Leon De Taj

Not since William Wallace has anybody been able to shoot lightning bolts out of their ass quite like Leon De Taj. Actually, that sounds like a very painful bowel movement waiting to happen. I hope Leon doesn’t have to do a colon cleanse anytime soon. Maybe it’ll be better if he shoots all of his lightning bolts from his fingertips and perhaps from the back of his throat like a dragon would. We don’t need a dark fantasy version of Ren & Stimpy anytime soon.

All joking aside, if you need somebody to electrocute a savage beast, a fire breathing dragon, or a barbaric orc, Leon De Taj is your man. In the same way that necromancers deal in death and pyromancers deal in fire, Leon, a bona fide electromancer, is an expert in throwing lightning wherever it is needed.

He’s so good at his occupation that he could get a job powering Las Vegas’ neon signs and maybe get paid some serious overtime. He might also find his calling as a Texas-based executioner since they love to kill their prisoners with the electric chair so much. Then again, if he did that, they might accuse him of witchcraft and nail him to a cross. Bad idea, scratch that.

What you really need to know about Leon De Taj is that he’s more than just a limitless energy source. He’s also a hopeless romantic. When last he was used, it was in a movie script called Tower of Heaven. The premise of this movie was that bloodthirsty monsters called Intimidators took over the earth and the Tower of Heaven was the only place civilians could be safe from these dangerous warriors.

It would take a real backstabber to ruin a safe haven such as that. Leon became that backstabber when his girlfriend was taken away from him by the main character of the story, Terrato Matrix. Leon became so jealous that he removed the magical barrier from around the Tower of Heaven just so he could get back at that one guy who seduced his girl.

You talk about a real sourpuss, that’s it man. This is one case that Clark Gable III and Joey Greco would be both well advised to stay away from. I can picture Bob Magruder’s voiceover right now. “Leon De Taj. Age 25. An electromancer accused of calling down the thunder and reaping the whirlwind on his relationships.”

If this extreme jealousy is going to work in a story that hasn’t been scrapped yet, Leon would have to have been with this girl for a long, long time. Their connection must be deeper than a shallow bikini party or a one-night fling that resulted in a pregnancy. He’s 25 years old as Bob Magruder said, so maybe he knew this girl since middle school. Middle school can bring about a lot of hormone-induced feelings.

No matter what I end up doing with this character, lightning and testosterone will never make for a romantic mix.

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“Pain! Without love. Pain! I can’t get enough. Pain! I like it rough, ‘cause I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all.”

-Three Days Grace singing “Pain”-