***A LESSON IN LITERARY MARKETING***
Whenever I’ve written a short story or a novel, I wrote it with the idea of doing it for me and me alone. Every character, every plot device, every climax, they were all built around my own personal interests and core values. During these times of self-service, I forget that I’ve often described myself as an island with my interests. Let’s take a look at all of these keywords: liberal politics, professional wrestling, heavy metal music, mental illness, new age music, animal welfare, Dungeons & Dragons-style fantasy, adult Lego fandom, and so many more than I’m often forgetting and often clustering together. Some of these things go great together while others may ruin the witch’s cauldron that is my core values.
As a writer, appealing to yourself will always result in having a fun time. While such individual thinking is encouraged for all forms of art, if you want to get yourself out there, you also have to appeal to people who will actually take an interest in what you do. In other words, you have to know who your audience is.
The example I want to use for this parable is my self-published urban fantasy pro-wrestling novella Occupy Wrestling. Every person who has ever read it from cover to cover has had the same complaint: unfamiliarity with wrestling logic and terminology. The strange lingo, I can understand where they’re coming from. Not everybody knows what the hell a spine-buster is or why being called a jabroni is a particularly humiliating insult.
But even if I were to scrub the novella clean of all wrestling slang, the story would still operate on wrestling logic. Only in wrestling can you justify two guys nearly killing each other over a “stupid” gold encrusted belt. Only in wrestling do you fight one day and come up fresh as a daisy the next day almost injury free. Only in wrestling does doing everything once a week make any sense at all. I can scrub the vocabulary clean, but if I scrubbed the logic clean, it would cease to be a wrestling story. Hell, it wouldn’t be a story at all, for that matter.
Occupy Wrestling is currently sitting pretty at 2.75 stars on Good Reads and Amazon. Even the two people who gave it favorable reviews (Edward Davies and Andy Peloquin) were scratching their heads at the wrestling logic and lingo. My beta reader Marie Krepps was even scratching her head despite watching wrestling during the Attitude Era in the 1990’s.
There’s a lesson to be learned here: if you have a product of any kind, market it to the right people. Do you have a science-fiction story about cute cuddly kitties? Market it to people who make frequent visits to the Humane Society. Do you have an instructional manual about crocheting? That sounds like an activity for an older generation, so market it to them. What’s that? You have a basketball drama? Market it to people who like basketball.
Following this logic, what should I do with Occupy Wrestling? Should I continue to send free copies to English professors, chick-lit lovers, and nonviolent people? Or should I market this book to…(drum roll)…wrestling fans?! Let’s think about this for a minute. Do you know why “YES!” by Daniel Bryan is currently holding a 4.05-star rating on Good Reads? It’s because it’s been marketed to wrestling fans, like me.
I love it myself, but let’s face it, Mr. Bryan writes like a celebrity. His memoir style is nowhere near as polished as Alison Bechdel, James Frey, or Elizabeth Wurtzel. Then again, people love “YES!” because they love wrestling and they love Daniel Bryan. Could I possibly do the insane thing and slip copies of Occupy Wrestling to the Dave Meltzers, Vince McMahons, Stephanie McMahons, and Eric Bischoffs of the world? Imagine that: giving people what they like instead of what you think they should like. Who would’ve thunk it?
Remember, boys and girls: you may get knocked down and it may hurt for a long period of time. Everybody experiences failure at least one point in their lives. It’s our ability to get back up, dust ourselves off, and go back to the drawing board to alter our strategies that makes us immortal in the end. Nobody thought The Beatles would be as big as they’ve been over the past half-century. Michael Jordan locked himself in his room and cried his eyes out when his high school basketball tryouts went up in smoke. There are people who still think Daniel Bryan is a B+ player despite everything he’s been through. None of these famous people gave up and neither should you. They changed their approach to life and I’m changing mine as well. Now I just have to figure out how to reach the wrestling fans in a way that they can relate to my novella. We’ve got ears, say cheers!
