Magnus Warcry

Would you like to see Winnie the Pooh in a suit of spiky metal armor while wielding a barbed wire club? If Magnus Warcry ever becomes a reality, it may happen sooner than you think. Barbarians are already primal beasts with no off switch for their rage. Bears are the same way except with a more powerful body. Put the race and the class together and you’ve got a recipe for destruction.

It’s bad enough that a bear would have dynamite in his paws. What exactly is he doing with a barbed wire club? That’s like Joe Rogan being armed with a rifle. Oh, wait a minute. He’s a Ron Paul guy, which means he’s probably armed with something capable of making a loud boom. If that’s the case, then Magnus Warcry is a lot like Joe Rogan: overkill.

That’s what we need in a story: a main character who’s so good at fighting that he can’t be touched. If somebody manages to touch him, it’ll feel like a little fruit fly landing on his fur. Come on, Mike Tyson, let’s see if one of your heavy haymakers can put a dent in Magnus’ armor. I’ll guarantee Mr. Tyson’s fist will turn to ashes if he tried anything like that.

Why am I overselling Magnus Warcry, anyways? Because when I first introduced him in an action fantasy movie script called Say Goodbye, he was the most underrated character in the whole story. The premise of Say Goodbye was that a group of bounty hunters ventured into a place called The Jungle (I was strapped for a creative name) in search of a pig man warlock named Zod Ragefist.

Actually, it wasn’t A group of bounty hunters, it was two separate factions gunning for the same guy and not wanting to share the profits. Magnus’ side wanted the money because they were greedy bastards and the other side wanted the money to feed their argumentative, but loved families.

The whole movie was supposed to be an allegory for family love despite strains on the relationship. Magnus, being a big ass bear in metal armor, doesn’t have much of a family life. Seriously, what woman would approach him with a bouquet of flowers without running for their lives afterwards?

If Magnus Warcry is going to thrive, it has to be in a purely badass environment with no multi-layered drama of any kind. I could even picture him being in an Expendables movie. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, or when Chris Christie decides to decongest the traffic flow. Ouch!

　

***WRESTLING QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Paul Heyman was so ugly as a baby, his mother got morning sickness after he was born.”

-Jerry “The King” Lawler-