Leila Lewis vs. Jillian Michaels (I'll probably get flagged for this)

 

Geico vs. Marjorie Taylor Greene (not Magic: the Gathering)

 

The Groupie from Pink Floyd the Wall vs. Stephen Miller

 

Jeff Foxworthy: "You might be transgender if..."

 

I got this idea from a community post on Conure's YouTube channel. If you like left-wing streamers and you don't want to thumb your nose at them just because video essays exist, you might want to check Conure out. They use any and all pronouns. They're making it so easy for you, it's impossible to mess up, yet conservatives will still find a reason to be pissed off like a bunch of babies.

Detective Jeri Lodge, Bull Rope Police Department

 

Her job is to arrest incel gangsters, but when she interrogates them and breaks them down, she takes no prisoners and even less bullshit excuses.

Allex Broker a.k.a. White Snake

 

An edge lord with no hope, no love, and no coping mechanisms except for gang fights.

Wesley Anselmo a.k.a. Scar Tissue

 

All the potential of a rock n' roll legend and none of the opportunities.

Elijah Canterbury a.k.a. Dogmeat

 

A teenaged runaway who can escape a volatile home, but not the dangers of gang life.

Sheriff David Clarke

 

Magneto from X-Men: the Arcade Game vs. Lauren Boebert

 

Magneto's dialogue was a typo in the arcade game. Lauren Boebert's dialogue was intentional.

Art the Clown vs. Just Pearly Things

 

St. Anger for President!

 

Slipknot X The Streets: Dry Your Duality

 

The Slipknot song is "Duality" and the song from The Streets is "Dry Your Eyes". Ha...ha...ha...

Greta Thunberg vs. Donald Trump, Jr.

 

Eating a bacon cheeseburger in support of Tony Weed: wow, that'll show 'em, Junior!

The Brave Little Toaster vs. Greg Gutfeld

 

 

The toaster is making quite the sacrifice for all of us. He'll be a martyr for doing so.

I Love You, John Oliver, It's Nothing Personal

 

John Oliver is hilarious as fuck, but there's a reason his fans call Last Week Tonight the most depressing comedy show of all time.

Disaster Porn Star

VERSE 1

You’re all fucked! You’re all screwed!

They took away every pound of food

They call it famine, I call it murder

Can’t even buy a junior bacon burger

Can’t even buy a head of lettuce

No child left behind? They’ll already forget us

Your rumbling tummy has sealed your fate

But thank the stars above you’re not overweight

 

CHORUS 1

If it’s upsetting to you, then that’s the point

Swallow all your Xanax, roll yourself a joint

Self-medication only gets you so far

I’m your news anchor, disaster porn star

 

VERSE 2

You’re all pegged! You’re all dead!

They never had to put a bullet in your head

Just feed you second helpings of existential dread

Until you’re lifeless inside, assed out on your bed

You could overdose on your favorite medication

But your soul doesn’t care enough about ideation

Indifferent to the world closing in all around

When the rubble crashes down, you won’t make a sound

 

CHORUS 2

If it’s pissing you off, then we did our job

Now go and get yours, you underclass slob

We’re reporting facts, that’s just how they are

We’re your cable news, disaster porn stars

 

BRIDGE

Ron Jeremy ain’t got shit on me

Jasmine St. Claire couldn’t hit on me

I’m on TV, you couldn’t spit on me

I’m your addiction, you ain’t kicking me

We’re rage-bait trolls with a TV studio

Here’s some pictures of Miguel and Julio

A gay couple with a son of their own

Remember their faces, they’ll never make it home

 

CHORUS 3

If it chaps your ass, then we get paid

We’re like real porn stars, always getting laid

Remember shit-eating grins as the camera fades

‘Cause we’re driving sports cars, disaster porn stars

Capitalism is your permanent system

Rich is what we are, disaster porn stars

Syd Barrett vs. a Nightcore Boobird

 

I just now noticed that I did a better job of drawing the wing on the left side of the boobird than the one on his right side. I guess that means...the left wing is better than the right wing!

Tifa and Aerith vs. Tim Pool

 

Rhino: ECW's Motor City Monster

 

Bad Wolves vs. Elitist Culture

 

The lyrics in the bottom frame are from the song "Sacred Kiss" and it's from the Bad Wolves album Dear Monsters. Bye-bye, Tommy Vext. Come on in, DL.

Dope vs. The News Cycle

 

The lyrics in the bottom panel are from the Dope song "Debonaire". But yeah, I can't watch political content anymore without losing my fucking mind. Even if I agree with what they're saying, it's still disaster porn. It's bad for my mental health.

Matilda Wormwood vs. Sneako

 

Marcellis Wallace vs. Zed (Rest in Peace, Peter Greene)

 

Zach de la Rocha (Rage Against the Machine) vs. Danny Case (From Ashes to New)

 

A-beep, a-beep, a-beep, that's all, folks! Any cartoons I post going forward will be freshly drawn.

Willow Heath vs. Nick Adams

 

William Lewis and Liv Benson from Law & Order: SVU

 

Vince McMahon

 

Vaush vs. J.K. Rowling

 

U Tube Troll Police

 

Tyrus f.k.a. Brodus Clay

 

Tuomas Holopainen from Nightwish

 

Tony Soprano vs. Ivanka Trump

 

Tommy Vext, formerly of Bad Wolves

 

Tom MacDonald

 

Tipster vs. Ana Kasparian

 

Yes, I know I accidentally made Tipster look black. Sorry about that. Making Ana Kasparian look like a vampire was not a mistake, though.

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

 

The Queer Kiwi vs. Isaac Butterfield

 

Andrew "Test" Martin (Rest in Peace)

 

The Teacher from Pink Floyd the Wall

 

Tara Mooknee vs. Brad Upton

 

Sting (the musician, not the wrestler)

 

Matthew Israel: Executioner, I Mean, Executive at the JRC

 

Stephanie McMahon

 

Stanzi Potenza vs. Gun Waifu

 

Some Ordinary Gamers

 

Fun fact: he gets his tissues at CostCo because they sell them in bulk.

Serj Tankian from System of a Down vs. Kid Rock

 

Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII vs. Stephanie Turner (Stephiroth)

 

Saraya vs. Reddit Chud

 

Samuel L. Jackson vs. The Lolita Express

 

Roseanne Barr