***CURRENT AND FUTURE PUBLICATIONS***
As of today, I have three defunct publications and three active ones. The active ones are Confessions of a Schizophrenic Savage (poetry and song anthology), American Darkness (contemporary drama anthology), and Occupy Wrestling (urban fantasy novella). Though self-publishing these three active books hasn’t earned me a great deal of fame or fortune, I’m still grateful that they’re out there and in the public eye. I don’t write because I want to be greater than JK Rowling or Stephen King. I write because I love to create beautiful things. You can call it artistic passion, the creative urge, or just plain autistic tendencies. Either way, there will be other self-published books to come and no matter how tough things get, there will be no giving up. Here’s a look at those future publications:
American Darkness 2: Black State (contemporary drama anthology)
Blood Brawl (Dungeons & Dragons-style fantasy novel)
Filter Feeder (environmental fantasy novel)
Necrograph (dark poetry and heavy metal song anthology, almost a sequel to Confessions of a Schizophrenic Savage)
Poison Tongue Tales (science-fiction, fantasy, and horror anthology)
Watch You Burn (psychological fantasy novel)
***FACE BOOK POST OF THE DAY***
“Coincidence is killing an oversized house spider with a paperback copy of ‘Silence of the Lambs‘. Irony is using a Carl Hiaasen novel instead.”
-Me-
Showing posts with label Self-Publish. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self-Publish. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Friday, August 21, 2015
"Blade of the Destroyer" by Andy Peloquin
BOOK TITLE: Blade of the Destroyer
AUTHOR: Andy Peloquin
YEAR: 2015
GENRE: Fiction
SUBGENRE: Medieval Fantasy
GRADE: Pass
The Hunter is a ruthless contract killer who always finishes his assignments and demands his payment right away. His methods are as mysterious as his actual birth name. He does everything on his own terms. Those who double-cross him will find themselves brutalized in the worst possible way. Rumors of his deadliness have spread far and wide, creating the illusion that he is invincible. But when he finishes an assassination of a high-ranking lord, he finds out that the aristocrat is involved with a criminal empire known as the Bloody Hand. Only through dealing with these merciless thugs will The Hunter’s invincibility be truly tested.
The reason this book gets a passing grade (four stars if you’re on Good Reads) is because of how well-constructed it is. Everything is so intricately researched to where the author himself feels like an authority on contract killings and stealth trickery. Whenever The Hunter needs a disguise, he not only puts on the right clothing, but he also puts plaster on his face to match the physical description of that character. When he needs an entry point into a castle or a fortress, he sneaks to the tippy-top of that building and eases his way inside with no problems. When he fights his opponents, they not only go down, they stay that way either through brutal incapacitation or death itself. The Hunter does everything he possibly can to keep his identity a secret while successfully going in for the kill.
As cold and calculating as he is, The Hunter is not without personal feelings. Every once and a while, he’ll meet with a small child or a lonely beggar that he feels so much sympathy for that he’ll pay them a little extra money and attention when walking by. He even allows beggars outside of his home, mostly to maintain subterfuge, but also because they have nowhere else to go. And whenever The Hunter sees a pretty woman, he’s not without his primal urges to get in bed with her and do the nasty. This goes to show that no matter how much you push your feelings down for the sake of your profession, they will always come back stronger than ever. It’s what makes us human, and though people think of The Hunter as godlike, he is human.
But if there’s one part about this novel that really had my attention, it’s The Hunter’s weapon of choice, the Bloodhunger. It’s a jagged dagger that not only rips flesh and shatters bones, but also drains the spiritual essence out of those it penetrates. When Bloodhunger wants blood, he’ll get it one way or another. Did I say he? That’s because the dagger actually communicates with The Hunter in a schizophrenic fashion whenever it’s time to kill someone. The hungrier the dagger is, the louder the head voices become. Sometimes The Hunter will have witty banter or a philosophical discussion in his own head about oligarchies, romance, and such, and Bloodhunger will completely interrupt his train of thought with violent words. Not only is this a creepy and frightening part of the story, but it’s also quite original. Any form of against the grain creativity will always strike a chord with not just me, but also other readers.
