Adrenaline Dump

***ADRENALINE DUMP***

As of today, I only have seven more stories to write before I hit number 50 for Poison Tongue Tales. This past Saturday I wrote one called “Born to Die” and the day after I wrote “Minnie-Moo”. In between chapters, I’ve been writing jokes for Face Book and drawing pictures for my Dark Fantasy Warriors collection. And then on Monday…I took the world’s longest nap in my parents’ bed with Sitka snuggling beside me…before watching WWE Raw later that night. Monday was considered a lazy day, to say the least. Today, I’m trying to keep the work rate going with this journal and maybe some paperback reading.

In the UFC, there are times during a match when a fighter will unleash an exciting fury of offense for the first round and be completely drained for the next two rounds (or four if it’s a main event or championship fight). Commentators Joe Rogan and Mike Goldberg will refer to that as an “adrenaline dump”, and no, it has nothing to do with taking a powerful shit. After reading my work schedule in the first paragraph of this journal, do you see how that UFC analogy is appropriate? I work on my creative projects throughout the past few days, do a shit ton of work on Sunday, and then pass out with Sitka on Monday.

This is not the first time I’ve experienced an adrenaline dump. Then again, I bet there are some writers out there who go through the same thing. I played the word game TPBM (The Person Below Me) on the WSS Contest and Company’s forum and made a post asking if the next person experiences downpours of adrenaline. The next person indeed said yes. That’s one other person. But as you all know, the reason I post these journals is to pose questions to my audience, this one being obvious by now.

Actually, the real reason I’m writing this journal is to keep with the tradition of NaNoWriMo as an excuse to write every day since yesterday I technically broke that tradition by falling asleep with Sitka. I’m pretty sure most people will answer “yes” to the adrenaline dump question since we’re all human and nobody here is a 24/7 worker. If you were a 24/7 worker, you’d probably be dead from stress.

We all need to take time to relax and be alone. We don’t always get that time, so when you do, take advantage of it and stretch it out for as long as possible. Taking a break every once and a while isn’t a sign of laziness. A battery cannot generate electricity if it’s not fully charged. The human mind and body cannot compose an opera, paint a painting, or write a novel if that’s all they’re doing with their lives.

I make this point all the time because the word “lazy” is thrown around a lot these days, often unnecessarily and always unfairly. We hear that word all the time in political debates, especially since a year from now we’re going to have a new president. Welfare, food stamp, and social security recipients are unfairly categorized as being lazy by people who don’t know nor care about the recipients’ circumstances. Millennials are stereotyped as being lazy because of their love of technology and their desires to chase their dreams instead of being stuck behind a desk all day. Minorities of all kinds are stereotyped as lazy because they have a harder time getting hired by mostly white employers.

As humans, we’re all capable of working hard and engaging the world in doing so. It’s not just limited to certain age, economic, or racial groups. What separates us isn’t our “laziness”, but our desires. We do work hard, but on other projects that are more important to us than others. Some people want to cure AIDS. Some people want to fight terrorists overseas. Some people want to write novels. Some people want to sing to an audience. The moment we criticize each other for our desires is when hatred spreads like the virus it is. Nationalism doesn’t work. Conformity of any kind doesn’t work, because instead of teaching teamwork, it teaches resentment and bitterness.

I’ve never had the chance or the words to make those statements about false laziness before. I keep wanting to say them, but those opportunities come only after I’ve seen a Face Book meme criticizing one group of people for “taking handouts”. I don’t want to speak about this passionate topic when I’m angry at someone’s ignorance. I want to speak about it when I’m calm, cool, and collected and that time couldn’t have come any earlier than tonight.

So thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for listening to me bear my soul under the guise of a blog entry about adrenaline dumps. Let’s keep the L word out of our political debates and only use it when the situation actually warrants it. Learn the circumstances of the one you’re throwing that word against before it comes out of your mouth. The more you get to know someone, the less likely you are to cast judgment. We’ve got ears, say cheers!

