Solomen Monacelli: Argumentative Boyfriend from "Happy Fun Land"

 

Pimping Your Peace of Mind

VERSE 1

A diamond ring for a kick in your teeth

Blood stains on the Christmas wreath

A flat TV for a punch in the gut

“Sorry so sorry, let’s order Pizza Hut!”

Fancy clothes for a gun to your head

The war is over, let’s make love in the bed

You’ll lay in a coffin if the price is right

At least you got to be with the love of your life

 

CHORUS

Pimping your peace of mind

Being rich is better than being kind

Selling your soul for a pile of gold

Now she owns your ass until the day you’re too old

 

VERSE 2

Drop her like the bad habit she is

You can’t always bat a thousand, sometimes you miss

Undefeated streaks in romance are impossible to have

Only so many times you cut your wealth in half

 

CHORUS

Pimping your peace of mind

Being rich is better than being kind

Selling your soul for a pile of gold

Now she owns your ass until the day you’re too old

 

VERSE 3

Loneliness and isolation are a gift

When your lady couldn’t bother to give you a lift

In your spirits, you can hear it when she raises her voice

About this and that and nothing, it’s the topic of her choice

Being the bigger man is hard when you feel small

You’re a circus dwarf and she’s a million feet tall

Why would you play ball with the sorest loser

Break it off now before you cope and be a boozer

 

CHORUS

Pimping your peace of mind

Being rich is better than being kind

Selling your soul for a pile of gold

Now she owns your ass until the day you’re too old

 

OUTRO

It’s a warning, not a playbook, not a game of football

Get CTE without your head bouncing off the walls

You can’t finish your sentence unless you finish your flashback

Why’re you getting mad at me? She’s the one who needs backlash

Dee Jay from Super Street Fighter II Has a Message for All the Argumentative Drama Queens Out There

 

This Has Been a Gracie Films Presentation

 

Soulbunni: Ultimate Infighting Champion

 

Hadag Nahash X Sigmund Freud: Unwanted, But Necessary Relationship Advice

 

Billy Idol vs. the Drama Queen: And the Daytime Emmy For Best Actress Goes to...

 

Larck Fontana, Arguing Wife from "Happy Fun Land"

 

I Never Had a Gun

VERSE 1

No toxic person has ever left my life

Because of something I said even though I was right

No toxic person was bounced from my house

Because the human body is too heavy to toss out

No toxic person was remanded to prison

Because free speech rights apply to bullies and bigots

I couldn’t stand up for what was just and fair

You need a reason? Let me just clear the air

 

CHORUS 1

Because I never had a gun

A 45 would do just fine

But I never had a gun

A bullet never forced them to be kind

 

VERSE 2

They said instead of violence, just use my words

But my brain locked up, couldn’t find a sick burn

They said to use leadership skills I didn’t have

So that I could be blamed when I finally snapped

They said to use my presence and fake charisma

When the narcissist says something sick and twisted

Master debating never achieved a damn thing

You need a reason? I got a little something to sing

 

CHORUS 2

Because I never had a gun

A bullet teaches lessons better than me

But I never had a gun

So I let them bash and break my self-esteem

 

BRIDGE

Criminalizing anger is how they stay in power

Imprisoning heroes, leave them shanked in the showers

Nothing is ever a power tripper’s fault

Even though they cover corpses with lime powder and salt

But their ears perk up with they hear a click-clack

Their ability to listen will never go back

To the negative part of the government chart

Because bullets are great for creating modern art

 

CHORUS 3

But I never had a gun

Everyone knew what I’d do with it

So I never had a gun

The world had permission to treat me like shit

Because I never had a gun

I couldn’t change the world with one clip

Hughy Casey, Petty Argument Bystander from "Happy Fun Land"

 

Unwanted Relationship Advice, Pt. 1 (Happy Valentine's Day!)

 

Be Disgusting

VERSE 1

They’re always the first to play the victim

And then label you as the genocidal villain

Embrace your dark side like it’s all you got

Stuck in this role whether you like it or not

Teabags, fisting, not a whole lot of resisting

F-bombs, S-bombs, jokes about their moms

Exploiting the deaths of their grandparents

“There’s a place in hell for entitled Karens”

PRE-CHORUS

Put on your dark cloak, laugh like a freak

Unzip your fly and give them a sneak peek

You are the monster that they’ve created

God, it never felt so good to be this hated!

CHORUS 1

Be! Disgusting! B-E disgusting!

Be! Disgusting! ‘Cause nobody’s worth trusting!

VERSE 2

Kyle’s brother didn’t die because of a vaccine

He just never knew what family love means

Gloria’s daughter didn’t need essential oils

Still got a body covered in lesions and boils

What’s the matter, Todd? Did I offend you?

You did the same to me, it was time to end you

I’m what you see when you look in the mirror

I sunk to your low, can I make it any clearer?

PRE-CHORUS

Put on your dark cloak, laugh like a freak

Unzip your fly and give them a sneak peek

You are the monster that they’ve created

God, it never felt so good to be this hated!

CHORUS 2

Be! Revolting! B-E revolting!

Be! Revolting! No hands are worth holding!

BRIDGE

Dr. Frankenstein’s got nothing on them

Could build an army of temporary friends

It’s all seduction no matter how you slice it

So take their Kool-Aid and fucking spike it

PRE-CHORUS

Put on your dark cloak, laugh like a freak

Unzip your fly and give them a sneak peek

You are the monster that they’ve created

God, it never felt so good to be this hated!

CHORUS 3

Be! Repulsive! B-E repulsive!

Be! Repulsive! Take nobody’s bullshit!

Be! Disgusting! B-E disgusting!

Be! Disgusting! Now their armor is rusting!

Be! Disgusting!

Be! Disgusting!

Be! Disgusting!

B-E disgusting!