Perry Saturn vs. Dr. Dre

 

Kurt Angle: Honorary Five-Star Wrestler

 

Little Bastards

VERSE 1

Little feet tapping across the floor

Anxiety builds up more and more

Is the little bastard going to bite?

Or haunt my dreams in the night?

He carries more poison that a cobra

Shrieks of pain, my magnum opus

Splatters of sickness, hospital visits

Face greener than leaves of spinach

CHORUS

Little bastards!

Little fuckers!

Flesh eaters!

Blood suckers!

VERSE 2

One of them dead, a million left to go

Turning my home into a horror show

Hiding in holes, hiding in the walls

Fighting them off takes more than balls

Lay every trap like a desert minefield

Agony and death is what they’ll feel

Until the last one takes its final breath

This is our house, we fight to the death

CHORUS

Little bastards!

Little fuckers!

Flesh eaters!

Blood suckers!

BRIDGE

Dead rats underneath the stove

Dead rats in the kitchen cupboards

Rat shit stinking up the whole house

Rat shit, the floor is fucking covered

VERSE 3

The war is over, but the trauma remains

Everyone I love went nearly insane

Almost shit ourselves, made permanent stains

Visions of little fuckers danced in our brains

A house is a home, no more, no less

Not a dungeon for furry little pests

Not a spawning pit for the little shits

Not an orgy of disease as they eat toxic cheese

EXTENDED CHORUS

Little bastards!

Little fuckers!

Flesh eaters!

Blood suckers!

Little nightmares!

Little shit stains!

Bringers of terror!

Authors of pain!

"Cowboys and Aliens" by Scott Mitchell Rosenberg

BOOK TITLE: Cowboys and Aliens

AUTHOR: Scott Mitchell Rosenberg

YEAR: 2006

GENRE: Graphic Novel

SUBGENRE: Western Science Fiction

GRADE: Pass

In the year 1874, Westward Expansion is in full effect in the state of Arizona. White settlers are purging the land of Indian tribes and claiming the territories as their own. In the middle of this conquest, a race of extra-terrestrial aliens crash lands in the desert and begins wiping out every human in their path, white or Indian. The only way for this new threat to be confronted is if the warring humans can put aside their differences and work together for the common good. They’ve already gotten a hold of some alien technology during the crash, so they might as well put it to good use and save the world from invasion.

My favorite part about this graphic novel has to be the blatant use of irony. White settlers were invading Indian territories only to have their world invaded by aliens. Maybe that’s what we need to solve the “immigration crisis” in this country: an alien invasion carried out by slimy green creatures with superior weaponry and technology. Maybe we just need to shown what kind of hypocrites we really are. This graphic novel is a good first step into exposing our beastly nature. Then again, some people like to shrug off hypocrisy claims with nationalistic or religious justifications. There’s just no reaching some people.

And here I thought the irony would be easier to swallow for those people considering how action-packed and violent this graphic novel is. If you’re going to be taught a lesson in getting along with your neighbors for a greater good, then it should at least be entertaining, which “Cowboys and Aliens” is. We’re Americans; we love violent entertainment. We like gunfights, martial arts, and science-fiction energy slinging. This graphic novel not only has all of that in their choreography, but the fight scenes are so frequent that it’s like riding a rollercoaster. The breaks are few and far between, so buckle up and get ready for the adrenaline rush your American blood so desperately craves.

As long as you’re going to read a graphic novel with violence and irony, you might as well read one with as many genres blended into it as possible. In addition to being bloodthirsty, we also have a nerdy side to us, though some people don’t like to admit it. Our nerdy sides get tickled whenever we read a book about genre mixing. In this case, it’s a combination of spaghetti westerns, hardcore action, and soft science fiction. UFC commentators say all the time that styles make fights. Gun-slinging cowboys and brawling Indians vs. hulking aliens with even better guns? That’s the kind of fight you’d want to see on pay-per-view. Maybe that’s why “Cowboys and Aliens” was adopted into a movie.

A quick read, deadly violence, and a bold political statement are all things you can expect from this graphic novel. Yes, it’s short. Yes, it ends too quickly (even though it is technically a complete story). So if you’re going to enjoy the ride, you’d better savor the adrenaline boost. In the words of heavy metal band In This Moment, “Welcome to the gun show!” A passing grade for a wonderful piece of graphic fiction. I don’t care what other readers say, because I loved the hell out of this book!