　

***READING***

It’s been days since I’ve read and reviewed Marie Krepps’ “Love Me Today, Kill Me Tomorrow” as well as Michael Schofield’s “January First”. How many days, I’ve lost track. It’s time for a new book and that new book is called “A Street Cat Named Bob” by James Bowen. I browsed Barnes & Noble for anything that looked interesting and found this book. The front cover features an orange-yellow kitty who looks a little bit like Nacho. Naturally, I had to buy that book.

And, uh…I also paid for copies of Marie Krepps’ books “Box of Chocolates” and “Spunky and the Wizard’s Chair” (written as Ashley Uzzell). Marie is probably going to read that last line and curse me for spending that much money on her books. But the truth is, she’s been so good to me in giving me LuNacho advice, encouraging me to participate in NaNoWriMo, and critiquing my Poison Tongue Tales. Putting a little extra money in Marie’s pocket is my way of thanking her for this year of friendship she has given me. I will always look back on 2015 as the year of Marie Krepps aka Ashley Uzzell. And that thought brings a smile to my face and a tear to my eye! ^_^

　

***POISON TONGUE TALES***

Tomorrow I plan on getting back to my PTT writing schedule. No naps with Sitka, no new age music with Smokey, just straight up hard work. Tomorrow’s short story will be for the WSS while the day after’s short story will be done independently. Here are the synopses for both of them:

　

***STONE COLD (WSS)***

　

CHARACTERS:

　

Brutus Warpath, Human Barbarian
Zod Ragefist, Warthog Sorcerer
Domino Gunn, Human Dark Paladin

　

PROMPT CONFORMITY: Brutus has been on a “wild goose chase” for Zod and Domino for months on end.

　

SYNOPSIS: Brutus has spent months searching for Zod and Domino, the two warriors who slew his wife. As more time passes, Brutus gets angrier and angrier and is more likely to do what Zod says he‘ll do: “give into the evil”. Giving into sadistic tendencies will only make Brutus evil enough to be controlled by Zod’s dark magic. When Brutus finally locates Zod and Domino inside their dragon corpse hideout, he has a decision to make: be just as sick and twisted as Zod wants him to be and violently rape Domino or find a way to make peace with the past.

　

***ZOMBIE (INDEPENDENT)***

　

CHARACTERS:

　

Gail Reinhold, Paladin
Mattie Dent, Drugged Out Mercenary

　

PROMPT CONFORMITY: None.

　

SYNOPSIS: In this urban fantasy tale, Gail’s church runs a drug rehabilitation facility in their basement, where holy magic and self-belief keep patients from staying there forever. Gail bites off more than she can chew when she takes in Mattie Dent, a space mercenary who overdosed on combat drugs and is now behaving like an enraged zombie. Despite Mattie’s homicidal disposition and lengthy criminal history, Gail, being the stalwart paladin that she is, refuses to give up on her.

　

***DARK FANTASY WARRIORS***

Up next on the chopping block is Psymon Nordonus, the vigilante hacker from Poison Tongue Tale “Nail Bomb”. Before writing that short story, I used this character in my videogame idea Final Fantasy Hardcore. He was a hacker in that story too, but he also used a steel chain as a whip when getting into hand-to-hand combat. For reference pictures, I’m going to need a good one of a guy in a hoodie, hopefully one that adds to Psymon’s mysterious ways. I’m sure Google will come through for me like it always has.

　

***TELEVISION QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Y’all don’t know whether to scratch your watch or wind your ass.”

-Todd from “Chrisley Knows Best”-

UFC: Gilbert Melendez vs. Diego Sanchez

TITLE: UFC: Gilbert Melendez vs. Diego Sanchez

GENRE: Mixed-Martial Arts Contest

RATING: TV-14 for violence and blood

GRADE: Pass

A TV-14 rating doesn’t do this UFC fight justice. Let’s try some more creative titles for this bloody slugfest between two aggressive lightweights. How about Diet Hostel? How about Zero Carb Saw? Or if you really wanted to get disgusting, try Human Centipede Light. Tuck the kids in early, folks, because the battle between Diego Sanchez and Gilbert Melendez was so brutal it should have been fought in a Roman coliseum. Are you prepared for me to show instead of tell? Alright then, I can certainly do that.

