Tom Man Ho, I mean, Tom Homan

 

I'll get his name right eventually, maybe when he starts getting the names right of the people he deports. I hear his Spanish sucks.

Ed, Edd, n' Eddy 2026

 

Michael & Debi Pearl: Child Beaters Extraordinaire

 

Jimmy Kimmel vs. Sean Hannity

 

Vic Mackey from The Shield vs. Milo Yiannopoulos

 

Tom Morello (Rage Against the Machine) vs. Lacey Sturm (Flyleaf)

 

Kristina Maione vs. Kaitlin Bennett

 

Mr. Hollywood from 2 Stupid Dogs

 

Dean Cain a.k.a. Ironic Superman

 

The Friars Club

 

Yes, I know the Friars Club is defunct now, but if they ever get revived, Benny boy would make a hell of a roasting victim. He loves being the victim. It's not second nature to him. It's first!

Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Pete Hegseth

 

I know I made Pete Hegseth look like Vince McMahon, but trust me, that's Whiskey Pete. Just look at the way I (accidentally) drew his eyes. He's had a few.

Alex De Large from A Clockwork Orange vs. iilluminaughtii

 

The lyrics in the top panel are a paraphrase of "Love Is Blue", definitely not the Paul Mauriat version. Imagine if Alex listened to that instead of Beethoven while he was being tortured.

Anette Olzon vs. Garrison's Autism

 

I didn't actually go to a Q&A hosted by Anette Olzon, but I do rack up a lot of chuckles by refusing to speak.

Tim Lambesis from As I Lay Dying

 

Radiohead vs. Danny Masterson

 

The Radiohead lyrics are from the song "Creep". Danny Masterson would absolutely take those lyrics literally.

Zoltan Bathory from Five Finger Death Punch

 

The D-X Band vs. Roger Goodell (Rest in Peace, Chris Warren)

 

Living in a Box vs. Your Average Guru Gossiper (Rest in Peace, Richard Darbyshire)

 

C.C.H. Ground n' Pounder, Queen of Barbarians

 

Jade Cargill vs. George Zimmerman

 

EDIT: I just did a reverse image search on Google and the AI summary first said that Jade Cargill had a cake recipe, then the second time I reverse searched it, the AI said it's a "highly offensive" cartoon that "promotes violence". She's a wrestler, numb nuts! Violence is what she does for a living! It's scripted violence, but it's still violence! I'm more offended at George Zimmerman killing an innocent black kid than I am at Jade Cargill doing wrestling moves! Jesus!

Kyle Rittenhouse vs. Tyler Robinson: Double KO!

 

Edwin Starr vs. The Gimp, I mean, Your Average ICE Agent

 

Ray Stuckey from Mississippi Burning vs. Kash Patel, Kristi Noem, and Eric Adams

 

I used to think I was just having fun with acronyms here, but this has taken on a bigger meaning. White conservatives don't respect minorities within their own party. Sheriff Stuckey is a closeted member of the KKK, so he's not going to give two shits and a flying fuck about an Indian FBI agent, a female DHS agent, or a black NYPD cop. Bootlicking gets you nowhere in life.

Ms. Rachel, Sweetheart of the Year

 

Jules Winfield from Pulp Fiction vs. Tim French

 

His last name is French, but he doesn't know why France calls it a Royale with Cheese instead of a Quarter Pounder.

Mayim Bialik

 

Sarah Palin: Tea Party Has-Been

 

Sweet Anita X Hole: Gold Dust Woman

 

The lyrics are from the Fleetwood Mac song "Gold Dust Woman", which was covered by Hole for the soundtrack to The Crow: City of Angels.

Leila Lewis vs. Jillian Michaels (I'll probably get flagged for this)

 

Geico vs. Marjorie Taylor Greene (not Magic: the Gathering)

 

The Groupie from Pink Floyd the Wall vs. Stephen Miller

 

Jeff Foxworthy: "You might be transgender if..."

 

I got this idea from a community post on Conure's YouTube channel. If you like left-wing streamers and you don't want to thumb your nose at them just because video essays exist, you might want to check Conure out. They use any and all pronouns. They're making it so easy for you, it's impossible to mess up, yet conservatives will still find a reason to be pissed off like a bunch of babies.