Andy Peloquin may be an independent author, but he’s no rookie. If he is, he doesn’t write like one. His descriptions paint a vivid image in the reader’s mind just like any piece of writing should. Blade of the Destroyer is no exception to that rule. You should also follow his blogs on Good Reads since his words of wisdom will ring true with any aspiring author. I follow him on Good Reads and we’ve actually become good friends over time. This passing grade I’m giving his book isn’t because we’re good friends. It’s because he’s a damn good writer with infinite potential and a creative mind. He can get the job done come hell or high water.
Tagline/Elevator Pitch:
A faceless, nameless assassin. A forgotten past. The Hunter of Voramis--a killer devoid of morals, or something else altogether? (Blade of the Destroyer--dark fantasy with a look at the underside of human nature)
Book Blurb:
The Last Bucelarii (Book 1): Blade of the Destroyer
The Hunter of Voramis is the perfect assassin: ruthless, unrelenting, immortal. Yet he is haunted by lost memories, bonded to a cursed dagger that feeds him power yet denies him peace of mind. Within him rages an unquenchable need for blood and death.
When he accepts a contract to avenge the stolen innocence of a girl, the Hunter becomes the prey. The death of a seemingly random target sends him hurtling toward destruction, yet could his path also lead to the truth of his buried past?
Book Info:
Title: The Last Bucelarii (Book 1): Blade of the Destroyer
Author: Andy Peloquin
Official Launch Date: August 21st, 2015
Publication Date: July 11th, 2015
Paperback Price: $15.99
Digital Price: $3.99
Pages: 298
ISBN: 1515038955
Buy Links:
Amazon Kindle: http://www.amazon.com/Blade-Destroyer-Last-Bucelarii-Book-ebook/dp/B012EI9M4A/
Amazon Paperback: http://www.amazon.com/Blade-Destroyer-Last-Bucelarii-Book/dp/1515038955/
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25269614-blade-of-the-destroyer
Book Launch Event:
https://www.facebook.com/events/1625045874438351/
Bio:
Andy Peloquin: Lover of All Things Dark and Mysterious
Andy Peloquin--a third culture kid to the core--has loved to read since before he could remember. Sherlock Holmes, the Phantom of the Opera, and Father Brown are just a few of the books that ensnared his imagination as a child.
When he discovered science fiction and fantasy through the pages of writers like Edgar Rice Burroughs, J.R.R Tolkien, and Orson Scott Card, he was immediately hooked and hasn't looked back since.
Andy's first attempt at writing produced In the Days: A Tale of the Forgotten Continent. He has learned from the mistakes he made and used the experience to produce Blade of the Destroyer, a book of which he is very proud.
Reading—and now writing—is his favorite escape, and it provides him an outlet for his innate creativity. He is an artist; words are his palette.
His website (http://www.andypeloquin.com) is a second home for him, a place where he can post his thoughts and feelings--along with reviews of books he finds laying around the internet.
He can also be found on his social media pages, such as:
Twitter: https://twitter.com/AndyPeloquin
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/andyqpeloquin
www.linkedin.com/in/andypeloquin/
https://plus.google.com/100885994638914122147/about
https://www.amazon.com/author/andypeloquin
https://www.facebook.com/andrew.peloquin.1
10 Things You Need to Know About Me:
Hot wings, ALWAYS!
I never forget a face, but rarely remember a name.
I'm a head taller than the average person (I'm 6' 6")
Marvel > DC
I was born in Japan, and lived there until the age of 14.
Selena Gomez and Five Finger Death Punch are both in my playlist.
Aliens are real, but it's self-centered of us to believe that they would come to visit Earth.
Watching sports: suck. Playing sports: EPIC!
I earned a purple belt in Karate/Hapkido/Taekwondo.
I dislike most Christmas music, aside from Trans-Siberian Orchestra.