The first round of the fight was anything but a feeling out process. Gilbert and Diego didn’t paw at each other or try to keep each other at distance. They came out swinging like they were playing Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots. The punches and kicks were so frequent in this round that the strike count must have been in the hundreds. And then when the round was almost over, the strikes became even more frequent. The closer to the ending horn they got, the more it resembled a battle from Dragon Ball Z: blurs and blood.

No disrespect to the first round, but the second round was where the bloodbath began. Gilbert Melendez smashed Diego Sanchez above his left eyebrow and opened up a gusher of a cut. That one extra hole in Diego’s head made his entire face look like a vampire’s dream come true. There was even a point in the second round where the referee Kerry Hadley had to pause the match so the ringside doctor could look at the cut. Despite the drooling blood, all that needed to happen was a liberal application of clear ointment and the match continued.

The third round was more of the same: Bravo-Oscar-Oscar-Lima-Delta. Once again Kerry Hadley paused the match due to the waterfall flowing from Diego’s head and once again the doctor put more ointment on the cut. Truth is, there isn’t enough ointment in this world to keep Gilbert Melendez from opening somebody’s face with his chainsaw fists. Gilbert and Diego kept swinging and smashing each other to where both of them were in danger of being finished. The final horn sounded and the fans were on their feet screaming their heads off. If they screamed any louder, the doctor would have more blood to clean up because of the exploding skulls all over the arena.

The judges didn’t have much of a chore to do that night. It was obvious from Dracula’s buffet table who was the clear winner of this battle. The judges scored the fight 30-27, 29-28, and 29-28, all three of those scores in favor of Gilbert Melendez. What puzzles me about all of this is why would the audience boo that decision? It’s not rocket science, it’s brain surgery, almost literally. Gilbert won the fight fair and square and the audience is going to bitch about the decision? Is Diego Sanchez that untouchable?

It should come as no shock this fight earned praise from everyone in the MMA community who wasn’t booing like a lunatic. Both Gilbert Melendez and Diego Sanchez earned Fight of the Night bonuses from Dana White. They also earned the Fight of the Year award from the Wrestling Observer Newsletter, which is a prestigious pro-wrestling and MMA publication. Joe Rogan called it the best fight he’s ever seen and he sounded like he was serious this time. Mike Goldberg made a wise-ass remark to the tune of “Jones and Gustafson who?”, though he was only kidding and meant no disrespect.

All the praise in the world can’t compare to what Gilbert Melendez received for his victory: a lightweight title shot against Anthony Pettis. Congratulations, guys. The judges ruled in Gilbert’s favor, but there are no losers in this match.

Magnus Warcry

Would you like to see Winnie the Pooh in a suit of spiky metal armor while wielding a barbed wire club? If Magnus Warcry ever becomes a reality, it may happen sooner than you think. Barbarians are already primal beasts with no off switch for their rage. Bears are the same way except with a more powerful body. Put the race and the class together and you’ve got a recipe for destruction.

It’s bad enough that a bear would have dynamite in his paws. What exactly is he doing with a barbed wire club? That’s like Joe Rogan being armed with a rifle. Oh, wait a minute. He’s a Ron Paul guy, which means he’s probably armed with something capable of making a loud boom. If that’s the case, then Magnus Warcry is a lot like Joe Rogan: overkill.

That’s what we need in a story: a main character who’s so good at fighting that he can’t be touched. If somebody manages to touch him, it’ll feel like a little fruit fly landing on his fur. Come on, Mike Tyson, let’s see if one of your heavy haymakers can put a dent in Magnus’ armor. I’ll guarantee Mr. Tyson’s fist will turn to ashes if he tried anything like that.

