Last Man Standing? Not Anymore!

 

Imagine the shit fit MAGA would throw if Joe Biden got this show axed, yet they're perfectly fine with Donald Trump getting Stephen Colbert axed and Jimmy Kimmel suspended. Tim Allen is a hack, plain and simple.

Funky Frog Bait (they/them) vs. Brett Cooper (doesn't have pronouns, because she's special)

 

Lance Storm vs. "The (Literal) Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase, Jr.

 

Seth Morrison from Skillet, a "Nonconforming" Christian Rock Band with Brainwashed Members

 

r/SquaredCircle vs. The Whole F'n Show

 

Herman Cain: Inaugural Recipient of the Herman Cain Award

 

Becky Lynch vs. Brad Shepard a.k.a. Mr. "Piss Flippers"

 

Vladimir Putin, Chancellor of Russia

 

Portal of Evil: Abusers of the 1st Amendment, Victims of Their Own Stupidity

 

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. To paraphrase Iggy Pop, Portal of Evil was "worth a million in stupid prizes". Rest in Piss, losers.

GamerGate and "Ethics in Journalism" (Bullshit)

 

I Dare You to Move!

 

The black text is from the Switchfoot song "Dare You to Move". It's supposed to be inspirational, now it looks creepy as fuck considering who's in the picture and what he's holding. Haha!

It's Pronounced "Mike Rowe", Not "Micro"...Allegedly

 

Dennis Prager

 

Piper Niven vs. Nicole Arbour: Body Positivity vs. Fatphobia

 

Sabine Hossenfelder: a Member of the "Intellectual Dark Web" Who Isn't that Bright

 

Debra Soh: a "Free Thinker" with No Brain to Think with

 

Why do these people call themselves the Intellectual Dark Web when the actual dark web is a place where you can buy child porn and hire hitmen? They may want to rethink their, "Leave kids alone!" catchphrase if they insist on dying on this hill.

Booker T vs. Triple H

 

The "award-winning announcer" Booker T got buried in 2003 when Triple H not only made a bunch of racist jokes about him, but also beat him decisively at Wrestlemania and got no comeuppance for it. Now it appears the only burying going on is burying the hatchet between the two of them, so that they can join TKO in their quest for milking the fans' wallets for all they're worth with a mediocre product and high ticket prices.

Bryan Danielson (AEW) vs. Nick Khan (President of WWE)

 

"Attorney General" Pam Bondage, I Mean, Pam Bondi

 

If she insists on being Donald Trump's love slave, then I'm going to treat her like one.

Joey Styles vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

 

Your winner by KTFO: "Stocky Balboa" Joey Styles!

Bron Breakker X Trish Stratus

 

I think you guys already know, but I'm going to say it anyways: this cartoon is poking fun at Vince McMahon, not Trish Stratus.

Val Venis: Former WWE Wrestler, Current Right-Wing Nutjob

 

"Filthy" Tom Lawlor vs. Nick Aldis

 

Maynard from Pulp Fiction vs. Todd Akin (Rest in Piss, Teabagger!)

 

Jenna Moreci vs. Franklin Graham: a 2018 Fantasy Novel vs. a Jesus Christ Fan Fiction

 

Unwanted Relationship Advice, Pt. 2

 

Unwanted Relationship Advice, Pt. 1 (Happy Valentine's Day!)

 

Clarence Thomas X the Tattooed Racist from "Tales from the Hood" (Rest in Peace, Rick Dean)

 

Civil Discourse Is an Oxymoron

VERSE 1

It’s not civil discourse when you say, “Get a job!”