Reviews:
"Creative, gritty, and beautifully dark...fantasy addicts will love it!" -- Peter Story, author of Things Grak Hates -- http://peterjstory.com/
"The fantasy world has a compelling new antihero…the Hunter will terrify and captivate you." - Eve A Floriste, author of Fresh Cut
"From the first words on the page this fantasy holds the reader spellbound even after the book is finished…his character is very well-defined even if his past is a mystery. Root for an assassin? Oh, yes, one must!" -- Carol Conley, for InDTale Magazine
AUTHOR: Andy Peloquin
YEAR: 2015
GENRE: Fiction
SUBGENRE: Medieval Fantasy
GRADE: Pass
The Hunter is a ruthless contract killer who always finishes his assignments and demands his payment right away. His methods are as mysterious as his actual birth name. He does everything on his own terms. Those who double-cross him will find themselves brutalized in the worst possible way. Rumors of his deadliness have spread far and wide, creating the illusion that he is invincible. But when he finishes an assassination of a high-ranking lord, he finds out that the aristocrat is involved with a criminal empire known as the Bloody Hand. Only through dealing with these merciless thugs will The Hunter’s invincibility be truly tested.
The reason this book gets a passing grade (four stars if you’re on Good Reads) is because of how well-constructed it is. Everything is so intricately researched to where the author himself feels like an authority on contract killings and stealth trickery. Whenever The Hunter needs a disguise, he not only puts on the right clothing, but he also puts plaster on his face to match the physical description of that character. When he needs an entry point into a castle or a fortress, he sneaks to the tippy-top of that building and eases his way inside with no problems. When he fights his opponents, they not only go down, they stay that way either through brutal incapacitation or death itself. The Hunter does everything he possibly can to keep his identity a secret while successfully going in for the kill.
As cold and calculating as he is, The Hunter is not without personal feelings. Every once and a while, he’ll meet with a small child or a lonely beggar that he feels so much sympathy for that he’ll pay them a little extra money and attention when walking by. He even allows beggars outside of his home, mostly to maintain subterfuge, but also because they have nowhere else to go. And whenever The Hunter sees a pretty woman, he’s not without his primal urges to get in bed with her and do the nasty. This goes to show that no matter how much you push your feelings down for the sake of your profession, they will always come back stronger than ever. It’s what makes us human, and though people think of The Hunter as godlike, he is human.
But if there’s one part about this novel that really had my attention, it’s The Hunter’s weapon of choice, the Bloodhunger. It’s a jagged dagger that not only rips flesh and shatters bones, but also drains the spiritual essence out of those it penetrates. When Bloodhunger wants blood, he’ll get it one way or another. Did I say he? That’s because the dagger actually communicates with The Hunter in a schizophrenic fashion whenever it’s time to kill someone. The hungrier the dagger is, the louder the head voices become. Sometimes The Hunter will have witty banter or a philosophical discussion in his own head about oligarchies, romance, and such, and Bloodhunger will completely interrupt his train of thought with violent words. Not only is this a creepy and frightening part of the story, but it’s also quite original. Any form of against the grain creativity will always strike a chord with not just me, but also other readers.
Andy Peloquin may be an independent author, but he’s no rookie. If he is, he doesn’t write like one. His descriptions paint a vivid image in the reader’s mind just like any piece of writing should. Blade of the Destroyer is no exception to that rule. You should also follow his blogs on Good Reads since his words of wisdom will ring true with any aspiring author. I follow him on Good Reads and we’ve actually become good friends over time. This passing grade I’m giving his book isn’t because we’re good friends. It’s because he’s a damn good writer with infinite potential and a creative mind. He can get the job done come hell or high water.
Tagline/Elevator Pitch:
A faceless, nameless assassin. A forgotten past. The Hunter of Voramis--a killer devoid of morals, or something else altogether? (Blade of the Destroyer--dark fantasy with a look at the underside of human nature)
Book Blurb:
The Last Bucelarii (Book 1): Blade of the Destroyer
The Hunter of Voramis is the perfect assassin: ruthless, unrelenting, immortal. Yet he is haunted by lost memories, bonded to a cursed dagger that feeds him power yet denies him peace of mind. Within him rages an unquenchable need for blood and death.