Why am I overselling Magnus Warcry, anyways? Because when I first introduced him in an action fantasy movie script called Say Goodbye, he was the most underrated character in the whole story. The premise of Say Goodbye was that a group of bounty hunters ventured into a place called The Jungle (I was strapped for a creative name) in search of a pig man warlock named Zod Ragefist.

Actually, it wasn’t A group of bounty hunters, it was two separate factions gunning for the same guy and not wanting to share the profits. Magnus’ side wanted the money because they were greedy bastards and the other side wanted the money to feed their argumentative, but loved families.

The whole movie was supposed to be an allegory for family love despite strains on the relationship. Magnus, being a big ass bear in metal armor, doesn’t have much of a family life. Seriously, what woman would approach him with a bouquet of flowers without running for their lives afterwards?

If Magnus Warcry is going to thrive, it has to be in a purely badass environment with no multi-layered drama of any kind. I could even picture him being in an Expendables movie. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, or when Chris Christie decides to decongest the traffic flow. Ouch!

　

***WRESTLING QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Paul Heyman was so ugly as a baby, his mother got morning sickness after he was born.”

-Jerry “The King” Lawler-

Devon Spirit Wolf

Being a referee in any sport is a thankless job, especially in the world of mixed-martial arts. If you make one tiny mistake as a referee, a firestorm of criticism will descend upon you like the end of the world is already upon us. You’ll catch shit from Dana White, Joe Rogan, the fans, the fighters, everybody. If you don’t believe me, ask referees like Steve Mazzigatti, Kim Winslow, Yves Lavigne, and just recently, Herb Dean. I don’t have a Twitter account, so I never know if these referees are lashing out against their critics. That’s why I’ve taken the liberty of creating a character that I hope to one day use in a future combat sports prose. Meet Devon Spirit Wolf. She’s Native American, she’s smoking hot, but best of all, she’s opinionated. In fact, she has her own blog called The Bitchy Referee. In this blog, she has a take no prisoners attitude and she doesn’t let anybody get away with murder. I know referees are supposed to be impartial, but Devon can get away with it because she lives in a fictional world were neutrality is bullshit. In one of her posts, she says that she has a lot of empathy for real world referee Kim Winslow. Kim is one of the most criticized referees in the business. Not because she makes controversial calls, but because she’s a woman. Think of all the “make me a sandwich” comments she had to endure over the internet, not to mention other renditions of the kitchen genre. Devon is also a woman and also doesn’t put up with sexism. She also doesn’t put up with transphobia either. In fact, when Matt Mitrione made his bigoted comments about Fallon Fox, Devon was the first to say that Matt secretly swung both ways and that he had a dress collection in his closet. Ouch! You know what else Devon Spirit Wolf hates? Pro-life zealots. She actually had an abortion when she was a teenager. She knows it’s not the most pleasant experience a woman can go through, but she also knows that a woman should never be shamed for it. Any other topics you’d like to throw in front of Devon Spirit Wolf’s face? She may be small enough to fit in Demetrious Johnson’s pockets, but she’ll kick anybody’s ass, whether it’s verbally or physically. She has a Brazilian Jujitsu black belt, so don’t piss her off. Now if only she can find a job in one of my stories. I already had one referee who was verbally animated and her name was Cheryl Glenn. I’m sure Devon Spirit Wolf will find work as well.

　

***DOMESTIC QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“If men want women to buy rape insurance, men should have to buy murder insurance.”

