatively, you are afraid of exposing some aspect of yourself.

　

Martial Arts:


To dream that you are practicing martial arts suggest that you need to better focus your energies and direct them on your goals.

　

Crying:


To dream that you are crying signifies a release of negative emotions that is more likely caused by some waking situation rather than the events of the dream itself. Your dream is a way to regain some emotional balance and to safely let out your fears and frustrations. In your daily lives, you tend to ignore, deny, or repress your feelings. But in your dream state, your defense mechanisms are no longer on guard and thus allow for the release of those feelings that you have repressed during the day.

　

To sum up what you’ve read so far, I have no faith in my abilities, I’ve learned nothing from the friendships I’ve formed in high school, I need an escape plan from my problems, I have secrets I keep from those who love me, I don’t care enough about my goals, and my negative emotions are being repressed. Sounds like the psychological geography of a fucked up adult to me. So now that I know all of these things, how do I fix them? The number one answer would be to be honest with myself. Is that really all it takes? Honesty? Okay, let’s try it.

I can self-publish anything I want, but if I even step near a publishing house with a skulking editor and a lecherous agent, there’s no guarantee I’ll make it. How do I overcome this inadequacy? Going out and trying to get traditionally published might work, but in order for that to happen, I need a shit ton of people on my side. In order for them to be on my side, they actually have to read my writing and say “yes” or “no”.

What’s the spiritual lesson I need to learn from my friendships in high school? To share myself with everybody I meet? To come out of my shell? To divulge every secret I’ve got? Yes, doing these things is scary as hell. In order for me to share myself with everybody I meet, they have to be receptive. If I give a girl a rose, she has to accept it without backpedaling or showing other signs of being offended. If I open up the lines of communication with my family, they can’t be overprotective of me when I share a dark secret. I’m always open when it comes to my hatred for my former step-father Art, but it’s no reason to put me under tight security. All I’ve ever wanted was to move on with my life. I can’t do that with too much protection.

So what kind of problems do I have that I can’t run away from anymore? Do I need to tell my arrogant brother to chill the fuck out? Do I need to tell my schizophrenic voices also to chill the fuck out? Do I need to find a job doing something I love even though they’re far out of reach? Do I need to get a girlfriend even though I don’t know how to love? If I’m going to solve my own problems, I have to know that I’m not going to make them worse by being my aggressive self. If I do find a job that I’m happy with, will I be able to get there every day without tiring myself out? If I do confront my older brother, will I be able to bend him to my will and make him see what I see? If I do find a girlfriend, will she accept my advances with perfect faith and not be offended by any contact I make with her? If I need to tackle my problems, then I ‘m going to need some help doing it.

If I don’t care enough about my goals, how do I make myself care? I want to self-publish a modern drama anthology called American Darkness, which means editing old short stories I’ve written and binding them together. I have the resources and the time to do my own editing. How do I do the work without tiring out beforehand or afterwards? Will anybody buy my book when I’ve published it? Will a traditional publisher see it and want to make something out of it? Will the sales of this book earn me enough money and fame to buy anything I want? Will I even figure out what I want to buy with my money other than fast food? Do I want to spend the money on a vacation? If so, where would I go since I know virtually nothing about the world around me? Yes, I know I’m overanalyzing for a self-publishing gig, but these problems need to be faced head on, as stated before.

If my negative emotions are being repressed, how do I let them out in a way where nobody is around me? How can I cry when the tears don’t come? How can I punch the walls without the damage coming out of my pocket? How do I scream and swear without disturbing anybody else? How do I find the appropriate place to do all of this? Is it on Google? Is it in the phone book? Is the only appropriate place to do this at a heavy metal show where everybody is screaming and fighting anyways?

So many questions and not enough answers. Maybe I have to find my own answers. Maybe I can’t rely on the world to answer my questions for me. If that’s the case, the jury’s still out on how I can turn a fucked up adult into a mature sage. I’ve been completely honest with myself so far, but I don’t feel any different than I did before. The only change I’ve experienced is that my brain has gone cold. That can’t be a good sign. Here’s one more question I add to the growing list: where do I go from here?

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me!”

-Rage Against the Machine rapping “Killing in the Name of”-

　

***POST-SCRIPT***

Here’s the link to where I found all of my interpretations: www.dreammoods.com.