When he accepts a contract to avenge the stolen innocence of a girl, the Hunter becomes the prey. The death of a seemingly random target sends him hurtling toward destruction, yet could his path also lead to the truth of his buried past?
Book Info:
Title: The Last Bucelarii (Book 1): Blade of the Destroyer
Author: Andy Peloquin
Official Launch Date: August 21st, 2015
Publication Date: July 11th, 2015
Paperback Price: $15.99
Digital Price: $3.99
Pages: 298
ISBN: 1515038955
Buy Links:
Amazon Kindle: http://www.amazon.com/Blade-Destroyer-Last-Bucelarii-Book-ebook/dp/B012EI9M4A/
Amazon Paperback: http://www.amazon.com/Blade-Destroyer-Last-Bucelarii-Book/dp/1515038955/
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25269614-blade-of-the-destroyer
Book Launch Event:
https://www.facebook.com/events/1625045874438351/
Bio:
Andy Peloquin: Lover of All Things Dark and Mysterious
Andy Peloquin--a third culture kid to the core--has loved to read since before he could remember. Sherlock Holmes, the Phantom of the Opera, and Father Brown are just a few of the books that ensnared his imagination as a child.
When he discovered science fiction and fantasy through the pages of writers like Edgar Rice Burroughs, J.R.R Tolkien, and Orson Scott Card, he was immediately hooked and hasn't looked back since.
Andy's first attempt at writing produced In the Days: A Tale of the Forgotten Continent. He has learned from the mistakes he made and used the experience to produce Blade of the Destroyer, a book of which he is very proud.
Reading—and now writing—is his favorite escape, and it provides him an outlet for his innate creativity. He is an artist; words are his palette.
His website (http://www.andypeloquin.com) is a second home for him, a place where he can post his thoughts and feelings--along with reviews of books he finds laying around the internet.
He can also be found on his social media pages, such as:
Twitter: https://twitter.com/AndyPeloquin
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/andyqpeloquin
www.linkedin.com/in/andypeloquin/
https://plus.google.com/100885994638914122147/about
https://www.amazon.com/author/andypeloquin
https://www.facebook.com/andrew.peloquin.1
10 Things You Need to Know About Me:
I never forget a face, but rarely remember a name.
I'm a head taller than the average person (I'm 6' 6")
Marvel > DC
I was born in Japan, and lived there until the age of 14.
Selena Gomez and Five Finger Death Punch are both in my playlist.
Aliens are real, but it's self-centered of us to believe that they would come to visit Earth.
Watching sports: suck. Playing sports: EPIC!
I earned a purple belt in Karate/Hapkido/Taekwondo.
I dislike most Christmas music, aside from Trans-Siberian Orchestra.
Reviews:
"Creative, gritty, and beautifully dark...fantasy addicts will love it!" -- Peter Story, author of Things Grak Hates -- http://peterjstory.com/
"The fantasy world has a compelling new antihero…the Hunter will terrify and captivate you." - Eve A Floriste, author of Fresh Cut
"From the first words on the page this fantasy holds the reader spellbound even after the book is finished…his character is very well-defined even if his past is a mystery. Root for an assassin? Oh, yes, one must!" -- Carol Conley, for InDTale Magazine
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Dream Moods
I have two different dream interpretation books and both of them were written in the early 20th century and are therefore obsolete. Now that we have this awesome thing called the internet, there’s a website called Dream Moods that looks to be pretty up-to-date and damned near accurate. For weeks now, I’ve been posting entries about weird dreams I’ve had thinking they could be creative fodder. It turns out my subconscious is trying to tell me something deeper.
High School:
To dream about high school refers to the bonds and friendships that you made while you were in high school. What spiritual lessons have you learned? The dream may also be telling you that you need to start preparing for the real world.
To dream that you have to repeat high school suggests that you are doubting your accomplishments and the goals that you have already completed. You feel that you may not be measuring up to the expectation of others. The dream may occur because some recent situation may have awakened old anxieties and insecurities.