-Susan Wilson, the Deep Space Cowgirl-

Relatable Characters

I was surfing DeviantART’s daily deviation section one day and I found a gem in the form of a critique of typical internet stories. The premise was that every story he came across on the internet had the same basic plotline: the main character was a victim and every bad thing imaginable was happening to him or her. He went on to say that bad happenings were not enough to get the reader to give a damn about the main character. Harsh tone aside, the guy who wrote this editorial actually made a good point there. The question now is, how does an author make likable characters? To my understanding, a main character, no matter what the alignment, should NOT be perfect in every way and should have qualities that the reader would find interesting such as witty dialogue, an indomitable will, or even a sweet disposition. Suppose you had a big beefy barbarian who had a special place in his heart for puppies. That would make him more interesting. What if you had a super villain who made dark jokes that actually tickled funny bones more often than offended people. That might also be a reason to care. But in order to have these things in a main character, there has to be enough narration in the prose to develop him beyond the guy who has a lot of bad shit happen to him. Short stories, particularly in the flash fiction genre, don’t always allow the space for such development. So then what, Mr. Snappy Pants? Do short story authors just fuck off from the face of the internet? Bzzt! Wrong! They do what UFC commentator Joe Rogan likes to call “fighting in a phone booth”, which means make the most of the space you’re granted. Perhaps that would mean expanding a short story beyond the 2000 or 5000 word limit. But you could get the job done. Your sanity depends on it. Judging from the aggression in the daily deviation author’s voice, you can’t afford to make huge mistakes. In that case, do as much horrible shit to your main character as possible. It may be your only chance despite going against Mr. Drill Instructor’s advice. If you need help editing your story afterwards, seek the council of someone with the disposition of a baby bunny. I’ll bet you anything that the editor you seek out will give you a set of questions to answer within the space of your prose and once you have those questions emphatically answered, everything will work out right and you may get published. While this may not have been the most entertaining blog post I’ve done, I hope it was one of the more helpful ones. In the end, that’s pretty much all that counts.

　

***MOVIE QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“You get me slapped with a fine, you argue with the customers and I have to patch everything up, you get us thrown out of a funeral home for violating a corpse, and to top it all off, you ruin my relationship! What is your encore?! Do you anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank?!”

-Dante Hicks from “Clerks”-

"Dana White: Ultimate Fighting Quotes" by Nathan Cairns

To give you an idea of what you can expect from this teeny tiny 50-page book, I’ve decided to treat you all to an actual speech Dana White gave as it relates to EliteXC, a rival promotion that was trying to run UFC into the ground. It goes like this:

“The idiot Gary Shaw actually does an interview with the LA Times where he says, ‘We didn’t do anything wrong. There’s nothing wrong with paying people to stand up. We’ve got no problem doing that.’ Yes, you scumbag! There is a problem with that! Think about this: Mandalay Bay and the Venetian both had betting on this. You, the consumer, the mixed-martial arts fan, can go in and bet on these fights. You’re probably thinking, ‘Well, if Seth Petruzelli can get Kimbo Slice to the ground, this fight’s over. I’m going to bet my money that Seth Petruzelli is going to win by submission.’ But you don’t know the scumbag promoters behind the scenes went in and paid Seth Petruzelli to not go to the ground. They paid him to stand up, you know why? They thought Kimbo Slice was going to viciously knock him out. But Kimbo Slice sucks, like I’ve been saying for a couple of months now. This fucking guy can’t fight and he got knocked out in 13 seconds by a guy who didn’t win the Ultimate Fighter, who didn’t win fights in the UFC. They actually brought him up from the undercard to fight the main event guy and he knocks Kimbo Slice out in 13 seconds. It would be like if there’s a game between the Browns and the Patriots and the NFL goes backstage and says to the Browns, ‘We know you guys have a great running game, so we’re to pay you money to just pass the ball, because the Patriots pull higher ratings than you do and we need them to make it to the playoffs.’ That’s fucking illegal! So Gary Shaw, rapper, whatever the fuck your name is, Shaw Jr., and Jeremy Lappen, if you think going to the ground is boring, that’s mixed-martial arts. You scumbags need to be in the kickboxing business if that’s what you’re selling, if you need to pay guys to stand up. These fucking jerk-offs don’t care about mixed-martial arts. They’re just in it for the money. Me and my crew have been busting our asses trying to promote this sport and show how incredible these athletes are, and now you’ve got these boxing scumbags trying to fix fights. It’s unbelievable!”

Believe it or not, that was just the appetizer. The main course comes when you actually purchase the book! Happy reading!

　

***MIXED-MARTIAL ARTS QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Gunnar Nelson is so calm, he looks like he’s getting ready to go to bed.”

-Joe Rogan-