***CRAZY DAYS***
The past few days have been crazy for me and my family. They
may have had an impact on my creative life, they may not have. Either way, if I
don’t write this journal entry, I feel like it’ll be a wasted opportunity. Make
of these three stories what you will.
***DALE***
This past Friday, my step-dad Dale was taken to the
emergency room for flank pain. The hospital did all sorts of tests on him to
find out why and it turns out he has a massive kidney stone. They’ve tried to
flush it out of him, but the stone is too big to pass through, so earlier
today, they had it surgically removed. As of now, I haven’t had an update as to
how the surgery went, but I imagine Dale will just want to relax and take it
easy when he’s finally discharged from the hospital. He can watch all the
basketball and detective shows he wants with Sitka sprawled across his lap. I’m positive
about his ability to recover from this since he’s had worse and survived that.
I just hope he’ll be in a laughing mood when I do impressions of him and his
funny dialogue during car trips.
***RAT INFESTATION***
Ever since the start of this year, it’s been the
Haines-Temons-Stevens-Wilson family going to war with wild rats, who have
invaded our home and came out of the woodwork whenever they damn well wanted.
We’ve had rats in our kitchens and bathrooms mostly and over the last few
months we’ve made progress with curtailing their population. And then a few
nights ago as I was trying to sleep, I saw a giant rat running around in my room
looking for hiding places. It ran behind my mini-fridge, behind my computer
desk, underneath my TV stand, and across my bookcase. Naturally, I was so
scared that I lost sleep over it. We tried to trap it last night, but the
little fucker didn’t take the bait. I know what you’re thinking: how can an
animal lover like me condone trapping wild rats? You should probably ask the
same question to anybody living in medieval England during the black plague.
Except you can’t, because they’re fucking dead!
***CHILD LURING***
Earlier today, there was an incident in which someone in a
blue truck with an extended canopy drove around our neighborhood looking for
little kids. A police report has already been filed, but the only information
we’re missing is the driver’s license plate. I have a twelve-year-old niece
named Reina who likes to walk to the convenience store and the school
playground every once and a while and I’ll be damned if she becomes the next
Jaycee Dugard. The truck shouldn’t be too hard to find, so I hope the police
catch this asshole before he actually succeeds in kidnapping a little girl.
***CONCLUSION***
The thing to remember during these “crazy days” is that if
you believe you can get through them, you definitely will. While these three
stories are still in the process of resolving themselves, I’m confident that
things will be back to normal in no time. I’ve got a creative task list a mile
long and I’d love nothing more than to knock the items off that list like a
wild motherfucker. We can do this, people. We can do this!
***COMEDIC QUOTE OF THE DAY***
“Excuse me, sir, can I see your driver’s license? No, sir, I
don’t need a beer and I don’t think you do either. Mr. Foxworthy, do you know
why I pulled you over today? It concerns the vehicle you’re towing behind you.
No, sir, it’s not against the law to tow a boat, but we do require you put it
on a trailer. Can you ask your friends to get out of the boat please? I don’t
give a damn if the fish are biting, I said ask your friends to get out of the
boat. Hell, you dropped a skier about a mile back there.”
-Jeff Foxworthy doing an impression of a patrol cop pulling
his dad over-
***POST-SCRIPT***
One of the ways you can get through a hard time in your life
is by enjoying comedic moments whether they’re from Jeff Foxworthy, Bill
Engvall, George Carlin, or any other source of giggles and chuckles. I hope
that Jeff Foxworthy bit was to your guys’ liking. Keeping with the theme of
positivity, I saw Ghostbusters last night at the Regal Cinemas and it was
fucking awesome!