Video Game:
To dream that you are playing a video game represents your ability to manipulate others into doing what you want them to do. Alternatively, playing a video game suggests that you are trying to escape from the problems in your real life, instead of confronting it. Consider the type of video game and video game character for additional insights.
Pornography:
To dream that you are watching pornography indicates your issues with intimacy, power, control, and effectiveness. You may be having concerns about your own sexual performance. Alternatively, you are afraid of exposing some aspect of yourself.
Martial Arts:
To dream that you are practicing martial arts suggest that you need to better focus your energies and direct them on your goals.
Crying:
To dream that you are crying signifies a release of negative emotions that is more likely caused by some waking situation rather than the events of the dream itself. Your dream is a way to regain some emotional balance and to safely let out your fears and frustrations. In your daily lives, you tend to ignore, deny, or repress your feelings. But in your dream state, your defense mechanisms are no longer on guard and thus allow for the release of those feelings that you have repressed during the day.
To sum up what you’ve read so far, I have no faith in my abilities, I’ve learned nothing from the friendships I’ve formed in high school, I need an escape plan from my problems, I have secrets I keep from those who love me, I don’t care enough about my goals, and my negative emotions are being repressed. Sounds like the psychological geography of a fucked up adult to me. So now that I know all of these things, how do I fix them? The number one answer would be to be honest with myself. Is that really all it takes? Honesty? Okay, let’s try it.
I can self-publish anything I want, but if I even step near a publishing house with a skulking editor and a lecherous agent, there’s no guarantee I’ll make it. How do I overcome this inadequacy? Going out and trying to get traditionally published might work, but in order for that to happen, I need a shit ton of people on my side. In order for them to be on my side, they actually have to read my writing and say “yes” or “no”.
What’s the spiritual lesson I need to learn from my friendships in high school? To share myself with everybody I meet? To come out of my shell? To divulge every secret I’ve got? Yes, doing these things is scary as hell. In order for me to share myself with everybody I meet, they have to be receptive. If I give a girl a rose, she has to accept it without backpedaling or showing other signs of being offended. If I open up the lines of communication with my family, they can’t be overprotective of me when I share a dark secret. I’m always open when it comes to my hatred for my former step-father Art, but it’s no reason to put me under tight security. All I’ve ever wanted was to move on with my life. I can’t do that with too much protection.
So what kind of problems do I have that I can’t run away from anymore? Do I need to tell my arrogant brother to chill the fuck out? Do I need to tell my schizophrenic voices also to chill the fuck out? Do I need to find a job doing something I love even though they’re far out of reach? Do I need to get a girlfriend even though I don’t know how to love? If I’m going to solve my own problems, I have to know that I’m not going to make them worse by being my aggressive self. If I do find a job that I’m happy with, will I be able to get there every day without tiring myself out? If I do confront my older brother, will I be able to bend him to my will and make him see what I see? If I do find a girlfriend, will she accept my advances with perfect faith and not be offended by any contact I make with her? If I need to tackle my problems, then I ‘m going to need some help doing it.
If I don’t care enough about my goals, how do I make myself care? I want to self-publish a modern drama anthology called American Darkness, which means editing old short stories I’ve written and binding them together. I have the resources and the time to do my own editing. How do I do the work without tiring out beforehand or afterwards? Will anybody buy my book when I’ve published it? Will a traditional publisher see it and want to make something out of it? Will the sales of this book earn me enough money and fame to buy anything I want? Will I even figure out what I want to buy with my money other than fast food? Do I want to spend the money on a vacation? If so, where would I go since I know virtually nothing about the world around me? Yes, I know I’m overanalyzing for a self-publishing gig, but these problems need to be faced head on, as stated before.
If my negative emotions are being repressed, how do I let them out in a way where nobody is around me? How can I cry when the tears don’t come? How can I punch the walls without the damage coming out of my pocket? How do I scream and swear without disturbing anybody else? How do I find the appropriate place to do all of this? Is it on Google? Is it in the phone book? Is the only appropriate place to do this at a heavy metal show where everybody is screaming and fighting anyways?
