Sid Underworld

We don’t have too many working class heroes in today’s society, because in order for that to happen, you have to survive the shitty economy. If there’s one character of mine who’s capable of thriving in the American darkness on less than $100 per wrestling match, it’s someone who will stick around like the “cockroach” he’s been referred to as by the higher ups. He’s a jobber named Sid Underworld. He looks like Sid from the SNES version of Final Fight and fights like him too. He also comes out to the music of “Otherworld” from Final Fantasy X fame and psychs up the audience by doing so. How many times has a wrestling crowd really been fired up for a jobber? Maybe in 2011 when Daniel Bryan was getting shitty storylines, but other than that, it hasn’t been done since the wonderful work of Sid Underworld has been known throughout every corner of my own goddamn imagination. If a really muscular badass like Monzo Bleeder from my book “Brawl Mart” spears him in the ribs, Sid won’t exactly do a 360 degree rotation in the air. He’ll do a 720 instead! If Mitch McLeod from that same book Occu-Punches him, Sid Underworld will wake up on the moon. Even if someone like Debra Winter were to gouge him in the eyes with her long fingernails, Sid would sell that as well. In fact, he’d scream so loud in a throaty and beastly voice that he could be the lead singer for Soulfly or Five Finger Death Punch. With this uncanny ability to sell his opponents’ moves, it shouldn’t come as any surprise that he stayed at the bottom of the barrel for so long in the wrestling industry. It’s also a shame that his corporate masters wouldn’t let him move up the ladder. He is so popular with the fans that the Yes Movement can’t compare. The difference though is that Daniel Bryan’s popularity got him into a Wrestlemania 30 match with the legendary Triple H while Sid Underworld, working for KDW, would probably submit to a Finger Poke of Doom from Keegan Day. Why exactly am I making all of these Brawl Mart references if Sid Underworld never made it on the character roster? Maybe it’s wishful thinking, I don’t know. The more I think about it, though, the more I realize that Sid should have replaced Rosie Rogers in that story. Mitch McLeod had no right to elbow a woman in the jaw like he did to Rosie. At least if he did it to Sid, it’d be more believable. Plus, Debra Winter would be more likely to cheat on Mitch with Sid than she would with Rosie. Maybe I’m speaking too soon. Maybe Brawl Mart can be an instant classic despite Rosie Rogers getting the attention instead of Sid Underworld. I’m not entirely finished with writing pro-wrestling novels. Maybe Sid can make an appearance in one of them. Maybe he can poke his head out of a boiling pool of red liquid and say, “I’ll be back!” Bonus points to anybody who knows what movie that comes from.

　

***WRESTLING QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Let me ask you something, Ric Flair: what the hell is a nature boy? Does it mean you like nature? Does it mean you like boys?”

-Stone Cold Steve Austin-