Detective Jeri Lodge, Bull Rope Police Department

 

Her job is to arrest incel gangsters, but when she interrogates them and breaks them down, she takes no prisoners and even less bullshit excuses.

Allex Broker a.k.a. White Snake

 

An edge lord with no hope, no love, and no coping mechanisms except for gang fights.

Wesley Anselmo a.k.a. Scar Tissue

 

All the potential of a rock n' roll legend and none of the opportunities.

Elijah Canterbury a.k.a. Dogmeat

 

A teenaged runaway who can escape a volatile home, but not the dangers of gang life.

Sheriff David Clarke

 

Magneto from X-Men: the Arcade Game vs. Lauren Boebert

 

Magneto's dialogue was a typo in the arcade game. Lauren Boebert's dialogue was intentional.

Art the Clown vs. Just Pearly Things

 

St. Anger for President!

 

Slipknot X The Streets: Dry Your Duality

 

The Slipknot song is "Duality" and the song from The Streets is "Dry Your Eyes". Ha...ha...ha...

Greta Thunberg vs. Donald Trump, Jr.

 

Eating a bacon cheeseburger in support of Tony Weed: wow, that'll show 'em, Junior!

The Brave Little Toaster vs. Greg Gutfeld

 

 

The toaster is making quite the sacrifice for all of us. He'll be a martyr for doing so.

I Love You, John Oliver, It's Nothing Personal

 

John Oliver is hilarious as fuck, but there's a reason his fans call Last Week Tonight the most depressing comedy show of all time.

Disaster Porn Star

VERSE 1

You’re all fucked! You’re all screwed!

They took away every pound of food

They call it famine, I call it murder

Can’t even buy a junior bacon burger

Can’t even buy a head of lettuce

No child left behind? They’ll already forget us

Your rumbling tummy has sealed your fate

But thank the stars above you’re not overweight

 

CHORUS 1

If it’s upsetting to you, then that’s the point

Swallow all your Xanax, roll yourself a joint

Self-medication only gets you so far

I’m your news anchor, disaster porn star

 

VERSE 2

You’re all pegged! You’re all dead!

They never had to put a bullet in your head

Just feed you second helpings of existential dread

Until you’re lifeless inside, assed out on your bed

You could overdose on your favorite medication

But your soul doesn’t care enough about ideation

Indifferent to the world closing in all around

When the rubble crashes down, you won’t make a sound

 

CHORUS 2

If it’s pissing you off, then we did our job

Now go and get yours, you underclass slob

We’re reporting facts, that’s just how they are

We’re your cable news, disaster porn stars

 

BRIDGE

Ron Jeremy ain’t got shit on me

Jasmine St. Claire couldn’t hit on me

I’m on TV, you couldn’t spit on me

I’m your addiction, you ain’t kicking me

We’re rage-bait trolls with a TV studio

Here’s some pictures of Miguel and Julio

A gay couple with a son of their own

Remember their faces, they’ll never make it home

 

CHORUS 3

If it chaps your ass, then we get paid

We’re like real porn stars, always getting laid

Remember shit-eating grins as the camera fades

‘Cause we’re driving sports cars, disaster porn stars

Capitalism is your permanent system

Rich is what we are, disaster porn stars

Syd Barrett vs. a Nightcore Boobird

 

I just now noticed that I did a better job of drawing the wing on the left side of the boobird than the one on his right side. I guess that means...the left wing is better than the right wing!

Tifa and Aerith vs. Tim Pool

 

Rhino: ECW's Motor City Monster

 

Bad Wolves vs. Elitist Culture

 

The lyrics in the bottom frame are from the song "Sacred Kiss" and it's from the Bad Wolves album Dear Monsters. Bye-bye, Tommy Vext. Come on in, DL.

Dope vs. The News Cycle

 

The lyrics in the bottom panel are from the Dope song "Debonaire". But yeah, I can't watch political content anymore without losing my fucking mind. Even if I agree with what they're saying, it's still disaster porn. It's bad for my mental health.

Matilda Wormwood vs. Sneako