So many questions and not enough answers. Maybe I have to find my own answers. Maybe I can’t rely on the world to answer my questions for me. If that’s the case, the jury’s still out on how I can turn a fucked up adult into a mature sage. I’ve been completely honest with myself so far, but I don’t feel any different than I did before. The only change I’ve experienced is that my brain has gone cold. That can’t be a good sign. Here’s one more question I add to the growing list: where do I go from here?
***LYRICS OF THE DAY***
“Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me!”
-Rage Against the Machine rapping “Killing in the Name of”-
***POST-SCRIPT***
Here’s the link to where I found all of my interpretations: www.dreammoods.com.
High School:
To dream about high school refers to the bonds and friendships that you made while you were in high school. What spiritual lessons have you learned? The dream may also be telling you that you need to start preparing for the real world.
To dream that you have to repeat high school suggests that you are doubting your accomplishments and the goals that you have already completed. You feel that you may not be measuring up to the expectation of others. The dream may occur because some recent situation may have awakened old anxieties and insecurities.
Video Game:
To dream that you are playing a video game represents your ability to manipulate others into doing what you want them to do. Alternatively, playing a video game suggests that you are trying to escape from the problems in your real life, instead of confronting it. Consider the type of video game and video game character for additional insights.
Pornography:
To dream that you are watching pornography indicates your issues with intimacy, power, control, and effectiveness. You may be having concerns about your own sexual performance. Alternatively, you are afraid of exposing some aspect of yourself.
Martial Arts:
To dream that you are practicing martial arts suggest that you need to better focus your energies and direct them on your goals.
Crying:
To dream that you are crying signifies a release of negative emotions that is more likely caused by some waking situation rather than the events of the dream itself. Your dream is a way to regain some emotional balance and to safely let out your fears and frustrations. In your daily lives, you tend to ignore, deny, or repress your feelings. But in your dream state, your defense mechanisms are no longer on guard and thus allow for the release of those feelings that you have repressed during the day.
To sum up what you’ve read so far, I have no faith in my abilities, I’ve learned nothing from the friendships I’ve formed in high school, I need an escape plan from my problems, I have secrets I keep from those who love me, I don’t care enough about my goals, and my negative emotions are being repressed. Sounds like the psychological geography of a fucked up adult to me. So now that I know all of these things, how do I fix them? The number one answer would be to be honest with myself. Is that really all it takes? Honesty? Okay, let’s try it.
I can self-publish anything I want, but if I even step near a publishing house with a skulking editor and a lecherous agent, there’s no guarantee I’ll make it. How do I overcome this inadequacy? Going out and trying to get traditionally published might work, but in order for that to happen, I need a shit ton of people on my side. In order for them to be on my side, they actually have to read my writing and say “yes” or “no”.
What’s the spiritual lesson I need to learn from my friendships in high school? To share myself with everybody I meet? To come out of my shell? To divulge every secret I’ve got? Yes, doing these things is scary as hell. In order for me to share myself with everybody I meet, they have to be receptive. If I give a girl a rose, she has to accept it without backpedaling or showing other signs of being offended. If I open up the lines of communication with my family, they can’t be overprotective of me when I share a dark secret. I’m always open when it comes to my hatred for my former step-father Art, but it’s no reason to put me under tight security. All I’ve ever wanted was to move on with my life. I can’t do that with too much protection.
So what kind of problems do I have that I can’t run away from anymore? Do I need to tell my arrogant brother to chill the fuck out? Do I need to tell my schizophrenic voices also to chill the fuck out? Do I need to find a job doing something I love even though they’re far out of reach? Do I need to get a girlfriend even though I don’t know how to love? If I’m going to solve my own problems, I have to know that I’m not going to make them worse by being my aggressive self. If I do find a job that I’m happy with, will I be able to get there every day without tiring myself out? If I do confront my older brother, will I be able to bend him to my will and make him see what I see? If I do find a girlfriend, will she accept my advances with perfect faith and not be offended by any contact I make with her? If I need to tackle my problems, then I ‘m going to need some help doing it.