And then you play the victim of the online mob

You started jacking your jaw about made up laws

That justify the killing of random dudes chilling

We have the right to exist, it’s what I’ll always insist

I’ll die on this hill when the coppers shoot to kill

Master debating is just political theater

There is no “both sides” to a husband beating her

 

CHORUS

Civil discourse is an oxymoron

When our eyes are fiery like Sauron

When our veins bulge and faces turn red

Lies are force-fed until too many are dead

 

VERSE 2

Military intelligence and jumbo shrimp

Got nothing on a fake badass being a pimp

Except when his hoes are in tactical clothes

They sold their souls for the king they chose

Moderate terrorism and AI art

Across-the-aisle marriages with no broken hearts

Human rights violators who make the best of friends

But when they get dumped, they call it Gen Z trends

 

CHORUS

Civil discourse is an oxymoron

When our eyes are fiery like Sauron

When our veins bulge and faces turn red

Lies are force-fed until too many are dead

 

BRIDGE

If you want to debate my right to live

You have to take it about as well as you give

Otherwise, you’re an Alpha in name only

Got yourself to blame for being empty and lonely

 

EXTENDED CHORUS

Civil discourse is an oxymoron

When our eyes are fiery like Sauron

When our veins bulge and faces turn red

Lies are force-fed until too many are dead

Remember that when you go to bed

And the joy-bringers rent space in your head

And your brain melted from pumping gasoline with lead

Lies and slander are always everything you said

It was never a debate, it was an hour of hate

You forgot your Klan hood and your crucifix wood

You forgot your gas can and cigarette lighter

No more burning crosses, no need for firefighters

Tom Man Ho, I mean, Tom Homan

 

I'll get his name right eventually, maybe when he starts getting the names right of the people he deports. I hear his Spanish sucks.

Ed, Edd, n' Eddy 2026

 

Michael & Debi Pearl: Child Beaters Extraordinaire

 

Jimmy Kimmel vs. Sean Hannity

 

Vic Mackey from The Shield vs. Milo Yiannopoulos

 

Tom Morello (Rage Against the Machine) vs. Lacey Sturm (Flyleaf)

 

Kristina Maione vs. Kaitlin Bennett

 

Mr. Hollywood from 2 Stupid Dogs

 

Dean Cain a.k.a. Ironic Superman

 

The Friars Club

 

Yes, I know the Friars Club is defunct now, but if they ever get revived, Benny boy would make a hell of a roasting victim. He loves being the victim. It's not second nature to him. It's first!

Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Pete Hegseth

 

I know I made Pete Hegseth look like Vince McMahon, but trust me, that's Whiskey Pete. Just look at the way I (accidentally) drew his eyes. He's had a few.

Alex De Large from A Clockwork Orange vs. iilluminaughtii

 

The lyrics in the top panel are a paraphrase of "Love Is Blue", definitely not the Paul Mauriat version. Imagine if Alex listened to that instead of Beethoven while he was being tortured.

Anette Olzon vs. Garrison's Autism

 

I didn't actually go to a Q&A hosted by Anette Olzon, but I do rack up a lot of chuckles by refusing to speak.

Tim Lambesis from As I Lay Dying

 

Radiohead vs. Danny Masterson

 

The Radiohead lyrics are from the song "Creep". Danny Masterson would absolutely take those lyrics literally.

Zoltan Bathory from Five Finger Death Punch

 

The D-X Band vs. Roger Goodell (Rest in Peace, Chris Warren)

 

Living in a Box vs. Your Average Guru Gossiper (Rest in Peace, Richard Darbyshire)

 

C.C.H. Ground n' Pounder, Queen of Barbarians

 

Jade Cargill vs. George Zimmerman

 

EDIT: I just did a reverse image search on Google and the AI summary first said that Jade Cargill had a cake recipe, then the second time I reverse searched it, the AI said it's a "highly offensive" cartoon that "promotes violence". She's a wrestler, numb nuts! Violence is what she does for a living! It's scripted violence, but it's still violence! I'm more offended at George Zimmerman killing an innocent black kid than I am at Jade Cargill doing wrestling moves! Jesus!

Kyle Rittenhouse vs. Tyler Robinson: Double KO!

 

Edwin Starr vs. The Gimp, I mean, Your Average ICE Agent