If I don’t care enough about my goals, how do I make myself care? I want to self-publish a modern drama anthology called American Darkness, which means editing old short stories I’ve written and binding them together. I have the resources and the time to do my own editing. How do I do the work without tiring out beforehand or afterwards? Will anybody buy my book when I’ve published it? Will a traditional publisher see it and want to make something out of it? Will the sales of this book earn me enough money and fame to buy anything I want? Will I even figure out what I want to buy with my money other than fast food? Do I want to spend the money on a vacation? If so, where would I go since I know virtually nothing about the world around me? Yes, I know I’m overanalyzing for a self-publishing gig, but these problems need to be faced head on, as stated before.
If my negative emotions are being repressed, how do I let them out in a way where nobody is around me? How can I cry when the tears don’t come? How can I punch the walls without the damage coming out of my pocket? How do I scream and swear without disturbing anybody else? How do I find the appropriate place to do all of this? Is it on Google? Is it in the phone book? Is the only appropriate place to do this at a heavy metal show where everybody is screaming and fighting anyways?
So many questions and not enough answers. Maybe I have to find my own answers. Maybe I can’t rely on the world to answer my questions for me. If that’s the case, the jury’s still out on how I can turn a fucked up adult into a mature sage. I’ve been completely honest with myself so far, but I don’t feel any different than I did before. The only change I’ve experienced is that my brain has gone cold. That can’t be a good sign. Here’s one more question I add to the growing list: where do I go from here?
***LYRICS OF THE DAY***
“Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me!”
-Rage Against the Machine rapping “Killing in the Name of”-
***POST-SCRIPT***
Here’s the link to where I found all of my interpretations: www.dreammoods.com.
Saturday, February 2, 2013
"Red Blood, White Knuckles, Blue Heart" by Garrison Kelly
All of this reading of quick novels had to lead somewhere. For me, it lead to me publishing my first book on Lulu.com under the penname Garrison Kelly. It’s an anthology of my best work called “Red Blood, White Knuckles, Blue Heart”. You’re probably wondering why I chose to publish under a penname instead of Garrison Haines-Temons. It has nothing to do with my need for privacy, though that would be nice. To be honest, the name Kelly is harder to butcher than Haines-Temons. Throughout school, I’ve been called “Hynes-Tea-Moans”, “Hainees-Tee-muns”, and a bunch of other weird names that are obviously a product of linguistic ignorance. I used to embrace the idea of having a page in my books that told people how to pronounce my name, but I opted not to since Kelly is a more attractive last name anyways. But if you still want to know how my last name is pronounced, here it is. Haines rhymes with “chains” and Temons rhymes with “Simmons”. I know it seems weird that the E in Temons would be pronounced like a short I, but trust me, that’s how it’s said. Temons is a very old Gaelic name. It looks strange, but it’s pronounced only one way. Same thing goes for the name McLeod. It’s not pronounced “Mick-Lee-Uhd”. It’s pronounced “Mick-Loud”. I chose the name Garrison Kelly because it’s easy to say and we don’t have to have a debate over how it’s said. You’re probably wondering why I chose to talk about my last name instead of the actual anthology I’ve published. The answer is simple: if you want to know what to expect from my book, go to the link provided and read either the description or the back cover. I’ll warn you right now that none of these stories, letters, and poems are intended for the squeamish. I don’t do TV-G stuff except for on very rare occasions. This is not one of those occasions. There’s a reason why there’s a TV-MA logo on the American flag book cover. And yes, that is my older brother with the knife in his mouth. I took that photo of James back in 2006 and thought he would make a great Waldo Spiegel, one of the characters in the book. You’re probably wanting the link right about now. Okay, here it is. Happy reading!
http://www.lulu.com/shop/garrison-kelly/red-blood-white-knuckles-blue-heart/paperback/product-20672921.html
http://www.lulu.com/shop/garrison-kelly/red-blood-white-knuckles-blue-heart/paperback/product-20672921.html
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